Juubei, Kadsuki thought, would have to get an apartment next to his.
His apartment wasn't the best; it still had traces of the squatters who lived there before the government cleared them out, but it was cheap and boasted air conditioning in the summer. There was no heating, so when winter came he'd have to bundle up--but still, it was a place to live. A place to call home.
The Infinite Castle was no place for Juubei. In Infinite Castle, there were no doctors, except for good old Gen, who saved Juubei's life in the first place. There was war and bloodshed and over it all, the gods of Babylon City stretched out their unseen fingers. Kadsuki didn't want that for Juubei. He'd broach the topic today. He had been hesitant before, because Juubei had still been ill, but Gen told him he was getting better, and would soon be back to his normal self.
As much as that was possible, of course.
The residents of the Lower City stayed away from the chime of Kadsuki's catbells as he approached Gen and Ren's pharmacy. It was a dark, stormy day, clouds gathering up in the sky like a dark omen, swelling above the sharp spier of Babylon City. Kadsuki saw Ginji today. When it had rained earlier this morning, he had been out in it, playing and laughing and splashing Midou Ban, who had ventured out of the dry haven of Honky Tonk to watch him. Ginji was in his element in rainstorms. They swelled and filled and vibrated to his command. Kadsuki could tell it made Ginji feel alive.
As for Midou Ban himself, he had laughed right along with Ginji, scooping up water and catching him in the face. Himiko, sitting next to Kadsuki, had shaken her head and smiled. "He hates rain," she'd said.
Kadsuki looked up at the sky. It would be a bad storm; the scent of ozone and rain choked the air, humming to release their anger. He pulled his jacket up around his chin and picked up his pace.
The storm caught him halfway to Gen's anyway, and he was soaked by the time he opened the door and slipped inside the pharmacy. Kadsuki slipped off his jacket and shook the rain from his hair, ruffling it dry. The small building was warm and dry, a relief from outside, where the howling winds were taking a cuttingly cold edge. Kadsuki rubbed his arms and looked around. Gen and Ren were not here, and the room had a sense of stillness about it. Kadsuki leaned over a table, and punched the bell sitting on it. No one came. He rang it again.
"All *right,* hold *on,* we have things to *do,* you know--" Ren came barrelling in from the other room, looking ready to rampage, but stopped when she saw him. Blood bloomed in her face. "Kads--Kadsuki-san! Oh my gosh, you're soaking wet!" She hurried over to him and took his jacket, tossing it up on a hangar to dry.
"Thank you, Ren," said Kadsuki. The look on her face made him smile. Kadsuki was not blind to awe, had seen many kinds of it, and neither was he blind to the hint of more than just hero-worship in her eyes. He didn't know much about Ren's past, but he could guess that she hadn't had much contact with men, especially men like himself. He had been like that, once upon a time; so he couldn't really blame her for fixating on him.
"K-Kadsuki-san, is there something you need? Why are you back here?" Ren propped her elbows up on the table and fixed her wide eyes on him. "Is something the matter?"
"No, nothing's the matter. Gen-san just told me he would be treating Juubei today. Are they here?"
"Oh--yeah." Ren turned away from him quickly, sticking her hands in her pockets, and nodded her head at the door. "They're in there. They're almost done, I think."
"Thank you, Ren." Kadsuki brushed past her as he went through the door, and didn't miss her quick exhalation. He closed the door behind him and smiled.
The old pharmacist didn't even look up, just waved a hand at him. "Sit down, Kadsuki. We're almost through."
Kadsuki sat down on the bed across from Juubei's. Juubei was facing him, eyes closed, body stoically tensed. A number of small acupuncture needles were inserted at various points, marked by little blossoms of blood where they had gone in. His hair was brushed back to reveal two needles in his temples, and a trickle of blood from each point. Gen reached out and rotated them, and Juubei's eyes tightened.
"How is it, Gen-san?" Kadsuki asked quietly, and immediately felt a little foolish for speaking into the silence.
Gen tapped another one. "Quite well. His nerve endings are almost completely healed--his pain should be gone."
"Oh."
Gen turned one eye on him. "I do not have the talent or the resources to cure his blindness, Kadsuki," he said. "It was unwise to get your hopes up."
"Yes," said Kadsuki, "of course."
"There we are, Juubei-kun, we're all done."
Juubei's eyelashes flickered as Gen removed each of the needles, wiping his skin with a wet cloth; then Juubei lifted his hands to his eyes, and touched them gently. "It doesn't hurt."
He hadn't told Kadsuki his eyes had been paining him. Kadsuki turned away, grabbing another cloth and dipping it into the wash basin. "Here, let me help," he said, pressing the cloth to Juubei's temples. "The blood's still there."
Juubei sat placidly as he removed the blood. Kadsuki lingered for a few seconds more than necessary, running the cloth over the inflamed skin around Juubei's eyes, the caked-up dried tears at the corners, the bruised, purpleish color of Juubei's eyelids. Juubei's eyes under his lids never moved once. Kadsuki squeezed the cloth and touched his skin one more time, then pulled away from him. "Done," he said. "Gen-san, may I do his bandages?"
"Of course." Gen handed him the roll.
He swept the fine lines of Juubei's hair out of the way, putting the end of the bandage beside Juubei's left eye, then rolling the bandage around his head. He wrapped it a few times around, and once more to be safe, and tied a tight knot to complete the bandage. "How much longer will they be sensitive to light?" he asked, tugging at the bandage to make sure it was tight.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Gen take his chin in his hands, and shake his head. "Hard to say," he said. "I would guess a few more days, but there is always a margin of uncertainty with injuries such as these."
"Thank you," said Juubei as Kadsuki pulled his hands away. He reached up and touched the bandage himself. "I'm grateful, Gen-san."
Gen waved his hand, but he looked pleased. "Don't mention it, Juubei-kun. Healing is my profession, I take joy in it."
The roll of bandage and package of needles were taken away under Ren's hands; Kadsuki hadn't noticed her come in, but then he remembered that Juubei's head had tilted, once, as an animal's does when it hears or senses something. Kasduki watched her put away the equipment in a cabinet. She worked quickly, efficiently, and Kadsuki recognized with a start her competency. She was Gen's granddaughter, after all--his student.
Juubei had worked the same way. Often, sham doctors had come to their village, telling wild tales of immortality and super strength for the Fuuchoin line; Kadsuki had watched them as they had worked, and noticed how different they were from Juubei with their extra flourishes, the waving of hands and the chanting of words. Juubei had never done such things. When Kadsuki had a headache, he would simply reach out, grab his arm, feel his temples; then put a needle in precisely the right spot. He never spoke while doing it, other than murming a few words of comfort, and his movements were economic. Gen and Ren were the same.
It had been a long time since Juubei had done those things for him. In Infinite Castle, Kadsuki hadn't let him use his needles for anything other than fighting. He wondered, now, if Juubei had regretted it, not just that Kadsuki had pulled away from him like that, but that he no longer had a chance to practice medicine. He would never perform it on anyone else.
"Now, Juubei-kun," Gen was saying, "keep those bandages on whenever you are exposed to bright light. Candlelight and lamplight are fine, but if it pains you, put them back on." He pressed a tube of cream into Juubei's hand. "In five days, come back to see me, and we'll see about taking them off."
Juubei closed his fingers around the tube, and inclined his head. "Thank you, Gen-san."
Kadsuki took Juubei's wrist, keeping his grip light, and led him to the door.
"Kadsuki-san!"
"I'll wait for you," said Juubei, and pulled away from him. Kadsuki watched as the door closed behind him. He turned back to Ren.
The girl blushed, but said, without stammering, "Kadsuki-san, will you come out to the balcony with me?" She jabbed her thumb at a set of sliding doors behind them. "I want to talk to you."
It was still raining, but a wide awning protected them from most of it, though some scattering rain misted their faces. Next to him, Ren leaned her arms on the railing and looked out across Infinite Castle. Kadsuki watched her eyes roam and rove, devouring the landscape hungrily, glorying in her sight. He looked away, back at the sky: the roiling clouds, the sheeting rain, the purple-and-white flash-motion show of the storm.
"Kadsuki-san...." Ren fiddled with a loose thread on her jacket.
Kadsuki said gently, "Yes, Ren?"
"I..." She fisted her hands, then turned to look at him. "I can't leave Infinite Castle," she said. "I want to, but I can't." A self-depracating smile tugged at her lips. "I guess that means--I'm just a toy of the gods of the Castle." She leaned back on the railing. There was a long pause.
"I always knew you were strong," she said abruptly. "I liked all the members of VOLTS--but you were--I don't know, I could tell you were special. Something about how soft you looked, but whenever I saw you, I could see your hardness in your eyes."
"I think you're attributing too much to me, Ren...."
"No! No, I'm not. Kadsuki-san... you don't belong here," she said, sweeping her hand out over the dirty streets, "in this place. I always knew that. I wasn't surprised when you left. You're strong... I wish... I could be that strong."
Kadsuki pressed his lips together. "Ren," he said, "if you don't think you are, you never can be."
She smiled. "Thank you... Kadsuki-san. That sounds like something you would say."
They stood in silence, watching the storm. Kadsuki put out his hands and the rain splashed on them and over them, running down his arms, pooling in the depressed areas of his skin. Infinite Castle through a cloud of rain was almost beautiful, an otherwordly place. Unreal.
Kadsuki closed his eyes.
"Kadsuki-san..." Ren grabbed his arms. Startled, Kadsuki looked down at her. She was shorter than he and slender, not tall and broad, and her eyes--her vital, moving, alive eyes--were vulnerable.
His bells chimed as she leaned up and kissed him.
They had moved a little from the protection of the awning; the rain poured down around them. Ren had moved her arms around Kadsuki's neck, pressed herself against him; she was young and naive and had never been kissed; her lips were wet and awkward against his. Water ran down both their faces, made their lips slippery and Ren's arms dripping, cold.
They both jumped when a lightning bolt cracked close to them, setting up a sound not unlike a gunshot. Kadsuki pulled away and took a step back. Ren just raised her chin, unrepentant, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Kadsuki-san...." She sighed, stuck her hands in her pockets and looked off at the storm. "I wonder, is that what the outside world tastes like?"
Kadsuki ran his tongue over his teeth. The taste of metal coated his mouth.
====
Juubei was soaking wet, standing outside in the rain with no protection. Kadsuki closed the door quietly, but Juubei turned his head and said, "Are you ready?"
"Yes," Kadsuki said. "Let's go to my apartment, all right?"
Juubei raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were going to take me back to Makubex's....?"
"I changed my mind. Let's go."
Juubei's hands were in his pockets; Kadsuki pulled one of his arms out, and gripped it so that Juubei was close to his side. "Don't worry, I won't let you get lost."
"I wasn't worried."
The streets were choked with water. Kadsuki maneuvered through them carefully, but they still got their feet wet and their clothes sodden. The only dry spot on his body was his left shoulder, where Juubei pressed against him.
In his apartment complex, Kadsuki fished for his key, cursing impatiently when his fingers got caught in the heavy wetness of his pants. Juubei stood next to him with his head cocked to Kadsuki, listening to him. At last, he found the key, got his mail, and ushered Juubei into his apartment.
"Welcome home," Kadsuki said, tossing his mail onto the counter.
Juubei stood unmoving, his head still tilted. Kadsuki leaned on the counter and absorbed the sight, Juubei in his apartment, in his home, wet and dripping, hair falling into his eyes, bandages already askew over his eyes. Something in his throat caught and Kadsuki turned aside, going over to the air control. "It's cold, isn't it?" he asked over his shoulder, fiddling with the buttons. "I don't have a heater, so I guess we'll just have to suffer while this storm lasts. We should be fine, right?"
"Aa." Juubei moved slowly into the apartment, walking carefully, cautiously, body poised for any sudden contact. "Kadsuki...."
His windows were open; the curtains blew wildly with the wind, billowing out like a parachute. Kadsuki cursed and hurried to shut it. "Damn, now my floor's all wet." He sat back on his heels and surveyed the large wet spot underneath his window. "I'm too careless."
"Kadsuki," Juubei said again.
"Hmm, Juubei?"
"Look at me, Kadsuki."
The rain tapped on the windowpane. Beyond the glass, the real world waited for the storm to pass, Infinite Castle a towering black gem in the heart of Shinjuku. Kadsuki looked at Juubei, and Juubei stared off into space, the world a dark and meaningless mass to his eyes. "Yes, Juubei?" Kadsuki whispered.
Juubei stepped closer to him, head cocked, finding his way by hearing. When they were close enough to touch, Juubei tilted his head even further; reached out, and touched Kadsuki's arm. "Kadsuki...." he said, on an exhalation, and repeated himself. "Kadsuki."
Kadsuki closed his eyes and touched his hand to Juubei's face, touching the bandages, running his fingers over the smooth, sharp plane of Juubei's cheekbone, down his nose, to his lips and his chin. He stopped at Juubei's neck, and leaned his forehead against Juubei's shoulder. "Juubei," he murmured, "you haven't changed."
He heard the frown in Juubei's voice. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Close your eyes." A hand ghosted the back of his neck, brushed away the queue of his hair and touched the exposed skin, a cold whisper of touch. "Don't do that. Look at me, Kadsuki. See for both of us."
Kadsuki clenched his eyes shut. "I don't want to," he said fiercely. "It's not fair that I can... that I took that away from you. If you can't, then I...."
Strong arms pushed him away, held him still when Kadsuki tried to struggle. Kadsuki could have broken free, but he stood still to see what Juubei would do. It'd often been a game between them, as they were both so strong, this relinquishing of control, this show of trust in the other: a reaffirmation of their partnership and their bond. Juubei's hands touched his ribs, this time, and circled around him to rest on his stomach, holding him lightly. Juubei pressed their bodies together, cradling Kadsuki into his chest; again, a ghosting touch on Kadsuki's neck, this time of lips. Kadsuki dropped his head forward and let out his breath in slow, tiny increments.
"It's the gods' retribution," Juubei murmured, breath pricking Kadsuki's skin. "Yes, in so many ways, and for so many things...."
"Juubei." Kadsuki tried to twist around to see his face, but Juubei held him firm. "Don't say that! You're wrong."
Juubei held him for a long moment. Kadsuki squeezed his eyes tighter and listened to the sounds around him: Juubei's breathing, slow, even, healthy; the rain against the window and on the ceiling, dancing down the walls; the click of the air conditioner.
"Open your eyes, Kadsuki."
Juubei's hands linked with his, and tightened.
"See for me."
====
In his tiny bedroom, Kadsuki had a statue of Lakshmi. He watched Juubei stumble unintentionally on it and at first run his hands perfunctorily over it; then Juubei sat down, head cocked downward, and took the statue in his hands and felt every groove, every line, every curve and every feature.
Kadsuki sat on the edge of the bed and put his chin in his hands. "That's Lakshmi," he said softly.
Juubei touched the little statute's four hands. "Aa."
Kadsuki had left the bedroom window open, letting the sound and feel of the storms fill the room. Scratching his arm, sticky from rain, Kadsuki got up and cradled himself around Juubei, arms on Juubei's and legs around his, keeping one ear cocked to the thunder outside. He touched the little statue, disturbing the droplets of water pooled in its cracks and depressions.
"I'm not familiar with Hindu mythology," Juubei said slowly.
"Ah? Something you're not good at?" Juubei snorted, and Kadsuki smiled into his neck. "Lakshmi is the consort of Vishnu. I don't really know much about it, either, but... she is the patron of fortune, love and beauty. As Vishnu's consort, she incarnates with him every time he does. They are always together, in every lifetime."
Juubei set the statue down. "Kadsuki."
"Yes?"
"I asked you to see for me. And you told me what you saw."
"Yes." Kadsuki had told him: beauty and strength, discipline and intelligence, devotion and dedication.
"Let me tell you what I see."
Kadsuki blinked as Juubei turned in his grip so that they were facing. Juubei put his hands to his bandages and slowly began unraveling them. They fell away to reveal Juubei's closed eyes and the raw, bruised skin around them. Kadsuki caught his breath. "Juubei... don't...."
When Juubei's eyes opened, they were so different that, for a moment, Kadsuki scarcely recognized them. The pupils were clouded over to a pale cream color, with only a hint of the gray irises showing through. The eyes did not move at all, just stared straight forward: blank, dead.
Then Kadsuki touched them, gently, and they flickered.
He dropped his hands, and Juubei raised his. "I see...." his bodyguard said, "your face." Juubei chuckled. "The face that I thought was a girl's, at first. That face has changed, Kadsuki. It's become stronger. I see the masculinity...." Juubei touched his nose and his cheekbones. "And the femininity, as well." He ran his hands over Kadsuki's lips. "I can see every one of your expressions. Your anger when I betrayed you, your sadness when you defeated me, your tears as you cried over me... someone foolish and weak, like me."
"Juubei...."
"Your bells." Juubei tweaked them and the chime filled the room, a high pure sound, counterpart to the low purr of thunder in the distance. "The strength of the Fuuchoin line. I watched you train to use that strength, but I never realized until that day how strong you had become, because somehow, the Fuuchoin was all I had been able to see. I didn't see you, Kadsuki. Kadsuki... not Fuuchoin Kadsuki, not Ito no Kadsuki... you tell me that this is not the gods' retribution, that I could only see you once I had been blinded?"
Kadsuki dropped his head onto Juubei's shoulder and closed his eyes past the burn. "You always saw more than I did."
"All I can see is you."
Kadsuki shook his head.
"Kadsuki...." Juubei touched his hair, carding through some of the loose strands. "I hate myself, that I do this to you...."
Kadsuki sniffed and wiped his nose. "You should. You should save such talk for a woman. I shouldn't... I...."
"There will never be anyone else."
"Don't be foolish."
"I'm not," said Juubei, brow creasing. "I pledge myself to you and only you, Kadsuki. I am the last of my line, and that is how it should be."
Kadsuki clutched at his back and gritted his teeth around the tears.
====
Juubei liked his tea strong. To the backdrop of the rain, Kadsuki brewed a pot, resting his chin on the counter to watch the golden-greenish liquid shudder and steam. "Juubei," he called, "come taste this and see if it's the way you like it."
In his apartment, Juubei moved tentatively; he still didn't know the layout. He kept one hand on the wall as he followed his nose to the tea. Kadsuki eased a cup into his hands and he blew on it, then sipped, and set it back down. "A little more," he said.
Kadsuki nodded and put the pot back to brew some more. "I thought so," he said, giving it a stir, "but I wanted to check. Are you all right? Do your eyes hurt? It's not too bright in here, is it?"
A corner of Juubei's mouth tilted. "Kadsuki, you have one lightbulb. It's not too bright."
Kadsuki looked over at it dismally; it was already running out. "I really suffered from the IL job," he sighed, putting the pot on the counter and getting out some teacups. "Ever since then, I've had to take small jobs to make up for the loss." He poured a cup and pressed it into Juubei's hands. "There you go."
They sat on the couch under the dimming lightbulb, sipping their tea, their legs bumping close together. "I've been thinking about you, you know," said Kadsuki.
Juubei raised his eyebrows into his teacup. "Oh?"
"Yes, and about myself, as well. If I don't start paying the rent regularly on this dump, I could get kicked out. So I thought... it might help if I had someone to help me with the payments." Kadsuki toyed with the stem of his cup. "Not that I can't do it myself, of course--"
"Of course." Juubei stifled a sound in his teacup, a snort. Kadsuki slapped his shoulder and hid his own smile beneath the rim of his cup.
When the tea was gone, Kadsuki got out the roll of bandages and the cream Gen had given them. He squirted a dollop on his fingers and rubbed it onto the skin around Juubei's eyes, massaging it into the pores. Gingerly, he probed Juubei's closed eyelids. "That doesn't hurt?"
"Not anymore."
"You didn't told me it had been."
"I didn't want to worry you."
"I wouldn't have been worried." Kadsuki rolled the bandages around his eyes, then reached around his head and tied a knot at the back. "Is that tight enough?"
"Aa, it's perfect." Juubei reached up and touched it. "Forgive me, Kadsuki."
"What for?" Kadsuki asked, stuffing the supplies under the couch so Juubei wouldn't step on them.
"I am your Kakei. I am yours, not the other way around. You should have let me die rather than leave me to be a burden on you."
Bent over the couch, Kadsuki paused. Then he straightened up and reached out a hand to Juubei's bandages; moved closer, and wrapped his arms around his neck. "You're so old-fashioned, Juubei."
At first Juubei was silent; then, quietly, he chuckled. "I was naive."
"Mm. We both were... but I liked you that way." He stroked Juubei's hair away from the bandages and pressed his face into his shoulder. "Stay with me, Juubei."
Lightly, like the touch of a butterfly to the fingers, Juubei's hands settled on his hips. "All right."
The way Juubei moved was... different. Juubei had never been rough or impatient, but he had had a quiet confidence in himself, as if sure that the world would bend to him. Now, when Juubei pressed him to the couch, he lingered where once he would have moved forward; slowly lifting one of Kadsuki's hands and, inch by inch, moving his fingers down Kadsuki's arm. The other followed, torturously slow as Juubei mapped Kadsuki's body, not by sight, but by feel, sound, and taste.
As he eased into Kadsuki, Juubei's hands came up and framed his face, stroking his cheekbones and sliding down to rest on his mouth. Then he bent down, replacing fingers with lips, and Kadsuki's eyes slipped closed as they kissed, Juubei's tongue slipping in to stroke against his, sucking, warm, wet. This had not changed; here, one did not need sight.
"Juubei," he hissed when they pulled apart. "Don't leave me again."
Juubei bumped their foreheads together.
====
Kadsuki watched as Gen peeled the bandages from Juubei's eyes, murmuring and clucking as he peered critically at the eyes and skin. "Very good," he said at last. "The skin has regrown and your eyes have healed as much as they will. I'm very pleased with your progress."
Kadsuki, perched on the table, said nothing. Juubei bowed his head to Gen and said, "Thank you, Gen-san. The cream--did you make it yourself?"
"Mmm." Gen prised apart one of Juubei's eyelids and shone a tiny light into the pupil. "I did. It's made from several herbs and creams that don't grow here in Infinite Castle, so it's very valuable to me now." He clicked the light off. "No stimulus response. That's to be expected."
Kadsuki fingered his bell, and the chime chorded in the quiet of the room. "Gen-san," he cut into the pharmacist's words, "will he see again?"
Gen tossed the light onto the table and let go of Juubei's face. "Do you want the truth, Kadsuki, or shall I tell you what you want to hear?"
Kadsuki flushed and let go of the bell.
"He will never see again."
Outside, the sky had finally cleared after several days of steady rain. Kadsuki looked up at the sky, shielding his eyes from the sun, and smiled at Juubei. "It's a beautiful day. Finally. I was beginning to think the rain would never stop."
"Mmm." Juubei slid his sunglasses back on.
"Maybe now I can get outside and fix that window. It's always coming open. Will you help me?"
"Kadsuki."
Kadsuki leaned against the side of the building, and looked at him. "Yes, Juubei?"
"It's all right. Don't worry about it."
Kadsuki took his arm and they began walking. The air was still full of rain; it coated the skin, seeped into the pores. Overhead, the sky was the watercolor-bright color that came of emptying its belly of moisture. "Do you remember what happened after we ran away?"
The downward slant of Juubei's eyebrows told Kadsuki he did.
"What did they tell you?"
Juubei shrugged. "That you'd never be the same; it had been too traumatic for your mind to handle."
Kadsuki nodded, remembering those times. He had fainted shortly after leaving his family's ancestral lands, and Juubei had carried him to the closest village, over three days' walk away. He remembered nothing for a month; the time between his fainting, and waking up fully healed and refreshed was a complete blank. Juubei had told him enough for Kadsuki to guess that that month had not been kind to Juubei and him. "But you never gave up on me," he said quietly. "You were determined to help me. And you did. It's because of you that I'm here today."
Juubei was silent.
"You *will* see again. I promise you, Juubei." Kadsuki pressed his fingers. "You'll see the Volts gather again, and Inifinite Castle become a happier place. Hell, you'll see me get old and gray. I won't stop until you're healed, and I'll never let anyone tell me otherwise. I'll never let them tell me what they told you: that I was a lost cause. That you should leave me. So stop being ridiculous."
He looked over at Juubei in time to see the hint of a smile, quickly hidden. Kadsuki ducked his head and smiled, too. At home, he had herb teas for Juubei to drink; obscure martial practices for Juubei to try; and acupuncture to learn.
His apartment wasn't the best; it still had traces of the squatters who lived there before the government cleared them out, but it was cheap and boasted air conditioning in the summer. There was no heating, so when winter came he'd have to bundle up--but still, it was a place to live. A place to call home.
The Infinite Castle was no place for Juubei. In Infinite Castle, there were no doctors, except for good old Gen, who saved Juubei's life in the first place. There was war and bloodshed and over it all, the gods of Babylon City stretched out their unseen fingers. Kadsuki didn't want that for Juubei. He'd broach the topic today. He had been hesitant before, because Juubei had still been ill, but Gen told him he was getting better, and would soon be back to his normal self.
As much as that was possible, of course.
The residents of the Lower City stayed away from the chime of Kadsuki's catbells as he approached Gen and Ren's pharmacy. It was a dark, stormy day, clouds gathering up in the sky like a dark omen, swelling above the sharp spier of Babylon City. Kadsuki saw Ginji today. When it had rained earlier this morning, he had been out in it, playing and laughing and splashing Midou Ban, who had ventured out of the dry haven of Honky Tonk to watch him. Ginji was in his element in rainstorms. They swelled and filled and vibrated to his command. Kadsuki could tell it made Ginji feel alive.
As for Midou Ban himself, he had laughed right along with Ginji, scooping up water and catching him in the face. Himiko, sitting next to Kadsuki, had shaken her head and smiled. "He hates rain," she'd said.
Kadsuki looked up at the sky. It would be a bad storm; the scent of ozone and rain choked the air, humming to release their anger. He pulled his jacket up around his chin and picked up his pace.
The storm caught him halfway to Gen's anyway, and he was soaked by the time he opened the door and slipped inside the pharmacy. Kadsuki slipped off his jacket and shook the rain from his hair, ruffling it dry. The small building was warm and dry, a relief from outside, where the howling winds were taking a cuttingly cold edge. Kadsuki rubbed his arms and looked around. Gen and Ren were not here, and the room had a sense of stillness about it. Kadsuki leaned over a table, and punched the bell sitting on it. No one came. He rang it again.
"All *right,* hold *on,* we have things to *do,* you know--" Ren came barrelling in from the other room, looking ready to rampage, but stopped when she saw him. Blood bloomed in her face. "Kads--Kadsuki-san! Oh my gosh, you're soaking wet!" She hurried over to him and took his jacket, tossing it up on a hangar to dry.
"Thank you, Ren," said Kadsuki. The look on her face made him smile. Kadsuki was not blind to awe, had seen many kinds of it, and neither was he blind to the hint of more than just hero-worship in her eyes. He didn't know much about Ren's past, but he could guess that she hadn't had much contact with men, especially men like himself. He had been like that, once upon a time; so he couldn't really blame her for fixating on him.
"K-Kadsuki-san, is there something you need? Why are you back here?" Ren propped her elbows up on the table and fixed her wide eyes on him. "Is something the matter?"
"No, nothing's the matter. Gen-san just told me he would be treating Juubei today. Are they here?"
"Oh--yeah." Ren turned away from him quickly, sticking her hands in her pockets, and nodded her head at the door. "They're in there. They're almost done, I think."
"Thank you, Ren." Kadsuki brushed past her as he went through the door, and didn't miss her quick exhalation. He closed the door behind him and smiled.
The old pharmacist didn't even look up, just waved a hand at him. "Sit down, Kadsuki. We're almost through."
Kadsuki sat down on the bed across from Juubei's. Juubei was facing him, eyes closed, body stoically tensed. A number of small acupuncture needles were inserted at various points, marked by little blossoms of blood where they had gone in. His hair was brushed back to reveal two needles in his temples, and a trickle of blood from each point. Gen reached out and rotated them, and Juubei's eyes tightened.
"How is it, Gen-san?" Kadsuki asked quietly, and immediately felt a little foolish for speaking into the silence.
Gen tapped another one. "Quite well. His nerve endings are almost completely healed--his pain should be gone."
"Oh."
Gen turned one eye on him. "I do not have the talent or the resources to cure his blindness, Kadsuki," he said. "It was unwise to get your hopes up."
"Yes," said Kadsuki, "of course."
"There we are, Juubei-kun, we're all done."
Juubei's eyelashes flickered as Gen removed each of the needles, wiping his skin with a wet cloth; then Juubei lifted his hands to his eyes, and touched them gently. "It doesn't hurt."
He hadn't told Kadsuki his eyes had been paining him. Kadsuki turned away, grabbing another cloth and dipping it into the wash basin. "Here, let me help," he said, pressing the cloth to Juubei's temples. "The blood's still there."
Juubei sat placidly as he removed the blood. Kadsuki lingered for a few seconds more than necessary, running the cloth over the inflamed skin around Juubei's eyes, the caked-up dried tears at the corners, the bruised, purpleish color of Juubei's eyelids. Juubei's eyes under his lids never moved once. Kadsuki squeezed the cloth and touched his skin one more time, then pulled away from him. "Done," he said. "Gen-san, may I do his bandages?"
"Of course." Gen handed him the roll.
He swept the fine lines of Juubei's hair out of the way, putting the end of the bandage beside Juubei's left eye, then rolling the bandage around his head. He wrapped it a few times around, and once more to be safe, and tied a tight knot to complete the bandage. "How much longer will they be sensitive to light?" he asked, tugging at the bandage to make sure it was tight.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Gen take his chin in his hands, and shake his head. "Hard to say," he said. "I would guess a few more days, but there is always a margin of uncertainty with injuries such as these."
"Thank you," said Juubei as Kadsuki pulled his hands away. He reached up and touched the bandage himself. "I'm grateful, Gen-san."
Gen waved his hand, but he looked pleased. "Don't mention it, Juubei-kun. Healing is my profession, I take joy in it."
The roll of bandage and package of needles were taken away under Ren's hands; Kadsuki hadn't noticed her come in, but then he remembered that Juubei's head had tilted, once, as an animal's does when it hears or senses something. Kasduki watched her put away the equipment in a cabinet. She worked quickly, efficiently, and Kadsuki recognized with a start her competency. She was Gen's granddaughter, after all--his student.
Juubei had worked the same way. Often, sham doctors had come to their village, telling wild tales of immortality and super strength for the Fuuchoin line; Kadsuki had watched them as they had worked, and noticed how different they were from Juubei with their extra flourishes, the waving of hands and the chanting of words. Juubei had never done such things. When Kadsuki had a headache, he would simply reach out, grab his arm, feel his temples; then put a needle in precisely the right spot. He never spoke while doing it, other than murming a few words of comfort, and his movements were economic. Gen and Ren were the same.
It had been a long time since Juubei had done those things for him. In Infinite Castle, Kadsuki hadn't let him use his needles for anything other than fighting. He wondered, now, if Juubei had regretted it, not just that Kadsuki had pulled away from him like that, but that he no longer had a chance to practice medicine. He would never perform it on anyone else.
"Now, Juubei-kun," Gen was saying, "keep those bandages on whenever you are exposed to bright light. Candlelight and lamplight are fine, but if it pains you, put them back on." He pressed a tube of cream into Juubei's hand. "In five days, come back to see me, and we'll see about taking them off."
Juubei closed his fingers around the tube, and inclined his head. "Thank you, Gen-san."
Kadsuki took Juubei's wrist, keeping his grip light, and led him to the door.
"Kadsuki-san!"
"I'll wait for you," said Juubei, and pulled away from him. Kadsuki watched as the door closed behind him. He turned back to Ren.
The girl blushed, but said, without stammering, "Kadsuki-san, will you come out to the balcony with me?" She jabbed her thumb at a set of sliding doors behind them. "I want to talk to you."
It was still raining, but a wide awning protected them from most of it, though some scattering rain misted their faces. Next to him, Ren leaned her arms on the railing and looked out across Infinite Castle. Kadsuki watched her eyes roam and rove, devouring the landscape hungrily, glorying in her sight. He looked away, back at the sky: the roiling clouds, the sheeting rain, the purple-and-white flash-motion show of the storm.
"Kadsuki-san...." Ren fiddled with a loose thread on her jacket.
Kadsuki said gently, "Yes, Ren?"
"I..." She fisted her hands, then turned to look at him. "I can't leave Infinite Castle," she said. "I want to, but I can't." A self-depracating smile tugged at her lips. "I guess that means--I'm just a toy of the gods of the Castle." She leaned back on the railing. There was a long pause.
"I always knew you were strong," she said abruptly. "I liked all the members of VOLTS--but you were--I don't know, I could tell you were special. Something about how soft you looked, but whenever I saw you, I could see your hardness in your eyes."
"I think you're attributing too much to me, Ren...."
"No! No, I'm not. Kadsuki-san... you don't belong here," she said, sweeping her hand out over the dirty streets, "in this place. I always knew that. I wasn't surprised when you left. You're strong... I wish... I could be that strong."
Kadsuki pressed his lips together. "Ren," he said, "if you don't think you are, you never can be."
She smiled. "Thank you... Kadsuki-san. That sounds like something you would say."
They stood in silence, watching the storm. Kadsuki put out his hands and the rain splashed on them and over them, running down his arms, pooling in the depressed areas of his skin. Infinite Castle through a cloud of rain was almost beautiful, an otherwordly place. Unreal.
Kadsuki closed his eyes.
"Kadsuki-san..." Ren grabbed his arms. Startled, Kadsuki looked down at her. She was shorter than he and slender, not tall and broad, and her eyes--her vital, moving, alive eyes--were vulnerable.
His bells chimed as she leaned up and kissed him.
They had moved a little from the protection of the awning; the rain poured down around them. Ren had moved her arms around Kadsuki's neck, pressed herself against him; she was young and naive and had never been kissed; her lips were wet and awkward against his. Water ran down both their faces, made their lips slippery and Ren's arms dripping, cold.
They both jumped when a lightning bolt cracked close to them, setting up a sound not unlike a gunshot. Kadsuki pulled away and took a step back. Ren just raised her chin, unrepentant, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Kadsuki-san...." She sighed, stuck her hands in her pockets and looked off at the storm. "I wonder, is that what the outside world tastes like?"
Kadsuki ran his tongue over his teeth. The taste of metal coated his mouth.
====
Juubei was soaking wet, standing outside in the rain with no protection. Kadsuki closed the door quietly, but Juubei turned his head and said, "Are you ready?"
"Yes," Kadsuki said. "Let's go to my apartment, all right?"
Juubei raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were going to take me back to Makubex's....?"
"I changed my mind. Let's go."
Juubei's hands were in his pockets; Kadsuki pulled one of his arms out, and gripped it so that Juubei was close to his side. "Don't worry, I won't let you get lost."
"I wasn't worried."
The streets were choked with water. Kadsuki maneuvered through them carefully, but they still got their feet wet and their clothes sodden. The only dry spot on his body was his left shoulder, where Juubei pressed against him.
In his apartment complex, Kadsuki fished for his key, cursing impatiently when his fingers got caught in the heavy wetness of his pants. Juubei stood next to him with his head cocked to Kadsuki, listening to him. At last, he found the key, got his mail, and ushered Juubei into his apartment.
"Welcome home," Kadsuki said, tossing his mail onto the counter.
Juubei stood unmoving, his head still tilted. Kadsuki leaned on the counter and absorbed the sight, Juubei in his apartment, in his home, wet and dripping, hair falling into his eyes, bandages already askew over his eyes. Something in his throat caught and Kadsuki turned aside, going over to the air control. "It's cold, isn't it?" he asked over his shoulder, fiddling with the buttons. "I don't have a heater, so I guess we'll just have to suffer while this storm lasts. We should be fine, right?"
"Aa." Juubei moved slowly into the apartment, walking carefully, cautiously, body poised for any sudden contact. "Kadsuki...."
His windows were open; the curtains blew wildly with the wind, billowing out like a parachute. Kadsuki cursed and hurried to shut it. "Damn, now my floor's all wet." He sat back on his heels and surveyed the large wet spot underneath his window. "I'm too careless."
"Kadsuki," Juubei said again.
"Hmm, Juubei?"
"Look at me, Kadsuki."
The rain tapped on the windowpane. Beyond the glass, the real world waited for the storm to pass, Infinite Castle a towering black gem in the heart of Shinjuku. Kadsuki looked at Juubei, and Juubei stared off into space, the world a dark and meaningless mass to his eyes. "Yes, Juubei?" Kadsuki whispered.
Juubei stepped closer to him, head cocked, finding his way by hearing. When they were close enough to touch, Juubei tilted his head even further; reached out, and touched Kadsuki's arm. "Kadsuki...." he said, on an exhalation, and repeated himself. "Kadsuki."
Kadsuki closed his eyes and touched his hand to Juubei's face, touching the bandages, running his fingers over the smooth, sharp plane of Juubei's cheekbone, down his nose, to his lips and his chin. He stopped at Juubei's neck, and leaned his forehead against Juubei's shoulder. "Juubei," he murmured, "you haven't changed."
He heard the frown in Juubei's voice. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Close your eyes." A hand ghosted the back of his neck, brushed away the queue of his hair and touched the exposed skin, a cold whisper of touch. "Don't do that. Look at me, Kadsuki. See for both of us."
Kadsuki clenched his eyes shut. "I don't want to," he said fiercely. "It's not fair that I can... that I took that away from you. If you can't, then I...."
Strong arms pushed him away, held him still when Kadsuki tried to struggle. Kadsuki could have broken free, but he stood still to see what Juubei would do. It'd often been a game between them, as they were both so strong, this relinquishing of control, this show of trust in the other: a reaffirmation of their partnership and their bond. Juubei's hands touched his ribs, this time, and circled around him to rest on his stomach, holding him lightly. Juubei pressed their bodies together, cradling Kadsuki into his chest; again, a ghosting touch on Kadsuki's neck, this time of lips. Kadsuki dropped his head forward and let out his breath in slow, tiny increments.
"It's the gods' retribution," Juubei murmured, breath pricking Kadsuki's skin. "Yes, in so many ways, and for so many things...."
"Juubei." Kadsuki tried to twist around to see his face, but Juubei held him firm. "Don't say that! You're wrong."
Juubei held him for a long moment. Kadsuki squeezed his eyes tighter and listened to the sounds around him: Juubei's breathing, slow, even, healthy; the rain against the window and on the ceiling, dancing down the walls; the click of the air conditioner.
"Open your eyes, Kadsuki."
Juubei's hands linked with his, and tightened.
"See for me."
====
In his tiny bedroom, Kadsuki had a statue of Lakshmi. He watched Juubei stumble unintentionally on it and at first run his hands perfunctorily over it; then Juubei sat down, head cocked downward, and took the statue in his hands and felt every groove, every line, every curve and every feature.
Kadsuki sat on the edge of the bed and put his chin in his hands. "That's Lakshmi," he said softly.
Juubei touched the little statute's four hands. "Aa."
Kadsuki had left the bedroom window open, letting the sound and feel of the storms fill the room. Scratching his arm, sticky from rain, Kadsuki got up and cradled himself around Juubei, arms on Juubei's and legs around his, keeping one ear cocked to the thunder outside. He touched the little statue, disturbing the droplets of water pooled in its cracks and depressions.
"I'm not familiar with Hindu mythology," Juubei said slowly.
"Ah? Something you're not good at?" Juubei snorted, and Kadsuki smiled into his neck. "Lakshmi is the consort of Vishnu. I don't really know much about it, either, but... she is the patron of fortune, love and beauty. As Vishnu's consort, she incarnates with him every time he does. They are always together, in every lifetime."
Juubei set the statue down. "Kadsuki."
"Yes?"
"I asked you to see for me. And you told me what you saw."
"Yes." Kadsuki had told him: beauty and strength, discipline and intelligence, devotion and dedication.
"Let me tell you what I see."
Kadsuki blinked as Juubei turned in his grip so that they were facing. Juubei put his hands to his bandages and slowly began unraveling them. They fell away to reveal Juubei's closed eyes and the raw, bruised skin around them. Kadsuki caught his breath. "Juubei... don't...."
When Juubei's eyes opened, they were so different that, for a moment, Kadsuki scarcely recognized them. The pupils were clouded over to a pale cream color, with only a hint of the gray irises showing through. The eyes did not move at all, just stared straight forward: blank, dead.
Then Kadsuki touched them, gently, and they flickered.
He dropped his hands, and Juubei raised his. "I see...." his bodyguard said, "your face." Juubei chuckled. "The face that I thought was a girl's, at first. That face has changed, Kadsuki. It's become stronger. I see the masculinity...." Juubei touched his nose and his cheekbones. "And the femininity, as well." He ran his hands over Kadsuki's lips. "I can see every one of your expressions. Your anger when I betrayed you, your sadness when you defeated me, your tears as you cried over me... someone foolish and weak, like me."
"Juubei...."
"Your bells." Juubei tweaked them and the chime filled the room, a high pure sound, counterpart to the low purr of thunder in the distance. "The strength of the Fuuchoin line. I watched you train to use that strength, but I never realized until that day how strong you had become, because somehow, the Fuuchoin was all I had been able to see. I didn't see you, Kadsuki. Kadsuki... not Fuuchoin Kadsuki, not Ito no Kadsuki... you tell me that this is not the gods' retribution, that I could only see you once I had been blinded?"
Kadsuki dropped his head onto Juubei's shoulder and closed his eyes past the burn. "You always saw more than I did."
"All I can see is you."
Kadsuki shook his head.
"Kadsuki...." Juubei touched his hair, carding through some of the loose strands. "I hate myself, that I do this to you...."
Kadsuki sniffed and wiped his nose. "You should. You should save such talk for a woman. I shouldn't... I...."
"There will never be anyone else."
"Don't be foolish."
"I'm not," said Juubei, brow creasing. "I pledge myself to you and only you, Kadsuki. I am the last of my line, and that is how it should be."
Kadsuki clutched at his back and gritted his teeth around the tears.
====
Juubei liked his tea strong. To the backdrop of the rain, Kadsuki brewed a pot, resting his chin on the counter to watch the golden-greenish liquid shudder and steam. "Juubei," he called, "come taste this and see if it's the way you like it."
In his apartment, Juubei moved tentatively; he still didn't know the layout. He kept one hand on the wall as he followed his nose to the tea. Kadsuki eased a cup into his hands and he blew on it, then sipped, and set it back down. "A little more," he said.
Kadsuki nodded and put the pot back to brew some more. "I thought so," he said, giving it a stir, "but I wanted to check. Are you all right? Do your eyes hurt? It's not too bright in here, is it?"
A corner of Juubei's mouth tilted. "Kadsuki, you have one lightbulb. It's not too bright."
Kadsuki looked over at it dismally; it was already running out. "I really suffered from the IL job," he sighed, putting the pot on the counter and getting out some teacups. "Ever since then, I've had to take small jobs to make up for the loss." He poured a cup and pressed it into Juubei's hands. "There you go."
They sat on the couch under the dimming lightbulb, sipping their tea, their legs bumping close together. "I've been thinking about you, you know," said Kadsuki.
Juubei raised his eyebrows into his teacup. "Oh?"
"Yes, and about myself, as well. If I don't start paying the rent regularly on this dump, I could get kicked out. So I thought... it might help if I had someone to help me with the payments." Kadsuki toyed with the stem of his cup. "Not that I can't do it myself, of course--"
"Of course." Juubei stifled a sound in his teacup, a snort. Kadsuki slapped his shoulder and hid his own smile beneath the rim of his cup.
When the tea was gone, Kadsuki got out the roll of bandages and the cream Gen had given them. He squirted a dollop on his fingers and rubbed it onto the skin around Juubei's eyes, massaging it into the pores. Gingerly, he probed Juubei's closed eyelids. "That doesn't hurt?"
"Not anymore."
"You didn't told me it had been."
"I didn't want to worry you."
"I wouldn't have been worried." Kadsuki rolled the bandages around his eyes, then reached around his head and tied a knot at the back. "Is that tight enough?"
"Aa, it's perfect." Juubei reached up and touched it. "Forgive me, Kadsuki."
"What for?" Kadsuki asked, stuffing the supplies under the couch so Juubei wouldn't step on them.
"I am your Kakei. I am yours, not the other way around. You should have let me die rather than leave me to be a burden on you."
Bent over the couch, Kadsuki paused. Then he straightened up and reached out a hand to Juubei's bandages; moved closer, and wrapped his arms around his neck. "You're so old-fashioned, Juubei."
At first Juubei was silent; then, quietly, he chuckled. "I was naive."
"Mm. We both were... but I liked you that way." He stroked Juubei's hair away from the bandages and pressed his face into his shoulder. "Stay with me, Juubei."
Lightly, like the touch of a butterfly to the fingers, Juubei's hands settled on his hips. "All right."
The way Juubei moved was... different. Juubei had never been rough or impatient, but he had had a quiet confidence in himself, as if sure that the world would bend to him. Now, when Juubei pressed him to the couch, he lingered where once he would have moved forward; slowly lifting one of Kadsuki's hands and, inch by inch, moving his fingers down Kadsuki's arm. The other followed, torturously slow as Juubei mapped Kadsuki's body, not by sight, but by feel, sound, and taste.
As he eased into Kadsuki, Juubei's hands came up and framed his face, stroking his cheekbones and sliding down to rest on his mouth. Then he bent down, replacing fingers with lips, and Kadsuki's eyes slipped closed as they kissed, Juubei's tongue slipping in to stroke against his, sucking, warm, wet. This had not changed; here, one did not need sight.
"Juubei," he hissed when they pulled apart. "Don't leave me again."
Juubei bumped their foreheads together.
====
Kadsuki watched as Gen peeled the bandages from Juubei's eyes, murmuring and clucking as he peered critically at the eyes and skin. "Very good," he said at last. "The skin has regrown and your eyes have healed as much as they will. I'm very pleased with your progress."
Kadsuki, perched on the table, said nothing. Juubei bowed his head to Gen and said, "Thank you, Gen-san. The cream--did you make it yourself?"
"Mmm." Gen prised apart one of Juubei's eyelids and shone a tiny light into the pupil. "I did. It's made from several herbs and creams that don't grow here in Infinite Castle, so it's very valuable to me now." He clicked the light off. "No stimulus response. That's to be expected."
Kadsuki fingered his bell, and the chime chorded in the quiet of the room. "Gen-san," he cut into the pharmacist's words, "will he see again?"
Gen tossed the light onto the table and let go of Juubei's face. "Do you want the truth, Kadsuki, or shall I tell you what you want to hear?"
Kadsuki flushed and let go of the bell.
"He will never see again."
Outside, the sky had finally cleared after several days of steady rain. Kadsuki looked up at the sky, shielding his eyes from the sun, and smiled at Juubei. "It's a beautiful day. Finally. I was beginning to think the rain would never stop."
"Mmm." Juubei slid his sunglasses back on.
"Maybe now I can get outside and fix that window. It's always coming open. Will you help me?"
"Kadsuki."
Kadsuki leaned against the side of the building, and looked at him. "Yes, Juubei?"
"It's all right. Don't worry about it."
Kadsuki took his arm and they began walking. The air was still full of rain; it coated the skin, seeped into the pores. Overhead, the sky was the watercolor-bright color that came of emptying its belly of moisture. "Do you remember what happened after we ran away?"
The downward slant of Juubei's eyebrows told Kadsuki he did.
"What did they tell you?"
Juubei shrugged. "That you'd never be the same; it had been too traumatic for your mind to handle."
Kadsuki nodded, remembering those times. He had fainted shortly after leaving his family's ancestral lands, and Juubei had carried him to the closest village, over three days' walk away. He remembered nothing for a month; the time between his fainting, and waking up fully healed and refreshed was a complete blank. Juubei had told him enough for Kadsuki to guess that that month had not been kind to Juubei and him. "But you never gave up on me," he said quietly. "You were determined to help me. And you did. It's because of you that I'm here today."
Juubei was silent.
"You *will* see again. I promise you, Juubei." Kadsuki pressed his fingers. "You'll see the Volts gather again, and Inifinite Castle become a happier place. Hell, you'll see me get old and gray. I won't stop until you're healed, and I'll never let anyone tell me otherwise. I'll never let them tell me what they told you: that I was a lost cause. That you should leave me. So stop being ridiculous."
He looked over at Juubei in time to see the hint of a smile, quickly hidden. Kadsuki ducked his head and smiled, too. At home, he had herb teas for Juubei to drink; obscure martial practices for Juubei to try; and acupuncture to learn.