(A/N: Full House - which, like Shakespearean stuff, I don't own – had a finale where, among other things, 13YO Stephanie trying to do the balcony scene from "Romeo and Juliet" with a boy she's crushing on - but her little sister Michelle's teasing keeps interrupting things. Then, Michelle has a horse riding accident, & Steph feels really bad about her fight w/Michelle over Michelle's teasing. Michelle recovers, and the sisters eventually become best friends in the afterward, as some books are clearly TV Unviese and not from the Book Universe. This finale much explained and expanded in my fic "The Way We Were."

This is what might be written by Stephanie in the TVU (books are different, as RKORadio's "Just Like Family" shows, although her writing is seemingly at an even higher level in books, so given her imagination she may in the Book Universe, also.) Still, other than a bit at the start and end, it's completely "Romeo and Juliet." Well, actually, it's "Romeo and Juliet" if Juliet had a sister, but...well, read on.)

Romeo, Juliet, and Her Sister

Danny Tanner gathered the extended family around the living room. His daughter Stephanie, thirteen, anxiously stood in front of them. Her younger sister, Michelle, sat on Danny's lap. The eight-year-old had recovered recently from a fall from a horse.

Stephanie chided herself. "I'm as protective as Dad with Michelle right now; maybe more so. Dad says your mind could handle reading Maria's parts, but, I always get really excited, so maybe you can expect me to be a little anxious."

"I can't wait to hear this story," D.J., their eighteen-year-old sister said. "Are we all in it?"

"Well, really, just Michelle and I. There are differences. Kids Juliet's age weren't as crazy as I was. Well, as I still will be, but I'm putting family first from now on, and not letting anything Michelle does bother me so much."

"You might want to hurry it up. I don't know how long I can keep Nicky and Alex occupied with this game," the girls' Aunt Becky said, referring to the twin three-year-olds playing with her by one of the chairs.

'Okay, I'll skip over some things. I was just making a point about what things were like back then. Kids my age just look for boyfriends today."

"Don't worry, Steph. I'll help find boyfriends for you," Michelle chimed.

Stephanie laughed at the comical things that could result from Micelle's attempts, though groaning inwardly at the same time. "Anyway, they were marrying by my age back then. And now, before Dad breaks out in a cold sweat over that thought, why don't I read the important parts of my assignment for drama, where we had to make a twist on one thing we studied this year." With that, she began to read:

(Scene is a balcony, Juliet is looking out over the landscape, Romeo walks up to it and looks in it.)

"What light through yon window breaks. 'Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise fair sun, and... ," Romeo began.

Maria, about eight, appeared on the balcony. "Ah, my fair sister. Doth sleep also fail thee? Or is this a lover trying to win thee over?"

Juliet shook her head. "Ah, if it were only possible. Now leave us alone, Maria, and allow me to wallow in my sorrow." Maria stayed. "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo, and a Montague?"

"Romeo?" maria asked. "Is that the name which you have sung under your breath, so delightedly showing your heart, even as our father hath prepared a marriage for you to another man?"

"Maria, thou annoyest me much. Get thee hither into thy room this instant. Is not the nursery enough joy for thee, without entering into the land of we who are grown into men and women?" Juliet sighed and spoke to the sky. "Ah, me, 'twere so very simple to her. The course of love is so fabulous to me, and she dabbles in it as if it were a mere game. 'Tis not a game, 'tis true love and desire I have for Romeo." She turned again to Maria. "But please, when you depart, you mustn't let the nurse, nor anyone else, know of my love for dearest Romeo, lest it be broken asunder, for I am certain ways shall be found to be together, though our families do quarrel."

Romeo agreed. "Ah, yes, 'Tis true, our families do quarrel, but what is that name, Montague, or Capulet? What's in a name? A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet."

"The girl you desire is most wonderful," Maria agreed.

"Aye, you inform me of things already solidly in my heart. But, perhaps it is best if I leave, while Maria is here, for our love cannot yet be known. Ah, but parting is such sweet sorrow."

"Do not leave, for the affairs of lovers I do enjoy, if only to enhance my dreams of that wonderful day when I, too, shall be so blessed," maria said. "Howbeit the physical nature of such desire is to me such foolishness enow, especially because my sister doth wish your lips to meet, and her lips are most dry."

Juliet protested. "Maria, a tender dollop on the forehead is not worthy to be compared to the rich, sensational delight which is the meeting of lips between a man and a woman, and I kindly insist that you refrain from engaging in such comparisons!"

Maria turned to Romeo. "And she doth wish to engage in such activity with thou.

Romeo was worried now, and spoke in a soliloquy. "I say, the child knows more than that which could be explained away. Ah, me, our love is known, for how often doth a child of eight hear and not tell? Oh, what will the fates behold? How dangerous is this thing now, for we meet in the dark to ensure that the light of our love shall not be hindered by the dark bitterness that hath beset our families, and driven a chasm of many miles between us. Perhaps 'tis best I depart for now." He left.

"Maria, thy rantings are those of a lunatic," Julient complained. "Thou art a hindrance to my every desire. I pray God shall have mercy on thee, for I shall not." Juliet slammed the door behind her, leaving Maria on the balcony.

"I suspect that dry lips doth drive a person mad, like the waxing full of the moon. Ah, well, 'tis time to go, for the day shall break soon, and I may then enjoy the blissfulness of nature, atop my trusty steed."

The next scene is the Montague castle, Romeo performs a soliloquy as Balthazar runs in, out of breath.

"I dare say that the many affairs of the heart are most confusing. However, 'tis one thing I know, and that is that I love my dearest Juliet. Perhaps 'tis best if I contact Friar Laurence, and have him marry us immediately, so that we may flee together this madness which is our family quarrel. Ah, but here is the very man who may carry out that wish, as if Providence hath brought him hither as I thought of him. Although, it appears he doth have an important message already on his mind. What is it, Balthazar?"

Balthazar stammered, "Romeo, I am afraid I have news most distressing, though perhaps it is so that it may allow thee to meet with Juliet."

"What is it?"

"It appears that Maria hath taken a fall from her horse, and suffered a blow to the head. Though it is not known if anything is broken, she doth appear to be breathing normally, which is a good sign. The fair Juliet has gone to be by her side."

"Oh, woe is Juliet, for I suspect she will feel great remorse at her recent dispute with her sister. You are correct, Balthazar, I shall go at once to attempt to make this as a truce between my family and theirs. Direct me to where she lay."

"In the meadow. Come." They departed.

(Juliet is in a field with Maria, whose horse has run off.)

Juliet sighed. "Oh, woe is me. For the daggers of anger and wrath which I pointed at my beloved little sister have been directed back at me a thousandfold. Oh, if she doth not wake up, I shall never be able to live with the dread consequence of mine anger. For as the nurse ran to get me before running off to the apothecary, I feared so much, and rushed to be by her side. And yet, I cannot tell if she hath heard my agonizing repentance or not. For she hath been in a daze, but then closed her eyes again. What can this mean? "

Maria awakened as the nurse re-entered. "My head hurts."

"Do not move," the nurse said. "I have been to the apothecary's to fetch some salve. Do your muscles tingle? Is there any movement which feels difficult? Any part of your body lacking sensation?"

"Nay to all three, but my head feels as though a thousand elephants were rampaging through it.," Maria responded.

"That's normal. You hit your head really hard. I have been in such distress that we quarreled so much last night, and am truly sorry," Julia said mournfully.

"Your apologies are most heartily accepted. Peradventure I may inquire as to one thing. Who art thou?"

"Maria, it's Juliet."

"Thou usest two names, and the language is such that thou art most likely Juliet, meaning I am Maria. But beyond that, I am clueless as to what my being Maria entails."

"Oh, would that she and I could change places. For while she is now fully awake, troubles have appeared which do cause great distress! Whatever does that mean, nurse, that she speakest thus?"

"It is common knowledge among nursemaids that memory loss doth come with head injuries," the nurse explained. She put some ice on Maria's head as Juliet asked how long it would last. "It could last for a while. Now, 'tis best if we simply show her love, and surround her with things which will aid in her memory. Hold this on her, my dear, and I shall be back with some water. If nothing tingles or feels numb, 'twill be all right to move her in a little while, but first let her rest there, for she must not be up and around for a while. Thou shalt be with her, and that is best. Oh, what a glad thing that I happened this way!"

Romeo and Balthazar entered the meadow.

"Is this where she lay? Yes, it must be, for I spied the nurse and Juliet taking her, with Juliet holding her most tenderly," Romeo stated.

Balthazar agreed. "'Twill be best if they go to the apothecary's, for the Capulet palace is a further ride, and Maria will be better off resting."

"'Tis true, Balthazar, though art wise in many things," Romeo complimented him. "I pray thee, advise me when the nurse takes leave of them, if she does. For I must go in and see my love. For I was foolish last night, and the tender care of Juliet for Maria doth remind me that there is none so fair in Verona, nay, not in all Italy, I dare venture."

"Perhaps when they get there, 'tis best if I create a ruse that shall cause the nurse to need to depart, for Juliet doth seem most capable, and the nurse can do little. Maria's state is in the hands of God now. She may depart if I enter, for she will suggest that the Capulet patriarch be summoned," Balthazar suggested.

"Perhaps, that will at least give me time in which to make myself known to Juliet, lest the nurse be there till the girl recovers.," Romeo said.

"Wait there, I shall signal when thou mayest enter," Balthazar said.

In the apothecary's shop, Juliet sat beside Maria, who was laying on a cot. Romeo entered. "Juliet, my love. Oh, how is poor Maria, hath she awakened?" Romeo asked.

"Oh, my dearest Romeo. 'Tis so wonderful that you would come and be at my sister's side. I prayed that you would do so, I truly believed you could if you dared, which is why I asked a servant to send a note to Balthazar. But what of your family? If it is known you have come to celebrate her awakening, I doubt things will be well, though we may hope they could be. But, even so, she remembers nothing of herself or her life."

"Aye, but first, allow me to impart upon thee that which I did not do under your balcony. For my fear was foolishness, and I care not who knows of our love." They kissed.

"Oh, Romeo, you doth many times magnify my joy. But, let us seal this bond, and unite our passions, so that after this, we shall be able to steal away to a most splendid and peaceful life together." They kissed again, stopping just as Montague entered.

Montague was aghast. "Romeo?! Wherefore doth though come hither? For I desired to come to the apothecary on an errand, and here I find thee with this...this Capulet?"

Romeo rose to meet him. "Good Father, it is not as it appears. For the youngest of the Capulets, Maria here, doth remember nothing of her being a Capulet."

"Thou expectest me to believe this?' Montague asked.

"Who is that?" maria asked.

Romeo bent down to speak lowly to Juliet. "Hold thy peace, thou shalt understand soon." To Maria, he said, "He is...he is your father."

Juliet walked away in a daze. "Ah, what agony doth befall me now? For the fates have deemed that my dearest Romeo shall try to take away the sister whom I love so dearly. Unless of course, a way shall be found to prevent this. But what, what I say, if this is merely a plan to draw us together, allow us to escape? Oh, woe is me, for I need wisdom most incredible, and yet there is nobody to which I can take my concerns presently, and by the time I may be free to locate Friar Laurence, it may be too late to repair any damage I may do, if I doest the wrong thing. And then, what of Maria, who is both confused and scared, I would presume? 'Tis such a troublesome thing, this lack of memory, and it is enlarged by a plan fraught with peril. But, I suppose I must simply play along, till such time as I may peacefully ascertain some sane way of ironing out these difficulties." Juliet returned to Maria.

"Is he my father? Who are you?" Maria asked.

"He is Romeo. A Montague," Juliet explained.

Montague mused, "The idea soundest most odd, yet 'tis possible this plan, filled with folly, will be a deadly blow in our quarrel with the Capulets. Whether my Romeo hath engineered a plan most brilliant or most insane, only time will tell. However, I cannot avoid going along now, for to not do so would be to pass up a potentially fabulous opportunity."

Capulet entered and ran to Maria. "Oh, my dear Maria! Are you well?"

"My head still hurts some. And, I am curious as to the meaning of all these people that surroundest me," Maria added.

"Maria, I am your father," Capulet said.

Maria pointed at Montague. "But...I thought he was my father."

Capulet got in Montague's face. "Montague! Thou dost dare to insult me so brutally as to take my very flesh from me! 'Tis a fate so terrible, I cannot envision that one would dare think it, it is filled with evil from the bottomless pit, a deceit so vile that no man would dare think it without being possessed by some terrible demon."

Montague countered. "Thou are quite mad, I tell you, for you come hither to take my daughter for no other reason than to spitefully destroy what I have. For I came hither first, and it should be obvious to her that it is I who art her rightful father."

"Thou speakest nonsense, I challenge you to a duel over this matter!" Capulet declared. "We shall then be done with this miserable stench once and for all! For your heart is that of Old Scratch himself; thou art the devil's right hand man, to attempt to steal a child int his way."

Juliet held up her hands. "Gentlemen, please...!"

Montague wouldn't listen. "Very well, I shall gladly engage in this activity! For a thousand injuries I have felt at your hands. But, when you venture upon insults such as these, I must accept the challenge!"

"Gentlemen, please! Shall we not talk this over with the Friar?" Juliet pleaded.

Capulet shook his head. "Nay, not except that we allow him to be the referee of our duel."

Romeo spoke as the others left the stage. "Oh, woe is me. For my actions are those of one far too rash. For while the cunning Juliet may have had some plan, I acted so boldly as to venture into the realm of the brazen, the presumptuous masses who dabble in things from which they shan't extract themselves from readily.
Oh, would that Maria not have fallen. Yet I have seen now the horrors of my ways, and I am altogether certain that had Maria not fallen, Juliet would have engaged in some plant hat I would have jumped into, as well, without thinking of anything else. Perhaps she would have fallen asleep and I thought her dead, who knowest? But now, I have caused great sorrow even int he land of the living.
Oh, woe is me. For now, even now, Juliet plans to send for the Friar. I shall endeavor to meet with him first, after going home with my father, Montague, so that he may marry Juliet and I. But, what then, after this secret ceremony? Is there a way to prevent this rivalry from pouring over into even more wretchedness than there is now? For this hath shown Juliet something that neither of our families have picked up, save for Juliet and myself. That any evil done may be undone with the sincerity of an apology, humility of the soul, and the passage of time. But, one death pre-empts all three, and in this life prevents any pain from completely going away. And therefore, while we are alive, we must endeavor to prevent things from happening which break relationships, lest death doth intervene, and smite things so forcefully that we may never recover.
Oh, may our families not see this duel end in a death, for that may make the chasm split forever.

(Juliet and Maria are in a stable, Juliet helping Maria onto a horse and getting on herself.)

Maria stated, "I still find it strange how those men doth quarrel."

"My dearest Maria, think not of the quarrel, think of the love shown in the secret marriage you witnessed between Romeo and myself. For those men, Capulet and Montague, doth quarrel often," Juliet said.

"That seems like something I should remember. But, at least you are always nice."

"Yes." She sighed, and spoke to herself. "Would that it were so."

"There is something about riding, with you at my back. Did not the apothecary say it might be dangerous to do this so soon after my accident, though?"

"Only if you fall, and I shall not let you. I have hold of you very tight," Juliet pledged.

"Almost too tight. Thou squeezest me as a bear. And yet, this doth seem vaguely familiar, as we right here. It is as if I am remembering...did you not teach me to ride?"

"Why, yes, yes I did!"

"I thought so. You're a nice sister."

Juliet spoke joyfully. "Oh, the fortunes have smiled on me, the Lord hath shown me mercy, for my sister doth recall that we are such, the eternal, loving bond hath not been broken. Oh, why did I ever choose to abandon it over such filthy, worldly lusts, for in nearly losing it I have seen that I cannot do without that wonderful thing called family.
And yet, my family doth have such a mighty quarrel with another, and that quarrel may soon lead to death. If only Friar Laurence or the Prince of Verona can manage to mediate this dispute. Or, perhaps Maria hath remembered the identity of her father. That will save us much trouble, I pray. Tell me, Maria, doth thou recall anything else?"

"Nay, merely that thou art a nice sister."

Juliet sighed "Aye, well, it is enough. Do not worry, my sweet, for it is enough." She looked up and spoke. "But, what of my Romeo?"

Romeo and Balthazar entered the friar's office. The friar spoke quickly. "It is good of you two to come. Juliet has already approached me. Sadly, I felt I had the answer to determining which was the rightful mother, and thus the rightful father. But even giving the men the choice of Solomon's women, cutting Maria in two, the hatred is such that each would rather do that than let the other have her."

"Friar Laurence, my father believes I am coming to see you to investigate if some way may be worked out to end this duel. However, I truly wish to steal away with Juliet," Romeo said.

"As does she; she and I have spoken of this," the friar said.

"Good. But, first, I fear I may forever have blood on my hands; for it was my rash decision to claim that Maria was my sister that sparked this outrageous mess," Romeo admitted.

"Do not blame yourself, for your families have been mortal enemies for so long, nobody remembers what started this mess," Friar Laurence told him.

"But, I seek to end it. Let me fight in my father's place!" Romeo suggested.

"Nay," the friar said with a shake of his head. "Thou makest the former error worse with this one. Seemest thou several bricks shy of a load," he admonished, "for there should be no reason for a duel in the first place. However, he has already chosen a second, as has Mister Capulet. The Prince is away on business, meaning he cannot see to the affair; therefore it has even fallen upon me to referee this matter. Loathsome as it is, it is their choice."

"But, what shall we do? For if my father dies, still I shall not be allowed to see Juliet, for I shall be smitten with the reputation of one whose father tried to steal Maria. Yet if Capulet dies, will the rest of his family not rise up and prevent both Juliet and Maria from ever coming near me again? Indeed, while killing so far has not been allowed in this fight, it may be that they shall rise up and kill me!"

The friar agreed. "Yes, quite. Which is why I must suggest that you two sneak away together - with Maria."

"With...Maria?"

"Presently, Juliet is the only one Maria recalls. If I examine her, and deem that she must spend some time in the country, away from this fight, perhaps they will be able to go to Mantua," the friar suggested.

"But they do not know of our secret marriage, and Juliet is betrothed to another."

"That is a problem, for Maria would go with him and Juliet. However, if is announced publicly that the two of you have married..."

"Friar, thou art mad!" Romeo declared. "I would be an outcast!"

Balthazar finally spoke. "If I may, Master Romeo, I would ask whether thou wouldst rather be a live outcast or a dead Veronan."

"Aye, perhaps that is the only option," Romeo considered. "For if Juliet doth fake her own death, as I have pondered could have been done, their family would blame me even more, and I would be twice as likely to be a dead Veronan. Therefore, it is best if I were a live outcast. And such shall bring the families together."

"Good. We shall make the announcement at the start of the duel tomorrow. Before I toss down the handkerchief," the friar said.

The entire cast was together, with Romeo, Juliet, and Maria hidden in a clump of trees. Friar Laurence was in the center, and Capulet and Montague each held swords, prepared to duel.

"Before we proceed, I would like to ensure that thou art understanding of the decision I have made upon the examination of Maria?" Friar Laurence inquired.

Capulet nodded. "Yes. It is totally acceptable that she go off with Juliet for a short time with Juliet's husband."

"That she shall," the friar agreed.

"As long as it isn't with that blasted Montague!" Capulet declared.

The friar continued. "I take it by your tone that you have chosen, but I must ask the both of you one final time if you prefer to humbly offer your apology for these insults. "

Capulet pointed his sword at Montague. "It is he who must apologize for trying to steal my daughter!"

Montague was starting to reconsider, knowing it was Romeo's idea. "It will be my pleasure to see you die, I shall not besmirch my honor by backing down from the challenge of a duel. However, if I must, then I am sorry that..."

Romeo came out of hiding. "Wait, wait. It is all my fault. I am the one who suggested that the family claim that Maria is ours."

"that is no matter, it is this man's blood that should be shed,' Capulet declared.

"Capulet, give the man his say. He may wish to end this matter," the friar insisted.

"I had to," Romeo said, "for I needed an excuse as to why I was with the one who is now my wife."

Friar Laurence spoke as Capulet seethed. "There, see, we have it all settled..."

"Your wife!" Capulet turned to Montague. "Montague, you...you...I shall not accept apology for this!" he swiped at him with his sword, Romeo ducked out of the way and went by Juliet. "First you try to steal Maria, now Romeo has been betrothed to Juliet! Off with your head!"

"Capulet, your daughter is the love-starved one, my Romeo is a fine, upstanding…" He swiped and missed as they began to duel. "…young man of Verona…who only needs to learn not to marry the likes of your daughter!"

Friar Launence held up his hands. "Gentlemen, please, though behavest as the lowest of the low, not as the nobles of Verona shall!"

"No right-thinking noble would ever think his son an upstanding citizen who doth prevent my daughter from marrying into a worthy family!" Capulet protested.

Montague countered, "No right-thinking noble would make such hideous accusations, and then have the gall to begin a duel before it was officially announced we had begun!"

They stabbed each other and fell, hurt but not dying, as the prince entered. Romeo, Juliet, and Maria walked up to them as he spoke.

The prince was totally shocked. "Montague, Capulet, what have you done! Friar, what manner of duel is this? I came hither as fast as I could when I learned of this incident, and here I find two of my finest nobles behaving as scoundrels? Quick, fetch medics immediately!" Several people ran off to get help.

"It's a long story," Juliet said.

Maria spoke to Capulet. "I was quite worried when I saw that man attacking you, father. I hope you can recover."

"Maria, you remember that you are a Capulet?" Juliet asked anxiously.

"Why talkest thou so happily with me? Your voice was filled with scorn on the balcony."

Julia picked her up and swung her around. "Oh, this is so joyous, she recalls something from only a couple nights ago!"

"Dost thou still love Romeo? And, what has been the cause of this mess?" Maria asked.

"Maria, you fell off your horse and hit your head; and couldn't remember anything," Juliet told her.

"I did? I do not recall. Peradventure, that may explain why I do not recall anything, since I went off to ride."

Romeo spoke again. "Oh, 'tis truly a wheel of fortune on which we live, for in the midst of this bloodshed and carnage, I can live safely with the knowledge that my dearest Juliet's sister hath recovered. Pity, though, that I must live here with such misery."

"Yes, yes...perhaps while these wounds heel, 'tis best you depart, you and she, with maria, so she may recover more readily," the friar suggested.

The prince tried to piece things together in his mind, and decided that the friar would know best what was going on. "Take her, all three of you go, for this evil which doth beset your houses may well seep down to you, as well. For I fear that these men, though they shall recover in time, shall require some time to lick their wounds totally. And then, when these problems have died down, in another year or two, thou mayest return."

"So we shall all be outcasts?" Juliet asked.

"Outcasts," the friar said, "but having chosen love over the fleeting fires of this hatred. They shall die down when it is remembered you three comprise a happy family elsewhere."

Several days later, Stephanie returned home and shouted joyfully as she held her paper. "I got an A!"

"That's awesome, honey," Danny said as he looked up from dusting.

Michelle ran up to her. Stephanie embraced her joyfully and said, "Michelle, you're really an inspiration. Thanks."

"That sure was a funny way to help Maria get her memory back," Michelle told her.

"The teacher gives high marks for originality. But, I really can see Romeo and Juliet doing that, and the families reacting that way, since the feud was that bitter. It sure is a lot better than the tragedy that did happen."

"Why did the families start fighting anyway?" Michelle wanted to know.

Stephanie plopped her bookbag down on the couch and sat beside it, while putting the paper on the coffee table. Michelle sat on her other side, and Stephanie put an arm around her. "I guess they forgot how to love, how to care about people no matter what. Just like I'd been doing the time leading up to your accident. Life is way more important than petty arguments; and, after the accident, and Romeo and Juliet's marriage, the families would remember that, and learn to care about each other, eventually. And, I'm so glad we'll always remember that, too." They embraced.