Amanda and The Wizard, Part 3
As they were enjoying coffee and dessert, Amanda looked up at Paul and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the discussion that was to come. Up till now they had passed the evening with casual conversation and idle observations.
Paul met her glance nervously. He realized he had committed a faux pas earlier, overstepping boundaries that had not yet been set between them. That she had still agreed to dinner was a good sign. That she was wearing such a beautiful black dress with spaghetti straps and pearl buttons -- no, he corrected himself, it wasn't the dress that was beautiful, it was Amanda -- was even more reassuring.
"Paul, if we're to continue 'seeing' each other, you have to respect me..." Amanda began.
"I do, Amanda!" he interrupted to reassure her.
"Not just as a woman, but as a professional." She continued. "You know better than I what this business is like. Behavior like this afternoon undermines my professionalism. It's taken me over two years to get to where I am today, I can't afford to backslide."
"I do know, Amanda, and I'm sorry. I apologize for the way I acted. My only excuse is that I was worried." Paul knew there was no excuse for the way had acted. He didn't even have an explanation. His emotions were in turmoil, he had never felt this way about a woman before, and was having trouble dealing with the reality of her... their... profession.
"And I do appreciate that, personally. But the reality is that I wasn't hurt. Yes, it was a dangerous situation, but that happens in this business. You know we have to be able to distance ourselves emotionally from the work."
Amanda decided that maybe she was overdoing it, there was no reason to lecture him. "Look, Paul, I don't want to argue with you, that's not why we're here. I just want to know that you trust and respect me. Otherwise, there's no reason to even continue this." She gestured between the two of them.
"You're right, Amanda." Paul agreed. "I guess I'm just having trouble dealing with the idea of retirement." He hesitated, taking her hand. "And my feelings for you."
She smiled at him self-consciously. The scene outside the elevator had confirmed for her what she had begun to suspect. And she could see he was just as surprised as she at the progression their relationship was taking. That they would become 'more than friends' was something she would never have expected.
Holding Paul's hand, Amanda stood up and led him to the dance floor. She smiled and gave him a gentle kiss as he put his arm around her waist and they began to move to the music.
"Why do you keep hanging around the Agency now that you're retired?" When he started to smile, she continued. "Please say something besides to see me!"
"OK. Well, I'm still tying up loose ends with the Serdeytch case, and otherwise I am at loose ends. I haven't fully decided what to do next." Paul explained.
"I imagine there are a lot of options considering your training, skills, and abilities."
"There are. I'm leaving for New York early tomorrow, I have to meet with some business contacts. I'll be back Friday," He added, in response to her unspoken question. "Will you have dinner with me when I return?"
"I don't know," she prevaricated. "I do have to spend some time with my family. And I'm going to your brother's wedding on Saturday."
"They get you tomorrow!" Paul protested.
"Depending on work," Amanda pointed out. "Lee and I have to run down some license plates tomorrow for this bombing investigation."
"I hope he takes better care of you than he did today." Paul said darkly.
Amanda gave him a look. "Paul! I told you, I'm fine, I wasn't hurt. There wasn't anything that Lee could have done if he'd been there. Remember, you agreed to trust that I can take care of myself."
"Is it OK if I call you tomorrow night, anyway?" He asked contritely.
"Of course. And maybe I can pick you up from the airport Friday." She agreed.
********
Leslie was preparing dinner. She was excited, just when it looked like things were all over with Lee, he sent her that dress. Surely a man didn't buy a woman clothes if he didn't want to sleep with her? She decided to surprise him with dinner, and had no trouble convincing the doorman to let her into Lee's apartment. In fact, he'd just rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'seeing worse' when she had asked him.
Hearing a noise in the other room, she went to investigate. It was Lee, and he was surprised. Lurking by the door was Amanda. Her heart sank. This was Amanda? Lee talked about her all the time, and Leslie had convinced herself that Amanda was ... more matronly? Less pretty? In any case, not this beautiful, smiling woman. She decided to invite Amanda to stay for dinner, keep your friends close, and your enemies... or competition... closer.
"You must stay for dinner, Amanda! You can tell me all those little things about Lee that he won't tell me himself." There, that should make their relationship clear.
"Oh, I couldn't," Amanda refused as Lee went to use the phone.
'Good.' Leslie thought, she didn't really want her hanging around. "You should see the dress Lee bought me." She added, just in case Amanda didn't get it yet. "We're attending a function at the Russian Embassy tomorrow night."
Amanda remained polite as she resisted Leslie's apparently friendly overtures. Lee was less friendly when he returned from using the phone, all but shoving her out the door. Leslie heard them arguing in the hallway, but couldn't hear what they were saying.
Lee was quiet during dinner. Leslie excused herself to try on the new dress, thinking that would perk things up a little. When she returned, she was disappointed by the expression on his face. Apparently the dress was not what he had expected. He turned away to pour the wine.
"Amanda..." He started.
Leslie's heart sank. 'Oh, no, are we going to talk about her again???' she thought. Her thoughts must have shown in her face because Lee's expression changed, he became more attentive.
"Leslie," He said, drawing her down next to him on the sofa. They were leaning in for a kiss when the phone rang. After a short conversation, Lee announced that he had to leave. He told Leslie she could wait for him, but he didn't know how long he would be.
"Bye," Lee said, giving her a quick kiss at the door. "Thanks for dinner!"
'That was *special*' Leslie thought, sarcastically. 'I could be his mother for all the passion there!' Deciding she had given this relationship all she could take at this point, she sat down to write him a note.
"Lee,
"It was nice meeting you and getting to know you.
However, I don't feel that things are progressing
the way they should at this point. I wish you good
luck in the future. You're going to need it, since
you can't even recognize a good thing when it's
staring you in the face."
Leslie paused. Was she referring to herself... or Amanda? It didn't matter, she would have been good for Lee, but it was obvious his interest was elsewhere. Although perhaps not to him! She didn't care if she sounded bitter, she'd probably never see him again anyway.
"Thanks for the dress. I realize you don't think it's
'me' after all, but I'm sure other men will.
"Good-bye, Lee.
"Leslie"
Leslie left the note in the middle of the table, between the two burnt out candles. She called for a taxi, then changed out of the dress and repacked it, gathered her things and left. She made sure the door was locked behind her.
***********
The next day, after leaving the Sullivans, Lee started quizzing Amanda about her plans for the evening.
"Lee, don't try to kid me. I know what you're getting at!" She suddenly retorted.
"What..?" Lee was taken aback by her apparent animosity.
"You're trying to figure out if I have plans with Paul tonight. I don't know what your problem is, you have to make comments anytime I have a date. Do I ever say anything about your girlfriends?"
"Actually, you did last night. About Leslie." He pointed out, distracting her from the memory of their conversation on her patio. He didn't want to talk about Amanda's lovelife.
"Oh, yeah." Amanda hated it when he was right. "I'm sorry, Lee. You know you're one of my best friends in the world, and I care about you deeply..."
"Amanda..." Lee tried to interrupt. He couldn't believe she was being so nice, apologizing to him after all that had happened this week, the way he had behaved.
"But, when it comes to women, you're a pig!" Amanda continued, ignoring his interruption.
"Huh???" He really hadn't been expecting that.
"Leslie. She's a normal girl. She's different from those women you usually date. She'll be hurt if you dump her." Amanda didn't know what had come over her, she was surprised to be saying these things to Lee. For two years she'd been watching an endless string of women come in and out of his life. She had always felt he could do better, and now that he'd actually found a woman with a brain in her head, she was telling him off!
"I'm glad we're just friends, otherwise I would have been out the door two years ago," Amanda finished.
"You were out the door two years ago," Lee teased. Again steering her away from the 'lovelife' topic.
"And back," Amanda smiled.
"Several times."
"I'm nothing if not persistent."
"I've noticed!" he bantered back.
"Actually, I was going to invite you to dinner." He added, getting back to the original conversation.
"Oh, I can't!" Amanda felt bad for suspecting his motives. "I promised Paul I'd pick him up at the airport. Besides, don't you have a thing with Leslie?"
"Leslie dumped me." He reported succinctly, but without remorse.
"Ouch! I'm sorry," Amanda winced at the irony. She'd picked a bad time to call him on the carpet.
"So, you'll cancel Paul for me?" Lee asked eagerly.
"Lee!" She gave him a look. "Actually, I was trying to figure out how to cancel Paul for my family. I've hardly seen them this week, and I was out so late last night. Maybe you could pick him up for me?" She looked at him imploringly.
"Me? Why would I want to do that?" Lee failed to see the benefit to himself in this plan.
"Because Paul is your friend, and I am your friend. Maybe it will help you feel better to do a favor for a couple of friends...?" Amanda explained sternly.
"I guess I do kind of owe you one, for last night," Lee speculated slowly. He met her glance. "All right, I'll pick up Paul. You go spend some time with your family."
"Thanks!" Amanda gave him a quick hug, and ran towards her car. Lee watched her go, thinking there might be some benefit to this for him after all.
********
Paul came through the gate, looking around for Amanda. Spotting Lee instead, he feared that something had happened to her. But then he realized that Scarecrow's demeanor was too casual for that. He would not be so calm if anything had happened to Amanda.
"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly.
"Amanda was out late last night saving my butt. I agreed to do her a favor so she could spend some time with her family." Was the response.
The men regarded each other warily, the sense of competition between them having caused renewed tension. Their friendship had only barely begun to recover from their accusations surrounding the identity of Serdeytch when Paul began his pursuit of Amanda.
"Thanks." Paul decided that accepting Lee's help would be a better idea than complaining that he'd rather see Amanda. After all, he would be seeing her tomorrow. And it would be better for all concerned if they could at least establish a truce.
Lee turned to lead him towards where the 'vette was parked. "Do you have any luggage?"
"No, just this," Paul hefted his carry-on bag. "Are you going to tell me what happened? Was this related to the bombing in the park?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know, the thought of Amanda in danger chilled him.
"Sure, I'll tell you over dinner," Lee offered. Paul nodded in agreement and they left the terminal.
**********
Paul and Amanda were dancing at the wedding reception when she finally asked him. "How did New York go?" It seemed they had been 'dancing' around the topic all day.
Paul sighed. "They want me to go home."
"Home?" she asked.
"London," he clarified. "My business associates and investors have been waiting for me to take over the security firm. Now that I'm retired from the Agency, they don't see why I can't get started."
"Oh. The security business. That does seem a logical progression." Amanda was downcast. She should have known this was coming, she knew he had made his home in London years ago. Anyway, they had only known each other a couple of weeks.
"Amanda, I want you to come with me." Paul declared.
"Oh, Paul..." she was startled.
"I know what you're going to say! But you can find work there, there are a lot of opportunities for somebody with your talent, experience, and potential." He interrupted whatever she had been going to say. "And they have schools in England. Good schools, Phillip and Jamie could get a fine education."
"Paul, it's too soon." she protested.
"Amanda, I know. I know it's soon, but I care for you deeply." Paul pleaded his case. He knew he was asking a lot of her. Amanda's life was here, in Arlington, in DC, in the States. He didn't know how things would work out for them, but he wanted the chance to find out. He could so easily fall in love with her, he was halfway there as it was.
"Oh, Paul, I care about you," Amanda continued regretfully. "And in time... who knows? But I can't change my life, move my family across the ocean on a 'what if'."
She hated hurting him, but it wasn't just herself she had to think about. His arguments made sense, it wouldn't be like moving the boys to Estoccia. But it would still be uprooting their lives based on an uncertainty. And she definitely couldn't make a decision like that when she had these doubts.
"I understand, Amanda." Paul backed off reluctantly.
He had known all along what her likely answer would be. It had been worth asking in case she was willing. But he wasn't going to profess his love, that would just cause her more guilt, and possibly embarrass himself. When he'd said it to Lee, it had mostly been to needle him. But once the word had come out, it made sense. Amanda was not a woman to date casually, she was a woman with whom you would spend the rest of your life.
"At least promise me that you'll think about it?" he added, just in case.
"Of course," Amanda agreed hesitantly.
He knew her decision would likely remain unchanged. They would still be friends, stay in touch, but a romantic relationship couldn't be sustained an ocean apart. He had considered the possibility of transferring to DC, but it would be harder to establish his business here. And he didn't have the talent to write spy novels, another possible career for someone retired from his position. His life and his new career were waiting for him in London. Another week or two was the best he could manage.
They spent the rest of the night pretending the conversation had never happened. They danced together, and toasted the happy bridal couple. Each was determined that the other have a good time.
********
When they arrived at her home, Paul walked Amanda to her door. Their good-night kiss was tinged with sadness. He waited until she had let herself in and closed the door before he left.
As Paul drove away, he acknowledged to himself that he was running away from his feelings for Amanda. He already cared deeply for her, and the risk she put herself in by working for the Agency scared him. If she had agreed to come to London with him, he would have tried to convince her to go into a less hazardous profession. He realized that working for the Agency had made her the kind of woman he could love, but he could not handle the woman he loved being in that kind of danger.
It would all be worth it if Amanda loved him. They could work it out, here or there. But he knew he was falling more quickly than she, and wanted to get out before it was too late.
******
Amanda grabbed an overcoat from the closet and tied it around her as she moved through the house and out the back door. She sat at the picnic table thinking about how much her life had changed in the past few hours. She wasn't surprised when Lee joined her a few minutes later.
"Are you OK?" Lee had noticed her downcast expression.
"Did you know?" Amanda questioned him suspiciously.
"Know what?" He had been driving around aimlessly, not consciously awaiting her return. When he spotted Paul's rental car leaving the neighborhood, he had decided to see if he could catch her attention before she went to bed.
"London, he's going back to London," she reported tonelessly.
"Oh, well, I guess I suspected he would sooner or later." Lee admitted.
"He asked me to go with him." Amanda surprised herself, she hadn't intended to tell him. But she needed to talk about it. And Lee was her friend, always there when she needed him.
Lee's breath caught in his throat. "What did you tell him?" he managed to ask. Fear clutched at him, Paul's interest, and Leslie's behavior, had prompted him to realize his own feelings for Amanda. He couldn't lose her now when he was only beginning to comprehend how much she meant to him.
"I said 'no'. I have to think about my family ... and my job." She added as though it were an afterthought. Lee was her partner, even if unofficially. He would have a vested interest in her departure.
"I'm sure you could find work over there. And they have good schools." Lee couldn't believe what he was saying.
Amanda laughed. "I didn't expect you to try to talk me into it. Still trying to get rid of me?"
"No," Lee denied hastily, "I want you to be happy." He put an arm around her, and she leaned against him. "If you love him..." He had to know.
"Love!" Amanda was startled. "I don't know yet how I feel about him. He's a great guy, but it's just too soon to tell about something like that."
"Well, I guess it's a decision you just have to make for yourself." Lee was elated that her decision seemed to coincide with the one he wanted her to make. "I'm sorry for the things I said about you and Paul."
"I suppose it is." Amanda sighed. "And I'm sorry for the things I said about you and Leslie."
"What a pair we are!" he chuckled.
"Yes," she agreed ruefully, getting up to go back inside. "Do you think we'll ever get it right?"
"I sure hope so." Lee murmured, gazing speculatively after her.
The End
As they were enjoying coffee and dessert, Amanda looked up at Paul and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the discussion that was to come. Up till now they had passed the evening with casual conversation and idle observations.
Paul met her glance nervously. He realized he had committed a faux pas earlier, overstepping boundaries that had not yet been set between them. That she had still agreed to dinner was a good sign. That she was wearing such a beautiful black dress with spaghetti straps and pearl buttons -- no, he corrected himself, it wasn't the dress that was beautiful, it was Amanda -- was even more reassuring.
"Paul, if we're to continue 'seeing' each other, you have to respect me..." Amanda began.
"I do, Amanda!" he interrupted to reassure her.
"Not just as a woman, but as a professional." She continued. "You know better than I what this business is like. Behavior like this afternoon undermines my professionalism. It's taken me over two years to get to where I am today, I can't afford to backslide."
"I do know, Amanda, and I'm sorry. I apologize for the way I acted. My only excuse is that I was worried." Paul knew there was no excuse for the way had acted. He didn't even have an explanation. His emotions were in turmoil, he had never felt this way about a woman before, and was having trouble dealing with the reality of her... their... profession.
"And I do appreciate that, personally. But the reality is that I wasn't hurt. Yes, it was a dangerous situation, but that happens in this business. You know we have to be able to distance ourselves emotionally from the work."
Amanda decided that maybe she was overdoing it, there was no reason to lecture him. "Look, Paul, I don't want to argue with you, that's not why we're here. I just want to know that you trust and respect me. Otherwise, there's no reason to even continue this." She gestured between the two of them.
"You're right, Amanda." Paul agreed. "I guess I'm just having trouble dealing with the idea of retirement." He hesitated, taking her hand. "And my feelings for you."
She smiled at him self-consciously. The scene outside the elevator had confirmed for her what she had begun to suspect. And she could see he was just as surprised as she at the progression their relationship was taking. That they would become 'more than friends' was something she would never have expected.
Holding Paul's hand, Amanda stood up and led him to the dance floor. She smiled and gave him a gentle kiss as he put his arm around her waist and they began to move to the music.
"Why do you keep hanging around the Agency now that you're retired?" When he started to smile, she continued. "Please say something besides to see me!"
"OK. Well, I'm still tying up loose ends with the Serdeytch case, and otherwise I am at loose ends. I haven't fully decided what to do next." Paul explained.
"I imagine there are a lot of options considering your training, skills, and abilities."
"There are. I'm leaving for New York early tomorrow, I have to meet with some business contacts. I'll be back Friday," He added, in response to her unspoken question. "Will you have dinner with me when I return?"
"I don't know," she prevaricated. "I do have to spend some time with my family. And I'm going to your brother's wedding on Saturday."
"They get you tomorrow!" Paul protested.
"Depending on work," Amanda pointed out. "Lee and I have to run down some license plates tomorrow for this bombing investigation."
"I hope he takes better care of you than he did today." Paul said darkly.
Amanda gave him a look. "Paul! I told you, I'm fine, I wasn't hurt. There wasn't anything that Lee could have done if he'd been there. Remember, you agreed to trust that I can take care of myself."
"Is it OK if I call you tomorrow night, anyway?" He asked contritely.
"Of course. And maybe I can pick you up from the airport Friday." She agreed.
********
Leslie was preparing dinner. She was excited, just when it looked like things were all over with Lee, he sent her that dress. Surely a man didn't buy a woman clothes if he didn't want to sleep with her? She decided to surprise him with dinner, and had no trouble convincing the doorman to let her into Lee's apartment. In fact, he'd just rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'seeing worse' when she had asked him.
Hearing a noise in the other room, she went to investigate. It was Lee, and he was surprised. Lurking by the door was Amanda. Her heart sank. This was Amanda? Lee talked about her all the time, and Leslie had convinced herself that Amanda was ... more matronly? Less pretty? In any case, not this beautiful, smiling woman. She decided to invite Amanda to stay for dinner, keep your friends close, and your enemies... or competition... closer.
"You must stay for dinner, Amanda! You can tell me all those little things about Lee that he won't tell me himself." There, that should make their relationship clear.
"Oh, I couldn't," Amanda refused as Lee went to use the phone.
'Good.' Leslie thought, she didn't really want her hanging around. "You should see the dress Lee bought me." She added, just in case Amanda didn't get it yet. "We're attending a function at the Russian Embassy tomorrow night."
Amanda remained polite as she resisted Leslie's apparently friendly overtures. Lee was less friendly when he returned from using the phone, all but shoving her out the door. Leslie heard them arguing in the hallway, but couldn't hear what they were saying.
Lee was quiet during dinner. Leslie excused herself to try on the new dress, thinking that would perk things up a little. When she returned, she was disappointed by the expression on his face. Apparently the dress was not what he had expected. He turned away to pour the wine.
"Amanda..." He started.
Leslie's heart sank. 'Oh, no, are we going to talk about her again???' she thought. Her thoughts must have shown in her face because Lee's expression changed, he became more attentive.
"Leslie," He said, drawing her down next to him on the sofa. They were leaning in for a kiss when the phone rang. After a short conversation, Lee announced that he had to leave. He told Leslie she could wait for him, but he didn't know how long he would be.
"Bye," Lee said, giving her a quick kiss at the door. "Thanks for dinner!"
'That was *special*' Leslie thought, sarcastically. 'I could be his mother for all the passion there!' Deciding she had given this relationship all she could take at this point, she sat down to write him a note.
"Lee,
"It was nice meeting you and getting to know you.
However, I don't feel that things are progressing
the way they should at this point. I wish you good
luck in the future. You're going to need it, since
you can't even recognize a good thing when it's
staring you in the face."
Leslie paused. Was she referring to herself... or Amanda? It didn't matter, she would have been good for Lee, but it was obvious his interest was elsewhere. Although perhaps not to him! She didn't care if she sounded bitter, she'd probably never see him again anyway.
"Thanks for the dress. I realize you don't think it's
'me' after all, but I'm sure other men will.
"Good-bye, Lee.
"Leslie"
Leslie left the note in the middle of the table, between the two burnt out candles. She called for a taxi, then changed out of the dress and repacked it, gathered her things and left. She made sure the door was locked behind her.
***********
The next day, after leaving the Sullivans, Lee started quizzing Amanda about her plans for the evening.
"Lee, don't try to kid me. I know what you're getting at!" She suddenly retorted.
"What..?" Lee was taken aback by her apparent animosity.
"You're trying to figure out if I have plans with Paul tonight. I don't know what your problem is, you have to make comments anytime I have a date. Do I ever say anything about your girlfriends?"
"Actually, you did last night. About Leslie." He pointed out, distracting her from the memory of their conversation on her patio. He didn't want to talk about Amanda's lovelife.
"Oh, yeah." Amanda hated it when he was right. "I'm sorry, Lee. You know you're one of my best friends in the world, and I care about you deeply..."
"Amanda..." Lee tried to interrupt. He couldn't believe she was being so nice, apologizing to him after all that had happened this week, the way he had behaved.
"But, when it comes to women, you're a pig!" Amanda continued, ignoring his interruption.
"Huh???" He really hadn't been expecting that.
"Leslie. She's a normal girl. She's different from those women you usually date. She'll be hurt if you dump her." Amanda didn't know what had come over her, she was surprised to be saying these things to Lee. For two years she'd been watching an endless string of women come in and out of his life. She had always felt he could do better, and now that he'd actually found a woman with a brain in her head, she was telling him off!
"I'm glad we're just friends, otherwise I would have been out the door two years ago," Amanda finished.
"You were out the door two years ago," Lee teased. Again steering her away from the 'lovelife' topic.
"And back," Amanda smiled.
"Several times."
"I'm nothing if not persistent."
"I've noticed!" he bantered back.
"Actually, I was going to invite you to dinner." He added, getting back to the original conversation.
"Oh, I can't!" Amanda felt bad for suspecting his motives. "I promised Paul I'd pick him up at the airport. Besides, don't you have a thing with Leslie?"
"Leslie dumped me." He reported succinctly, but without remorse.
"Ouch! I'm sorry," Amanda winced at the irony. She'd picked a bad time to call him on the carpet.
"So, you'll cancel Paul for me?" Lee asked eagerly.
"Lee!" She gave him a look. "Actually, I was trying to figure out how to cancel Paul for my family. I've hardly seen them this week, and I was out so late last night. Maybe you could pick him up for me?" She looked at him imploringly.
"Me? Why would I want to do that?" Lee failed to see the benefit to himself in this plan.
"Because Paul is your friend, and I am your friend. Maybe it will help you feel better to do a favor for a couple of friends...?" Amanda explained sternly.
"I guess I do kind of owe you one, for last night," Lee speculated slowly. He met her glance. "All right, I'll pick up Paul. You go spend some time with your family."
"Thanks!" Amanda gave him a quick hug, and ran towards her car. Lee watched her go, thinking there might be some benefit to this for him after all.
********
Paul came through the gate, looking around for Amanda. Spotting Lee instead, he feared that something had happened to her. But then he realized that Scarecrow's demeanor was too casual for that. He would not be so calm if anything had happened to Amanda.
"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly.
"Amanda was out late last night saving my butt. I agreed to do her a favor so she could spend some time with her family." Was the response.
The men regarded each other warily, the sense of competition between them having caused renewed tension. Their friendship had only barely begun to recover from their accusations surrounding the identity of Serdeytch when Paul began his pursuit of Amanda.
"Thanks." Paul decided that accepting Lee's help would be a better idea than complaining that he'd rather see Amanda. After all, he would be seeing her tomorrow. And it would be better for all concerned if they could at least establish a truce.
Lee turned to lead him towards where the 'vette was parked. "Do you have any luggage?"
"No, just this," Paul hefted his carry-on bag. "Are you going to tell me what happened? Was this related to the bombing in the park?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know, the thought of Amanda in danger chilled him.
"Sure, I'll tell you over dinner," Lee offered. Paul nodded in agreement and they left the terminal.
**********
Paul and Amanda were dancing at the wedding reception when she finally asked him. "How did New York go?" It seemed they had been 'dancing' around the topic all day.
Paul sighed. "They want me to go home."
"Home?" she asked.
"London," he clarified. "My business associates and investors have been waiting for me to take over the security firm. Now that I'm retired from the Agency, they don't see why I can't get started."
"Oh. The security business. That does seem a logical progression." Amanda was downcast. She should have known this was coming, she knew he had made his home in London years ago. Anyway, they had only known each other a couple of weeks.
"Amanda, I want you to come with me." Paul declared.
"Oh, Paul..." she was startled.
"I know what you're going to say! But you can find work there, there are a lot of opportunities for somebody with your talent, experience, and potential." He interrupted whatever she had been going to say. "And they have schools in England. Good schools, Phillip and Jamie could get a fine education."
"Paul, it's too soon." she protested.
"Amanda, I know. I know it's soon, but I care for you deeply." Paul pleaded his case. He knew he was asking a lot of her. Amanda's life was here, in Arlington, in DC, in the States. He didn't know how things would work out for them, but he wanted the chance to find out. He could so easily fall in love with her, he was halfway there as it was.
"Oh, Paul, I care about you," Amanda continued regretfully. "And in time... who knows? But I can't change my life, move my family across the ocean on a 'what if'."
She hated hurting him, but it wasn't just herself she had to think about. His arguments made sense, it wouldn't be like moving the boys to Estoccia. But it would still be uprooting their lives based on an uncertainty. And she definitely couldn't make a decision like that when she had these doubts.
"I understand, Amanda." Paul backed off reluctantly.
He had known all along what her likely answer would be. It had been worth asking in case she was willing. But he wasn't going to profess his love, that would just cause her more guilt, and possibly embarrass himself. When he'd said it to Lee, it had mostly been to needle him. But once the word had come out, it made sense. Amanda was not a woman to date casually, she was a woman with whom you would spend the rest of your life.
"At least promise me that you'll think about it?" he added, just in case.
"Of course," Amanda agreed hesitantly.
He knew her decision would likely remain unchanged. They would still be friends, stay in touch, but a romantic relationship couldn't be sustained an ocean apart. He had considered the possibility of transferring to DC, but it would be harder to establish his business here. And he didn't have the talent to write spy novels, another possible career for someone retired from his position. His life and his new career were waiting for him in London. Another week or two was the best he could manage.
They spent the rest of the night pretending the conversation had never happened. They danced together, and toasted the happy bridal couple. Each was determined that the other have a good time.
********
When they arrived at her home, Paul walked Amanda to her door. Their good-night kiss was tinged with sadness. He waited until she had let herself in and closed the door before he left.
As Paul drove away, he acknowledged to himself that he was running away from his feelings for Amanda. He already cared deeply for her, and the risk she put herself in by working for the Agency scared him. If she had agreed to come to London with him, he would have tried to convince her to go into a less hazardous profession. He realized that working for the Agency had made her the kind of woman he could love, but he could not handle the woman he loved being in that kind of danger.
It would all be worth it if Amanda loved him. They could work it out, here or there. But he knew he was falling more quickly than she, and wanted to get out before it was too late.
******
Amanda grabbed an overcoat from the closet and tied it around her as she moved through the house and out the back door. She sat at the picnic table thinking about how much her life had changed in the past few hours. She wasn't surprised when Lee joined her a few minutes later.
"Are you OK?" Lee had noticed her downcast expression.
"Did you know?" Amanda questioned him suspiciously.
"Know what?" He had been driving around aimlessly, not consciously awaiting her return. When he spotted Paul's rental car leaving the neighborhood, he had decided to see if he could catch her attention before she went to bed.
"London, he's going back to London," she reported tonelessly.
"Oh, well, I guess I suspected he would sooner or later." Lee admitted.
"He asked me to go with him." Amanda surprised herself, she hadn't intended to tell him. But she needed to talk about it. And Lee was her friend, always there when she needed him.
Lee's breath caught in his throat. "What did you tell him?" he managed to ask. Fear clutched at him, Paul's interest, and Leslie's behavior, had prompted him to realize his own feelings for Amanda. He couldn't lose her now when he was only beginning to comprehend how much she meant to him.
"I said 'no'. I have to think about my family ... and my job." She added as though it were an afterthought. Lee was her partner, even if unofficially. He would have a vested interest in her departure.
"I'm sure you could find work over there. And they have good schools." Lee couldn't believe what he was saying.
Amanda laughed. "I didn't expect you to try to talk me into it. Still trying to get rid of me?"
"No," Lee denied hastily, "I want you to be happy." He put an arm around her, and she leaned against him. "If you love him..." He had to know.
"Love!" Amanda was startled. "I don't know yet how I feel about him. He's a great guy, but it's just too soon to tell about something like that."
"Well, I guess it's a decision you just have to make for yourself." Lee was elated that her decision seemed to coincide with the one he wanted her to make. "I'm sorry for the things I said about you and Paul."
"I suppose it is." Amanda sighed. "And I'm sorry for the things I said about you and Leslie."
"What a pair we are!" he chuckled.
"Yes," she agreed ruefully, getting up to go back inside. "Do you think we'll ever get it right?"
"I sure hope so." Lee murmured, gazing speculatively after her.
The End