"Forget about those two! I will do it myself" declared the queen. the enraged monarch approached the guillotine just as Lisa managed to free her hands. Surprised and realizing what happened, the Red Queen began to run toward the guillotine, but she tripped on her dress and fell over face first. Lisa laughed and reached for the wooden block holding her down, but her heart skipped a beat as she realized that the board was locked in place. The queen got up with a smile, pulled out a knife with a blade shaped like a heart and cut the rope holding up the guillotine's blade. A sharp "thunk" sound made some in the crowd cheer, and made others go completely silent.
"Ha ha! Justice has been done! Hazah! Hazah!" cheered Mad Monty.
Barney the Butterfly stood speechless, the only sound he made was a burp that yielded a word filled bubble which read, "A terrible injustice has been done this day."
"Good, now that we are over with that, we will get back to our poker game. Then afterward that we shall plan our beloved friend's funeral," declared the Red Queen.
A low buzzing noise made everybody stand up straight with surprise, they looked around wondering what it could have been. The cheering stopped as the crowd silently searched for the source of the sound. Flying from the direction of the castle, through the grove of trees, was a small dot. It flew over to the crowd and a familiar voice broke the silence.
"Ola, amigos and amigas! It is I, Senior Bombus Monticola!" declared the small dot.
King Bongomus, with his mouth hanging loosely from his mouth whispered into the Red Queen's ears, who suddenly blurted out, "But- but- Lenny said you were dead!"
"Yeah, you wouldn't even wake up when all those female bumblebees asked you for dates!" said Lenny the Light Bulb.
"Oh, the bonita females said the same thing about me being dead. I just had the strangest experience," said the small bee.
"Well, don't keep it to yourself, tell us about it," blurted out Mad Monty, not thinking of anything else to say.
"Okay, let me see... Oh, I remember now. I was helping this pretty young seniorita called Lisa Simpson. I told her to hit some wall with the magic glass hammer, but I forgot to fly out of the way, and it must have fell on me."
The crowd gasped with horror as they looked over at the guillotine with guilt and disgust with themselves while Senior Bombus Monticola continued, "Everything went black and I had the strangest dream! My whole life flashed before my eyes, and I saw all these beautiful ladies turning me down for dates! It was horrible! Then I saw this bright light at the end of a dark tunnel, and I heard all these bumblebee senioritas telling me they wanted to go out to dinner with me! I flew away from the bright light and woke up with all these bonita ladies crying over me. Anyway, now I have a date later tonight with five female bumblebees at the same time! And I have more dates next week too! I am so, so happy now... hey, what is over there that all of you are staring at?"
The Red Queen rushed to block the bumblebee's view of the guillotine. The Yellow Jester silently motioned for guards to surround the base of the guillotine. They rushed over with a pair of bags as Mr. Bumblebee's curiosity grew.
"What is over there? Why is everybody still so sad? I said I am more than all right, no need to cry... I will go see what is there," declared Senior Bombus Monticola as he flew toward the guillotine.
Everyone gasped and half the royal cards fainted. The Eight of Spades broke out in tears. Mad Monty and the White Rabbit bit at their fingernails. Barney the Butterfly began to hiccup uncontrollably as he nervously began eating potato chips left over from the poker game. Everybody's hearts skipped a beat when the little bumblebee looked at the base of the guillotine and cried out, "Oh my goodness me, this is terrible!"
The crowd broke out in tears as Mad Monty screamed out, "Yes! We did it! We're horrid, absurd, disgusting creatures who went too far in our tom-foolery. Oh the Shame! The Shame! If we only did a trial like- like- " Before he could finish, he broke down in tears.
"This is such a mess, what is all this red stuff on the big watermelon cutter you have out here? And why is everybody still crying?" asked the bumblebee.
The crowd rushed over to the guillotine, and saw that there was a red-soaked guillotine, a red soaked ground, and a pair of bags the royal guards were very nervously guarding. When they realized that the bags were tied and sealed so that nothing of their contents could be seen, many sighed in relief.
"So, why hasn't anybody answered my question? Why were you still crying?"
"Oh, my dear messenger, we were so... distraught that we kept crying even after we were happy to find out you are still alive. But we are better now, so how about we-"
"Oh! Say no more my queen! I am very happy that I am so beloved, although I wish the female bumblebees had started loving me sooner..."
Mad Monty walked up to Mr. Bumblebee and said, "My good friend! How about we leave this awful contraption alone and go eat some delicious honey, I happen to have a jar under the food table in case you ever dropped by!"
"That sounds great, but... what were you doing with this thing over here? And what is inside those two bags the guards are standing in front of? I see red spots starting to appear on the bags, maybe whatever you have inside is leaking."
"Oh Senior, don't worry about those! We were just cleaning the guillo- I mean, the watermelon cutter! Let's go eat some honey now, OK?" suggested the queen.
"Oh, okay. I would love to- hey, do you guys see what I am seeing?"
"What is it?" asked the queen.
Matthew the scribe pointed up at the sky and the crowd looked up and saw a mass of flying saucers hovering overhead. Round shadows passed over the crowd, while whispers and murmurs passed back and forth. The Red Queen looked visibly shaken and upset at the strange sight, until King Bongomus whispered something in her ear which quickly calmed her.
"Don't anybody worry," declared the queen, "Our highness, my snookie-woo, has assured me that whoever these airborne invaders are, our Royal Air Force will deal with them shortly."
Everybody was still showing signs of worry even though they calmed down with the news from their king. The Royal Air Force of Wonderland automatically attacked any hostile enemy force that dared to travel in the skies over their kingdom, although they were very rarely used. People began to wonder if they would do any good, but then, up in the sky, fast moving, distant objects were seen flying toward the mass of flying invaders. Everyone calmed down and some even began to cheer.
Aboard the lead saucer, a pair of green creatures wearing glass domes over their heads stood looking down on Wonderland through a window on the side of their craft. Their heads, which made up most of their bodies, had a single eye at the center of their faces with a mouth full of pointed teeth at the bottom. They both stood on slimy green tentacles that slithered as they stood watching the progress of their invasion.
One of the monstrous creatures turned toward the other and spoke, with a slimy monstrous tone of voice, "Congratulations. Your scouting mission was a success, Supreme Commander Kodos of the Ninth space armada."
"Why thank you, Supreme Commander Kang of the Tenth space armada. It was difficult, but after following that little girl, we managed to uncover the secret entrance." replied Kodos.
"Yes, we were able set up a trans-fictional portal device to teleport our fleet here after our soldiers sneaked through the entrance."
"After we are done with this 'Wonderland', I would like conquer a world I have just recently discovered. It would make an excellent addition to our mighty empire."
"Oh? What world would this be?" asked Kang.
"It is described in this amazing report I have just read," replied Kodos as he pulled out a book with the title, "Harry Potter", on the cover.
"Perhaps I should read this report later, after we have conquered the Red Queen's kingdom!" replied Kang as another green creature slithered over by the window.
"Ah, our report of the invasion thus far has arrived! How goes our advance? I have no doubt these primitive weaklings are cowering as we speak," said Kodos smiling.
The third creature looked nervous as it spoke, "There is a problem Supreme Commanders. Our sensors have detected fast moving, air-borne objects heading our way."
"Must be primitive air defenses, nothing to worry about. Our scouting squadron annihilated them, correct?" asked Kang.
"Actually sir, we lost contact with them and they no longer register on our sensors," replied the third creature with a nervous quiver.
"What? Our scout squadron defeated? This can't be!" exclaimed Kodos.
Suddenly a small object appeared far away through the window. As it became closer, it's pink form and white wings became clearer.
"Flying pigs! Their air defenses consist of pigs with wings! This is absurd, what use are they against our photon torpedoes and flashy light weapons? They can't possibly stand a chance against us!" exclaimed Kodos.
"Pigs? What are pigs?" asked the third creature.
Kodos looked at the third creature with anger and said, "You don't know what- First, in the tunnels, you said you never heard of dogs before, now you tell me you don't know what pigs are? We had been hiding on Earth for over a week now! There was plenty of time to learn about Earthling life forms, what is wrong with-"
The three looked out their window and were horrified to realize how big the pigs really were. One of them had managed to get within a hundred feet of the ship, and by the fact that its head was ten times the size of the vessel, and its mouth was open wide, they knew what happened to their scouting squadron.
"Quickly! We must make emergency evasive action!" commanded Kang.
The lead flying saucer dived desperately as the giant pig bit down, narrowly escaping being swallowed. Other saucer vessels were not so lucky, the few remaining saucers fired on the winged pigs with energy beams and exploding missiles. None of the saucer weapons had any effect on the flying animals. The lead ship desperately tried to fight back, but they were helpless as the dark inside of a flying pig's mouth swallowed them whole, enveloping them in a pitch black darkness. There was black everywhere, nothing but absolute darkness.
A young boy sat up from his bed with a fright. Moments earlier, he saw total darkness, now he was in his room at his comfortable familiar home. He was wearing his usual blue shorts and orange shirt when he looked around his room and did not see any one-eared rabbits, green space aliens or flying pigs.
"Ay caramba! I must have fallen asleep while I was daydreaming in bed! What a weird dream," said the boy to himself. "And it was all about Lisa's bad day in some place called Wonderland. Why did she end up dying in the end?."
The spiky-haired boy lay back down in his bed, looking up at the ceiling and said, "I hope I didn't dream that bad dream about Lisa because I felt guilty about the toilet paper in her saxophone... heh heh heh... I told her I used toilet water!" laughed the boy.
The boy heard chuckling from near the doorway to his room. He sat up and looked toward the doorway, not believing his eyes, he rubbed them. Then he rubbed them again, but he still saw an eight-foot tall, one-eared yellow rabbit wearing an orange frilly jacket, and a pair of puffy, blue, pantaloons.
"Woah! Cool man! A humongous one-eared rabbit... wait a minute," said the boy, "You look- hey, you were in my dream!"
The giant rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled.
"You did the same thing before you started to bother Lisa. You tried to lock her out of Wonderland... ha ha!" laughed the boy. "Hey, maybe I can ride you and we can go bother her together, this'll be better than the toilet paper this morning!"
The rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled again as the boy pointed at the rabbit and said "My name is Bart Simpson, and you're going to be my new pet! I'm going to use you to torture teachers at school, raid candy stores, and if there is time, maybe give rabbit back rides to my baby sister Maggie. Now, in exchange, I will let you eat all the carrots you can steal from people's gardens, sleep in my family's garage and- hey, what are you doing?"
Bart tried to move out of the way as the rabbit moved its massive head toward him. He tried scooting away on his bed, but the rabbit's head kept moving forward as its mouth opened. The boy fell off his bed and tried to crawl underneath, but before he could get his legs to safety, the rabbit's massive mouth grabbed hold of his lower body and pulled him out. Bart's body dangled from the massive rabbit's mouth as it prepared to tilt its head back.
"Stupid rabbit! Didn't you hear me? I'm your new master now, not your food!" scolded Bart, "Now put me down!"
The rest of Bart was sucked into the rabbit's mouth and with a hard gulp, he was swallowed whole. The giant rabbit tilted its head back forward, wiggled its nose, and smiled. It sat and stared out the window in Bart's room. Its single ear stood up as the sound of bicycle echoed in the distance. The rabbit stuck its head out the window and saw no bicycle. It stuck its head through the doorway of Bart's room and still saw no Bicycle. Finally, the one-eared rabbit looked out the window at the clear blue sky outside, that was speckled with patches of white fluffy clouds, and said, "Now what could that be?"
Lisa Simpson's eyes shot open to the sight of a light blue sky dotted with white, fluffy clouds. Distant sounds of churning bicycle gears filled the afternoon air. Lisa looked down and realized that she was sitting down under a green tree standing on a green lawn. An open book, with the pages facing down and spine looking up, sat on her lap. The shade of the tree blocked the sun from hitting her skin, and she rubbed her eyes as her mouth yawned by itself.
"I must have fallen asleep," said Lisa out loud, "Oh my God! The rabbit ate Bart, it- wait, that was all a dream. A crazy, absurd dream. But what if it wasn't? I didn't like what Bart did to me this morning, but I hope I didn't dream he was gobbled up by the rabbit because I want something really bad to happen to him. Where is he anyway?"
The sound of bicycle wheels turning past Lisa by as a blue-haired boy quickly said, "Hi Lisa," as he passed by. Lisa realized that it was her brother's best friend, Millhouse, riding past her on his bike. As he rode away, she realized that he was wearing a backpack, with the head of a baby penguin peeking out of the bag's top opening. Lisa rushed to her feet and followed the boy. Millhouse rode to the front door of Lisa's house and called out for Bart. The front door swung open and Bart rushed out.
"What is it Mil- Woah! A baby penguin! Cool!" exclaimed Bart.
"Yeah, the animals broke out from the zoo and I snatched it when its mom was looking away." said Millhouse.
"Hey, what's that over there?" asked Bart, pointing toward the sidewalk.
A penguin was angrily waddling toward the front door of the Simpson household at alarming speed. Bart and Milhouse ran away as the angry mother chased after them. Lisa arrived on the scene while Milhouse tossed the baby penguin up a tree as the two boys quickly climbed up its branches. The mother penguin circled the tree waiting for them to come down.
"Penguins can't climb trees, can they Bart?" asked Millhouse as it clutched the baby penguin in its arms.
"Why did you keep that baby? If you returned it, the mother would go away!" exclaimed Bart.
"But I want a pet penguin..." whined Millhouse as Bart gave him a dirty look, "Oh, okay Bart, I'll return it."
Millhouse tossed the bird back to its mother, and the larger penguin rushed to its baby. Bart tried to climb back down, but the mother bird rushed over to him and pecked at his leg, the baby penguin also rushed over, and mimicking its mother, it too pecked Bart on the leg. The boy quickly went back up the tree while the two birds continued circling the tree. Lisa, who stood watching, laughed at the two boys.
"We returned the baby, what else does it want?" cried Millhouse.
"Revenge, Millhouse. Revenge." Bart said solemnly. The two desperately looked for a way out of their situation. Bart looked over at Lisa and yelled out, "Hey! Lisa! Help us out over here!"
"I don't know Bart. I still remember what you did this morning." yelled back Lisa.
"Aw come on! I didn't even do anything wrong here! The penguins are only after me because Millhouse-"
"Millhouse didn't put wet toilet paper in my Sax and then tell me it was wet with toilet water!"
"Come on! We need help here!" yelled Bart.
"Apologize for what you did this morning, and I'll consider helping you."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I put wet toilet paper in your Sax, and I'm sorry I've been a crappy brother to you."
"And?"
"Okay.Okay. And I'm sorry I told you I wet the paper with toilet water."
"That's better."
"Well?"
"Well what Bart?"
"Well what are you going to do with these penguins?"
"You two wait right there, I just thought of something."
Lisa ran off and left the two boys in the tree. Millhouse began to slip and his leg got within reach of the birds. Both of the penguins furiously pecked at the exposed limb. Bart quickly pulled his friend back up as the boy yelled in pain. A minute later Lisa returned riding on her bicycle. She rode around the penguins, encircling them, and keeping them away from the tree. The two boys jumped down as the penguins began attacking Lisa with pecks from their beaks.
"Ow! That hurt," cried out Lisa as the birds began to chase the two boys again.
"Quick, get to our bikes Bart!" cried out Millhouse as the birds began to peck at the blue-haired boy's rear end.
Bart had already hopped on his bicycle. Millhouse ran to him and jumped on top Bart's shoulders, clutching his head with his arms and wrapping his legs around his neck.
"Get off Millhouse! And take your hands off my eyes, I can't see-ow!," complained Bart while the birds began to peck at him as he blindly rode the bicycle in circles.
"They were better off up the tree," commented Lisa, "They could probably use more of my help... then again, I've seen enough weird stuff today. I'm sure they'll find a way out of this."
Lisa turned around and went back inside her house to read a book. The one she was about to read before she unexpectedly fell asleep under a tree. Her nightmare through the strange kingdom of "Wonderland", a land ruled by the one-eared White Rabbit, was enough strangeness for one day. The bright rays of the sun shined through patches of puffy white clouds on the warm afternoon day. Under the yellow, and sometimes clouded sun, a pair of boys, on a red bicycle, rode in circles as a pair of black and white penguins, red all over with anger, chased them on a green lawn.
THE END
extra special note:
Special thanks to Fryfan for the help with the Spanish. Another round of thanks to the first three people who reviewed my last story, an Alice In Wonderland/Simpsons crossover. I would never have finished this 15000 word, Simpsons parody of AIW without the knowledge that somebody would actually read it. And thanks to you, the reader, for reading my story. Unless you skipped straight to the ending to read this, in which case, shame on you and no thanks to you at all!
-Silvertide, the master of the triple flip spinning hurricane piledriver (not! it ain't even a real move!) and the stiff arm crippler-crossface takedown counter (you better hope I never use it on you for real!)
"Ha ha! Justice has been done! Hazah! Hazah!" cheered Mad Monty.
Barney the Butterfly stood speechless, the only sound he made was a burp that yielded a word filled bubble which read, "A terrible injustice has been done this day."
"Good, now that we are over with that, we will get back to our poker game. Then afterward that we shall plan our beloved friend's funeral," declared the Red Queen.
A low buzzing noise made everybody stand up straight with surprise, they looked around wondering what it could have been. The cheering stopped as the crowd silently searched for the source of the sound. Flying from the direction of the castle, through the grove of trees, was a small dot. It flew over to the crowd and a familiar voice broke the silence.
"Ola, amigos and amigas! It is I, Senior Bombus Monticola!" declared the small dot.
King Bongomus, with his mouth hanging loosely from his mouth whispered into the Red Queen's ears, who suddenly blurted out, "But- but- Lenny said you were dead!"
"Yeah, you wouldn't even wake up when all those female bumblebees asked you for dates!" said Lenny the Light Bulb.
"Oh, the bonita females said the same thing about me being dead. I just had the strangest experience," said the small bee.
"Well, don't keep it to yourself, tell us about it," blurted out Mad Monty, not thinking of anything else to say.
"Okay, let me see... Oh, I remember now. I was helping this pretty young seniorita called Lisa Simpson. I told her to hit some wall with the magic glass hammer, but I forgot to fly out of the way, and it must have fell on me."
The crowd gasped with horror as they looked over at the guillotine with guilt and disgust with themselves while Senior Bombus Monticola continued, "Everything went black and I had the strangest dream! My whole life flashed before my eyes, and I saw all these beautiful ladies turning me down for dates! It was horrible! Then I saw this bright light at the end of a dark tunnel, and I heard all these bumblebee senioritas telling me they wanted to go out to dinner with me! I flew away from the bright light and woke up with all these bonita ladies crying over me. Anyway, now I have a date later tonight with five female bumblebees at the same time! And I have more dates next week too! I am so, so happy now... hey, what is over there that all of you are staring at?"
The Red Queen rushed to block the bumblebee's view of the guillotine. The Yellow Jester silently motioned for guards to surround the base of the guillotine. They rushed over with a pair of bags as Mr. Bumblebee's curiosity grew.
"What is over there? Why is everybody still so sad? I said I am more than all right, no need to cry... I will go see what is there," declared Senior Bombus Monticola as he flew toward the guillotine.
Everyone gasped and half the royal cards fainted. The Eight of Spades broke out in tears. Mad Monty and the White Rabbit bit at their fingernails. Barney the Butterfly began to hiccup uncontrollably as he nervously began eating potato chips left over from the poker game. Everybody's hearts skipped a beat when the little bumblebee looked at the base of the guillotine and cried out, "Oh my goodness me, this is terrible!"
The crowd broke out in tears as Mad Monty screamed out, "Yes! We did it! We're horrid, absurd, disgusting creatures who went too far in our tom-foolery. Oh the Shame! The Shame! If we only did a trial like- like- " Before he could finish, he broke down in tears.
"This is such a mess, what is all this red stuff on the big watermelon cutter you have out here? And why is everybody still crying?" asked the bumblebee.
The crowd rushed over to the guillotine, and saw that there was a red-soaked guillotine, a red soaked ground, and a pair of bags the royal guards were very nervously guarding. When they realized that the bags were tied and sealed so that nothing of their contents could be seen, many sighed in relief.
"So, why hasn't anybody answered my question? Why were you still crying?"
"Oh, my dear messenger, we were so... distraught that we kept crying even after we were happy to find out you are still alive. But we are better now, so how about we-"
"Oh! Say no more my queen! I am very happy that I am so beloved, although I wish the female bumblebees had started loving me sooner..."
Mad Monty walked up to Mr. Bumblebee and said, "My good friend! How about we leave this awful contraption alone and go eat some delicious honey, I happen to have a jar under the food table in case you ever dropped by!"
"That sounds great, but... what were you doing with this thing over here? And what is inside those two bags the guards are standing in front of? I see red spots starting to appear on the bags, maybe whatever you have inside is leaking."
"Oh Senior, don't worry about those! We were just cleaning the guillo- I mean, the watermelon cutter! Let's go eat some honey now, OK?" suggested the queen.
"Oh, okay. I would love to- hey, do you guys see what I am seeing?"
"What is it?" asked the queen.
Matthew the scribe pointed up at the sky and the crowd looked up and saw a mass of flying saucers hovering overhead. Round shadows passed over the crowd, while whispers and murmurs passed back and forth. The Red Queen looked visibly shaken and upset at the strange sight, until King Bongomus whispered something in her ear which quickly calmed her.
"Don't anybody worry," declared the queen, "Our highness, my snookie-woo, has assured me that whoever these airborne invaders are, our Royal Air Force will deal with them shortly."
Everybody was still showing signs of worry even though they calmed down with the news from their king. The Royal Air Force of Wonderland automatically attacked any hostile enemy force that dared to travel in the skies over their kingdom, although they were very rarely used. People began to wonder if they would do any good, but then, up in the sky, fast moving, distant objects were seen flying toward the mass of flying invaders. Everyone calmed down and some even began to cheer.
Aboard the lead saucer, a pair of green creatures wearing glass domes over their heads stood looking down on Wonderland through a window on the side of their craft. Their heads, which made up most of their bodies, had a single eye at the center of their faces with a mouth full of pointed teeth at the bottom. They both stood on slimy green tentacles that slithered as they stood watching the progress of their invasion.
One of the monstrous creatures turned toward the other and spoke, with a slimy monstrous tone of voice, "Congratulations. Your scouting mission was a success, Supreme Commander Kodos of the Ninth space armada."
"Why thank you, Supreme Commander Kang of the Tenth space armada. It was difficult, but after following that little girl, we managed to uncover the secret entrance." replied Kodos.
"Yes, we were able set up a trans-fictional portal device to teleport our fleet here after our soldiers sneaked through the entrance."
"After we are done with this 'Wonderland', I would like conquer a world I have just recently discovered. It would make an excellent addition to our mighty empire."
"Oh? What world would this be?" asked Kang.
"It is described in this amazing report I have just read," replied Kodos as he pulled out a book with the title, "Harry Potter", on the cover.
"Perhaps I should read this report later, after we have conquered the Red Queen's kingdom!" replied Kang as another green creature slithered over by the window.
"Ah, our report of the invasion thus far has arrived! How goes our advance? I have no doubt these primitive weaklings are cowering as we speak," said Kodos smiling.
The third creature looked nervous as it spoke, "There is a problem Supreme Commanders. Our sensors have detected fast moving, air-borne objects heading our way."
"Must be primitive air defenses, nothing to worry about. Our scouting squadron annihilated them, correct?" asked Kang.
"Actually sir, we lost contact with them and they no longer register on our sensors," replied the third creature with a nervous quiver.
"What? Our scout squadron defeated? This can't be!" exclaimed Kodos.
Suddenly a small object appeared far away through the window. As it became closer, it's pink form and white wings became clearer.
"Flying pigs! Their air defenses consist of pigs with wings! This is absurd, what use are they against our photon torpedoes and flashy light weapons? They can't possibly stand a chance against us!" exclaimed Kodos.
"Pigs? What are pigs?" asked the third creature.
Kodos looked at the third creature with anger and said, "You don't know what- First, in the tunnels, you said you never heard of dogs before, now you tell me you don't know what pigs are? We had been hiding on Earth for over a week now! There was plenty of time to learn about Earthling life forms, what is wrong with-"
The three looked out their window and were horrified to realize how big the pigs really were. One of them had managed to get within a hundred feet of the ship, and by the fact that its head was ten times the size of the vessel, and its mouth was open wide, they knew what happened to their scouting squadron.
"Quickly! We must make emergency evasive action!" commanded Kang.
The lead flying saucer dived desperately as the giant pig bit down, narrowly escaping being swallowed. Other saucer vessels were not so lucky, the few remaining saucers fired on the winged pigs with energy beams and exploding missiles. None of the saucer weapons had any effect on the flying animals. The lead ship desperately tried to fight back, but they were helpless as the dark inside of a flying pig's mouth swallowed them whole, enveloping them in a pitch black darkness. There was black everywhere, nothing but absolute darkness.
A young boy sat up from his bed with a fright. Moments earlier, he saw total darkness, now he was in his room at his comfortable familiar home. He was wearing his usual blue shorts and orange shirt when he looked around his room and did not see any one-eared rabbits, green space aliens or flying pigs.
"Ay caramba! I must have fallen asleep while I was daydreaming in bed! What a weird dream," said the boy to himself. "And it was all about Lisa's bad day in some place called Wonderland. Why did she end up dying in the end?."
The spiky-haired boy lay back down in his bed, looking up at the ceiling and said, "I hope I didn't dream that bad dream about Lisa because I felt guilty about the toilet paper in her saxophone... heh heh heh... I told her I used toilet water!" laughed the boy.
The boy heard chuckling from near the doorway to his room. He sat up and looked toward the doorway, not believing his eyes, he rubbed them. Then he rubbed them again, but he still saw an eight-foot tall, one-eared yellow rabbit wearing an orange frilly jacket, and a pair of puffy, blue, pantaloons.
"Woah! Cool man! A humongous one-eared rabbit... wait a minute," said the boy, "You look- hey, you were in my dream!"
The giant rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled.
"You did the same thing before you started to bother Lisa. You tried to lock her out of Wonderland... ha ha!" laughed the boy. "Hey, maybe I can ride you and we can go bother her together, this'll be better than the toilet paper this morning!"
The rabbit wiggled its nose and smiled again as the boy pointed at the rabbit and said "My name is Bart Simpson, and you're going to be my new pet! I'm going to use you to torture teachers at school, raid candy stores, and if there is time, maybe give rabbit back rides to my baby sister Maggie. Now, in exchange, I will let you eat all the carrots you can steal from people's gardens, sleep in my family's garage and- hey, what are you doing?"
Bart tried to move out of the way as the rabbit moved its massive head toward him. He tried scooting away on his bed, but the rabbit's head kept moving forward as its mouth opened. The boy fell off his bed and tried to crawl underneath, but before he could get his legs to safety, the rabbit's massive mouth grabbed hold of his lower body and pulled him out. Bart's body dangled from the massive rabbit's mouth as it prepared to tilt its head back.
"Stupid rabbit! Didn't you hear me? I'm your new master now, not your food!" scolded Bart, "Now put me down!"
The rest of Bart was sucked into the rabbit's mouth and with a hard gulp, he was swallowed whole. The giant rabbit tilted its head back forward, wiggled its nose, and smiled. It sat and stared out the window in Bart's room. Its single ear stood up as the sound of bicycle echoed in the distance. The rabbit stuck its head out the window and saw no bicycle. It stuck its head through the doorway of Bart's room and still saw no Bicycle. Finally, the one-eared rabbit looked out the window at the clear blue sky outside, that was speckled with patches of white fluffy clouds, and said, "Now what could that be?"
Lisa Simpson's eyes shot open to the sight of a light blue sky dotted with white, fluffy clouds. Distant sounds of churning bicycle gears filled the afternoon air. Lisa looked down and realized that she was sitting down under a green tree standing on a green lawn. An open book, with the pages facing down and spine looking up, sat on her lap. The shade of the tree blocked the sun from hitting her skin, and she rubbed her eyes as her mouth yawned by itself.
"I must have fallen asleep," said Lisa out loud, "Oh my God! The rabbit ate Bart, it- wait, that was all a dream. A crazy, absurd dream. But what if it wasn't? I didn't like what Bart did to me this morning, but I hope I didn't dream he was gobbled up by the rabbit because I want something really bad to happen to him. Where is he anyway?"
The sound of bicycle wheels turning past Lisa by as a blue-haired boy quickly said, "Hi Lisa," as he passed by. Lisa realized that it was her brother's best friend, Millhouse, riding past her on his bike. As he rode away, she realized that he was wearing a backpack, with the head of a baby penguin peeking out of the bag's top opening. Lisa rushed to her feet and followed the boy. Millhouse rode to the front door of Lisa's house and called out for Bart. The front door swung open and Bart rushed out.
"What is it Mil- Woah! A baby penguin! Cool!" exclaimed Bart.
"Yeah, the animals broke out from the zoo and I snatched it when its mom was looking away." said Millhouse.
"Hey, what's that over there?" asked Bart, pointing toward the sidewalk.
A penguin was angrily waddling toward the front door of the Simpson household at alarming speed. Bart and Milhouse ran away as the angry mother chased after them. Lisa arrived on the scene while Milhouse tossed the baby penguin up a tree as the two boys quickly climbed up its branches. The mother penguin circled the tree waiting for them to come down.
"Penguins can't climb trees, can they Bart?" asked Millhouse as it clutched the baby penguin in its arms.
"Why did you keep that baby? If you returned it, the mother would go away!" exclaimed Bart.
"But I want a pet penguin..." whined Millhouse as Bart gave him a dirty look, "Oh, okay Bart, I'll return it."
Millhouse tossed the bird back to its mother, and the larger penguin rushed to its baby. Bart tried to climb back down, but the mother bird rushed over to him and pecked at his leg, the baby penguin also rushed over, and mimicking its mother, it too pecked Bart on the leg. The boy quickly went back up the tree while the two birds continued circling the tree. Lisa, who stood watching, laughed at the two boys.
"We returned the baby, what else does it want?" cried Millhouse.
"Revenge, Millhouse. Revenge." Bart said solemnly. The two desperately looked for a way out of their situation. Bart looked over at Lisa and yelled out, "Hey! Lisa! Help us out over here!"
"I don't know Bart. I still remember what you did this morning." yelled back Lisa.
"Aw come on! I didn't even do anything wrong here! The penguins are only after me because Millhouse-"
"Millhouse didn't put wet toilet paper in my Sax and then tell me it was wet with toilet water!"
"Come on! We need help here!" yelled Bart.
"Apologize for what you did this morning, and I'll consider helping you."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I put wet toilet paper in your Sax, and I'm sorry I've been a crappy brother to you."
"And?"
"Okay.Okay. And I'm sorry I told you I wet the paper with toilet water."
"That's better."
"Well?"
"Well what Bart?"
"Well what are you going to do with these penguins?"
"You two wait right there, I just thought of something."
Lisa ran off and left the two boys in the tree. Millhouse began to slip and his leg got within reach of the birds. Both of the penguins furiously pecked at the exposed limb. Bart quickly pulled his friend back up as the boy yelled in pain. A minute later Lisa returned riding on her bicycle. She rode around the penguins, encircling them, and keeping them away from the tree. The two boys jumped down as the penguins began attacking Lisa with pecks from their beaks.
"Ow! That hurt," cried out Lisa as the birds began to chase the two boys again.
"Quick, get to our bikes Bart!" cried out Millhouse as the birds began to peck at the blue-haired boy's rear end.
Bart had already hopped on his bicycle. Millhouse ran to him and jumped on top Bart's shoulders, clutching his head with his arms and wrapping his legs around his neck.
"Get off Millhouse! And take your hands off my eyes, I can't see-ow!," complained Bart while the birds began to peck at him as he blindly rode the bicycle in circles.
"They were better off up the tree," commented Lisa, "They could probably use more of my help... then again, I've seen enough weird stuff today. I'm sure they'll find a way out of this."
Lisa turned around and went back inside her house to read a book. The one she was about to read before she unexpectedly fell asleep under a tree. Her nightmare through the strange kingdom of "Wonderland", a land ruled by the one-eared White Rabbit, was enough strangeness for one day. The bright rays of the sun shined through patches of puffy white clouds on the warm afternoon day. Under the yellow, and sometimes clouded sun, a pair of boys, on a red bicycle, rode in circles as a pair of black and white penguins, red all over with anger, chased them on a green lawn.
THE END
extra special note:
Special thanks to Fryfan for the help with the Spanish. Another round of thanks to the first three people who reviewed my last story, an Alice In Wonderland/Simpsons crossover. I would never have finished this 15000 word, Simpsons parody of AIW without the knowledge that somebody would actually read it. And thanks to you, the reader, for reading my story. Unless you skipped straight to the ending to read this, in which case, shame on you and no thanks to you at all!
-Silvertide, the master of the triple flip spinning hurricane piledriver (not! it ain't even a real move!) and the stiff arm crippler-crossface takedown counter (you better hope I never use it on you for real!)