Never let you go

'Pink, It's my new obsession...'

Great. I come here to escape from thoughts of him and some genius has to go and put this song on.

Argh... have to think of something else! Anything else!!

Pink ... flowers

Pink ... soap O.o

Pink....

... Shuichi ...

Fuck.

Now I can't help but remember, the way his large eyes looked up into mine - filled with tears that seem to come so easily when he's near me; the way he stood, his stance stooped and defeated... and I know I'm the only person who can take away his light in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder, why do I hurt him so? I know he loves me ... why, I seriously still cannot fathom. Every time he gets too close I push him away, but he still comes running back to me ... will he come running back to me this time I wonder? Glomping me with open arms, wide smiles, and those warm pools of amethyst that I could just drown in...

I did not just think that.

Oh my god.

I just went sappy didn't I?

Someone shoot me, quick.

Or better yet...

A slight tap of the glass and the guy behind the bar gives me what I want. I watch the reddish liquor pour into my glass with a look of almost animalistic hunger. The guy looks at me and chuckles, but I'm too far gone to really give a shit. I guess this is why I like this place so much. Here, I'm treated like any other bugger on the street. No screaming fans, no sneaky photographers, just an odd grunt or course laugh from the grizzled old man behind the bar.

Certainly not a place Shuichi would go to.

Shuichi with his clubs, with his dances, with his songs... his lyrics still might not be perfect but hearing him sing... its like life. No, I'm not too far gone to think I couldn't live without hearing him sing, I'm talking about the fact that he seems to put his life into it. His whole heart goes into his singing, and with Shuichi, you can be sure that's a helluva lotta heart.

But I can't help but wonder whether it will still be enough to accept me again.

My conscience laughs mockingly, while pouring several tons of guilt on top of me as the words come back ... I wince. Damn. I didn't have to be that harsh on him... But, its me, and I'm stressed up with promos upon promos, and interviews upon interviews, and deadlines upon deadlines upon even more goddamn deadlines...

And I've gotten hit by that godawful disease known as, 'Writer's Block'...

And I'm making excuses.

Because the painful fact is, I'm a bastard to Shuichi even when I don't have these things.

But why?

Maybe I'm just tensed.

Maybe I'm just overworked.

Maybe its some subconscious thing, like I want to hurt Shuichi like I was hurt before... I know he loves me like I used to love him...

And right now I'm thinking,

Maybe I've drunk too much.

So I do what anyone does when they realize that they're piss drunk.

I order another shot.

And ahh... for this one minute everything just slips away from me, and all I can focus on is that gorgeous warmth that's running down my throat, warming my icy soul...

But I know nothing can warm me like Shuichi can.

Arrghh.. at this rate, next you'll see me prancing around with flowers in my goddamn hair...

And I seriously will shoot myself if it ever comes to that.

Pfft, I guess I should be thankful that I never drink in front of the boy; if he heard half the things that have been running through my mind ...

But maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should tell him.

I snort at the thought.

Tell him what? Oh Shuichi, you're my heart, my soul, I can't live without you, don't leave me...

I nearly fall off my stool laughing.

No-one bats an eye-lid.

God I love this place.

God I love this drink.

God I love Shuichi.

O.o

And now my brain completely implodes as I suddenly realise that I might actually really do.

I mean ok, it wasn't love at first sight.

Like such a thing exists.

Trust me, if anyone's said they've experienced it, they're speaking out of their ass.

There's lust at first sight.

And attraction.

And 'I would love to be banging into that sweet ass of yours...'

Heh, and that is probably the only 'love' you can get at first sight.

That was actually more or less what I felt when I first saw him [Me? Hentai? Never... mwahahha... O.o ]. He was pretty. So very pretty, full of naivety and innocence. The epitome of idiocy, I used to think. But now... now I have to admit, maybe it was that same naivety and innocence that intrigued me.

It reminded me so much of me before him.

And what about now?

Maybe, just maybe, I might just be falling in love with that naivety and innocence I used to scorn and abhor.

Maybe, just maybe, I might just be falling in love with this androgynous beauty that embodies all of this.

And I realise that I'm a complete idiot for not realising this sooner.

I think I actually seriously love that annoyingly adorable, irritatingly sweet, exasperatingly innocent, pink haired, hyper pop-star.

I love Shuichi.

Oh look mummy, a flying pig.

I love Shuichi.

Good god, I never realised how purple grass is.

I love Shuichi.

Hmph. And now someone's going to say that I might actually have a normal life.

And...

And...

I'm talking to myself.

Judging by the coarse laughter that meets me from behind the bar, I think I've been talking out loud for some time now.

Damn.

Well this is just great. Some random stranger's found out that I'm in love with Shuichi before Shuichi himself.

And that completely defeats the point of me saying those words out loud anyway.

And I think I'm drunk.

And I should go home.

And I should speak to Shuichi...

If I don't pass out first that is.

So with a grunt, I pay up and move out. Or rather, straggle out, legs going everywhere like a new-born foal.

Ahh... Shuichi...

I'm going to make it all better, I promise.

I'm going to come home, and kiss you, and tell you I love you, and get you to go down on me...

O.O

Wow. Okay. Maybe skip the last bit. That would kinda clash with the whole baring-my-heart bit, won't it? Now if only I could stop that little part of my mind that keeps whispering that along with all that heart-baring, there'll inevitably be some 'body-baring'... along with lots of kissing, touching, sucking and pounding...

Damn.

Alcohol really does bring out the hentai in me doesn't it?

Or maybe its just Shuichi.

Shuichi with his cherry lips, soft, oh yeah, so very soft... nipping, biting, licking ...

Shuichi with his beautiful violet eyes, that scrunch up so sweetly when he moans my name...

Shuichi with his warm, tight...

Woah. Too much. I have to stop or I think I might burst with these images ...

And I don't intend bursting unless its in Shuichi himself.

Down hentai, down!!

And looking down in anger at my 'other' head while I turn a corner, [maybe if I stare hard enough, it just might go down...] that I don't notice ...

*CRASH*

And I'm on the floor.

And there's a body between my legs.

And I suddenly realise that its raining.

"Yuki..."

I look down.

Pink hair, violet eyes... sound familiar?

I look at him in the eyes and smile; not a smirk, but an honest-to-god, proper, smile.

Hmph. Fine, honest-to-god, slightly drunken smile will have to suffice for now.

Either ways, his eyes; those hypnotizing pools of amethyst [aiiee, there I go, all sappy again...] widening with shock at the sight of me.

Heh, I have to admit that right now I probably do look quite shocking.

The cold, aloof, Yuki Eiri looking like a soggy mutt, completely pissed out of his head.

And with him in my arms, I couldn't care less.

My face falls closer and my tongue brushes a trail along his wet cheeks [for once wet with something other than tears] until it reaches the sweet curve of his ear. Tracing the tip of it, my lips stop and I finally say what's been revealed to me in my drunken haze...

"Aishiteru Shuichi-kun..."

And since I suddenly feel so tired, and its just so nice to have a warm body beneath me; I snuggle in, not really caring that we're lying on a side-walk somewhere in the pouring rain.

And as my head fits in the crook of that sweet neck, the only thing I know is,

I love him.

And.. you know what? Maybe, just maybe, the world might still be normal...

And the last thing I know; before all my world slips away into comforting darkness, is that:

You're in my arms now Shuichi, back in my arms, all sweet and warm and beautiful ...

And I promise, now; from this very moment -while we're lying tangled in each other on the concrete, amidst the pounding rain - I promise, now and forever ...

I'll never let you go.

~Owari~