It's a very interesting thing, to bootleg cable TV. In fact, some people would call it easy. The setup, of course, takes a bit of work -- along with not being discovered. But it's so much more fun to be able to watch whatever you want without having to pay for it.
Then again, that is the whole point of stealing things, isn't it?
Lizzie Swann and Jack Sparrow had been in New York for five months, living in a brick apartment building somewhere south of Yonkers. The two of them were comfortable enough together -- they had both taken up jobs at a local café so that they would have at least a minor cashflow between pauses in the piracy business. The minute they had set up their new assumed identities, Thomas Ritner and Noelle Halam, they were married in a civil ceremony. They payed a street vendor and two businesspeople to act as witnesses and/or close friends.
For the two of them, everything was peachy keen. They didn't even know they were missed... until one night the two of them were settled down, watching their pirated cable and sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Jack was in charge of the remote control, which explained the sudden jump from channel to channel every five minutes (Lizzie's father used to do the same thing. When her mother had been alive, she had told her that it was a mad burst of testosterone that gave men an inexplicable need for power over something. They preferred, she also mentioned, something that was easily mastered).
Well, as Jack continued his channel surfing, and Lizzie contented herself with the thought that she was getting the most of the ice cream, the whir of noise suddenly stopped. She looked up at her husband, raising an eyebrow as she noted that his eyes were fixed to the television screen. She followed his gaze, and found herself staring at...
Her.
There was a picture of her on the screen of their TV, and listen under it was the information that usually followed a picture of a missing person. After a few more seconds, it switched to a picture of Jack, noted as Lizzie's abductor. A voice-over soon followed:
"Elizabeth Swann and Jack Sparrow vanished from Desert Springs Hospital, in Las Vegas, Nevada, on July ninth, Two-thousand and three. No one saw them exit the area, although one nurse does remember sniggering coming from a closet on the fifth floor of the medical facility." Here, Jack planted a small kiss on his wife's cheek.
"As for the two police officers who are responsible for their escape... James Eric Norrington and William Nigel Turner Jr. are currently imprisoned in Russia, where they were allegedly arrested for acts of grand theft auto, arson, and vandalism. No one knows what led them across the world, neglecting their duties as officers of the law and letting an innocent girl be abducted by such a vile man as Jack Sparrow."
It then showed a number to call if anyone happened to see either Lizzie or Jack, and then the credits of whatever show they had been watching played, spooky music in the background.
"...Imprisoned in Russia?" Jack asked, looking down at her with a smug grin.
"I had to send them somewhere... we couldn't have them following us for the rest of our days, could we?"
Jack chuckled. "Well, I'm very glad they put us on that program. It's brought about three rather nice things..."
Lizzie sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, relinquishing the ice cream and enjoying the fact that she had someone to share it with. "And what would those be?"
"Well, for onsies, it's given us a bit of a laugh," he replied. "Twosies, we've been on TV -- we're practically famous..."
"What about threesies?" she asked innocently, looking up at him and trying desperately not to laugh at the twinkle in his eyes.
"Threesies," he said wistfully, "is that I'll have a bit more of a criminal reputation. They've practically advertized for me!"
He kissed the top of her head, and then the two of them became rather quiet. The truth was, when they thought about everything that had happened -- the running, the identity changes, the fear and nearly constant adrenaline rush -- it was all worth it. Even though the two gits who had been tracking them were now victims of the Russian government, and even though Lizzie's dad was currently having a minor nervous breakdown. It was worth it, because the both of them got what they wanted.
And criminals are bound to being selfish like sheep are bound to be woolly.