THE VERY SECRET DIARY OF DRACO MALFOY
Day 1
Am very upset Potter did not answer my letters regarding some adorable frocks I thought he might be interested in. Perhaps he's not the ribbon and lace type. Will have to return to tailors and see if they have any hardcore leather pinafores.
Day 3
Have arrived at Hogwarts for my third year at school, and second year as fabulous new Slytherin Seeker. Now have own private changing room for practice, so Flint can't do that thing to me with the towel rack anymore. Go me!
Day 5
Wrote another letter to father about getting a new broom. Fabulous new Firebolt series just came out in the store and colors match my complexion far better than ruddy old Nimbus 2002. Honestly, I don't see how I should have to ride the same broom as everyone else on the team. It's fun for a while, but whoever has to sit in the back keeps sliding off the end.
Day 9
Had first class of the year with Snape. . .that man must have been practicing his leering over the summer because he's gotten worse. Never mind feeling that someone's undressing you with their eyes. . .HIS eyes have already torn my uniform off, had their eyeballish way with me and then called the cops to turn themselves in as pedophiles.
Day 12
Father won't buy me a new Firebolt like the one in the store. Said that some things in life have to be earned with hard work. Told him flat out that I was still chafed from the leather chaps. He clarified that he wanted me to get a student job. Damn.
Day 14
Rubbed a little musk cologne on and hung about Snape's office for a bit. Do not want to EVER work in the service sector and figured Head of House would be more than generous enough to help me buy kickass new broom. He only laughed and said to bring some friends next time, then kicked me out when I sent Crabbe and Goyle round. What?! It's not MY fault everyone in Slytherin is inexplicably ugly!
Day 16
Tried musk trick with MacGonagall and she turned me into a badger again.
Day 20
Rather grudgingly put in some applications at several places of business. Hope I at least get Blue Cross with this.
Day 22
Am now working the evening shift at Hot Topic. Can't believe businesses are so complicated. Just closing out registers takes forever. Added to that, creepy japanophile girls keep coming in and squealing random badly pronounced Japanese phrases they pick up from watching anime. As if anyone believes these white bread cracker teenagers from Virginia are actually asian.
Cannot malign store anymore, as author may have her book accepted by Slave Labor soon, which is sold directly through Hot Topic (a wonderful and fabulous store that you most certainly should shop in at least once a week, particularly the comics section).
Day 23
Having part-time job not working out so well with school work. Keep falling asleep in middle of History of Magic tests and writing snappy black t-shirt quotes instead of actual answers. Bloody professor failied me for putting "Chicks dig skinny pale guys" as the capital of goblin country.
Day 24
Manager put me on shift til closing with Todd, whom for some reason would like to be called Raven at all times. I call him the scrawny guy in the net tshirt with too many buckles on his pants. Todd's (Raven's) a fairly stable individual given his faults, but he keeps trying to convince me to dye my hair black. Apparently blonde is just NOT the look the store hired me for. Took Todd's/Raven's advice and went for a deep midnight. Hair came out black at the ends and slightly purple at the roots. Not sure father would approve of my altering the Malfoy aryan-race image he worked so hard to produce.
Day 27
Had a shock when Snape came in and bought a pair of boots from me! Stupid git didn't realize it was me because of the hair dye. Apparently there ARE advantages to being a goth. Was glad when he finally left (with a new pair of platform paratroopers with inner buckles, size eight). Toddraven was starting to give us funny looks.
Day 32
Checking stock with manager. Pretty sure Snape hooked a couple issues of GloomCookie in his last visit.
Day 35
Almost got enough money for a brand-new Firebolt, and then it's good riddance to this mindless drone job. Do not at all appreciate the fat chicks with multiple piercings who want to try all the dog collars on, or the guy who just comes in and smells every shirt in the store, then leaves. Toddraven also keeps inviting me to his house to play Vampire: The Masquerade with Juno, Lady Onibreath and someone called The Claw.
Will not play with The Claw. Fear The Claw far too much.
Day 40
Haven't had time after classes for anything but job. Only just NOW found out idiot Head of House is shagging the starving guy! Probably paid him a bucket of chicken wings for it. Hope Lupin likes chocolate syrup.
Day 51
YES! Finally have enough for a new Firebolt! Sent the order off today along with all of my weekly paychecks. Go me! Cannot WAIT until I see the look on Potter's face tomorrow.
Day 52
Bloody broom was supposed to arrive today and it DIDN'T! I clearly gave them the address: England, Hogwarts School, Main Hall, Cute and Often Slashed Boy Sitting at Long Table! On top of that, Potter's got a brand new Firebolt for some reason! How the hell did HE get one??
Day 60
Called the store and they gave me a lot of rot about how they already delivered it. Stuff and nonsense! If they'd already sent, I would HAVE it by now! Just watching Potter's smug (yet pouty) mouth as he zooms around on his own Firebolt, showing off his special monogrammed DM initials on the handle. . .if only MY broom would arrive, I'd show him who's boss! I'd spank his ass with the handle end! Had a good cry about it in the boy's lav and then bleached my hair out again.
Day 63
Got mud thrown at me by an only partially invisible Potter. . .just KNEW he was the down-and-dirty type! Had a good laugh watching him get reamed out by Head of House while hidden behind the door. Then stupid starving man came and copped a feel on him and they left. Damn that man!
Day 68
Quidditch team lost to Gryffindor. WOULD have won easily If I had my new broom! Potter, OF COURSE, flying around like the showoff bragging idiot he is, bending all over his new broom like he was going to have children with it. Actually quite fun to watch.
Have to go now. . . heading over to Sears for an interview in the home fashions department. Damn it all.
Day 1
Am very upset Potter did not answer my letters regarding some adorable frocks I thought he might be interested in. Perhaps he's not the ribbon and lace type. Will have to return to tailors and see if they have any hardcore leather pinafores.
Day 3
Have arrived at Hogwarts for my third year at school, and second year as fabulous new Slytherin Seeker. Now have own private changing room for practice, so Flint can't do that thing to me with the towel rack anymore. Go me!
Day 5
Wrote another letter to father about getting a new broom. Fabulous new Firebolt series just came out in the store and colors match my complexion far better than ruddy old Nimbus 2002. Honestly, I don't see how I should have to ride the same broom as everyone else on the team. It's fun for a while, but whoever has to sit in the back keeps sliding off the end.
Day 9
Had first class of the year with Snape. . .that man must have been practicing his leering over the summer because he's gotten worse. Never mind feeling that someone's undressing you with their eyes. . .HIS eyes have already torn my uniform off, had their eyeballish way with me and then called the cops to turn themselves in as pedophiles.
Day 12
Father won't buy me a new Firebolt like the one in the store. Said that some things in life have to be earned with hard work. Told him flat out that I was still chafed from the leather chaps. He clarified that he wanted me to get a student job. Damn.
Day 14
Rubbed a little musk cologne on and hung about Snape's office for a bit. Do not want to EVER work in the service sector and figured Head of House would be more than generous enough to help me buy kickass new broom. He only laughed and said to bring some friends next time, then kicked me out when I sent Crabbe and Goyle round. What?! It's not MY fault everyone in Slytherin is inexplicably ugly!
Day 16
Tried musk trick with MacGonagall and she turned me into a badger again.
Day 20
Rather grudgingly put in some applications at several places of business. Hope I at least get Blue Cross with this.
Day 22
Am now working the evening shift at Hot Topic. Can't believe businesses are so complicated. Just closing out registers takes forever. Added to that, creepy japanophile girls keep coming in and squealing random badly pronounced Japanese phrases they pick up from watching anime. As if anyone believes these white bread cracker teenagers from Virginia are actually asian.
Cannot malign store anymore, as author may have her book accepted by Slave Labor soon, which is sold directly through Hot Topic (a wonderful and fabulous store that you most certainly should shop in at least once a week, particularly the comics section).
Day 23
Having part-time job not working out so well with school work. Keep falling asleep in middle of History of Magic tests and writing snappy black t-shirt quotes instead of actual answers. Bloody professor failied me for putting "Chicks dig skinny pale guys" as the capital of goblin country.
Day 24
Manager put me on shift til closing with Todd, whom for some reason would like to be called Raven at all times. I call him the scrawny guy in the net tshirt with too many buckles on his pants. Todd's (Raven's) a fairly stable individual given his faults, but he keeps trying to convince me to dye my hair black. Apparently blonde is just NOT the look the store hired me for. Took Todd's/Raven's advice and went for a deep midnight. Hair came out black at the ends and slightly purple at the roots. Not sure father would approve of my altering the Malfoy aryan-race image he worked so hard to produce.
Day 27
Had a shock when Snape came in and bought a pair of boots from me! Stupid git didn't realize it was me because of the hair dye. Apparently there ARE advantages to being a goth. Was glad when he finally left (with a new pair of platform paratroopers with inner buckles, size eight). Toddraven was starting to give us funny looks.
Day 32
Checking stock with manager. Pretty sure Snape hooked a couple issues of GloomCookie in his last visit.
Day 35
Almost got enough money for a brand-new Firebolt, and then it's good riddance to this mindless drone job. Do not at all appreciate the fat chicks with multiple piercings who want to try all the dog collars on, or the guy who just comes in and smells every shirt in the store, then leaves. Toddraven also keeps inviting me to his house to play Vampire: The Masquerade with Juno, Lady Onibreath and someone called The Claw.
Will not play with The Claw. Fear The Claw far too much.
Day 40
Haven't had time after classes for anything but job. Only just NOW found out idiot Head of House is shagging the starving guy! Probably paid him a bucket of chicken wings for it. Hope Lupin likes chocolate syrup.
Day 51
YES! Finally have enough for a new Firebolt! Sent the order off today along with all of my weekly paychecks. Go me! Cannot WAIT until I see the look on Potter's face tomorrow.
Day 52
Bloody broom was supposed to arrive today and it DIDN'T! I clearly gave them the address: England, Hogwarts School, Main Hall, Cute and Often Slashed Boy Sitting at Long Table! On top of that, Potter's got a brand new Firebolt for some reason! How the hell did HE get one??
Day 60
Called the store and they gave me a lot of rot about how they already delivered it. Stuff and nonsense! If they'd already sent, I would HAVE it by now! Just watching Potter's smug (yet pouty) mouth as he zooms around on his own Firebolt, showing off his special monogrammed DM initials on the handle. . .if only MY broom would arrive, I'd show him who's boss! I'd spank his ass with the handle end! Had a good cry about it in the boy's lav and then bleached my hair out again.
Day 63
Got mud thrown at me by an only partially invisible Potter. . .just KNEW he was the down-and-dirty type! Had a good laugh watching him get reamed out by Head of House while hidden behind the door. Then stupid starving man came and copped a feel on him and they left. Damn that man!
Day 68
Quidditch team lost to Gryffindor. WOULD have won easily If I had my new broom! Potter, OF COURSE, flying around like the showoff bragging idiot he is, bending all over his new broom like he was going to have children with it. Actually quite fun to watch.
Have to go now. . . heading over to Sears for an interview in the home fashions department. Damn it all.