The Pact – Chapter 9

Well, this is it…the last chapter. But OMG who watched the Emmys?! *dies* Well, Friends lost, so that sucked, but OMG MATTHEW AND…mmkay, not gonna say. Don't wanna ruin it. Lemme just say he looked HOT and HOT and um, what else? Oh yeah, HOT!:-D I know Yen wouldn't know. Haha!:p I'll tell u about it, hun, if you don't know already. Don't worry, have I ever left u out of the loop?! Anyways, yes,, this is the final chapter in this series. I hope the ending at least somewhat suits you all. Ok, please read and review one final time, thanks!:)

 

Warm rays of morning sunlight bathed the room with a soft yellow glow. Joey stirred in the armchair, wiping the sleep from his dreary eyes. It hadn't been a restful night. Dreams full of Phoebe's horrified look and then her limp body in his arms haunted his sleep. In fact, he was almost grateful for the sun's early morning intrusion. Almost grateful, but not quite. Reality was still more gruesome than the nightmares. Joey looked hopefully over at Phoebe's bed – nothing. He sighed. Why had he been expecting anything more?

Wearily, he stretched his arms and legs, soothing the night-aches from his muscles. Slowly, he ascended from his chair, stretching again, but fully this time. He walked over to Phoebe's bed and picked up her hand. He then placed a soft kiss on it, before placing it safely within his own hand. It would be another long day.

As Joey stood beside the bed, the door opening disturbed the silence. Joey didn't bother turning to look at the one who entered, figuring it was merely a nurse doing her early-morning rounds. However, he was stunned into looking up by a clearing of a throat. Joey looked over at the doorway, curiosity overwhelming his senses. Ross was standing there stiffly, blood-shot eyes glimmering under the pale light. Joey scrutinized Ross for a minute, as he remained in the same spot at the room's entrance.

"Hey Ross," he began cautiously, "What brings you here so early?"

Ross didn't answer, but took Joey's words as an invitation into the room. Slowly, Ross made his way towards the opposite side of Phoebe's bed, eyes cast heavily towards her pale face.

"Ross?" Joey attempted again, "Ross, are you okay?"

"Hmm," he questioned, snapping out of a daze, "Oh, yeah. Hey Joe."

"Whatsamatter?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Right."

"So, how you holding up?"

"I'm…I'm all right," he paused, "But really, Ross, what are you doing here at 7 am?"

He shrugged. "Woke up early with nothing to do."

"You look pretty tired. You should go home and get some more sleep."

"What? Oh, no. No, no. I'm good."

"Uh, okay…" Joey conceded.

They fell into a deep silence. Joey kept his fingers entwined with Phoebe's, as Ross seemed fascinated by a stand of her hair that was out of place. Suddenly, Joey felt painfully aware of Ross' presence in the room. It wasn't that Ross was doing anything to irritate him. On the contrary, if it weren't for the light breathing from the other side of the room, it would have been nearly impossible to notice Ross' presence without looking in his direction. However, Joey couldn't help but wish to be alone while with Phoebe in her delicate state. It made him feel very self-conscious to have another person in the room. There was a very personal and deep connection that Joey experienced, as he watched Phoebe's lifeless body.

And, of course, there was the reason to feel guilty around Ross – so incredibly guilty. That thought hadn't even crossed Joey's mind at first. Incredibly enough, he even felt guilty for not feeling guilty to begin with. Maybe I'm going crazy, too.

Joey broke the silence. "I'm gonna go get some coffee. You coming with or…?"

Ross contemplated his answer before slowly nodding. Then, Joey headed out the door with Ross following a few seconds behind me.

In the hospital cafeteria, Joey chose a table next to a window, amongst the clutter of gray tables. Ross sat down across from him, stirring his black coffee blankly. Joey sighed as he poured milk and cream into his cup, before stirring it lightly with a small spoon. He looked up and noticed Ross bring the completely untainted coffee to his lips. He gaped as Ross drank some of the midnight black coffee, knowing that Ross never usually did that. Yet, he didn't seem to notice its strength in the least bit. Something was definitely wrong, but what?

 "Hey, are you sure you're okay?"

Ross stared into space for a few more moments, before looking towards Joey blankly. He blinked a few times, before asking Joey to repeat the question.

"Are you okay?" Joey questioned again, this time a bit irritated with Ross' odd behavior.

"Yeah, I am."

"No, no, you're not. You're being all…weird. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Stop saying nothing."

Ross contemplated answering for a few moments. "Have you ever…thought things were going one way in your life, and then, you just like, blink, and it's all different?"

"I, uh, I – I guess so."

"Yeah, okay. Me too."

Joey nodded wordlessly, too afraid to prod any further. He had to know about Rachel. What else could have changed so suddenly in his life? Yet, Joey looked back at Ross, who had a pensive look upon his tired face. That man was not accusing Joey of a thing. Did he not know it had been him? For a moment, Joey pondered asking him. However, he realized that would be a bit too irrational. After all, he didn't know for a fact that he knew anything about Rachel's doings. He couldn't risk it. He would have to find Rachel and talk to her.

After coffee, Ross decided to take a walk around the hospital grounds. Although, in reality, it wasn't as much a decision as it was an undirected action. It was as if his muscles and limbs worked freely from his overburdened mind. He was feeling everything, yet somehow feeling nothing at all. He hated Rachel; he hated her so much for cheating. She ruined that picture of the perfect family he had hoped he would have been able to give Emma with their marriage.

Yet, as he loathed her in his mind, he didn't hate her at the same time. She was Rachel – the woman he used to believe was his soul mate. Did he believe that anymore? He wasn't sure. There was always, throughout the turmoil of their breakup so long ago, a part of him that believed someday they would end up together because they were meant for each other.

And then, they were 40 and unmarried, and a small part of him had believed it was a sign. Fate. Ross shook his head absently. Fate was nothing to him anymore. If his fate was to throw him into the arms of pain, then he hated fate. He hated fate and anything that had to do with fate. He even hated himself for relying so heavily on something that didn't even exist. It was just easier to blame everything on fate than it was to blame it on his blindness.

He approached a gray stone bench and sat down on it. Although his eyes focused on the people on the sidewalk passing him by, his mind was far from that. Instead, he stifled back the tears of betrayal that threatened to escape. What had he done to deserve this? It wasn't fair.

Joey surveyed the waiting room quickly, hoping for a glimpse of Rachel, alone. He sighed, upon not finding her for the third time in the past hour. Sure, it was still early in the morning, but he was anxious to talk to her. He turned around forcefully. Where was she? As if on cue, as he turned the corner, he saw Rachel approaching him from the other end of the corridor. Relived, he greeted her hastily and asked for a word in private. She agreed, and they went down in the elevator and out the door of the hospital.

Once they were outside, she and Joey walked around the corner in an awkward silence. Rachel was the one brave enough to break it.

"So, what did you, uh, want to talk to me about?"

"Right, yeah," Joey agreed, blushing and looking down at his feet, "I wanted to know…humm, about…Ross."

Rachel snapped her neck up in interest. "What about him?"

"Does he…know what happened…ya know? Between us?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip. "Yeah. Yeah, he does."

Joey nodded. "I thought so."

Rachel mouthed wordlessly for a few moments. "Did he, umm, did he say anything to you about it?"

"No, not directly, anyway."

"Oh."

"He doesn't know it was…does he?"

"That it was you?" Joey nodded, "No, he doesn't. He didn't ask to know who it was, and I wasn't going to tell."

"Look, Rach, I'll take the blame for it. Uh, you wanna say I raped you? I mean…that could work right?"

"Joey!"

"What? Come on, Rachel, I don't want your marriage breaking up because of this! If it's my fault, then I lose a friend. If it's your fault, then you not only lose a friend, but your husband and the father of your child also!"

Rachel shook her head violently. "There were two of us there that day. I'm not letting you take all the blame, if any at all."

"Come on, Rach…"

"No, it wasn't your fault. You had said no!"

"But I shouldn't have don't it!"

"It's my fault!"

"No," Joey sighed, "Look, let's just keep it at what you said before. There were two people there that day. No one takes all the blame, then."

Rachel agreed begrudgingly. The last thing she needed was more guilt on her plate.

"Was he really angry when you told him?"

She sighed dramatically. "Yeah, he seemed to be."

Joey nodded, and then they continued to walk in silence for a few moments.

"Look," he began, "I have to tell him. I have to tell it was me."

"Joey –"

"No, I can't live my life knowing I betrayed one of my best friends and they never knew. I can't. I just can't."

"Yeah, I…I guess you're right. I understand."

Again, silence filled their conversation, as the sounds of the busy city around them became obvious in the atmosphere. As they neared the hospital and were about to turn back into the building, Rachel stopped suddenly. Joey stopped a moment after, Rachel's appearance reminding him slightly of a deer caught in headlights. Joey sucked in an unintentional breath as he noticed the person sitting on the bench before him. He was glaring at Rachel, as she looked back with tears in her eyes. Joey licked his lips and stepped forward.

"Ross?"

Ross nodded, but didn't look away from Rachel.

"Ross, can we…talk?"

His eyes still didn't leave Rachel's. "Uh huh."

"Could you, uh, look at me?"

Slowly, Ross peeled his eyes from her, and turned to Joey, mild curiosity visible amongst the bags under his eyes.

"Ross, before I…tell you this, you have to promise not to run away from me or…to hit me…or anything…until I'm through? Okay?"

"Um, sure, okay. It's not like anything could get any worse."

Rachel looked away as a single tear slid down her cheek. 

"I," he took in a deep breath and looked away. He could hear Rachel stifle a whimper. He had to just say it. "I was the one." He looked up at Ross for a response, but Ross just looked blankly at him. "I was the one who Rachel…" he mumbled the last few words, "Was with."

Ross' eyes continued to look back blankly for a few moments, until understanding overtook him and fire flashed across his dark eyes.

"You bastard," he whispered hotly, moving towards him in a blind rage.

Joey stepped back. "Look, Ross, wait. You promised you'd hear me out!"

"After what you told me, I don't think you're the one to talk about keeping promises!"

"Look, Ross, just let me explain, okay? Please!"

"What? What could you possibly have to say to make this better?"

"Well, nothing to make this…better, but you have to know some things."

"Yeah, right. Like what?"

"Like, even though we were both there and we're both guilty, you shouldn't be mad at Rachel. You can hate me, you can try to kill me, I understand! But not Rachel."

"She was there, too," he replied between his teeth, "She was there and so were you."

"But Ross, she was miserable! She was confused! I'm not justifying what she did, but I'm asking you to try to understand!"

"There's nothing to understand. Cheating's never the answer. After all, she used to say that to me when I hadn't even cheated! But this…there's no way around it."

"Look, she was depressed, okay?! She's human          . She made a mistake! We all do! It wasn't like you two had been dating and it wasn't a regular marriage. It didn't fulfill what she had dreamed about, Ross!"

"Yeah, well, y'know, I had dreams, too."

"Yeah?" Rachel prodded quietly, "And this marriage…before the other stuff…they fulfilled it?"

"Well…yeah."

"You're telling me, you dreamt that you would marry your wife because of some dumb pact?! It was just a spur of the moment thing, Ross! I didn't want that."

His voice softened, as he moved closer. "Well, you should've told me."

"I know. I made a mistake. A really stupid one. And I'll understand if you never wanna see me again, but please don't take Emma away from me."

He nodded. "You did do something stupid. Really stupid. But maybe…we aren't really married. I mean I took this so seriously, but it wasn't what I wanted either. I didn't just want marriage. I wanted love."

"So did I."

"Well," Ross gestured to Joey, but continued to look at Rachel, "Did you find it?"

She shook her head and whispered, "No."

Ross looked back at Joey for confirmation of her words. He shook his head slowly in agreement.

"We need to get a divorce," Ross stated monotonously.

Rachel nodded and took in a shaky breath.

"But I still want to try to be friends. We still have a daughter together. We have to be mature for her. And I could never take her away from you." Rachel smiled slightly in gratitude. "And who knows, maybe someday…someday I'll be able to trust you again."

Rachel nodded and hugged Ross tightly. When they broke apart, Rachel wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks and then gestured to the hospital building. "I'm gonna go back in."

They nodded and watched as she went up the stairs.

"I'm really sorry, Ross."

He waved his hand in dismissal. "I know, save it."

Joey looked away and nodded.

"But," he continued, "If I forgave her, I can begin to forgive you again."

"That would be…wow, thank you. I mean I just…I just want you to know I couldn't resist…the chance to help her see…I still, ya know? But I won't…never again, I swear."

Ross nodded slightly. "I hope so."

"Well, thanks. I'm, uh, I'm gonna go back inside, too…back to Phoebe."

"Okay. Just do me a favor?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of Phoebe."

Joey nodded. "I wouldn't do anything else."

Without another word, Joey returned to the hospital, feeling just slightly less burdened than he had when he walked out of it an hour before. Ross watched Joey return to the building, surprised at his ability to stay calm and his ability to forgive. Still, it felt much better to forgive than to hate.

When Joey returned to Phoebe's room, he was shocked to see a doctor and a few nurses around her bed. He had only been gone for an hour! He rushed over to the bed and looked at the doctor curiously. What could have happened? However, before anyone could answer his questioning eyes, he saw Phoebe's eyes flutter open. He was so surprised at this that he almost fell backwards in shock. She was really going to be okay.

Throughout the day, Joey had stayed in Phoebe's room, but sat at the far corner. He was afraid to speak to her, afraid to get her upset once again. He decided he would wait until she recovered more before he tried to talk to her, although he refused to leave her side. She had to know he was still there for her.

That night, however, as he sat on the armchair, looking pensively out the window, a calling of his name brought him back to reality. Looking to the left, he saw Phoebe looking at him. His heart began to pound in his chest, as he slowly made his way to her bed. They stared at each other for a few moments, before Joey licked his pale, dry lips in preparation to speak.

"I'm so glad to see you're awake. Everyone's really worried."

"Thanks for staying with me. Monica told me you stayed when I was in out, too."

Joey shrugged in return. "I couldn't have left you, even if I had wanted to."

Silence overtook them as Joey shuffled in his spot. He didn't want to bring up any touchy subjects with her at the moment, but, at the same time, it seemed that everything was touchy with them.

"Look, Joey," she began confidently, "I overreacted…a lot."

"No, you didn't."

"But I did. I mean I always knew you still loved Rachel," Joey blushed, but Phoebe didn't seem to notice, "I knew it, and I was okay with it. I don't know what made me get so upset. I guess I was just shocked. I mean I don't really have a right to be mad. I was never there for you – as a wife or as a friend. I was…so trapped, ya know? Maybe marriage…wasn't the right thing for me, after all."

Joey looked down at his shoes for a few moments, as he contemplated his reply. "Well, maybe it's not that marriage isn't for you. Maybe it's the loveless marriage that makes you feel trapped."

"Yeah, but with Mike, too…"

Joey shook his head. "I don't think he was the right one, either."

"What?"

"Well, if you find that right one, then nothing else matters. You don't chicken out because you have no reason to. You love them so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I mean look at Chandler… he was terrified of commitment, yet he's happily married."

Phoebe nodded in agreement.

"I'll get us divorce papers tomorrow."

Phoebe nodded. "Thanks."

Joey nodded in return and shyly kissed Phoebe on the forehead. She smiled and sighed in return, giving him confidence to sit down on the edge of the bed and wrap his arms around her.

"You're gonna visit me in rehab, right?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

"Thank you," he replied seriously, "You're such a great friend and just…an amazing and strong person. I love you."

Phoebe smiled. "I love you, too."

The end! Okay, thanks for reading. Sorry, if it's not exactly how you wanted it to end, but I really couldn't make it all definite between everyone and lovey dovey, ya know? I think I made it pretty sappy as is, which wasn't my original intension, but I felt bad for the characters, lol. Well, you've all been great! Review one final time, please, thanks!:)