In the Dark

By Lalita

Disclaimer~ *sigh*  I would have thought that by now everyone knows I don't own Megami Kouhosei, but just for the heck of it, I'll say it again: I don't own any part of MK.

Summary~ Ikhny is tormented endlessly by Hiead, until…  *evil laugh*  Read to find out!

Author's Notes~ After finally coming home for X-Mas break, I found myself in a sudden surge of inspiration to write another chapter.  The only problem was, I couldn't find the plan I'd saved on the comp. and thus, I had no idea what was happening next.  But did I let that stop me?  No, hours later, I emerged victorious from rummaging through various boxes with the original plan and now- tada!  The Chapter Seven that's been awaited for so long that it's probably been forgotten has been released!  I apologize for the obscene amount of time passing my updates, and I'd like to thank anyone who still remembers this little author and her little story.  Thanks to everyone who reviewed Chapter Six so long ago!  I still remember you- though you've likely forgotten me.  Well, here's Chapter Seven- finally.  Let me know what ya think in a review!

Chapter Seven~ Guilt, Grief, and Relief

            Ikhny was discharged three days later, with strict orders from Dr. Rill to take the pain killing medications three times a day, to rest often, to get extra help in repairing her Goddess for as long as necessary, and to take it easy.  She was also going to be submitted to a weekly routine check up for the next month.

            Ikhny grimaced as she left the hospital ward carrying various bottles of pills.  She had never liked pills, as they nearly made her choke every time she tried to swallow them.  Still, she was glad to be gone from the ward.  It was a nice vacation from work and all, but sitting around all day got very boring and irritating.  It was also nice to be back in her own clothes, not the long, scratchy nightgowns provided by the nurses.

            She sighed a bit sadly and turned the corner, fully prepared to skip lunch and take a nap, despite the way her stomach growled.  She didn't want people to see her...  Didn't want them to question her, talk to her, or even look at her.  She just wanted to be ignored, as if she was invisible, but chances were, that wasn't going to happen.  So, she simply intended to avoid society for as long as she possibly could.

            Ikhny closed her mind to any further thoughts on the subject, as it was a closely related topic to " The Accident."  In other words, what Hiead had done to her.  But the R word was too much for Ikhny to handle, so she had donned it " The Accident," and tucked it away into a small, dusty corner of her mind, the place that stored other unpleasant, best forgotten memories- most of them having something to do with Hiead.

            Trying to cheer herself up, Ikhny hummed a low tune under her breath and struggled to keep her mind blissfully free of anything to do with " The Accident."  But it wasn't so easy as that.  Every spot she passed seem to hold some memory of Hiead, either hitting her, yelling at her, shoving and mocking her...  The only place that was Hiead-less was her own room.  Even Hiead had not ventured that far, and Ikhny was grateful for her one place of respite.

            She had heard things while lying in the hospital ward, so she had no fear of running into Hiead in the hallways.  Ikhny had even been awake when he and Zero had been rushed in, both lying flat on stretchers and severely injured.  Ikhny had gasped once she recognized Zero's mop of unruly hair and covered her mouth with her hands to stifle the noise. 

            But the next sight she saw would have knocked her off her feet, had she been standing.  The other boy was Hiead, except for it couldn't be Hiead... could it?  Hiead was never hurt so badly before, and he was so strong...  It was completely alien to Ikhny, to have seen Hiead being brought down a peg or two.  Dark, purpling bruises covered his face and the lower left side of the sheet covering him was splashed with blood.

            All the color drained out of Ikhny's face and her head swam.  Hiead resembled how she had looked, when she had first been brought to the hospital ward.  Angry, harsh voices from the officials broke into her thoughts.  They were angry with the pilots for wasting their EX and nearly killing each other.  Angry enough to dismiss both of them, had they not been so important to the team. 

            A nurse had noticed she was awake then and quickly came over, smiling placidly and biding Ikhny to sleep.  Ikhny was too confused to care, so she closed her eyes and lay back on the pillows, inwardly in turmoil as vicious thoughts of Hiead assaulted her.

            Good...  He's finally getting what he deserves, isn't he?  She shook her head violently and the pillow inched closer to the side of the bed.  " I am not that kind of person," Ikhny had told herself firmly.  And had it been any other time before the accident, Ikhny would have believed herself.  But things had changed.  Things had changed so drastically that Ikhny could only close her eyes and try to take the nurse's advice and rest.

            Yes... That was another reason why she was glad to leave the hospital ward.  Too much time for thought.  At least out in the open, although she would be subjected to stares and points, she would have something to keep her hands busy.  A wise person once said that the only way to stay sane each day was to have work to do.  Ikhny could remember very little from the hospital ward except a few, blurred images, but she could remember looking down at her hands, twisting nervously still, and feeling a pang.  She remembered yearning for something, anything to do to fight back the dark thoughts that always came with consciousness. 

            But there was a reason for everything.  Decisions had been made while lying helplessly on the bed.  Ikhny's face had lost in cheerful plumpness.  Now it was hardened by premature lines, lines formed from hours of sorting through muddled confusion and facing raw truth- truth that she'd denied for so long.

            There really was no reason for her to stay here anymore.  Becoming a repairer had once been a grand dream, but now...  Ikhny shook her head, clearing it.  There really was nothing holding her, nothing keeping her from leaving.  It certainly wasn't any mismatched loyalty to her pilot, and though her friendship with Kizna was the closest thing to love she'd ever known, she also knew that Kizna would understand when, and if, she left. 

            There was just one problem.  Ikhny didn't have anywhere to go.

            She sighed.  In truth, that was what had been bothering her the most during her fitful waking hours of recovery.  She would be running yet again from Hiead, something she'd been doing far too long.  It might be the smartest decision of her life to leave, but at the same time, it would also be the most cowardly.

            Ikhny grimaced.  It seemed like Hiead's damnable pride had started wearing off on her.

            With a jolt, she realized she had just passed the mess hall.  Her feet started moving again, taking her further down the corridor, but Ikhny stopped them with a firm command with her mind.  "Might as well face them now," she thought grimly, and, like a pilot preparing for battle, started ticking off strategies in her mind to ward off unwanted questions and even more unwanted looks.

            The mess hall's door loomed closer and closer, and then it opened, exposing Ikhny to the view of nearly half of GIS's residents.  She swallowed, and, with the same steely determination that brought her there, stepped into the serving line behind a girl with short blonde hair.  The only way to fend off worried remarks would be to act as normal as possible, and as for the other kind of remarks she'd be hearing... well, she wasn't sure quite how to deal with those, but she would when the time came.  All she had to focus on right now was putting one foot in front of the other and controlling her shaking hands so that the tray wouldn't tip.

            The cook, whose duties also included being the server, looked at her strangely before giving her a scoop of what was only identifiable by its name- potatoes.  She walked through the line with her head hung low, not necessarily ashamed, just not wanting to see the pity and the shame other people conveyed when they looked at her.  With still trembling hands, Ikhny grabbed for a cup of what appeared to be oil left out for a couple years but what was actually coffee.  Caffeine could rectify anything, couldn't it?  It always seemed to work so well for Zero...

            Remembering Zero brought her back to her current situation.  Even though it sounded completely immature, just where was she going to sit?  Before, there had always been Kizna and Zero to sit by, but now...  She mentally berated herself.  Really, she was a grown girl, and she didn't need to have someone to sit by every time she wanted to eat.  Ikhny would have grinned at her foolishness had the situation not felt so grave.

            Yes, there was a distinct difference between before and the way things were now.  Ikhny lifted her head ever so slightly to scout out an empty table.  There was one, just a few feet in front of her.  If she walked quickly, she could make it there before anyone offered her a seat.

            She took the seat and heaved a sigh of relief.  Now, if she just poked at her food a bit and pretended to be oblivious to the world, all should go well...

            "Ikhny!"  Cursing mentally, Ikhny looked up to see the familiar plump face of a blue haired, blue eyed girl named Wrecka.  She smiled mildly at her as she took a seat across from Ikhny.  "I'm so glad you're alright!  We were all so worried!  Life's been soooooo different without you!"

            Ikhny closed her eyes.  So many exclamations.  So many words all at once.  She got a sudden urge to run away from Wrecka's endless stream of chatter.

            "You... You look better," Wrecka said, still smiling, but the flicker in her eyes showed she didn't mean what she was saying.  Ikhny had already seen herself in the mirror and had confirmed her suspicions- she looked like a cat dragged through hell and back again.

            "Well, hun, I got to go."  Wrecka's nervous proclamation interrupted Ikhny's thoughts.  She managed another weak smile as Wrecka bounced away, probably eager to report back to the full table of friends she had vacated only minutes before.  Ikhny sighed.  The crisis was temporarily avoided, although she was sure Wrecka would be back for more later.  So long as she was left alone now, she was fine.

            Ikhny continued to pick at her food, occasionally forcing down a bite or two.  She didn't have to leave GIS permanently.  She could retire from her position, of course, even go down to the maintenance staff.  If she tried hard enough, maybe she could even get a position as an instructor for the repairers down on GOA.  The thoughts were comforting, but at the same time filling her with a sense of loss.  If it hadn't been for Hiead, she really would have loved her job as a repairer.  There was just so much pride in fixing something, making something, all on her own and seeing it actually put to use.  Unlike Kizna, who had become a repairer simply because it was the closest thing to a pilot she could be, Ikhny had really, honestly wanted to become a repairer.  There wasn't much she could remember about the colony she lived on years ago, but every time she picked up a tool and started working, she could remember the way her hands had longed to do something useful, something to benefit everybody.

             She felt more than heard the person behind her.  She turned around, knowing already whom she would see.

            Kizna.

            Ikhny swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat and lowered her spoon.  Kizna was sifting from foot to foot, her own nervous habit.  The silence seemed to stretch on forever, the lies told before mixing with the things yet to be said.  "So," Kizna said, not able to look at Ikhny directly.  When Ikhny didn't respond, she said unnecessarily, "You're out."

            "Yeah," Ikhny agreed, trying to force her eyes to look at Kizna.  But looking at Kizna brought back the last things they'd said to each other, during one of the first coherent moments in the hospital ward.  She didn't really remember much, except the fleeting feelings of dread and pressure that even the lie clearing Hiead's name couldn't shake.

            Kizna sighed.  "Avoiding this really isn't going to work, is it," she said ruefully, but the question came out as more of a statement. 

            "No," Ikhny agreed again, wishing she could think of more to say.

            "Maybe I was a bit harsh when... you know."  Kizna gulped.  "What I mean to say is... Well, I'm sorry."

            "You don't have to be sorry, Kizna," Ikhny surprised herself by spitting out more than three words.  "What you said was true."

            Kizna looked as if she was having difficulty not agreeing with her.  "Still, I just... We're still friends, right?"

            Ikhny smiled.  "I didn't know we ever stopped in the first place."

            Kizna smiled gratefully.  "I saw Wrecka the vampire here a few minutes ago.  Was she pumping you for information?" she asked, abruptly changing the subject.

            "I wasn't really paying attention," Ikhny confessed.  "I guess it's a handy trick that comes in after years of listening to her."

            Kizna laughed, the sound pleasantly surprising both of them and leading Ikhny to join in.  She reveled in the sound of their joined giggles, feeling lighter than she had since... well, since leaving GOA to become a Goddess Repairer.

            Who would've thought I could laugh again?