The Absolutely Worst Short-Short in the History of FanFic
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my own skin. Too bad for them. Or maybe not.
Spoilers: every 'ship ever written.
"So," Lex said elegantly, as he did everything, crossing his elegantly-clad legs and lifting his expensive brandy in an elegantly poised hand, "You can't decide between Lana and Chloe." And me, he added under his breath, unaware that the extra-terrestrial teenager had recently developed super-hearing.
Supermope nodded miserably. He did everything miserably, except when he was smiling, when he could charm birds out of trees and buzzards away from -- let's not go there. "Yeah. They're both beautiful and fun and hot and ... well, Lana is prettier, and Chloe is more fun." And you're hotter, he added to himself, knowing full well that Lex could read him like a cheap comic book.
Lex gestured elegantly (of course) with his expensive (of course) brandy. "Well, there's a simple solution." (Of course.)
"What? Please, tell me, Lex. You're so much smarter and more worldly. And richer." (Of course.) And also the hottest bald guy on the planet since Telly Savales, who I think my mom still has a crush on. Not to mention my dad.
"Take them both." Lex sipped his brandy. Elegantly, of course.
"Of cour -- WHAT?!?"
"Come now. With your speed and strength and stamina, you could easily make a threesome." Or a foursome, he said to himself subvocally, which was actually the reason why Clark turned the color of red kryptonite.
"And besides, it would take more than one mere mortal to keep up with you anyway, wouldn't it?" Lex stood, elegantly (of course) reached for his brandy decanter, and wavered away in a puff of dream smoke as Clark crashed out of bed.
"Oh, wow," the mostly-naked super-teen muttered as he estimated the damage to the floor. "That was one weird dream. Mom must have been storing the ice cream next to the meteor rocks again. Telly Savales? Ew."
"On the other hand...." He scrubbed a hand through his hair. It was three in the morning, he had time to go x-ray peeping-tom on Lana and Chloe before slopping the cows and milking the pigs, or whatever. He would have gone to peep on Lex, too, except that Lex had lined his bedroom with lead. Maybe Lex was beginning to suspect about the vision thing? Clark frowned. Or maybe he was keeping meteor rocks in there, which would seriously mess up his pool game. Lex had this thing about the meteors. Just because they'd made him bald was no reason to obsess on the damn rocks.
Oh well. He sped out of the house, ghost silent except for the slamming door, promising to fix the floor as soon as dad got up and showed him where the repair stuff was. Too bad he couldn't fly. He'd love to hover outside Lex's window and watch him sleep.
Take all three?
It was a thought.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my own skin. Too bad for them. Or maybe not.
Spoilers: every 'ship ever written.
"So," Lex said elegantly, as he did everything, crossing his elegantly-clad legs and lifting his expensive brandy in an elegantly poised hand, "You can't decide between Lana and Chloe." And me, he added under his breath, unaware that the extra-terrestrial teenager had recently developed super-hearing.
Supermope nodded miserably. He did everything miserably, except when he was smiling, when he could charm birds out of trees and buzzards away from -- let's not go there. "Yeah. They're both beautiful and fun and hot and ... well, Lana is prettier, and Chloe is more fun." And you're hotter, he added to himself, knowing full well that Lex could read him like a cheap comic book.
Lex gestured elegantly (of course) with his expensive (of course) brandy. "Well, there's a simple solution." (Of course.)
"What? Please, tell me, Lex. You're so much smarter and more worldly. And richer." (Of course.) And also the hottest bald guy on the planet since Telly Savales, who I think my mom still has a crush on. Not to mention my dad.
"Take them both." Lex sipped his brandy. Elegantly, of course.
"Of cour -- WHAT?!?"
"Come now. With your speed and strength and stamina, you could easily make a threesome." Or a foursome, he said to himself subvocally, which was actually the reason why Clark turned the color of red kryptonite.
"And besides, it would take more than one mere mortal to keep up with you anyway, wouldn't it?" Lex stood, elegantly (of course) reached for his brandy decanter, and wavered away in a puff of dream smoke as Clark crashed out of bed.
"Oh, wow," the mostly-naked super-teen muttered as he estimated the damage to the floor. "That was one weird dream. Mom must have been storing the ice cream next to the meteor rocks again. Telly Savales? Ew."
"On the other hand...." He scrubbed a hand through his hair. It was three in the morning, he had time to go x-ray peeping-tom on Lana and Chloe before slopping the cows and milking the pigs, or whatever. He would have gone to peep on Lex, too, except that Lex had lined his bedroom with lead. Maybe Lex was beginning to suspect about the vision thing? Clark frowned. Or maybe he was keeping meteor rocks in there, which would seriously mess up his pool game. Lex had this thing about the meteors. Just because they'd made him bald was no reason to obsess on the damn rocks.
Oh well. He sped out of the house, ghost silent except for the slamming door, promising to fix the floor as soon as dad got up and showed him where the repair stuff was. Too bad he couldn't fly. He'd love to hover outside Lex's window and watch him sleep.
Take all three?
It was a thought.