Disclaimer - I don't own Inu-Yasha and company.

Author's Note -
I kinda wanted to show Inu-Yasha's side of things without making him a blank villain, the one you sorta just make bad without giving him redeeming features. Oh well, tell me what you guys think.



Chapter Three - Inu-Yasha

~*~*Inu-Yasha's p.o.v.*~*~

Even youkai have difficulties with love.

I was still young when I met Kikyo, still a pup in many ways I traveled the world in a search for my strength. My father and mother were dead, my elder brother despised me, and I was left alone to confront the world.

Being a hanyou wasn't easy, when my parents were alive they gave me a feeling of security, of belonging. They accepted me without question, a feeling I lost the moment they died. At first it was difficult, traveling through a world that despised you for simply living. A world that held little love for the children of a youkai and human romance.

When I found the rumor of the Shikon no Tama I leapt at the chance, when I grasped my hands around the jewel of Shikon I could wish to be a full youkai. I could erase the humanity in my blood in moments, as if it had never been.

What I found was Kikyo.

The guardian of the jewel, a beautiful young miko who denied me the Shikon no Tama. As time passed my attempts against the jewel became nothing more then a strange game of wits, a game the miko played willingly. Her arrows were swift, I found myself detaching the fletched missiles from my clothing more then once, while pinned to the side of a tree.

Yet neither of us struck the final blow.

A strange intricate bond formed between us, I, a hanyou, was slowly falling in love with a miko, the one being who could truly destroy me. The longer I stayed the closer we became, gradually crossing the barrier of friendship and moving in the unknown realms of love.

I loved a miko, the very protector to the jewel I wanted, I wanted to take her in my arms and make the haunted loneliness in her eyes vanish like the morning mist. I wanted to hold her until the strange wall she built around herself melted into dust at our feet.

I wanted to see her truly smile.

Yet in the end we betrayed ourselves, although our love filled the voids of loneliness we both held Kikyo and I had, we still didn't fully trust one another. An opportunity Naraku was only too happy to exploit.

He turned us against one another, causing the relationship I had with Kikyo to sour into bitter hatred within a day. She killed me, using her arrow to pin me to the tree for fifty years. She struck the final blow.

Yet I loved her still.

When I awoke to see Kagome's face I mistook her for Kikyo, a mistake I was swiftly notified of as the fiery young girl snapped at me, fire shooting from her eyes. It was strange, seeing an echo of Kikyo's face with emotions she never once outwardly showed. It was strange traveling with a girl who brought only memories of another every time I looked into her eyes.


Yet I remained with Kagome, even after Kikyo's strange resurrection.

Seeing Kikyo again brought so many memories to the surface, memories of her face glowing in the sunset as I held her, memories of the sad yet gentle smile she always wore. Memories of her enraged expression as she released her final arrow.

I knew Kagome had feelings for me, feelings I would have easily returned if I had never met Kikyo. I held Kagome close to me, always with me, so I could remember a time with another. I will never know if things would have been different if Kikyo had never returned in her body of clay and bone, I'll never know if I could have fallen in love with the reincarnation of Kikyo.

I'll never know because Kikyo did return.

As I traveled with Kagome and the others I could always smell Kikyo in the distance, a bittersweet scent that seemed to linger around me always. I would often find myself in the middle of kissing Kagome, only to see Kikyo's face as I pulled away. Every moment of my life was in Kikyo's debt, every breath I took was against Kikyo's wishes.

Yet there was Kagome.

She was a strange girl, she calmly accepted my feelings for Kikyo, simply asking if she could continue to stay by my side. An arrangement I didn't mind because it made me feel strangely comfortable. I could have had feelings for Kagome, at one time I would have willingly embraced a future with Kagome, a family with her perhaps.

I could have put my past behind my and allowed my memories to return to their proper place.

I chose Kikyo.

In the end it was Kikyo I loved, it was Kikyo I was better suited for. Kikyo held a life and responsibilities in this time, with me. She was born in this era, she died in this era. When I was with Kikyo I never feared her departure to an unknown place or time, I never feared she would vanish the moment our quest was finished.

During that strange last fight with Kagome I realized my confusion towards the two women had vanished. When I compared Kagome to Kikyo I saw the turbulent emotions in her eyes, emotions she usually kept hidden from me.

I wanted to sit down and speak rationally to KAgome, I wanted to explain my reasons, I wanted her to understand and forgive.

In the end none of those ideas happened. She reacted badly to the comparison, her voice was cracking with pain as she boldly threatened Kikyo's existence. The reminder that Kagome was the reincarnation of my love was not a welcome one, I despised being reminded of Kikyo's death, I despised remembering how the woman I loved walked the earth in a false body made of earth and bone.

I wanted the bitterness pouring from Kagome's mouth to stop, I wanted to see the smiling laughing girl who walked by my side for the past year. I wanted things to be the way they were, only as friends. This argument had been so strange, I wasn't even sure why I began it in the first place, I knew how tired Kagome had been and how badly she had wanted to go home.

I hated it when she left to go home. I hated the strange feeling of loneliness that followed her absence, I hated feeling like second choice to another world.

I wanted her to stay with me.

Yet Kagome always left, usually sitting me a few times as she leapt into the well that led back to her time. I wanted to only speak with her, ask her to stay for a little while longer, yet I ended up hurting and angering Kagome.

Thus we reached our impasse, Kagome and I.

That strange silent moment with my hand clamped over her mouth, feeling her angered huffs against my palm as our eyes met in a strange mutual understanding. Everything had changed between us, I picked Kikyo in the end which left me nothing of Kagome. Not even her friendship.

Grief clouded my vision, I genuinely wanted Kagome by my side always, just not as a lover. I would have always worried if I was holding her back, if I was keeping her away from a place she belonged. As her friend I wouldn't have any of those fears, we could have just visited one another without any sacrifices being made.

In the end I knew just how badly Kagome had loved me.

When she jerked away from my grasp and spun towards me I was slow to react, unsure of her sudden movements. When her palm connected with my cheek I buckled a little, thrown off balance by the strength her blow had. The anger in her scent was unmistakable, she had hit me on purpose.

The youkai in me responded. My human blood retreated as I felt my youkai half take over, clouding my vision with a red haze. My claws flexed, as my mind slowly began shrugging of the strange blood haze I watched my hand almost casually flick towards Kagome's face, striking her with full strength. As her head snapped to the side I smelled the coppery tang of blood in the air, Kagome's blood. It dripped down the side of her face and soaked the front of her strange clothes, concealing the marks of my claws.

As her eyes fogged over with shock I leapt away, the image of her bloody face haunting my vision as I ran through the forest.

I took no notice of the night's beauty, I cared not for the slowly dancing fireflies that swirled around my swift departure, I cared nothing for the moonlight dappling my skin through the tree leaves. I wanted to get away, far away. Yet even as the distance between Kagome and I grew I heard her screams, they echoed through the forest, chasing my steps far into the night.

I spent days hiding in the woods, refusing to go near the village, to go see Kagome. I knew someone had found her by now, and had probably taken her to Kaede's hut for care. Yet the courage I needed to see Kagome was lacking in my heart, I truly didn't want to acknowledge the damage I did to her heart and face.

Damage I would never be able to forgive myself for.

This was how Kikyo found me.

Crumpled on the forest floor, tears leaking from my eyes as I rocked to and fro, trying to comfort myself. The miko knelt and took me in her arms, her expressive eyes filled with compassion as she allowed me to cry into the base of her neck, soaking her garb with my tears. The days passed thus, I laid in Kikyo's embrace for as long as I could, shamelessly using her as a shelter against the world.

Kikyo said few words, she simply held me for as long as I needed. When the story of my fight with Kagome tumbled from my lips, punctuated by anguished sobs, she said nothing still. I felt her arms tighten around me as her cheek brushed the top of my head, her presence soothed me into a deep sleep without dreams.

A sleep I woke from fully refreshed, still in her arms.

I hesitantly stirred, gazing into her dark eyes for countless moments, feeling the rightness of being with Kikyo again.

If your tale is correct you seem to have made a choice between my reincarnation and I. her tone was serene, her eyes betrayed nothing as her fingers lightly played with my bangs. There was no change in her scent, no betraying heart beat, it was as if she cared little for my choice. Yet somewhere deep within my heart I knew Kikyo cared more then she let on.

I did... I began slowly, admiring how the breeze played with her hair, causing it to tumble over her shoulder and tickle my nose. Her face was bent over mine, the branches of the tree we were leaning against spread across my vision, crowning her in my eyes.

I picked you, Kikyo. My clawed fingers traced the outline of her face, a face I've seen with so many emotions. The shadows of lonely sadness hovered in her eyes still, yet the strange light that grew as she realized my words banished the gloom in her demeanor.

As she embraced me tightly in the shadows of the forest I knew the choice I had made was correct. I was a creature of the past, a demon that lived 500 years in Kagome's history. I belonged with someone who shared this time and this life.

I knew with time Kagome would understand.

As Kikyo waited in the woods I entered Kaede's hut for the second time, when I tried before I was thrown out quite bodily by an enraged Miroku. I had never seen the monk's face so angry, a rarity that caused me to swiftly depart for a more opportune time. When I heard Kagome's weakened voice in the wind I tried again, gaining entrance despite the stony glares from the humans I still considered friends.

The poultices stank, strange herbs coated her scent as I kneeled by her pallet, unsure of what to say. I steadied my hands as I held one of hers, allowing the genuine self-loathing I felt to leak into my apology. I don't know for how long I apologized, I just let the words flow from my mouth until Kagome interrupted me. Her tone was cold, she accepted my apology and granted me forgiveness with that strange clipped voice.

I knew they were just words. Nothing more. But it was all I could ask for, departing I simply leapt into the woods, a strange emptiness in my chest as I left behind the human village.

Kikyo and I tailed the group, gathering our own shards when possible. I would slip over to Kagome's camp to tell them a rumor of the Shikon shards, from the chilly stares and cold voices I knew Sango and Miroku had not forgiven me in the slightest. I made my visits brief, saying little and making my departure swift.

During one such visit the monk confronted me. It was strange, facing off in such a way with a man I once considered a friend and traveling companion. Our words were few, his demands for explanations went unanswered as I demanded to know what gave him the right to know of my personal business. We departed in silence, the shattered remains of our friendship lying in the dust between us, a friendship I doubt I can ever reclaim again.

Although I regret striking Kagome, I hold no regrets for my choice to be with Kikyo. Our travels together are filled with laughter and love, I hold her close at night, keeping the evening chill from her with my body's warmth. Her scent clings to my haori still, bringing a smile to my face whenever I sniff the air.

She rides my back as I race across the land, crossing stretches of terrain in moments with my speed and leaps. The feel of her pressed against me as I leap into the wind brings a contentment I felt only when she was with me, a contentment I would never let go again.

Kagome hunts the jewel for the sake of finishing her task, the shards Kagome had collected during our travels together hang around Kikyo's neck now, a sign of hope for the future. I still travel as near my former group as I dare, rarely seeing them but keeping them always within smelling distance.

I know now that Kagome will always be my friend, even if she hates me now I will always protect and care for her. When the Shikon no Tama is completed and I hold it whole in my hand, I will wish for Kikyo to be returned to me alive, so that I can share my future with the one who understands me best.

I just pray to the Gods that Kagome can find such happiness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*
Usually when I write I get so caught up in the details of the surroundings I rarely get anything done with the characters. I guess I cut too many details out in the last chapter so I'll try to remember less isn't necessarily more in the future...
Thank you for the review and suggestion dragon/kaoru98446.