No, people, despite what you may have thought, I'm not dead. ^_^ *hears a chorus of "Darn it!"* Aw, come on, you didn't really mean that, did you? *Crickets chirp* -_-
Yeah, I've been idle for a long time, and that's mainly due to my being a selfish bastard. _ But aside from that, I got three new games, two for the PS2 (Soul Calibur II and Megaman X7) and one for the GameCube (Mario Kart: Double Dash!!), school started driving us into overtime, my friend let me borrow Final Fantasy X (and about gosh darn time, too), the bonus disk included with Mario Kart had Sonic Heroes on it, and I got the hell out of the GameFAQs GS: TLA board...Why, you ask? Let me put it to you this way: You know the flame wars with Royal Swordsman here? It was worse over there...
Anyway, the responses...
Lightningfencer00fuzz: Sorry, but I consider "too late" to be after I've already referred to them. Not to say I don't like the names of ADEPT and QUAKE, and QUAKE's a hell of a lot easier to type than AVALANCHE...Damn, I really wish you were on hand when I first started this little cauldron of insanity...So sorry...(cringes)
Omniflyer: Evil cliffhanger? I didn't think it was that evil, seeing as how maybe 99% of the people reading this already know Isaac's going to survive, and even that 1% knows he will, because then the story would just kinda end earlier than we need it to. ^_^ And by the way, you would be on my Favorite Authors list if I actually bothered to put names on it. No, really.
unicornfan (Chapter 1): (runs away from the Mia in the review) Wait, WAIT! I already explained it! YOUR CHARACTER IS GOING TO DIE, NOT YOU! DON'T KILL MEEEEEEE!!
unicornfan (Chapter 3): (edges back into view sloooowly, so as not to attract Mia's attention) Way too long? Well, this chapter is probably going to be as long. Sorry...I kinda set a standard for myself, I usually try to go for at least 3000-4000 words a chapter...This was recently implemented, mind you, so my earlier fics are much shorter...
Antisocial: Yes, 8-Bit Theater does rule, doesn't it? Brian Clevinger's got an amazing sense of humor.../suck-up
Shadowthewindadept: True, without FF7 Golden Sun probably would never have existed. But my opinion still stands. ^_^ A few more changes to the game, I can do. Notice how I say "I can do," not "I can do well."
CMAK: Yes, the Grand List of RPG Cliches rules. Less of me and Dark Side, though? Given how often the Adepts piss us off, I doubt that's possible! ^_^ However, I will try to make less appearances. Plus, I read one review of a parody that said it's not a good idea to appear every five lines, so...yeah, apparently, you had the right idea.
Icy Cake: Glad you think so! ^_^ And here's the update.
KayteeLern: (blink blink) Didn't I tell you not to review my stuff? Not that I dislike you, but because of the fact that you may have certain...what would you call them...biases? You know, being my sister and all? (pause) So, do you like it or not? I can't tell by your review...And if you can't tell what's going on, maybe you should start convincing me to let you play Golden Sun again...wait, did I just say that? I did NOT just say that! I did NOT give you that idea! 0_0
Ookami MX: By my count, it's about...When did I last update? September 13-ish, right? So that would...yeah, that would be about two months and a week. Don't worry, here it is. (And by the way, like I said above, my friend let me borrow FFX [and I beat it in a week and a half! GO ME!], so now when I read your parody I actually know what's going on! W00T! *eats a muffin*)
Knight: Well, everyone, thanks very much. (tosses out cookies to all reviewers) And, without further ado...
Isaac: (is playing poker with the birds) Wait, we're starting?
Dark Side: Yep.
Isaac: (drops the cards, and they fall all the way down into the slums, and the birds grab all the chips and fly away) FINALLY! This position is killing me!
Knight: You were still able to move around and stuff...
Isaac: Yeah, well, you try sleeping in zero gravity with nothing solid to hold on to...
Dark Side: Do we still have to do these? You KNOW he doesn't own Golden Sun or Final Fantasy VII, right? And you also know they're owned by Camelot and Squaresoft (now Square Enix) respectively, right? If you answered no to both, you really are an idiot.
Knight: ...Alright, let's go. ACTION!
Isaac: FinaAHHHHH!!! (suddenly starts falling again)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Sc-
CRAAASSSHH!!
(...You know it's a bad day when the stage directions are interrupted. [thwacks head on-agsdlpk-keyboard] ANYWAY, Scene: In a church, although Isaac doesn't know that yet.)
Isaac: (dazed) I do now...
(Shut up. He sees nothing but black)
Isaac: (sees nothing but black) I sense an echo...
???: You alright?
Isaac: Wha?! Who the hell are you?
???: Back then...you just got by with skinned knees...
Isaac: What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean "back then"?
???: What about now? Can you get up?
Isaac: Would you mind answering my questions?!
???: Don't worry about me. You just worry about yourself now.
Isaac: ...Yeah, sure, I'll worry about myself since I'm hearing voices in my head who refuse to answer questions...
Girl's Voice: Oh! He moved!
Isaac: Hm?
Girl's Voice: Hello?
(The scene fades in, and we see Isaac on his back amidst a bed of flowers. Mia is standing nearby, looking down at him with a worried look on her face)
(We're not supposed to know she's Mia, though, so for maybe six lines we'll call her Flower Girl. Do not ask.)
Dark Side: What's the point?
(I said DON'T ASK!)
Dark Side: 0_0 Okay, then. Whatever you say.
(Mwa ha ha ha ha.)
Isaac: ...I am now getting freaked out. I'll ask: Who the heck are you?
(Me? [Isaac nods] I'm the almighty Stage Direction Entity. And I have no physical form, so I cannot be touched and I speak in parenthesis instead of in script form like the rest of you. Mwa ha ha.)
Isaac: Uh...huh.
Flower Girl: You okay?
Isaac: ...Yeah, perfectly fine, I only fell about twenty feet, froze in midair for a few months, and then fell the rest of the way to the ground crashing through...the roof of something. (Pause) Where am I?
Flower Girl: A church in the Sector 5 slums...You seem to be okay, though. The roof and flower bed must have broken your fall...
Isaac: Flower bed...? (suddenly notices the flower bed he's on) Ah, crap... (jumps to his feet and quickly backpedals off) Sorry about that...
Flower Girl: No, it's okay. These flowers are quite resilient because this is a sacred place...(starts absentmindedly tending to a patch) They say you can't grow grass and flowers and things like that in Tolbi, but for some reason you can here...
Isaac: ...Well, isn't that convenient...
Flower Girl: Say, do you remember me?
Isaac: (sighs) Yes, I remember you. You sold a flower to me. For one coin.
Flower Girl: Heh...yes, I suppose I did.
Isaac: I'm still at a loss to see how you make a living on one coin per sale.
Flower Girl: And like I said, it's something we'll have to ask Aeris should we ever meet her.
(Silence as she tends to her flowers some more)
Flower Girl: Say, do you have any Materia?
Isaac: I...think...(checks the two slots in his sword, where he suddenly notices for the first time the two green orbs in them) Yeah, some. Nowadays I guess you can find it anywhere. (thinking) Like on the walkway to a reactor core. What the hell was it doing there?
Flower Girl: Mine's special, though. It's good for absolutely nothing.
Isaac: ...Good for nothing? You sure you just don't know how to use it?
Flower Girl: No, I do know how...it just doesn't do anything...
Isaac: ...You know, one of my pet peeves is contradiction.
Flower Girl: (winces) Sorry...I like having it around, though. It was my mother's...(she turns to start on another patch of flowers, when Isaac catches sight of, in her ponytail, the Whi-)
Isaac: Is that the Mercury Star?
Everyone except Isaac: SHHHH!! We're not supposed to know that!
(SHHHH!! We're not supposed to know that!)
Isaac: 0_0 Never...do that...again...
Flower Girl: Do what?
Isaac: Speak...all at once...like that.
Everyone except Isaac: Like this?
(Like this?)
Isaac: AAAAAGGGGH! (curls up into a ball and starts whimpering)
Jenna: (backstage) I think we just hit on another of his pet peeves! Booya!
Garet: (backstage, cackling madly)
Felix: (backstage, holding up three fingers) So, he hates the phrase "have a nice day," contradiction, and everyone speaking at once. Only seven more to go...
Isaac: You guys are mean...(uncurls reluctantly and stands up) What, may I ask, do you want with a "10 Pet Peeves of Isaac's" list?
Felix: (backstage) Blackmail. What else?
Isaac: ...Figures...(to Flower Girl) Say, I still don't know your name, if I recall correctly...
Mia: Hm, true...I'm Mia the flower girl. Nice to meet you.
Isaac: ...I'm Isaac. Me? I do a little bit of everything. (This last sentence is said as his head swells in size)
Mia: Oh...a jack-of-all-trades, hm?
Isaac: (fortunately for us, knows when one's head has inflated too much) Yeah, I guess...I try to do whatever's needed.
(A fair distance away, someone enters the church accompanied by her bodyguards)
Mia: ...Whatever's needed?
Isaac: Yeah...
Mia: I think I might need a bodyguard now...Can you take me home?
Isaac: ...Okay...fine. But it'll cost you.
Mia: (grinning mischievously) How about I go on a date with you?
Jenna: (backstage) Say what?! (suddenly turns into huge flame-breathing horned demon again and looms over the set, particularly Mia)
Mia: (sticks her tongue out at Jenna's demon form) Hey, I thought of it first.
Jenna: (not quite backstage, anymore...) That doesn't mean you will not die a slow and painful death, mortal...
Felix: (backstage, flipping ahead in the script) Hm, interesting how she said "die a slow and painful death" to the person who's playing Aeris...
Mia: Did you say something, Felix?
Felix: (backstage, gulping painfully) Uh, no. Not at all. Really. (hides script behind back)
Jenna: (turns back to normal and starts grumbling)
Isaac: ...Um...
Mia: So, again, how about I pay you by going on a date with you?
Jenna: (backstage, is fuming)
Isaac: Um...fine...I guess...
Jenna: (backstage) Isaac! (is suddenly thwacked on the head by...) FELIX! What was that for?!
Felix: (backstage) For trying to utterly control Isaac's life. He's seventeen. He does not need you to look out for him.
Jenna: (same) But she's taking the preciousssssss...
Felix: (same; whips out a roll of duct tape and quickly tapes her mouth shut) I hate Gollum. Smeagol. Whatever, just don't do that!
Jenna: (same) Mmf. (fumes again)
Knight: (in an eerily-accurate Gollum/Smeagol voice) What? What do you haves againsts the Gollum slash Smeagol voice?
Felix: AHHHH!! (has a sudden seizure and collapses, twitching, on the floor.)
Other Adepts: 0_0
Dark Side: (shaking his head) It freaks me out, too. Just keep going, or he might do it again.
(Isaac walks forward to meet Menardi of Aleph's Turks. Well, they're supposed to be Turks, but for the sake of this being a GS parody of FF7, they're Madrans instead.)
Isaac: I don't know who you are, but...(suddenly looks confused) You don't know me...(The whole place flashes suddenly) Wait...I do know you.
Menardi: ?! Make up your damn mind!
Aleph Soldier #176: Um, Menardi, he seems a little crazy...
Menardi: A little crazy? You just noticed?
Aleph Soldier #941: Hey, it's a rule of thumb. If you're in an RPG army, you're slow to catch on, stupid, and proud of it.
Menardi: ...That explains a lot.
Aleph Soldier #358: Like why our aim sucks, why we can never beat the hero, and why we're vulnerable to status spells unlike every other enemy?
Menardi: Yeah. Like that. (grumble) Anyway, I'm here for the flower girl. So you, Mr. Psycho Blond-
Isaac: You're blonde too.
Menardi: ...Shut...up...Just buzz off.
Isaac: (draws his sword) I think not, Aleph spy.
Aleph Soldier #176: ...Um, Menardi? We're not really going to take him, are we?
Menardi: Why not?
Aleph Soldier #358: Maybe because he has a fuggin' huge sword?!
Mia: Wait! Don't fight here, you'll ruin the flowers!
Menardi: (cackles evilly) Like I care about some stupid flowers?
Isaac: (on the other hand, sheathes his sword) Point taken, Mia. Let's get out of here.
Menardi: Wh-(before she can blink, Isaac and Mia have dashed through the back door)-at? Damn! (stomps towards the door, making sure to trample the flowers.) ...Hm. Those eyes had Alchemy in them...You grunts follow me. And make sure not to step on the flowers.
Aleph Soldier #176: I'd point out that she's already done so, but I'm smart enough to not risk her wrath...
Aleph Soldier #941: Wait...you're...smart?! (starts crossing himself) BLASPHEMY, I TELLS YE! BLASPHEMY!!
Aleph Soldier #176: Ha...ha...ha...You're so funny... (His voice is dripping with sarcasm)
(In a back room, Isaac and Mia make a bunch of fancy jumps across huge gaps and wide holes in the floor.)
Isaac: How did this area get so...so destroyed?
Mia: Again, something we'll have to ask the real Aeris should we ever meet her...
(They climb a long staircase that leads to the rafters. Or close to it. Isaac jumps a huge gap, but Mia hesitates)
Isaac: Hm? Mia, what's wrong?
Mia: Them. (She points down at Menardi and Aleph Soldiers #176, #358, and #941 entering. The Soldiers aim their machine guns at Mia and start firing.)
(Like #358 pointed out, their aim sucks. However, it's enough to send Mia diving and somehow falling through the gap, sending her back to the floor.)
Isaac: Oh, great...
Menardi: Heh heh...After her, soldiers. Don't let her get away!
Mia: (gets up and starts running back towards the staircase, but the soldiers are gaining on her)
Isaac: Damn...(looks up and sees four conveniently placed barrels) What the hell are they doing there?!
Ivan: (backstage) Two words. Donkey. Kong. (is playing it on a Game Boy Pocket that came from nowhere. It looks suspiciously familiar to Knight.) Damn, I knew Mario was acrobatic, but I never knew he can do all these flips and jumps...
Isaac: Donkey...Kong...OH! (runs up the small staircase to the barrels and pushes one down, crushing Soldier #941 underneath it)
Aleph Soldier #941: ...I'm at a loss to see how a barrel did as much damage as a sword...
Mia: Maybe because it was dropped on you from a hundred feet above! (waves at Isaac to show her thanks and heads towards the staircase again. As she starts up, another barrel crushes #176.)
Aleph Soldier #176: Um, ow? I wonder if this is how Mario felt...
Isaac: MWA HA HA! Ph33r the 1337 powers of Donkey Isaac! (shoves over another barrel, but amazingly enough, #358 dodges it. By jumping, ironically. It's even accompanied by an 8-bit "boiyoiyoing"-like sound.) Oh, crud...
Mia: Eep!
(Battle transition; two Aleph Soldiers appear)
Mia: What?! Two? But there was one chasing me! What the hey?
Picard: (backstage, surfing the web on a very familiar looking laptop) It appears to be some sort of RPG cliche, though it's usually in effect for the hero..."How Many People You Got in There?" Rule or something...
Mia: Well, whatever. (Tries to cast Ice Missile, but instead a spurt of flame hits one of the soldiers, not even defeating him) What?
Dark Side: No Psynergy...Just Materia and stuff...god, you people have short-term memories...
Mia: Who in their right mind would give me something fire-related?!
Jenna: (backstage, though not for long; she suddenly looms over the set again in her demon form. Duct tape's been torn off) And is there something wrong with fire, mortal?
Mia: There is when I'm using it...
Jenna: (same) Oh. Point taken. (turns back to normal)
Isaac: (currently backstage) I really wish she'd stop doing that...
(One of the soldiers attacks with a nightstick. Or whatever that is. Mia dodges and retaliates with a staff whack to the head. He goes down, and after two more castings of Fire, so does the other one.)
Mia: I swear, the instant we find Water or Ice Materia, it's mine! (She starts grumbling as she gets up to the rafters where Isaac is)
Isaac: Um, actually, I think one of these is Ice Materia...
Mia: Really?! Gimme! (lunges for his sword, pulls out one of the green orbs, and slaps it into her staff.)
Dark Side: My...god, that sounded wrong! (is suddenly struck by a yellow thunderbolt that came from nowhere) OW-OW-OW-OW-OW! (collapses, twitching)
Mia: ...Well, whatever. It's the right one. Much better.
Isaac: ...I'm one spell less...
Mia: So? ^_^ More magic for me. Magic equals good.
Picard: (backstage, now flipping through the FF7 guide) Actually, there's a disadvantage to equipping too much Materia. Some decrease your strength and HP and stuff like that. Most often the things that do are magic Materia, a.k.a. green...
Mia: ...Oh well. I'm a better spellcaster than fighter anyway. (hums happily as she walks through a hole in the roof)
Isaac: ...See, that's why I'm not interested in any girls...they make no damn sense...
Mia, Jenna, Sheba, Menardi, and Karst: What was that, foolish mortal?! (They all turn into demons and loom over Isaac)
Isaac: 0_0 Meep! Don't hurt me!
Mia, Jenna, Sheba, Menardi, and Karst: Aw, why not?
Felix: (backstage) Because if you do, Mia and Jenna would probably kill the one who did so, even if it was one of them.
Mia, Jenna, Sheba, Menardi, and Karst: ...Oh, fine...(all turn back to normal)
Isaac: ...Right. I'm leaving now. (walks through the hole to meet Mia on the roof)
Dark Side: (waking up) Ow ow ow ow ow...I'm okay...
(And on the roof...)
Mia: Heh...they're looking for me again...
Isaac: Again? That's not the first time?
Mia: No...
Isaac: Huh...They're the Madrans, I think. An organization for Aleph. I think they scout out possible recruits for Soldier.
Mia: ...I doubt they'd be so violent.
Isaac: Wouldn't put it past them. They're involved in a lot of dirty stuff...spying, murder, throwing innocent people in jail without a trial (Picard nods fervently in agreement), and the like...(looks at Mia curiously) You know why they're after you?
Mia: (sarcastically) Maybe they think I have what it takes to join Soldier.
Isaac: (just as sarcastically) And maybe Garet will willingly enter a body of water.
Mia: Oooh...(stands up) Well, even if I do, I'm not getting caught by them.
Isaac: Then let's move. (hops off the roof and starts moving among the rubble piled up really high in the Sector 5 slums.)
(After a bit...)
Mia: Wait! For! Me! (she catches up with Isaac, who was ahead of her by leaps and bounds. No pun intended.)
Isaac: Funny how you said two seconds ago you had what it took to join Soldier...
Mia: Meanie.
(Pause.)
Mia: Say, Isaac, you were in Soldier, weren't you?
Isaac: ...Used to, yeah. How did you know? Plot device?
Mia: Actually, it was the eyes. They've got Alchemy in them.
Isaac: They do? So that explains the burning sensation behind them...
Mia: ...I'm not even going to reply to that. C'mon, let's just move. (Pauses as she passes Isaac) Bodyguard!
Isaac: Hm? I can't tell if that's a joke or an insult...
Alex: (backstage) Knowing Mia's sense of humor, I hope it was an insult. (is suddenly Ice Missiled-er, Fired by Mia.) OW!
(Isaac and Mia eventually get to the ground, which doesn't look much better than the pile of rubble.)
Isaac: Damn, this place really is a slum, isn't it?
Mia: (sarcastically) No, you just noticed. (non-sarcastically) Anyway, we're in Sector 5 now. My home is somewhere around here.
Isaac: And you know this how?
Mia: ...This is where my character lives, Isaac. Use some common sense. Sheesh.
Picard: (backstage; speaking wisely) Ah, but common sense is not so common anymore...
Knight: (bitterly and under his breath) Truer words have yet to be spoken...
Isaac: I feel like I'm not getting any respect...(follows Mia through the slums)
(After some random battles and a right turn, the two emerge into a small circle, in the center of which is another rundown building. One can see a guy asleep in a pipe to the left of the entrance.)
Isaac: Slum's an understatement...this place is crap...
Mia: Don't let any of the citizens hear that. Well, with the exception of the guy in the pipe, he's just weird.
Guy in the Pipe: Duuhhh...cheese...salami...Saturos...
Isaac: (his head jerks up at the mention of the last word) Hm? (He looks at the GitP, and notices something on his head) A tattooed number 2...Wonder what that's about...And what relation does he have to cheese and salami? 0_o
Mia: Isaac, are you coming or not? (She's near the exit)
Isaac: Oh, yeah, I'm coming...(shoots one last confused glance at the GitP)
Guy in the Pipe: The cheese...its power is far greater than the bologna and salami combined...
Isaac: 0_0
Dark Side: (coughs, holds up sign that says "A/N: Sorry if that line offends anyone for whatever strange reason, I just thought it was funny.")
(They arrive at Mia's house, which for some odd reason is a really big contrast with the slums right next door.)
Isaac: Mind explaining how you've got a garden growing here and semi-fertile soil when you're next to a place like that? (jerks a thumb over his shoulder at the slums while staring at the garden)
Mia: I doubt even Aeris would know, so I'd say...
Isaac: Plot device...yeah, yeah...Those things suck...(notices something purple glowing in the garden as Mia enters the house) Hm...time for the RPG hero's innate kleptomania to kick in...(walks over and picks it up) More Materia, eh? And evidently this is Cover...
Dark Side: If you equip it, you have a chance of taking physical attacks for your other party members.
Isaac: ...Well, that just sounds stupid to me. We can all take hits pretty well...Maybe I can sell it later. (slips it into his pocket and enters Mia's house)
Mia: Mom! I'm home! (Garet's mother comes down the stairs. Evidently, in the debug room of the first GS, she's called Mrs. Jerra, so that's her name here.)
Mrs. Jerra: Oh, Mia...You were out for an awfully long time...
Mia: Was I? It only seemed to be about ten minutes...
Mrs. Jerra: Must be screwy RPG clocks...(notices Isaac) Oh, Isa-sorry, hello there! Who are you?
Mia: This is Isaac...
Isaac: Hey, I can introdu-
Mia: ...my bodyguard.
Mrs. Jerra: Bodyguard? Don't tell me the Madrans found you again...
Isaac: -ce...my...self...I was right, I don't get any respect...
Mia: Yes, they found me, but thanks to Isaac here, we were able to escape...
Isaac: ...All I did was push over some barrels...
Mrs. Jerra: Well, nevertheless, you saved my daughter, and I thank you for it. (Extends her hand)
Isaac: Um...right...(shakes her hand) I just got a really disturbing image of Mia and Garet being related...
(Pause.)
Everyone except Isaac (and Knight), especially Mia & Garet. Felix too-he got better (took him long enough): ISAAC!!
Isaac: (twitches violently at hearing everyone speak at once again) What? I can't help these disturbing images!
Jenna: (backstage) You could at least not say them out loud!
Isaac: But...
Sheba: (backstage) No buts, or one of us will remove your speaking privileges again...
Isaac: (groan) You girls are abusing that power...
Jenna: (backstage) We know we are. (grin)
(Mrs. Jerra goes back upstairs, and Mia turns to Isaac)
Mia: So, Isaac, where do you have to go from here?
Isaac: Hm...I think I need to go back to Sector 7. There're two people there named Garet and Jenna who are probably waiting for me...
Mia: ...Is Jenna...a friend?
Isaac: (is smart enough, unlike some main characters, to see where this is going) Yes...
Mia: A girlfriend?
Jenna: (backstage, speaking quickly) Hell yeah!
Isaac: (just as quickly) No.
Jenna: (same) WHAT?!
Mia: Okay...whatever you say...(inwardly sighs with relief) So, okay. I'll take you back to Sector 7.
Isaac: What-no! I can go back by myself! What, you think I can't take care of myself?
Mia: Exactly. (grins) I lost count of how many times your sorry butt needed saving on our adventure...
Isaac: ...Okay, I see your point, but it's a small walk that'll take half an hour at the most. How can I possibly screw this up?
Jenna: (backstage) Well, in Sol Sanctum, it was an easy task to Move the statue into the hole, but it took you half an hour to realize that, after the fiftieth drop down the hole...
Felix: (backstage; looks appalled) You're kidding, sis. Tell me you're kidding.
Jenna: (same) I'm not. ^_^ I was still laughing by the thirtieth time.
Felix: (same) But that sounds like something you'd expect from Garet...
Garet: (backstage) HEY!!
Mia: So, it's settled then.
Isaac: But-
Mia: (calling up the staircase) Mom! I'm taking Isaac to Sector 7! I'll be back in a bit!
Isaac: -I...can...do it...myself...
(Mrs. Jerra walks back downstairs, her mouth open and ready to argue, but...)
Mrs. Jerra: Oh, never mind. Once you set your mind to something you're never willing to drop it...
Mia: And I'm damn proud of it, too!
Mrs. Jerra: Well, if you're going to go, then at least go tomorrow. It's getting late.
Mia: Late? But during our adventure we tramped through deserts and snowfields regardless of the hour!
Mrs. Jerra: This isn't Golden Sun. It's Final Fantasy VII. And the script says-
Mia: Screw the stupid script! C'mon, Isaac! (grabs his arm and pulls him out the door)
Isaac: Hey, don't I get a say in this?
Mia: No. ^_^
Mrs. Jerra: Okay. Extreme measures. (takes a deep breath) GET YOUR DAMNED ASS BACK IN THIS HOUSE, YOUNG LADY!!
Everyone (except Knight), especially Mia & Isaac: 0_0
Mrs. Jerra: Oh, and I forgot about BRINGING IN YOUR STUPID ASS-KISSING FRIEND TOO!!
Everyone (except Knight), especially Mia & Isaac: 0_0
Mrs. Jerra: ^_^ Works quite well on Garet. Just replace stuff with the appropriate terms. Also, yelling "it's dinnertime" works, even in the morning.
Dora: (backstage) Ooh, I'll have to write those down...(does so)
Mrs. Jerra: So, young lady, are you reentering this house like I want you to?
Mia: Yes...ma'am...(drags Isaac back inside)
Isaac: That was even freakier than the girls' demon forms...
Mrs. Jerra: So, now that you actually saw it fit to listen to me, you, Mia, should make the beds.
Mia: Yes ma'am...(dashes up the staircase without hesitation)
Mrs. Jerra: And you, Isaac...(Isaac audibly winces) Would you mind leaving in the middle of the night? Without alerting Mia?
Isaac: ...Um...why?
Mrs. Jerra: Because I'm an overprotective soccer mom, that's why, and don't want to risk letting my daughter out of my sight. I insist that you leave in the middle of the night.
Isaac: (makes a sort of "psh" sound) What, do I give off bad vibes or something?
Mrs. Jerra: Anyone with a sword as big as that gives off bad vibes in my book.
Isaac: Oh...heh...(walks up the stairs warily, as though avoid of risking Mrs. Jerra's wrath)
(Scene: Blackness. The middle of the night. Isaac's fallen asleep.)
Isaac: I have?
(You have, yes.)
Isaac: Well, that's odd, I feel bright awa-
???: Allo.
Isaac: What...! Not you again!
???: What's wrong with me? I'm just a magic voice...
Isaac: ...You're responding to me. That must be the third sign of the apocalypse...
???: Ha ha. I am laughing.
Isaac: Who the hell are you, anyway?
???: Um...this is your conscience, Isaac.
Isaac: My conscience.
???: Ja. We have not talked for a while.
Isaac: Uh-huh. Well, then, conscience, answer me this. Am I crazy?
???: Why would you think that?
Isaac: Because I'm speaking with a voice in my head. That's sign number one of insanity.
???: Is it written down somewhere?
Isaac: Yep, it's in a book somewhere in my house. Or Garet's. I forgot.
???: I see.
Isaac: Plus, I was quite sure my conscience does not have a Russian accent.
???: Russian accent? Why you think that?
Isaac: I'm not deaf. I can hear things. And your Russian accent is really evident. (pause) Would your name happen to be Sean? *
???: Sean? Who is this Sean you speak of? Like I am saying, I am your conscience.
Isaac: Okay. Right. I'll pretend to believe that for the time being. Why are you here?
???: To drive you nuts with questions and show you freaky flashback, of course.
Isaac: Flash...back? No...
???: (gleefully) Oh, ja...
(The scene suddenly fades back in, with Isaac lying on a bed in a different house, and Dora standing at the stove)
Isaac: Wait, weren't you already Jessie or whatever?
Dora: Not really. I'm doing bit parts, as are Kyle and Hsu. Now I'm your mother.
Isaac: Ohhh...
Dora: (drops whatever she was doing at the stove and walks over to Isaac) You know, with a body like that, I wouldn't be surprised if the girls never left you alone.
Isaac: ...Just the kind of thing I'd expect from a mother's mouth...(groan)
Dora: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. You know, I'm worried about you. City life is full of temptations...I'd feel better if you settled down with a nice girlfriend.
Isaac: No.
Dora: (ignoring him again) You should have an older girlfriend...one that'll take care of you.
Isaac: No. Just...no. I don't need anyone to take care of me.
Ivan: (backstage) Um, Isaac? Might I remind you of the time when we had to pull you out of an oasis in Lamakan Desert?
Garet: (backstage) And also when we modified Colosso's courses just to give you a better chance, or how about the time when-
Isaac: Shut. Up.
(Scene fades out...)
(...and fades back in to Mia's house, where Isaac is lying on a bed)
Isaac: ...That was one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had...though that last bit sounds right if it's coming from my mom's mouth...(gets up) Anyway, I suppose I should be leaving, don't want to face the wrath of Mrs. Jerra's italicized and bolded words...
(He opens the door and, as stealthily as Solid Snake, walks downstairs and out the door, where it still looks like the sun is up)
Isaac: ...How long did I sleep?
Random NPC on the Street: If I had to guess, I'd say twenty hours.
Isaac: ...Uh-huh. Why are you taking time out of your day to answer me?
Random NPC on the Street: (has an enraged look on his face) What, just because I'm an NPC, I can't carry on a decent conversation with anyone? Stupid prejudice against NPC's! I'm sick of it! (starts ranting about the mistreatment NPC's get in RPGs, like one-room houses, mental disabilities, crappy weather, ****ed up financial situations...)
Isaac: (sweatdrops, sighs, and starts heading towards Sector 7.)
(...and at the entrance to Sector 6, Mia is waiting)
Isaac: 0_0 The HELL?!
Mia: Hello! ^_^ So you were planning on leaving without me, eh?
Isaac: Well...yeah...but how the HELL did you get from your house to here after I left, and before I arrived?! You just fuggin' defied the laws of physics!
Garet: (backstage, raising an eyebrow) How weird, his mouth seems to have been fouled up tremendously...(Everyone else backstage passes out from the shock of Garet using words that are more than four letters long)
Mia: I'd say Teleport Lapis, but that only works for cities, not streets within cities, so I'm gonna have to say...
Isaac: (monotone) Plot...device...I'm really starting to hate those.
Mia: Get used to it. We're gonna be seeing a lot of them. C'mon, let's move. (grabs Isaac's arm and pulls him into Sector 6.)
(After traversing huge piles of junk, centipedes made more of mouth than body, and moving houses, well, Isaac eventually freaks out at the sight of the latter.)
Isaac: Can I ask why and how moving houses are attacking us?! None of the monsters in Golden Sun were as wacky as that!
Mia: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get the point, be quiet...Besides, how are smaller Loch Ness monsters less wacky than a moving house?
Isaac: A smaller Loch Ness monster is a standard RPG monster. Moving houses are not.
Mia: ...So you just can't appreciate anything out of the not-so-ordinary?
Isaac: Sounds about right. ^_^
(Eventually, Isaac and Mia reach a small gate, beyond which is a playground.)
Mia: I think that's the gate to Sector 7 over there. (points to a larger gate, which towers over everything)
Isaac: Okay, then. I guess this is goodbye. (looks sternly at Mia) You are going home, right?
Mia: Nah, I think I'll stick with you a bit longer. Besides, this place looks nice. (walks through the smaller gate and enters the playground, getting on top of the slide.)
Isaac: ...Nice? It looks as cruddy as the slums...
Mia: Hey, can you join me up here?
Isaac: No.
Mia: Well, at least sit on the bottom of the slide...
Isaac: Why?
Mia: (with a big, booming voice and an evil glare) Because I said so, foolish male...
Isaac: 0_0 Yes ma'am...(climbs up the slide and sits next to her)
Jenna: (backstage; is being restrained by Felix from lunging at Mia and tearing her to pieces)
Mia: Say, Isaac, which class were you in?
Isaac: Hm, well...Biology, Precalculus, English, a few honors classes...
Mia: I mean in Soldier, dummy.
Isaac: Oh...I was...(Screen suddenly flashes white for a second) First Class.
Mia: Oh...just like my first boyfriend...
Alex: (backstage) First boyfriend?! You mean me?! But I was never in Soldier!
Mia: First of all, Alex, I never liked you, second of all, it's the script.
Alex: (same) You weren't paying attention to the script fifteen minutes ago...
Mia: That's fifteen minutes ago. (sticks her tongue out at Alex)
Isaac: ...He was in First Class too, eh? What was his name? I might know him.
Mia: It doesn't matter...
Dark Side: (starts singing under his breath) ...now what happens...I will never, give up the fight...(is suddenly smacked with another thunderbolt) OW! Who's doing that?! (No one answers.) Grrr...
(At that moment, the gate to Sector 7 opens, and the Dog from Vault pulls a carriage out, turning to its left further into Sector 6.)
Dog from Vault: (thinking) What did I do to deserve this punishment...being treated like a chocobo...I don't even look similar...
(And then Isaac notices Jenna, standing and whistling nonchalantly, at the end of the carriage)
Isaac: Jenna? What the hell?
Mia: Hm? (turns and sees Jenna as the carriage disappears) Jenna, eh? Let's go help her!
Isaac: But-
Mia: No buts, mister. Is she your friend or isn't she? (jumps off the slide and starts following the carriage)
Isaac: ...She is, but...I thought they were kinda at odds... (groans, shrugs, and follows Mia.)
(Everyone waits for Knight to say "Aaaaaaaaand...CUT!")
(Looooooong pause.)
Dark Side: Knight? It's the end of the chapter.
Knight: ......
Dark Side: ...Wonder what's up with him...Oh, never mind, I'll do it. CUT! Hey, that was quite fun to say...(is suddenly thunderbolted again) GAAAHH!! Who the hell is doing that?! (Glares at Ivan and Sheba, who shake their heads immediately) Oh, whoever's doing that, I'll find you, I will...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[*] Sean's one of my friends, and sometimes (not that much anymore) he takes to speaking with a Russian accent (that he KNOWS annoys the hell out of me, hint hint). So that's the background behind that.
Dark Side: Okay, well, that's the end of this. And, there's something he wanted to poll you, the readers, on. Do you prefer Piers or Picard? He's been calling him Picard because he likes that better, but if you readers prefer Piers he'll use his author powers to change it. Or I'll do it if he still hasn't shaken out of this...(shoves Knight, who doesn't notice) ...
Picard: ...you wouldn't dare...
Dark Side: Yes I would, if it makes the readers happy. ^_^ So review. And vote on Picard/Piers's name. And stuff. Yeah.
Isaac: Are you running out of things to say?
Dark Side: Of course. So, um...oh yeah, one last thing. Who the heck is smacking me with those thunderbolts?! (looks around all shifty-eyed) C'mon out, I won't hurt you...much...
(Silence. Garet thinks he hears a little shuffling, but when he turns to look, not a thing is disturbed.)
Dark Side: -_- Figures. Never mind. I'll find out later. Just review, and we'll see you next chapter. Hopefully. (stalks off backstage to find the culprit.)