Chapter 1

Life is an Illusion

Shang Hai

WARNING: ZADR in later chapters
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, any of the characters, or the plot.

Rough Road to Self Awareness

Chapter 1

"What!" Dib yelled in shock, his eyes stinging with pain.

"I'm sorry, Dib... But I can't go on like this." Dib averted his eyes from the blue ones of the shorter boy, "I can't be with you anymore... Good bye." The boy turned and started to leave when Dib spoke up,

"You found someone else?" The boy stopped and nodded, never turning to face the black haired boy. Without a word, he left. Dib stood there, unable to move.

Why...? He questioned himself, Why is it always me?

"Dib! You've been in there for two weeks! Get out here!" Gaz bellowed up the stairs from the living room. Dib didn't move as her screeches echoed. He sat in the back corner of his bed, shades drawn.

"Why...?" he mumbled, not able to let go. Bloodshot eyes scanned the room, looking for an answer. They finally rested on a small picture of Zim that Dib had shot on an information-gathering mission. Dib went to move but his muscles cramped up from disuse. He fell off the bed with a loud thump, cursing under his breath. Ignoring the pain that resulted from his face connecting with the ground, Dib staggered to his feet and proceeded over to his desk. He picked up the picture, looking at it carefully before narrowing his eyes in hate,

"It's all your fault..." he mumbled to the picture. Gritting his teeth, he began ripping it up, "Sean was sick of how I had to keep an eye on you! It's not his fault he didn't see it! It's your fault! You came here!" He glared down at the tiny pieces of paper, breathing harshly. Tears weld up in his eyes as he slid to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest, burring his face into them.

"No," he whined, "Zim did nothing, regardless of how much I hate to admit it. I was just looking for a scapegoat. It's all my fault." He cried silently into his knees.

"I'm so stupid..." He mumbled, standing up and sitting on his bed, "I should just die... I'm worthless... And expendable..." He look toward his window, black curtains drawn tightly, as the sound of rain echoed through out the small room.

I'm out of here...' He got up and walked to the door, pulling on his coat as he went.

Dib stepped into the cool, damp air. Rain fell down in small, light drops. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Dib sighed,

I've got nothing...' He wandered down the street, stepping hard into the puddles in his way with his large, black boots. I'm alone...' He looked down, forcing his legs to take each step. Off, down the stormy street he walked, with out a look back.

Zim sat, bored out of his mind. GIR had wrecked one of his crucial labs and he had to wait for his computer to complete the repairs before he could commence on his most recent evil scheme of doom. He sighed as GIR mindlessly flipped through the channels, that permanent grin plastered on his face. Zim stared at the mind-numbing TV, eye twitching, as the ugly monkey face growled back. He narrowed his eyes, glaring a warning, as the monkey continued to stare. Zim suddenly snapped , launching to his feet to begin a rant of pure fury when the phone rang. With a cry of panic he tripped and fell to the ground.

"Oh! Master fell down!" GIR giggled as Zim grumbled, standing up,

"Shut up and keep watching your show..." He hissed, stalking over to the ringing machine. He picked up the receiver. Looking at it suspiciously.

If it's Keef... He's going to die… He placed it carefully on his nonexistent ear,

"...Hello?" (A/N: Stole that from another one of Jhonen's work... Can you guess it ? )

"...You suck... Tell Dib to come home..." Zim panicked,

"Computer! Is the Dib-human here!" A beeping noise sounded.

"Uh... No...?" It giggled.

"What's so funny?" Zim asked, slightly scared and confused. The computer continued to giggle,

"You fell.." Zim glared, turning back to the phone,

"No... Your brother-unit, the Dib-stink-beast, isn't here..." She growled low,

"I will kill him once I find out where he is..." Zim narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"You don't know where he is?"

"Yeah. He's been moping around here for two weeks now, but he just walked out of the house today."

"What do you mean?" A click and the return of the dial tone signaled that the conversation was completed. Zim set down the phone, thinking hard,

What's Dib up to? He asked himself as thunder sounded in the distance.

"And now..." He shook his head roughly, "Why do I care?" He wandered away from the window, muttering quietly. He walked back to the couch. GIR stared up at him, grinning from ear to ear and tongue dangling out. Zim returned the stare before turning around,

"But I can't let it go..." He stated, putting on a jacket and stepping into the cold. "Good thing I created those pills instead of having to roll around in glue for the next half an hour." He closed the door behind him.

Dib closed his eyes, allowing the rain and spray from the water raging below him to sting his flushed skin. He stood, silently, on the rain soaked dock. He opened his eyes, lips muttering words that traveled silently on the winds. With a splash, his body hit the cold water. His breath was ripped away as the freezing temperatures speared through him. He opened his mouth, trying to cry out.

Maybe I should have chosen a warmer month...