Weehaw, another update! Tashilover, this is for you, muahahaha!

Disclaimer: I own Nigel! Neener, neener, neener!!

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Legolas sprang to his feet, looking about nervously. He was standing in the middle of a deserted corridor. There was no sign of any other fellowship members. Even Platy was gone. The elf quickly ducked into an alcove to gather his thoughts. This was definitely NOT the Mines of Moria.

Before Legolas could gather any more than that, a figure in a painting peered sharply at him.

"I say," the startled paint-man cried, "who in the blazes are YOU?!"

Legolas stared in shock at the painting for a moment, then backed up towards the opposite wall.

"Wait now I can't see a thing! Get out of my way, you!" A somewhat muffled voice snapped from behind the elf. Legolas jumped forward and spun around in shock. Paintings were talking to him!

"I don't believe he's a student thought he does look a bit like a Malfoy" a woman in a robe muttered thoughtfully. The bald, bearded man in the next painting over agreed with her.

Legolas didn't wait to hear more. He simply turned and ran.

*~*~*~*~*

Pippin sat up and rubbed his head. He had opened the book, there'd been a huge flash, and now he was well, he had no idea where he was. A hallway of some kind, or so it appeared to be. He looked up at the windows and smiled. They were out of the mines, at least, and that was fine with him.

The hobbit climbed to his feet and brushed himself off. Then he looked both ways down the hallway. In each direction there was nothing. This did not sit quite so well with the young hobbit. Where were Merry and the others? After a moment of deliberation, Pippin picked a direction and started walking.

*~*~*~*~*

Gimli said something extraordinarily rude in dwarfish as he climbed to his feet. He was in the middle of an empty room full of tables and chairs. Hoisting his axe, the dwarf burst out the door. Nothing. No orcs, no one. Frowning and still gripping his axe, the dwarf started to shuffle down the hallway. The sound of padding feet emanated from around the corner. An ambush! Gimli ducked against the wall. As soon as the person was within striking distance, the dwarf jumped out with a cry, swinging his axe.

His downstroke was blocked by Aragorn. "Careful, Master Dwarf," the man said, raising an eyebrow. Gimli brought back his axe with a grumbled apology.

"You shouldn't sneak around corners like that, laddie!"

"And you should not swing your axe at everything that moves." Aragorn sheathed his sword. "There are many rooms here; most of them seem to be filled with children. I do not know where we are, but it would be wise to not upset anyone, as we are most definitely outnumbered."

"Aye," Gimli agreed, putting up his axe. "Have you seen any of the others?"

Aragorn shook his head. "You are the first I have seen."

"Well, what are we waiting for? We have to find them!" With that, the two set off down the hall.

*~*~*~*~*

Frodo sat up and groaned. His head was pounding. He looked around in absolute bafflement. He was sitting in a puddle of water in a small room. Along one wall was a series of tiny, boxed off areas, each housing a white contraption whose purpose the hobbit couldn't fathom. As he climbed shakily to his feet, a transparent girl with glasses floated out of one of the boxes and stared at him in surprise.

"Who are you?" she asked, looking the hobbit over. "You don't look like a student and anyway, you're a boy! You shouldn't be in here! Come to tease me like all the others, I suppose!" Her eyes started to tear. "Well, I don't blame you! I'm such an easy target!"

The hobbit stared at the girl in horror for a minute, then turned and bolted out the door. He found himself stumbling down an empty corridor, closed doors on either side.

"Sam?" He called out nervously, stumbling to a halt. "Gandalf? Aragorn?" Nothing. In a moment of pure desperation, he added, "Nigel?" Still nothing, this time to the hobbit's partial relief.

"Frodo?" The hobbit looked up hopefully. A moment later, Platy and Boromir appeared from a side corridor. "Well, thank God we've found you, at least!"

"You haven't seen any of the others?" Frodo asked, his eyes bushbaby-huge in worry. Boromir shook his head gravely, then squinted at Frodo's pants.

"Did you have an accident?"

"What? I" suddenly Frodo got it and turned red. "No! I sat in a puddle!" Boromir looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh, so Platy intervened.

"Well, they're bound to be here somewhere," she said. "Come on, we'll try down this way"

*~*~*~*~*~*

Merry was halfway up (or possibly down) a staircase, stuck fast. He had put his foot on what had certainly looked like a normal stair, but he had promptly sunk inside the step! Every time he had tried to pull his foot free he had only made things worse, so now he was sitting on the stair above the one his leg was trapped in, trembling slightly. What if a party of orcs found him? He wanted desperately to call out for help, but he was terrified of being heard by anything of a less-than-savory nature. Where was everyone? Where was he? What if he was the only one who had been transported to this crazy place, and the fellowship had just gone on without him?

He jumped, startled, as an echoing bang reached his ears. A moment later, a little flying man whizzed down the stairs. Merry held perfectly still, frightened half out of his mind, as the man whooshed past him, did a double-take, and stopped in mid-air.

"Aww," the wicked-looking floating midget said maliciously, looking Merry over. "Is an ickle firsty caught on the stairs?" He giggled. Merry gulped. The man floated closer. "But he doesn't really look like a student what is it? A house elf out of the kitchens, perhaps?" Peeves looked thoughtful for a moment as Merry suppressed a whimper. Then the poltergeist shrugged and produced a handful of hard candy from a pocket. "He's going to be late to wherever he's going; Peevesy will teach him not to be loitering on the stairs!" Before Merry could react (not that there was anything he really could have done), Peeves winged a piece of candy at him. It bounced off the hobbit's head, and he yelped in fear and protest. Peeves cackled maniacally and threw three more pieces in rapid succession, each one hitting the wriggling hobbit somewhere, and one of them sticking in his hair.

Peeves was winding up to throw the final piece of candy when a frying pan hit him with a resounding BONG, sending him whizzing up the staircase, ricocheting off the walls until he was out of sight. Merry nearly collapsed with relief as Sam put the pan away and started to climb towards him.

"Sam! Thank Eru! Don't step on this one; it sucks you in," Merry pointed to his leg, which was now knee-deep in the stair. Sam took an extra-large step over it, and then hoisted Merry out by his cloak.

"There you are," Sam said, brushing him off and grinning. "It's sure good to see you. I've been walking about for a while now, and you're the first I've run into." He snagged the piece of candy out of Merry's hair, examined it briefly, then chucked it over his shoulder.

"The same goes for me. And thanks," Merry said with a grin. Then his expression turned thoughtful. "That little man mentioned elves here and kitchens."

"Elves?" Sam grinned hopefully.

"And kitchens," Merry added. The two hobbits set out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gandalf picked up his hat and scowled. This was something the fellowship most definitely did not need. The wizard plunked the hat back on his head, gripped his staff, and strode down the somewhat familiar corridors. He hadn't been to Hogwarts in an awfully long time, and the school had an unnerving way of rearranging itself.

The wizard paused as a familiar voice came floating around the corner.

"I say, where do you think you're going? I'm not going to harm you, you silly, slimy little thing come on out here and say hi to Uncle Nigel! The least I can do is find you a shirt what?! Don't hiss at me; most improper for a chap to do! Where did you learn manners?!"

Gandalf stormed around the corner to witness Nigel Pivington Jones crouching and peering down another hallway with a frustrated scowl on his face.

"Come back here, you! No one hisses at Nigel Pivington Jones and gets away with it!" The man was about to pull out his bullwhip when Gandalf hoisted him to his feet by his ear. "Owch! Go easy, you barmy old man!"

"You are far more trouble than you're worth," the wizard said sharply. "Now follow me, and you'd better behave for your own sake. There is much at stake here, and I will not be saddled by your foolishness!"

Nigel gulped and nodded, and Gandalf released his ear and started down the hallway. The wizard had little doubt that Nigel had just been yelling at Gollum, and the wizard knew it was imperative that he find Frodo before Gollum did. Gandalf frowned. Things were not looking good for the fractured fellowship, but at least there was one small blessing: Nigel wasn't running loose.

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Eh, not one of my best chapters. But at least I've updated, at long last!

FrighteninglyObsessed: Love the penname, hehehe. I can relate. Glad you took the time to read what is probably the least popular fic of mine though it is my baby (huggles fic). I won't be updating very often, but I won't abandon it entirely!

Alassea2: And cyberthanks to you! :-D

Daisy, Dark, Dailight: Well, it wasn't like Platy was really excited about the stupidity part. ;-)

pretendingtobesane: Glad you like it! It probably won't be updated often, since my other fics are in higher demand, but I'll try to update more often over the summer.

awkward: Oh, you bet he yells "charge"! And he does have a moustache. And that would be pretty threatening but I like alliteration. :-P

Tora Aykanami: Yay! Not only did someone think me worth recommending, but you came and LIKED it! HUZZAH! (hugs) Glad you like Nigel, and thanks muchly!

Karvian: Wow! Thanks for all of the reviews! Hehe, you're hysterical! They made my day! Dyslexics ROCK!

Cacunai: Aww, I liked your reviews! Short but sweet! It's just nice to know that people are reading it and enjoying it!

CrazedSpork: Thanks for the encouragement! I love your penname, hehehe! Glad you like it!

Tazzmania Tygar: Oh, you flatter me terribly! ;-) Sorry the update took me a ridiculously long time. If you're still reading, thanks for being patient!

Silver Meteor: I have heard that Snape being a vampire rumor, but I'm not sure where I stand on it. On the one hand, he is out in the sun sometimes, for Quidditch matches and whatnot. But on the other hand, if you can make a potion that makes werewolves friendly and sane, could you make one that made vampires sunproof? (ponders)

sugaricing: You are insane! I LOVE IT! Thanks muchly!

Tashilover: Well, I hope it was worth the wait, and that you're pacified for a week or so. :-P THIS WAS ALL FOR YOU, DAMN IT!

Always Arwen: Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy warty Hogwarts, teach us something pleeeease whether we be old and bald or young with scabby kneeees ahem. They have! Thanks for the review!

Léaglen: The reason there are no roman numerals with the name is because there can only be ONE Nigel Pivington Jones! ;-) Very happy that you like the fic, and very sorry that it has been ages and ages since I updated. :-\

NeverSayDie: Hehe, that makes today a happy day, too! JOY!

Megan Sleevewillow: Hehehe, thanks! Dude, I need to check your fic LJ

purplestainedglass: Uh whoopsy. :-P Aww, it's your favorite? (HUG!)

Medea12: and then I left you all hanging forever. Sorry! Hope you liked this chapter!

Skimbleshanks, the Railway CAT: Again with the apologies bleh. Mockfests distracted me!

Phaidra: I hope YOU update Carmen in Control! Tell me if you do; it's great! After all, it's never too late to update as I've just proven. :-P

Whizzothecrunchyfrog: So do I when I read your reviews. Thanks!

ElvenPirate41: PHEEP! I invented it it's part of the platypus language, Pheepish. Glad you liked!

Meee: Well, who's to say that they HAVE LOTR in Harry's world? Maybe they don't! :-P And wizards have to stick together, hehee. Hope this chapter wasn't too bad!

Tashilover (again): UPDATE, you!!

Largely Misunderstood Platypus: They should! And he shouldn't. And why wouldn't they know each other? ;-) You're going to have to go back and read your own review just to get this response, hehehe. Hope this chapter didn't suck!

Woo! Sorry about the hideously monstrous delay, you guys. Just to reiterate: I'm not going to be updating this one too often. But I swear I won't abandon it; so if you're patient, you'll get your new chapters eventually. Thanks a lot for sticking with me!

~Platy