Title: Still untitled
Authors: Dr.Kerry and Erin (WeaverCarterFan)
Disclaimers: Kerry Weaver, John Carter, Donald Anspaugh and all the doctors
and nurses in this story belong to Warner Bros, we're just borrowing them
for our story
Summary: Kerry's kept a secret for all her life, but an event happens and
people discover it. What will the consequences be?
"Kerry, I'm home." The unmistakable sound of the door being unlocked followed by Carter's voice and the slam of the door reached Kerry's ears in the bathroom upstairs. They had made a habit of making their presence in the house clear to give the other time to dress up or lock the bathroom door if they needed to. Even if she didn't dislike the idea of walking in on a half-naked Carter at all, she was grateful they had that non-written rule, especially today that he was inexplicably early. She always had the time to inject herself with the Phenobarbital at her due hour, get rid of the syringe and hide the medicine before he came home, but today she had just plunged the needle of the syringe into the small bottle when Carter announced his arrival.
"Uhm.I'm in the bathroom. I'll be downstairs in a minute." She shouted with trembling voice, then limped to the door to close it. He didn't have to know this. He mustn't know this, she thought as she drew up the necessary amount of liquid and carefully taped against the side of the syringe and pushed out the air bubbles before inserting the needle in her arm. From the anxiety of being possibly discovered she missed the vein twice, and let out a sigh of relief when she finally felt the needle enter in her vein and carefully pushed the liquid inside.
She quickly threw the syringe away as well as the bottle, which was now empty. She crutched to her bedroom and opened the drawer which hosted all her epilepsy medicines, a pretty safe place from Carter's curious eyes. It was where she kept her sanitary towels, and after Carter had a bad first meeting with them in his first week there, she knew he would never open that drawer again. She noticed there was no more Phenobarbitals left, she had just some lower dosage phenytoin pills.
She carefully descended the stairs to the living room to find Carter sitting in his favorite spot on the couch, waiting for her. "Are you all right?" He asked her as she greeted him with a weak smile. Her knees buckled a little with the remnants of her previous anguish. She knew it was stupid, but if someone at work discovered she was epileptic and the news reached Romano's ears, she could start packing her things and say goodbye to her job. Nobody in any hospital would hire an epileptic doctor in the ER. If she had a crisis during a trauma it would just be a disaster, either for the patient, and legally for the hospital as well. If she took her medicine regularly there was just a minuscule percentage she could have a crisis, but she was sure no hospital would take such a risk. And she loved her job way too much to spend the rest of her life teaching at some mediocre university.
"Sure, why?" She said, leaning more heavily on her crutch.
"Nothing, you look paler than usual and you spent so much time in the bathroom I thought you were feeling sick." He explained. "You sure you're ok?" He asked her again as she was just staring at him wordlessly.
Kerry let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and regained her composure.
"Yes, Carter, I'm well. It's just.I wasn't expecting you home so early and I took my time under the shower, so I had to dress in a rush." She lied, saying what sounded more plausible to her ears.
He didn't look convinced, but just nodded and dropped the subject. Kerry had the right to her privacy, but he knew also she wouldn't tell anyone if she wasn't feeling well.
"So, what about spaghetti with meatballs tonight?" She said, nodding towards the kitchen, where the table was already laid for dinner. Today was her day off and she loved spending her spare time cooking, especially now that she had a permanent guest who luckily happened to appreciate her cooking skills a lot.
"Wonderful." He licked his lips and followed her to the kitchen to help her cook and to try and learn something. Kerry actually considered him more an impediment than a help, but she didn't have the heart to tell him it would take a lot of time for him to actually learn to even bake cookies without burning them and get the right proportions of the ingredients.
They worked for a while on the meal, the comfortable silence between them broken only by Kerry's instructions or gentle remarks if Carter made a mistake or risked to blow up the kitchen.
When they were finally both seated with full, delicious smelling dishes in front of them, it was already half past eight.
"You know." Carter started after he swallowed his third forkful of spaghetti. "We should leave the hospital and open a restaurant."
*We*? Kerry thought. She didn't believe it could be a lucky activity, especially with him burning everything he got his hands on. "So, I would cook, and you.?" She trailed off.
"I'd do some kind of factotum, you know, serve, wash dishes, clean the place." He shrugged.
"You won't be always so cute to draw clients." She teased, playing with a meatball before eating it.
Carter froze, the fork halfway to his mouth. "Do you think I'm cute?" He asked, cocking his head to the side to study his landlady. He sure thought she was pretty, and he would feel pleased knowing his feeling was returned.
She mentally kicked herself for letting her mouth move without having consulted the brain first. She sucked the air in through her teeth, producing a low hissing noise, and then nervously bit her lower lip. "Yeah, kind of." She said evasively, not wanting to reveal more than she already had.
The rest of the dinner proceeded in silence, Carter contemplating the idea that Kerry might actually find him attractive, Kerry utterly embarrassed.
After the dishwasher was loaded and functioning, they moved to the living room, when they uselessly flipped channels for a while until they both resigned to the fact that no good TV programs were on that night, so they decided for a VHS movie.
"What about this? I haven't seen it yet" Carter emerged from Kerry's cupboard, where she kept all her tapes and VHS, and showed her the cover.
"You haven't seen the matrix yet? C'mon, tell me you're joking." She exclaimed as she settled comfortably on the couch.
Carter looked at her, as she sounded truly surprised. "I just haven't been much to the cinema lately." He said as he slipped the tape into its slot and eased himself on the couch beside her.
"And I thought I was the one without a life." She chuckled to herself. Carter was about to reply but the movie began and he turned his attention to it.
By the time the movie was finished the little hand of the clock in the room was pointing to the number twelve. "Let's leave the comments for tomorrow, during lunch at the hospital, ok?" She suggested as she got up form the couch and stretched her arms.
"Ok." He agreed. "Besides, I'm pretty tired as well. See ya tomorrow then. Good night." He smiled at her as he headed towards the stairs that led to the basement.
"Good night." She called back. She waited until the door closed behind him, then climbed the stairs to her own bedroom. She brushed her teeth and got into her pyjama quickly, then checked if the alarm clock was properly set and finally lied down beneath the warm covers. As soon as her head touched the pillow she was fast asleep.
The next morning, Kerry awoke to quietness, she was glad Carter was still asleep so she had the house for herself. She had a few more minutes of sleep until her shift started. But she decided to get up anyway and get dressed for work. She went to the kitchen and got herself some water, as she felt her throat dry, then went back into her bedroom and got out the meds for her seizures, but as she saw just one white pill bottle in the drawer along with several syringes she remembered she had to buy more Phenobarbital or she would be in serious trouble. She couldn't keep her secret anymore and she risked her health if she had a seizure. She took the two last pills that were in the bottle and disposed of it in her trashcan in the bathroom. It was now almost 9am, she had to be at work by then, she got her things ready and headed on the door for work, She decided that today she'd take the EL train to work, she got into work just as 9am approached. She said "Good Morning" to Randi, Chuny, Yosh, and all the others that were there, before going into the lounge to change into her lab coat.
She didn't really want to run into Carter again, for the second time that morning because she knew that he'd still ask her if she was all right, from the way she looked the other day. She didn't want that happen again, so she quickly put her things into her locker, got out her lab coat and stethoscope, and was about to head out to see if there were any patients to be seen, when dizziness hit her. She braced on her crutch to keep herself steady and made her way over to the couch, where she flopped down and waited for the wave of dizziness to fade away, but just then Carol walked in and saw Kerry sitting there. Carol walked over to where Kerry was and sat down beside her. "Kerry is everything alright?" She asked her.
Carol expected Kerry to say her usual answer, which was "Yes", but instead Kerry sat there for a few more minutes before answering Carol's question. "No, I'm not not, I feel dizzy" that phrase from kerry got Carol to be concerned for Kerry, so she led Kerry is an exam room where she checked her vitals, but then went to get another doctor to help her since her, being a nurse, wasn't sure of what her symptoms meant.
She came back in with Mark at her side, Mark then checked Kerry over once more and determined that Kerry was fine, her dizziness was caused just by a low BP. He made her drink some juice to regain her strength and recommended her to rest for a while, at least until the dizziness passed, then left her there and headed to curtain 2 to examine another patient. Kerry lied for a while on the hospital bed then quietly left the room and went to visit her patients, with people still unaware of her secret.
She took a chart from the admit desk and leafing through it she headed to curtain three, where the patient was waiting. It was a mother with her daughter. The girl must should have been more or less 17, and she was sitting silently on the hospital bed, her hand pressing on her right ear and grimacing in pain.
"Good morning, Mrs.uhm.Kirby." Kerry said, reading the woman's surname on the chart, and then stretching out her hand to greet her. "I'm Dr. Weaver." The woman stood up and shook Kerry's hand. The woman's tight hold on her hand brought another wave of dizziness to Kerry, who had to lean on her crutch not to fall on the floor. "What's wrong with your daughter?" She asked, wobbling slightly as she stepped closer to the girl. "Katherine's been complaining all night about her ear." The woman said, turning to Kerry as she took a medical tool from a tray near the bed. She noticed it was one of these how-you-call-that conic flashlight doctors used to watch inside the ears. "Katherine, can I have a look?" Kerry asked the girl, smiling reassuringly. The girl obediently moved her hand away from her ear and cocked her head to the side, moving her hair out of the way. "Thank you." Kerry said, and gently inserted the instrument into her ear, turning on the light so she could have a better view. "Have you been to the swimming pool recently?" She asked the girl.
"Yeah, I went a couple of days ago with my school friends, to celebrate the end of the scholastic year." The girl said, shifting uncomfortably. "That hurts?" Kerry questioned as she moved her tool inside her ear to see from different angles, and the girl nodded. "It must have been amusing. I bet you did a lot of dives." The girl nodded again. "I love dives, I'm good at them." She stated, then sighed in relief as the doctor placed the invasive instrument back to its place, without forgetting to change the disposable cap first.
Kerry nodded to herself. It was just like she imagined. "I'm afraid it's a bad ear infection. It's deep, so there's a risk of eardrum perforation, if it's not properly treated." Kerry explained to both mother and daughter. She leaned heavily against the headboard of the bed with her free hand as she felt her knees buckle. She didn't know what was going on with her, it was almost summer and she excluded a flu or similar pathologies. Maybe Mark was right, it was just low BP and that along with the heat of the day made her feel weak. She ordered the girl a strong antibiotic and eardrops to ease the pain, and recommended her to avoid dives and to go underwater with her head if she went to swimming pool and to dye the ear very carefully when she washed it. "Enjoy your summer, Katherine. Goodbye Mrs. Kirby." She took leave of them, saying she had other patients to take care of and walked swiftly to the lounge, where she flopped on the couch, closing her eyes and hoping the room would stop spinning around. She was taking deep breaths, bringing a hand up to her forehead, damp with cold sweat, when Carter entered the lounge as well, aiming at the coffee machine. "God, I had a girl who fell asleep while sunbathing and ended up with third grade burns on all her back. She couldn't even lie down." He said, filling his mug with coffee, then turned to her. "Do you want.Kerry, you all right?" He asked her, setting the mug back on the table and approaching her. She opened her eyes only to see that her sight was blurred, and she could barely distinguish Carter's frame in the whole of colored stains that was the world for her. She was starting to panic and her breathing became ragged. "I feel dizzy, I can't." she swallowed. "see well." She felt her heart thumping against her breastbone and she thought it was going to explode, even if it was impossible. She had a faint feeling of what was coming next. Then all the stains faded and all she could see was black. She could barely hear Carter scream something before she fell unconscious.
"somebody, I need help!" Carter shouted as Kerry collapsed and slowly slid off the couch. He kneeled next to her just in time to prevent her head to fall hard on the floor. He gently lowered her head so she was totally lying on the floor and slapped her cheeks only hard enough to wake her up, but she didn't move a muscle. "Kerry, can you hear me?" He called her, turning to the door to see if anyone was coming. He could see Mark and Carol rushing to the room through the glass. "come on Kerry, wake up." He whispered to Kerry as they finally stormed in. "What happened?" Mark asked, panting, as she saw Carter kneeled on the floor next to Kerry's body.
Carol took some steps closer and gasped. "God, it's Kerry." She and Mark shared a look, then Carol rushed outside to get a gurney. "I don't know, she was just sitting there and.she told me she was feeling dizzy and she had some sight problems and then passed out." Carter explained, lifting her defenseless body from the floor and carrying her outside. Mark walked beside him, hiding Kerry's face from view. He didn't want the others to know about this or they'll just get upset and neglect the patients. Carol gestured for them to take Kerry to trauma two, which was free and where she had just wheeled the gurney.
They didn't have the time to hook her to the machines once she was safe on the gurney as her body started seizing. "Damn it, she's seizing, turn her onto her side!" Mark yelled to both Carter and Carol as he turned on the monitors. Carter was having difficulties seeing Kerry's body seize like she was, he kept remembering about the time she had a similar seizure after she inhaled in chemical fumes, couple of years earlier and how helpless he felt while the others had taken care of her.
"Carter, suctioner!" He was pulled out of his thoughts by Mark's voice. "Quick!" He urged him as he and Carol turned Kerry to her side. Orange liquid trickled out of the side of her mouth staining the white blanket.
Carter handed him the suctioner and Mark proceeded to aspire the juice she had just drank an hour earlier. "Give her 2 migs of Ativan Carter, now!" shouted Mark. Carter quickly got the Ativan into Kerry's system, after a few seconds, Kerry's seizing slowly stopped and they all thought that was it, it was over, but they couldn't have been more wrong. As Mark and Carter had other patients to care for they left the room, leaving Carol to care for Kerry, but just seconds later, Carol suddenly ran out of the Trauma Room, right into Carter. "Carter"! she shouted, panting. "What's wrong Carol"? he asked concerned, fearing it was about Kerry. "Kerry's seizing again" She said, gesturing towards the trauma room. "Oh great, Carol go get Mark and I'll go help Kerry okay" He said. " Okay, thanks Carter" Carol said as she rushed in search of Mark. " No Problem" Carter ran into the Trauma Room and saw Kerry's seizing body. He ran over to help her by gently and very carefully turning her onto her side and as she started vomiting again he suctioned her mouth out with the suctioner that lied there beside her. A couple of seconds later, Carol and Mark ran in on Carter, and the sight of Kerry's body seizing again scared them, so they let Carter finish his work before they approached him. Just as they did so, Kerry's body began to calm down again, and they couldn't understand why. "Hey Carter, did you give her anymore Ativan?" Mark asked. "No, I didn't." Carter replied, shaking his head. "Then why isn't she seizing anymore?" He asked again. "I don't know." Carter looked just as lost as Mark did. "Carol, go and see if you can locate Kerry's chart and see what it says." Mark ordered Carol gently. "Sure, Mark, I'll be right back." Carol said and disappeared through the door after receiving a thanks from Mark. Kerry was now in a deep sleep, and both Mark and Carter wondered what was happening and why Kerry was having seizures, they just hoped they'd find the answers to their questions in her chart. As they waited for Carol, Carter approached the bed and covered Kerry's body with a blanket, bending down to place a gentle kiss on her pale forehead while Mark wasn't watching. He cared for her a lot and hated to see her like that, vulnerable and defenseless. "I'm taking this off, it can strangle her if she has more seizures." He whispered to Mark, pointing to a necklace she was wearing. Carter thought Kerry cared about that necklace, she always wore that, even to bed, and he believed someone like her grandma or mother had given it to her. But in that situation it could get seriously dangerous to have something around her neck, so he opened the clip, careful not to wake her up, and slid the jewel off her neck, holding then it tight in his closed hand. He felt something dig into his palm and when he opened his hand, grimacing in pain, he saw that a small rectangular golden medal was attached to it, and it looked like something was written on it. Carter brought it closer to his eyes, while Mark approached him curiously. Indeed there were words engraved on the golden surface. He read them aloud to Mark. "Kerry Weaver, March, the 13th, 1963." He lifted his head and looked first at Kerry's sleeping body, then at Mark. "Epileptic."
Mark shook his head. "It can't be." He mouthed. "Are you sure?" He insisted, stepping closer to Carter to have a look at the medal himself. Carter was right. The words on it stated that Kerry suffered of epilepsy. "God, I've been living with her for almost a year and I could never imagine.God." Carter told Mark, his expression still incredulous. "I noticed the necklace long ago, but I figured that it was just a gift from someone she cared about." He explained, touching it lightly with a trembling fingertip. His knees were still weak with his previous frightening and the lingering thought that he could have lost her as well as with the shock of the revelation. "What are we supposed to do now?" Mark was the first to voice that question, even if the both of them had been batting it around their heads from the very moment they became aware of Kerry's illness. They were pulled out of their thoughts as Carol stepped in the room, carrying Kerry's chart under her arm. "there's nothing here, it just talks about the seizure she had after the chemical agents spilling." She told them. "We should contact the hospital where she was born, up in Michigan." She suggested, handing Mark the chart so he could read it. Mark took the chart but didn't even open it, instead, he just looked at Carol, his face deadly serious. "There's no need to. We already know what happened." He said in a low voice. Carol often had to deal with that face, it was that of bad news, she just knew it. And although she and Kerry often argued, she really hoped she was going to be ok. "Well, she." He trailed off and looked behind herself as he heard a low squeak come from the bed, and he saw that Kerry was starting to stir behind the sheets. "Here, I'll explain everything outside." He told Carol, driving her out of the room with a hand on the small of her back. She was reluctant to leave Kerry, but she also knew they shouldn't disturb her to avoid stress. "Give her something to drink if she's thirsty, but don't let her eat for now, ok? I want to see her reactions to the seizures first." Mark recommended Carter before shutting the door behind himself, and the younger doctor just nodded as he approached the bed to let Kerry know there was someone there with her. Kerry was starting to become aware of things again after she blanked out in the lounge. It was like being on the bottom of a deep sea and trying to reach the surface. All her senses were muffled at the beginning, and the first time she tried to open her eyes she saw only darkness, but then lights were starting to appear, first small and faint, then brighter and everywhere around her. The same was with noises and voices, and as she came closer to the surface, warmth started to seep back into her, but with that she also felt jolts of pain shooting through all her sore muscles. She moaned with pain and blinked several times before she was able to locate herself on a gurney in a trauma room and to recognize Carter's upset face hovering upon her. "Must have screwed up everything, uh?" She said with a hoarse voice, then tried to sit up as she coughed. The sharp movement and the spasms of coughing caused her additional pain, and she just flopped back onto the bed, groaning "Shh, take it easy." He said, holding her down gently with a hand on her shoulder. "You gave us a pretty big scare, you know." He added, looking down at her, and smiled, happy she was awake and looking like she was going to be ok soon. She smiled back at him weakly and she curled in a ball under the sheets, as it seemed to ease the pain a bit. "I had a seizure, didn't I?" She asked him, the smile disappeared from her lips. He turned serious as well as he nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked her. He knew she had every right not to trust him with her secret, but he thought that all the time they had spent together in the last months had gotten them closer friends, and he felt kind of betrayed. She looked away from his reproaching eyes. Maybe he didn't mean to look at her with those eyes, but she couldn't stand that gaze anyway. "I was afraid I could loose my work, and that you would be in equal trouble if they found out you knew and never told anyone." She whispered. And it was true, it was also about him. Doctors were supposed to tell about illnesses that could put patients in danger, and if Carter covered her, he would deserve at least a suspension, if not even firing. "Please don't be mad at me." She begged him with a hurt child voice that made his heart sink. He hadn't thought of the problem in that terms, and had always took for granted that she would be the only one in serious trouble if the news reached Anspaugh and Romano's ears. His gaze softened and he took the hand that was resting on her belly into his. "I'm not mad at you." He said softly, and brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on the soft palm. She smiled at the ticklish sensation and squeezed his hand in return. She wasn't sure she would have allowed him to do that if she wasn't forced in bed, exhausted and with aching limbs, but the after-seizures made her feel vulnerable and she welcomed some comfort from people. "I'm going to bring you some pillows, so you can sleep more comfortably." He told her as he noticed her back was forced in an unnatural position. He knew she would never tell him if she hurt, but he could understand she was in discomfort nonetheless from the way she kept shifting position and squeezed her eyes shut in pain every time she did it. "Oh, Mark told me you can have something to drink, what about some juice?" He remembered suddenly. There was a minute maid vending machine in the waiting room, and Kerry usually drank at least a glass of juice at breakfast at home, so he thought it might be more tempting than plain water or a soda. She had to drink to restore the liquid and minerals she had lost sweating during the seizures. Kerry didn't actually feel thirsty, but her throat was dry and her stomach empty, and she thought some glucose would made her feel a bit better. "Ok, juice sounds just good. Apricot, though, not cherry." She said aloud. "I hate cherry juice." She added then, in a whisper that barely reached his ears. "The money is in my purse, in the locker room." "Don't worry about that." He said. "You do so much for me every single day that the least I can do is to offer you a glass of juice." He said, referring to all the times she cooked for him, and the free rent of the basement in return of some help with the housework. He just had to pay half the bills and the food when it was his turn to go to the supermarket. Kerry wanted to pay for her drink, but since it wasn't even half a dollar and she felt too tired and sleepy she didn't argue. She smiled back at him when he left the room with a big grin on his face, then, with the room finally silent, she allowed herself to close her eyes, whose eyelids felt extremely heavy. It gave her immediate relief, and she also felt the pain ease as she drifted off to sleep.
Kerry was pulled out of her peaceful sleep by the squeak of the door as Carter entered the room with a can of fresh juice in a hand and two fluffy pillows under his other arm. She yawned noisily and stretched her limbs, which she noticed with satisfaction, weren't so sore anymore. On the other hand, her lower back hurt because of the lack of support, and she was looking very forward to prop against the two soft-looking pillows. "Hi. I'm sorry I made you wait so much but we had a MVA and they needed me. 4 victims, and we lost one of them." He said sadly. He hated to loose patients, it made him feel so impotent. Kerry frowned. There had been a MVA and she didn't even perceive it, she must have been really in a deep sleep, which was strange, because she usually woke up at every minimal noise. Then she remembered it was one of the after effects of seizures. "How long did I sleep?" She asked him, propping herself up her elbows. She was surprised to see her arms didn't collapse under her own weight. "For more than an hour. We told Carol to check on you every five minutes until the trauma emergency ended." He informed her as he set the juice can on the table and approached the bed with the pillows. Kerry bent forward as Carter arranged the pillows to be most comfortable for her. "Oh, thank you, that's way better." She said as she rested her back and head against the soft material with a sigh of pleasure. "Can I have my juice now?" She stretched her arm towards the can. After a good rest her body started to claim both drinks and food. "Sure." Carter said and handed her the can after opening it. "But, uhm.this is peach, there was no apricot left. They're pretty the same thing so I thought.uhm.if you don't like it I can go to Doc Magoo's and see if there's.." "No, I like peach. Really, there's no need you do this for me." She interrupted him and took a long sip from the can. It was fresh and sweet, just what she needed. She swallowed then coughed as it almost came back up.
"Easy, Kerry. Easy." He patted her back gently and took the can from her hand, which was shaking with her coughing, before she could spill something on her front. "Drink slowly, in small sips, or you'll just throw everything up." He reminded her as the fit of coughing passed and he handed the can back to her. Silence fell between them as she drank her juice slowly as he had recommended her and he sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand resting so near Kerry's leg she could feel the heat of his fingers even through the sheet. He looked down at her and covered her hand with his. It was time for serious talk. "Now I guess I have to tell the whole ER. If anybody hasn't already done it for me, naturally." She said, looking first down at her lap, then up at him. Her gaze was questioning. "Nobody knows, don't worry. Anyway, you just have to tell Anspaugh, it will be up to you if tell the others or not." He told her gently, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. "Whatever your choices will be, I'll always be there for you. You're not alone in this." He bent down to kiss her forehead again and was surprised she didn't object. He felt bold and moved down to press another kiss on her mouth. Her lips were soft, and she tasted sweet, like the juice she had just drunk. She responded but didn't deepened the kiss. That was better than nothing, he thought as they parted. Kerry wasn't entirely surprised of the happening. There had been sparks between them after his first months in her house but the both of them were too shy and afraid to be rejected to take the first step. An accident was needed to wake him up. "What if I loose the job?" She asked him, afraid of what the consequences would be. "You won't. You're too good as a doctor, they won't let you go." He said confidently. He knew Anspaugh admired Kerry and considered her a very talented doctor, so he was sure he wouldn't sack her, maybe just take some precautions. "Listen, there's no need for you to stay the night, so when I knock off I'll take you home with me. Mark said it's ok, and said also that if you feel better you can have something light to eat." He informed her, hoping to cheer her up a little with a good news. She smiled indeed. "That would be a blessing, I'm sick of this hospital bed, and I'm getting hungry." She smiled broadly at him, and he returned a toothy smile. He knew they said doctors were the worst patients, but except for the impatience, which was one of Kerry's prerogatives, she didn't complain much during her permanence there, but maybe it was just because she spent most of the time asleep. "So let's go have this talk with Anspaugh." Carter said, and disappeared behind the door to get a wheelchair. Surely Kerry would complain about that, but he didn't want to risk her feeling dizzy or weak and fall. He wanted to take care of her the proper way. As he had foreseen, Kerry grimaced at the sight of him pushing the wheelchair into the room. "John, I think I can handle a little walk." She said, getting out of the bed and retrieving her crutch, propped against the headboard. She felt her knees buckle slightly and she rested her weight against the mattress, taking deep breaths as the room started spinning around her once more. "See, you're still too tired. C'mon, let me help you." He said, approaching her with the chair. He smiled at himself as he helped her ease herself onto the seat. She had called him John. She never did that before, he was just Carter. As he wheeled her outside the room heads turned towards her, curious and questioning. She smiled at those who smiled at her and waved back at those who waved their hands at her. Mark approached them as they reached the elevator. "How's she doing?" He asked Carter. "I can reply by myself, you know, Mark. There's no need you ask him." She snapped at him, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. "Anyway, I feel better. Thank you for.uhm.saving my life." She whispered. Her pride made it difficult for her to admit she had needed help. "We're going to Anspaugh to talk about.you know what." Carter explained, then pushed Kerry's chair inside the elevator as its doors opened in front of him. Mark nodded. "Good luck then." They were going to need it.
There was silence between them during the ride in the elevator. Tension built up at every second and Kerry felt her hands shaking as the elevator stopped and the doors opened just opposite Anspaugh's office. The door was closed, but they could both see the man's frame move behind the glass. She took a deep breath and looked up at Carter as he was about to knock at the door. He returned the worried glance and forced a smile, trying to ease up her concern. "Everything will be alright." He reassured her, and moved a hand up to stroke her hair. He wanted to kiss her again, but that was absolutely the worst place and moment to do it. They were about to break to their boss the news that one of his attendings was epileptic, and give them reason to suspect a relationship between the mentioned attending and a resident wasn't surely going to do any good to the situation. "Cross your fingers." She said, as Carter finally knocked and Anspaugh's weary voice allowed them in. He was quite surprised to see Carter wheel an over-anxious Kerry inside his office, but after the first moment of astonishment he let out a sigh of relief and greeted the both of them with a smile and invited John to take seat. He had been informed of Kerry's collapse earlier in the ER and he was very upset at the idea that he could loose a precious collaborator and also a good friend. They had some clashes in the past but he respected Kerry and liked her as a person, and she was great with the hospital bureaucracy. "Kerry, I'm happy to see you. How do you feel?" He asked politely, and both Carter and Kerry felt their anguish lessen a bit at his affability. "I'm still tired, but I feel much better, thank you." She replied with a forced smile on her lips. He nodded. "That's good. And did you discover what provoked that?" He asked then, curious. As concerned as he was for Kerry's health, he couldn't help but hope this wouldn't get the hospital into troubles, if her collapse was caused by a malfunctioning in the hospital system. He remembered the chemical agents spill and the way the fumes affected Kerry, and it wasn't impossible that dangerous fumes could have been formed by chemical substances stored in the basement and brought in the ER by the air vents. Kerry bit her lower lip uncomfortably and searched an encouraging look from Carter with the corner of her eye.
He nodded at her, and shot her a thumb up when Anspaugh couldn't see him. Kerry took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Well, I always knew what it was, but nobody of the staff could have imagined." She explained, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt nervously as she spoke. She rarely got that nervous and she was usually able to keep her composure, but that was about her work and the efforts of her entire life. Anspaugh frowned, not understanding yet what she meant, and leaned forward on the desk, nodding for Kerry to continue her speech. "It was an.an epileptic crisis." She blurted out finally. "I've been epileptic since birth. Today I took some low dosage pills instead of my usual Phenobarbital shoot, and it obviously didn't work." She said in a rush, trying to defend herself somehow. She held her breath as she studied Anspaugh's every movement and reaction to her confession. He looked down at the open copybook on his desk for a moment, drinking in her words, and then lifted his head again, his eyes piercing into hers. He took off his glasses and sighed heavily before speaking. "I guess it's useless to say this is very serious Kerry." He began. "You know you should have told us about this the very moment you took your first step into this hospital. What if it had happened during a trauma? What if." "I'm perfectly aware of all the risks, but I had my disease under control, until today." She interrupted him. "I.didn't want to loose my job." She finally admitted. "I've already had thousands of problems with my disability, and I thought that my epilepsy would have prevented me from becoming an emergency doctor if people knew about it." She explained. She could already see herself confined in a university class room or in a morgue, teaching students about tropical diseases or showing them how to perform an autopsy, and she was sure this was not the life she wanted. "I can understand you Kerry, but.God.if something happened and someone discovered you hid your disease those raptors of attorneys would have made us close the hospital.do you understand? You're a great doctor and I thought you had sense enough to figure how much this is wrong of you. You really disappointed me Kerry, and I'm really sorry about this." He told her, gently but with a firm tone. She looked down at the hands in her lap. "Well, now I guess I can go pack my things." She said sadly, probing. "No, you don't have to do that just yet. I.as much as this subject is serious, you're still way too important to us, and as far as I'm concerned, I'd just give you a suspension and trust your sense not do such a thing again." He told her. "But, I can't make such a decision without consulting the Chief of Staff and Emergency medicine, and some of your colleagues as witnesses." He explained. Kerry's face, which had looked a little relieved when Anspaugh told her he didn't want to fire her, fell at the mention of a consult with the Chief of Staff and Emergency medicine, who happened to be the same person, namely Robert Romano. And everybody knew how Romano loved to play the boss and punish people if he got the occasion. "I'll let you know as soon as we schedule the meeting. I'd like you to attend as well, Dr.Carter." Anspaugh said, dismissing them. Both Kerry and Carter nodded and said goodbye as he wheeled her colleague back to the ER.
"Kerry, I'm home." The unmistakable sound of the door being unlocked followed by Carter's voice and the slam of the door reached Kerry's ears in the bathroom upstairs. They had made a habit of making their presence in the house clear to give the other time to dress up or lock the bathroom door if they needed to. Even if she didn't dislike the idea of walking in on a half-naked Carter at all, she was grateful they had that non-written rule, especially today that he was inexplicably early. She always had the time to inject herself with the Phenobarbital at her due hour, get rid of the syringe and hide the medicine before he came home, but today she had just plunged the needle of the syringe into the small bottle when Carter announced his arrival.
"Uhm.I'm in the bathroom. I'll be downstairs in a minute." She shouted with trembling voice, then limped to the door to close it. He didn't have to know this. He mustn't know this, she thought as she drew up the necessary amount of liquid and carefully taped against the side of the syringe and pushed out the air bubbles before inserting the needle in her arm. From the anxiety of being possibly discovered she missed the vein twice, and let out a sigh of relief when she finally felt the needle enter in her vein and carefully pushed the liquid inside.
She quickly threw the syringe away as well as the bottle, which was now empty. She crutched to her bedroom and opened the drawer which hosted all her epilepsy medicines, a pretty safe place from Carter's curious eyes. It was where she kept her sanitary towels, and after Carter had a bad first meeting with them in his first week there, she knew he would never open that drawer again. She noticed there was no more Phenobarbitals left, she had just some lower dosage phenytoin pills.
She carefully descended the stairs to the living room to find Carter sitting in his favorite spot on the couch, waiting for her. "Are you all right?" He asked her as she greeted him with a weak smile. Her knees buckled a little with the remnants of her previous anguish. She knew it was stupid, but if someone at work discovered she was epileptic and the news reached Romano's ears, she could start packing her things and say goodbye to her job. Nobody in any hospital would hire an epileptic doctor in the ER. If she had a crisis during a trauma it would just be a disaster, either for the patient, and legally for the hospital as well. If she took her medicine regularly there was just a minuscule percentage she could have a crisis, but she was sure no hospital would take such a risk. And she loved her job way too much to spend the rest of her life teaching at some mediocre university.
"Sure, why?" She said, leaning more heavily on her crutch.
"Nothing, you look paler than usual and you spent so much time in the bathroom I thought you were feeling sick." He explained. "You sure you're ok?" He asked her again as she was just staring at him wordlessly.
Kerry let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and regained her composure.
"Yes, Carter, I'm well. It's just.I wasn't expecting you home so early and I took my time under the shower, so I had to dress in a rush." She lied, saying what sounded more plausible to her ears.
He didn't look convinced, but just nodded and dropped the subject. Kerry had the right to her privacy, but he knew also she wouldn't tell anyone if she wasn't feeling well.
"So, what about spaghetti with meatballs tonight?" She said, nodding towards the kitchen, where the table was already laid for dinner. Today was her day off and she loved spending her spare time cooking, especially now that she had a permanent guest who luckily happened to appreciate her cooking skills a lot.
"Wonderful." He licked his lips and followed her to the kitchen to help her cook and to try and learn something. Kerry actually considered him more an impediment than a help, but she didn't have the heart to tell him it would take a lot of time for him to actually learn to even bake cookies without burning them and get the right proportions of the ingredients.
They worked for a while on the meal, the comfortable silence between them broken only by Kerry's instructions or gentle remarks if Carter made a mistake or risked to blow up the kitchen.
When they were finally both seated with full, delicious smelling dishes in front of them, it was already half past eight.
"You know." Carter started after he swallowed his third forkful of spaghetti. "We should leave the hospital and open a restaurant."
*We*? Kerry thought. She didn't believe it could be a lucky activity, especially with him burning everything he got his hands on. "So, I would cook, and you.?" She trailed off.
"I'd do some kind of factotum, you know, serve, wash dishes, clean the place." He shrugged.
"You won't be always so cute to draw clients." She teased, playing with a meatball before eating it.
Carter froze, the fork halfway to his mouth. "Do you think I'm cute?" He asked, cocking his head to the side to study his landlady. He sure thought she was pretty, and he would feel pleased knowing his feeling was returned.
She mentally kicked herself for letting her mouth move without having consulted the brain first. She sucked the air in through her teeth, producing a low hissing noise, and then nervously bit her lower lip. "Yeah, kind of." She said evasively, not wanting to reveal more than she already had.
The rest of the dinner proceeded in silence, Carter contemplating the idea that Kerry might actually find him attractive, Kerry utterly embarrassed.
After the dishwasher was loaded and functioning, they moved to the living room, when they uselessly flipped channels for a while until they both resigned to the fact that no good TV programs were on that night, so they decided for a VHS movie.
"What about this? I haven't seen it yet" Carter emerged from Kerry's cupboard, where she kept all her tapes and VHS, and showed her the cover.
"You haven't seen the matrix yet? C'mon, tell me you're joking." She exclaimed as she settled comfortably on the couch.
Carter looked at her, as she sounded truly surprised. "I just haven't been much to the cinema lately." He said as he slipped the tape into its slot and eased himself on the couch beside her.
"And I thought I was the one without a life." She chuckled to herself. Carter was about to reply but the movie began and he turned his attention to it.
By the time the movie was finished the little hand of the clock in the room was pointing to the number twelve. "Let's leave the comments for tomorrow, during lunch at the hospital, ok?" She suggested as she got up form the couch and stretched her arms.
"Ok." He agreed. "Besides, I'm pretty tired as well. See ya tomorrow then. Good night." He smiled at her as he headed towards the stairs that led to the basement.
"Good night." She called back. She waited until the door closed behind him, then climbed the stairs to her own bedroom. She brushed her teeth and got into her pyjama quickly, then checked if the alarm clock was properly set and finally lied down beneath the warm covers. As soon as her head touched the pillow she was fast asleep.
The next morning, Kerry awoke to quietness, she was glad Carter was still asleep so she had the house for herself. She had a few more minutes of sleep until her shift started. But she decided to get up anyway and get dressed for work. She went to the kitchen and got herself some water, as she felt her throat dry, then went back into her bedroom and got out the meds for her seizures, but as she saw just one white pill bottle in the drawer along with several syringes she remembered she had to buy more Phenobarbital or she would be in serious trouble. She couldn't keep her secret anymore and she risked her health if she had a seizure. She took the two last pills that were in the bottle and disposed of it in her trashcan in the bathroom. It was now almost 9am, she had to be at work by then, she got her things ready and headed on the door for work, She decided that today she'd take the EL train to work, she got into work just as 9am approached. She said "Good Morning" to Randi, Chuny, Yosh, and all the others that were there, before going into the lounge to change into her lab coat.
She didn't really want to run into Carter again, for the second time that morning because she knew that he'd still ask her if she was all right, from the way she looked the other day. She didn't want that happen again, so she quickly put her things into her locker, got out her lab coat and stethoscope, and was about to head out to see if there were any patients to be seen, when dizziness hit her. She braced on her crutch to keep herself steady and made her way over to the couch, where she flopped down and waited for the wave of dizziness to fade away, but just then Carol walked in and saw Kerry sitting there. Carol walked over to where Kerry was and sat down beside her. "Kerry is everything alright?" She asked her.
Carol expected Kerry to say her usual answer, which was "Yes", but instead Kerry sat there for a few more minutes before answering Carol's question. "No, I'm not not, I feel dizzy" that phrase from kerry got Carol to be concerned for Kerry, so she led Kerry is an exam room where she checked her vitals, but then went to get another doctor to help her since her, being a nurse, wasn't sure of what her symptoms meant.
She came back in with Mark at her side, Mark then checked Kerry over once more and determined that Kerry was fine, her dizziness was caused just by a low BP. He made her drink some juice to regain her strength and recommended her to rest for a while, at least until the dizziness passed, then left her there and headed to curtain 2 to examine another patient. Kerry lied for a while on the hospital bed then quietly left the room and went to visit her patients, with people still unaware of her secret.
She took a chart from the admit desk and leafing through it she headed to curtain three, where the patient was waiting. It was a mother with her daughter. The girl must should have been more or less 17, and she was sitting silently on the hospital bed, her hand pressing on her right ear and grimacing in pain.
"Good morning, Mrs.uhm.Kirby." Kerry said, reading the woman's surname on the chart, and then stretching out her hand to greet her. "I'm Dr. Weaver." The woman stood up and shook Kerry's hand. The woman's tight hold on her hand brought another wave of dizziness to Kerry, who had to lean on her crutch not to fall on the floor. "What's wrong with your daughter?" She asked, wobbling slightly as she stepped closer to the girl. "Katherine's been complaining all night about her ear." The woman said, turning to Kerry as she took a medical tool from a tray near the bed. She noticed it was one of these how-you-call-that conic flashlight doctors used to watch inside the ears. "Katherine, can I have a look?" Kerry asked the girl, smiling reassuringly. The girl obediently moved her hand away from her ear and cocked her head to the side, moving her hair out of the way. "Thank you." Kerry said, and gently inserted the instrument into her ear, turning on the light so she could have a better view. "Have you been to the swimming pool recently?" She asked the girl.
"Yeah, I went a couple of days ago with my school friends, to celebrate the end of the scholastic year." The girl said, shifting uncomfortably. "That hurts?" Kerry questioned as she moved her tool inside her ear to see from different angles, and the girl nodded. "It must have been amusing. I bet you did a lot of dives." The girl nodded again. "I love dives, I'm good at them." She stated, then sighed in relief as the doctor placed the invasive instrument back to its place, without forgetting to change the disposable cap first.
Kerry nodded to herself. It was just like she imagined. "I'm afraid it's a bad ear infection. It's deep, so there's a risk of eardrum perforation, if it's not properly treated." Kerry explained to both mother and daughter. She leaned heavily against the headboard of the bed with her free hand as she felt her knees buckle. She didn't know what was going on with her, it was almost summer and she excluded a flu or similar pathologies. Maybe Mark was right, it was just low BP and that along with the heat of the day made her feel weak. She ordered the girl a strong antibiotic and eardrops to ease the pain, and recommended her to avoid dives and to go underwater with her head if she went to swimming pool and to dye the ear very carefully when she washed it. "Enjoy your summer, Katherine. Goodbye Mrs. Kirby." She took leave of them, saying she had other patients to take care of and walked swiftly to the lounge, where she flopped on the couch, closing her eyes and hoping the room would stop spinning around. She was taking deep breaths, bringing a hand up to her forehead, damp with cold sweat, when Carter entered the lounge as well, aiming at the coffee machine. "God, I had a girl who fell asleep while sunbathing and ended up with third grade burns on all her back. She couldn't even lie down." He said, filling his mug with coffee, then turned to her. "Do you want.Kerry, you all right?" He asked her, setting the mug back on the table and approaching her. She opened her eyes only to see that her sight was blurred, and she could barely distinguish Carter's frame in the whole of colored stains that was the world for her. She was starting to panic and her breathing became ragged. "I feel dizzy, I can't." she swallowed. "see well." She felt her heart thumping against her breastbone and she thought it was going to explode, even if it was impossible. She had a faint feeling of what was coming next. Then all the stains faded and all she could see was black. She could barely hear Carter scream something before she fell unconscious.
"somebody, I need help!" Carter shouted as Kerry collapsed and slowly slid off the couch. He kneeled next to her just in time to prevent her head to fall hard on the floor. He gently lowered her head so she was totally lying on the floor and slapped her cheeks only hard enough to wake her up, but she didn't move a muscle. "Kerry, can you hear me?" He called her, turning to the door to see if anyone was coming. He could see Mark and Carol rushing to the room through the glass. "come on Kerry, wake up." He whispered to Kerry as they finally stormed in. "What happened?" Mark asked, panting, as she saw Carter kneeled on the floor next to Kerry's body.
Carol took some steps closer and gasped. "God, it's Kerry." She and Mark shared a look, then Carol rushed outside to get a gurney. "I don't know, she was just sitting there and.she told me she was feeling dizzy and she had some sight problems and then passed out." Carter explained, lifting her defenseless body from the floor and carrying her outside. Mark walked beside him, hiding Kerry's face from view. He didn't want the others to know about this or they'll just get upset and neglect the patients. Carol gestured for them to take Kerry to trauma two, which was free and where she had just wheeled the gurney.
They didn't have the time to hook her to the machines once she was safe on the gurney as her body started seizing. "Damn it, she's seizing, turn her onto her side!" Mark yelled to both Carter and Carol as he turned on the monitors. Carter was having difficulties seeing Kerry's body seize like she was, he kept remembering about the time she had a similar seizure after she inhaled in chemical fumes, couple of years earlier and how helpless he felt while the others had taken care of her.
"Carter, suctioner!" He was pulled out of his thoughts by Mark's voice. "Quick!" He urged him as he and Carol turned Kerry to her side. Orange liquid trickled out of the side of her mouth staining the white blanket.
Carter handed him the suctioner and Mark proceeded to aspire the juice she had just drank an hour earlier. "Give her 2 migs of Ativan Carter, now!" shouted Mark. Carter quickly got the Ativan into Kerry's system, after a few seconds, Kerry's seizing slowly stopped and they all thought that was it, it was over, but they couldn't have been more wrong. As Mark and Carter had other patients to care for they left the room, leaving Carol to care for Kerry, but just seconds later, Carol suddenly ran out of the Trauma Room, right into Carter. "Carter"! she shouted, panting. "What's wrong Carol"? he asked concerned, fearing it was about Kerry. "Kerry's seizing again" She said, gesturing towards the trauma room. "Oh great, Carol go get Mark and I'll go help Kerry okay" He said. " Okay, thanks Carter" Carol said as she rushed in search of Mark. " No Problem" Carter ran into the Trauma Room and saw Kerry's seizing body. He ran over to help her by gently and very carefully turning her onto her side and as she started vomiting again he suctioned her mouth out with the suctioner that lied there beside her. A couple of seconds later, Carol and Mark ran in on Carter, and the sight of Kerry's body seizing again scared them, so they let Carter finish his work before they approached him. Just as they did so, Kerry's body began to calm down again, and they couldn't understand why. "Hey Carter, did you give her anymore Ativan?" Mark asked. "No, I didn't." Carter replied, shaking his head. "Then why isn't she seizing anymore?" He asked again. "I don't know." Carter looked just as lost as Mark did. "Carol, go and see if you can locate Kerry's chart and see what it says." Mark ordered Carol gently. "Sure, Mark, I'll be right back." Carol said and disappeared through the door after receiving a thanks from Mark. Kerry was now in a deep sleep, and both Mark and Carter wondered what was happening and why Kerry was having seizures, they just hoped they'd find the answers to their questions in her chart. As they waited for Carol, Carter approached the bed and covered Kerry's body with a blanket, bending down to place a gentle kiss on her pale forehead while Mark wasn't watching. He cared for her a lot and hated to see her like that, vulnerable and defenseless. "I'm taking this off, it can strangle her if she has more seizures." He whispered to Mark, pointing to a necklace she was wearing. Carter thought Kerry cared about that necklace, she always wore that, even to bed, and he believed someone like her grandma or mother had given it to her. But in that situation it could get seriously dangerous to have something around her neck, so he opened the clip, careful not to wake her up, and slid the jewel off her neck, holding then it tight in his closed hand. He felt something dig into his palm and when he opened his hand, grimacing in pain, he saw that a small rectangular golden medal was attached to it, and it looked like something was written on it. Carter brought it closer to his eyes, while Mark approached him curiously. Indeed there were words engraved on the golden surface. He read them aloud to Mark. "Kerry Weaver, March, the 13th, 1963." He lifted his head and looked first at Kerry's sleeping body, then at Mark. "Epileptic."
Mark shook his head. "It can't be." He mouthed. "Are you sure?" He insisted, stepping closer to Carter to have a look at the medal himself. Carter was right. The words on it stated that Kerry suffered of epilepsy. "God, I've been living with her for almost a year and I could never imagine.God." Carter told Mark, his expression still incredulous. "I noticed the necklace long ago, but I figured that it was just a gift from someone she cared about." He explained, touching it lightly with a trembling fingertip. His knees were still weak with his previous frightening and the lingering thought that he could have lost her as well as with the shock of the revelation. "What are we supposed to do now?" Mark was the first to voice that question, even if the both of them had been batting it around their heads from the very moment they became aware of Kerry's illness. They were pulled out of their thoughts as Carol stepped in the room, carrying Kerry's chart under her arm. "there's nothing here, it just talks about the seizure she had after the chemical agents spilling." She told them. "We should contact the hospital where she was born, up in Michigan." She suggested, handing Mark the chart so he could read it. Mark took the chart but didn't even open it, instead, he just looked at Carol, his face deadly serious. "There's no need to. We already know what happened." He said in a low voice. Carol often had to deal with that face, it was that of bad news, she just knew it. And although she and Kerry often argued, she really hoped she was going to be ok. "Well, she." He trailed off and looked behind herself as he heard a low squeak come from the bed, and he saw that Kerry was starting to stir behind the sheets. "Here, I'll explain everything outside." He told Carol, driving her out of the room with a hand on the small of her back. She was reluctant to leave Kerry, but she also knew they shouldn't disturb her to avoid stress. "Give her something to drink if she's thirsty, but don't let her eat for now, ok? I want to see her reactions to the seizures first." Mark recommended Carter before shutting the door behind himself, and the younger doctor just nodded as he approached the bed to let Kerry know there was someone there with her. Kerry was starting to become aware of things again after she blanked out in the lounge. It was like being on the bottom of a deep sea and trying to reach the surface. All her senses were muffled at the beginning, and the first time she tried to open her eyes she saw only darkness, but then lights were starting to appear, first small and faint, then brighter and everywhere around her. The same was with noises and voices, and as she came closer to the surface, warmth started to seep back into her, but with that she also felt jolts of pain shooting through all her sore muscles. She moaned with pain and blinked several times before she was able to locate herself on a gurney in a trauma room and to recognize Carter's upset face hovering upon her. "Must have screwed up everything, uh?" She said with a hoarse voice, then tried to sit up as she coughed. The sharp movement and the spasms of coughing caused her additional pain, and she just flopped back onto the bed, groaning "Shh, take it easy." He said, holding her down gently with a hand on her shoulder. "You gave us a pretty big scare, you know." He added, looking down at her, and smiled, happy she was awake and looking like she was going to be ok soon. She smiled back at him weakly and she curled in a ball under the sheets, as it seemed to ease the pain a bit. "I had a seizure, didn't I?" She asked him, the smile disappeared from her lips. He turned serious as well as he nodded. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked her. He knew she had every right not to trust him with her secret, but he thought that all the time they had spent together in the last months had gotten them closer friends, and he felt kind of betrayed. She looked away from his reproaching eyes. Maybe he didn't mean to look at her with those eyes, but she couldn't stand that gaze anyway. "I was afraid I could loose my work, and that you would be in equal trouble if they found out you knew and never told anyone." She whispered. And it was true, it was also about him. Doctors were supposed to tell about illnesses that could put patients in danger, and if Carter covered her, he would deserve at least a suspension, if not even firing. "Please don't be mad at me." She begged him with a hurt child voice that made his heart sink. He hadn't thought of the problem in that terms, and had always took for granted that she would be the only one in serious trouble if the news reached Anspaugh and Romano's ears. His gaze softened and he took the hand that was resting on her belly into his. "I'm not mad at you." He said softly, and brought her hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on the soft palm. She smiled at the ticklish sensation and squeezed his hand in return. She wasn't sure she would have allowed him to do that if she wasn't forced in bed, exhausted and with aching limbs, but the after-seizures made her feel vulnerable and she welcomed some comfort from people. "I'm going to bring you some pillows, so you can sleep more comfortably." He told her as he noticed her back was forced in an unnatural position. He knew she would never tell him if she hurt, but he could understand she was in discomfort nonetheless from the way she kept shifting position and squeezed her eyes shut in pain every time she did it. "Oh, Mark told me you can have something to drink, what about some juice?" He remembered suddenly. There was a minute maid vending machine in the waiting room, and Kerry usually drank at least a glass of juice at breakfast at home, so he thought it might be more tempting than plain water or a soda. She had to drink to restore the liquid and minerals she had lost sweating during the seizures. Kerry didn't actually feel thirsty, but her throat was dry and her stomach empty, and she thought some glucose would made her feel a bit better. "Ok, juice sounds just good. Apricot, though, not cherry." She said aloud. "I hate cherry juice." She added then, in a whisper that barely reached his ears. "The money is in my purse, in the locker room." "Don't worry about that." He said. "You do so much for me every single day that the least I can do is to offer you a glass of juice." He said, referring to all the times she cooked for him, and the free rent of the basement in return of some help with the housework. He just had to pay half the bills and the food when it was his turn to go to the supermarket. Kerry wanted to pay for her drink, but since it wasn't even half a dollar and she felt too tired and sleepy she didn't argue. She smiled back at him when he left the room with a big grin on his face, then, with the room finally silent, she allowed herself to close her eyes, whose eyelids felt extremely heavy. It gave her immediate relief, and she also felt the pain ease as she drifted off to sleep.
Kerry was pulled out of her peaceful sleep by the squeak of the door as Carter entered the room with a can of fresh juice in a hand and two fluffy pillows under his other arm. She yawned noisily and stretched her limbs, which she noticed with satisfaction, weren't so sore anymore. On the other hand, her lower back hurt because of the lack of support, and she was looking very forward to prop against the two soft-looking pillows. "Hi. I'm sorry I made you wait so much but we had a MVA and they needed me. 4 victims, and we lost one of them." He said sadly. He hated to loose patients, it made him feel so impotent. Kerry frowned. There had been a MVA and she didn't even perceive it, she must have been really in a deep sleep, which was strange, because she usually woke up at every minimal noise. Then she remembered it was one of the after effects of seizures. "How long did I sleep?" She asked him, propping herself up her elbows. She was surprised to see her arms didn't collapse under her own weight. "For more than an hour. We told Carol to check on you every five minutes until the trauma emergency ended." He informed her as he set the juice can on the table and approached the bed with the pillows. Kerry bent forward as Carter arranged the pillows to be most comfortable for her. "Oh, thank you, that's way better." She said as she rested her back and head against the soft material with a sigh of pleasure. "Can I have my juice now?" She stretched her arm towards the can. After a good rest her body started to claim both drinks and food. "Sure." Carter said and handed her the can after opening it. "But, uhm.this is peach, there was no apricot left. They're pretty the same thing so I thought.uhm.if you don't like it I can go to Doc Magoo's and see if there's.." "No, I like peach. Really, there's no need you do this for me." She interrupted him and took a long sip from the can. It was fresh and sweet, just what she needed. She swallowed then coughed as it almost came back up.
"Easy, Kerry. Easy." He patted her back gently and took the can from her hand, which was shaking with her coughing, before she could spill something on her front. "Drink slowly, in small sips, or you'll just throw everything up." He reminded her as the fit of coughing passed and he handed the can back to her. Silence fell between them as she drank her juice slowly as he had recommended her and he sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand resting so near Kerry's leg she could feel the heat of his fingers even through the sheet. He looked down at her and covered her hand with his. It was time for serious talk. "Now I guess I have to tell the whole ER. If anybody hasn't already done it for me, naturally." She said, looking first down at her lap, then up at him. Her gaze was questioning. "Nobody knows, don't worry. Anyway, you just have to tell Anspaugh, it will be up to you if tell the others or not." He told her gently, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. "Whatever your choices will be, I'll always be there for you. You're not alone in this." He bent down to kiss her forehead again and was surprised she didn't object. He felt bold and moved down to press another kiss on her mouth. Her lips were soft, and she tasted sweet, like the juice she had just drunk. She responded but didn't deepened the kiss. That was better than nothing, he thought as they parted. Kerry wasn't entirely surprised of the happening. There had been sparks between them after his first months in her house but the both of them were too shy and afraid to be rejected to take the first step. An accident was needed to wake him up. "What if I loose the job?" She asked him, afraid of what the consequences would be. "You won't. You're too good as a doctor, they won't let you go." He said confidently. He knew Anspaugh admired Kerry and considered her a very talented doctor, so he was sure he wouldn't sack her, maybe just take some precautions. "Listen, there's no need for you to stay the night, so when I knock off I'll take you home with me. Mark said it's ok, and said also that if you feel better you can have something light to eat." He informed her, hoping to cheer her up a little with a good news. She smiled indeed. "That would be a blessing, I'm sick of this hospital bed, and I'm getting hungry." She smiled broadly at him, and he returned a toothy smile. He knew they said doctors were the worst patients, but except for the impatience, which was one of Kerry's prerogatives, she didn't complain much during her permanence there, but maybe it was just because she spent most of the time asleep. "So let's go have this talk with Anspaugh." Carter said, and disappeared behind the door to get a wheelchair. Surely Kerry would complain about that, but he didn't want to risk her feeling dizzy or weak and fall. He wanted to take care of her the proper way. As he had foreseen, Kerry grimaced at the sight of him pushing the wheelchair into the room. "John, I think I can handle a little walk." She said, getting out of the bed and retrieving her crutch, propped against the headboard. She felt her knees buckle slightly and she rested her weight against the mattress, taking deep breaths as the room started spinning around her once more. "See, you're still too tired. C'mon, let me help you." He said, approaching her with the chair. He smiled at himself as he helped her ease herself onto the seat. She had called him John. She never did that before, he was just Carter. As he wheeled her outside the room heads turned towards her, curious and questioning. She smiled at those who smiled at her and waved back at those who waved their hands at her. Mark approached them as they reached the elevator. "How's she doing?" He asked Carter. "I can reply by myself, you know, Mark. There's no need you ask him." She snapped at him, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. "Anyway, I feel better. Thank you for.uhm.saving my life." She whispered. Her pride made it difficult for her to admit she had needed help. "We're going to Anspaugh to talk about.you know what." Carter explained, then pushed Kerry's chair inside the elevator as its doors opened in front of him. Mark nodded. "Good luck then." They were going to need it.
There was silence between them during the ride in the elevator. Tension built up at every second and Kerry felt her hands shaking as the elevator stopped and the doors opened just opposite Anspaugh's office. The door was closed, but they could both see the man's frame move behind the glass. She took a deep breath and looked up at Carter as he was about to knock at the door. He returned the worried glance and forced a smile, trying to ease up her concern. "Everything will be alright." He reassured her, and moved a hand up to stroke her hair. He wanted to kiss her again, but that was absolutely the worst place and moment to do it. They were about to break to their boss the news that one of his attendings was epileptic, and give them reason to suspect a relationship between the mentioned attending and a resident wasn't surely going to do any good to the situation. "Cross your fingers." She said, as Carter finally knocked and Anspaugh's weary voice allowed them in. He was quite surprised to see Carter wheel an over-anxious Kerry inside his office, but after the first moment of astonishment he let out a sigh of relief and greeted the both of them with a smile and invited John to take seat. He had been informed of Kerry's collapse earlier in the ER and he was very upset at the idea that he could loose a precious collaborator and also a good friend. They had some clashes in the past but he respected Kerry and liked her as a person, and she was great with the hospital bureaucracy. "Kerry, I'm happy to see you. How do you feel?" He asked politely, and both Carter and Kerry felt their anguish lessen a bit at his affability. "I'm still tired, but I feel much better, thank you." She replied with a forced smile on her lips. He nodded. "That's good. And did you discover what provoked that?" He asked then, curious. As concerned as he was for Kerry's health, he couldn't help but hope this wouldn't get the hospital into troubles, if her collapse was caused by a malfunctioning in the hospital system. He remembered the chemical agents spill and the way the fumes affected Kerry, and it wasn't impossible that dangerous fumes could have been formed by chemical substances stored in the basement and brought in the ER by the air vents. Kerry bit her lower lip uncomfortably and searched an encouraging look from Carter with the corner of her eye.
He nodded at her, and shot her a thumb up when Anspaugh couldn't see him. Kerry took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Well, I always knew what it was, but nobody of the staff could have imagined." She explained, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt nervously as she spoke. She rarely got that nervous and she was usually able to keep her composure, but that was about her work and the efforts of her entire life. Anspaugh frowned, not understanding yet what she meant, and leaned forward on the desk, nodding for Kerry to continue her speech. "It was an.an epileptic crisis." She blurted out finally. "I've been epileptic since birth. Today I took some low dosage pills instead of my usual Phenobarbital shoot, and it obviously didn't work." She said in a rush, trying to defend herself somehow. She held her breath as she studied Anspaugh's every movement and reaction to her confession. He looked down at the open copybook on his desk for a moment, drinking in her words, and then lifted his head again, his eyes piercing into hers. He took off his glasses and sighed heavily before speaking. "I guess it's useless to say this is very serious Kerry." He began. "You know you should have told us about this the very moment you took your first step into this hospital. What if it had happened during a trauma? What if." "I'm perfectly aware of all the risks, but I had my disease under control, until today." She interrupted him. "I.didn't want to loose my job." She finally admitted. "I've already had thousands of problems with my disability, and I thought that my epilepsy would have prevented me from becoming an emergency doctor if people knew about it." She explained. She could already see herself confined in a university class room or in a morgue, teaching students about tropical diseases or showing them how to perform an autopsy, and she was sure this was not the life she wanted. "I can understand you Kerry, but.God.if something happened and someone discovered you hid your disease those raptors of attorneys would have made us close the hospital.do you understand? You're a great doctor and I thought you had sense enough to figure how much this is wrong of you. You really disappointed me Kerry, and I'm really sorry about this." He told her, gently but with a firm tone. She looked down at the hands in her lap. "Well, now I guess I can go pack my things." She said sadly, probing. "No, you don't have to do that just yet. I.as much as this subject is serious, you're still way too important to us, and as far as I'm concerned, I'd just give you a suspension and trust your sense not do such a thing again." He told her. "But, I can't make such a decision without consulting the Chief of Staff and Emergency medicine, and some of your colleagues as witnesses." He explained. Kerry's face, which had looked a little relieved when Anspaugh told her he didn't want to fire her, fell at the mention of a consult with the Chief of Staff and Emergency medicine, who happened to be the same person, namely Robert Romano. And everybody knew how Romano loved to play the boss and punish people if he got the occasion. "I'll let you know as soon as we schedule the meeting. I'd like you to attend as well, Dr.Carter." Anspaugh said, dismissing them. Both Kerry and Carter nodded and said goodbye as he wheeled her colleague back to the ER.