Disclaimer: The storyline and characters of the short fic do not belong to
me. They are sole property of their rightful owners. I repeat, not me. ^^
Also, a large portion of the note later featured in the fic is a collection
of lyrics from various Goo GooDolls songs (Sympathy; Think About Me; Big
Machine; Here Is Gone; Its Over). They also don't belong to me.
Captain Jack Sparrow had been at sea on the Black Pearl for half a year since he had last seen her. Six long months he had spent away from the girl and the boy as well. The boy, who well preferred to be called a man, he had come to like, but now resented. There were many dissonant emotions churning within the pirate that made him almost tremulous within. He made sure that no one, not even Gibbs, knew of this inner turmoil, and he did a good job of covering it.
As he sat in the hull of the pearl, his head leaning against a barrel and his feet propped up by a small crate. He craved a drink, to be drunk and wash away his thoughts, which were possibly more focused of his former cohorts than ever before, but there was nothing left on the ship to drink. They had been through a terrible storm. Most of their rum had been tossed overboard by the ravaging winds and vicious waters, and by this point the remaining stash had already been devoured.
His mind although dabbling upon the thought of his beloved rum, continued to fixate on thoughts of Elizabeth Swann, who was, most likely, now referred to as Mrs. William Turner. This deduction roused a haphazard frown from Jack, for he knew deep down that the night he spent on the deserted island with Elizabeth was something that he could never forget, even if he wanted to. Of course, he had done more than kiss her, but it was much different than anything with any of the other women he had ever met. He should have talked to her about it; that he knew. But he was forgetting one important thing; he was Captain Jack Sparrow! He was not supposed to feel attached to anything, or anyone.
He pushed himself off of the ground and crossed the wooden planks that formed the floor of the hull. He sat himself down at a desk in the corner and pulled a piece of parchment out of the top drawers. He grabbed the quill from the ink pot that was placed precariously near the edge of the desk and began scrawling with it on the paper.
Elizabeth,
It has been far too long, I know, but this is my apology. I am
killing my self from the inside out because I have never told you what
I should have. All my fears had pushed you out. I wished for things
that I did not need, and what I am chasing will not set me free. I
have found that it is hard to lead the life you choose, when all your
luck has run out on you and the dreams you thought you wanted are
coming true. It is stranger than your sympathy, which you held for all
but me, and all the thoughts you stole from me, but I am not sure
where I belong. No where is home and I am all wrong. I know now that I
was not all the things I tried to make believe I was, and all the talk
and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me. That
night, six months ago, without knowing what I was doing, I took a lot
of chances with my feelings, but I did not really know what you felt.
You took it so slowly, and your eyes looked so lonely. I knew then
that you were thinking of me. I thought that everything was all wrong,
stealing the girl that Will loved away from him. Where the hell did I
think I was? My head was filled with doubt, but at the moment it was
easy to forget. You must have choked at first on the regrets. Who the
hell did I think I was? For so long, I have had a head that refuses to
let me sleep. Fiction was the only way you were dealing, and you
turned your pretty head when it became real. That night was your
secret that I cannot keep. You saw a little stranger in your mirror.
The little girl you never knew was what you feared. All you want is
something I cannot be, which is why I left you with Will. He can be
more than what you need and what you want. I can picture you now. Your
world is moving way too fast. Nothing you experienced was real, and it
did not last. I am in love, but you probably neglect to care. Turn
your anger into lust. I am still here, but you will not trust at all
that I am still waiting. Love and sex and loneliness, you took what
was yours and left the rest. I will survive, even though I am torn and
pieces, seemingly blind and waiting for you. I am still in love with
all my sins. Where you stopped was only where I began. Living like a
house on fire, I hope what you fear is what you desire. It is hard for
me to deal, but I still love the way you felt. You were this angry
little girl, drowning both literally and figuratively in this petty
world. I was the one to run to. You and I have something, but it is
all to me and then it is nothing to you. I have my defenses when it
comes to my intentions for you. We woke up in the breakdown of the
things we never thought we could be. I saw the hint of desire in your
eyes, so I do not want to hear that it did not exist. I may be too
late, but remember that I am not the one who you should fear. Darling,
I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there
at all. I wanted to be all you need, but I do not have a solution for
what could never be. You were not the answer. So, I suppose I must
forget that I ever thought it was you. I do not need the fallout of
all the past that is in between us. I am holding on, but all my lies
will not be enough to keep you here. It is over to you, but I cannot
find the answers when you are gone. And after you receive this letter,
you will not find the answers where you are. I think I need you now.
This is not easy to admit, but no one needs to know, not even Will. I
will not tear you down in order to get into the world you wanted. It
is bordering on confusing, but no one can believe in things that never
change. My dearest Elizabeth, I know not if or when I will see you
next, but I am still here, waiting.
Yours truly,
Captain Jack Sparrow
He sat back in his chair, staring down at the letter to the woman (he was now ready to admit that she was one) who unknowingly held the key to his heart. His face contorted at that very idea, and he gazed at the writing with a peculiar look of disgust. It was nothing like he had ever written before. In fact, he had to wonder if he had ever written anything. He realized that, yes, he had to have written something, otherwise it would not have been possible for him to have written this, unless he had articulated it to someone – wait, his mind was babbling. Getting back on track, he knew that he could not possibly send this letter to Elizabeth. It was pathetic. He was Captain Jack Sparrow, and he was most certainly man enough to deliver his message in person.
He snatched the parchment off of the desk and crumpled it into a ball between the palms of his hands. With a flick of his wrist he accurately tossed it out of the small hole in the ship, a hole he had remembered to have been formed during his very adventure with Elizabeth. A smirk played upon his face as he placed his feet on top of the desk, crossing them at the ankles. His head rolled back onto the edge of the chair, and eventually he fell asleep.
Captain Jack Sparrow had been at sea on the Black Pearl for half a year since he had last seen her. Six long months he had spent away from the girl and the boy as well. The boy, who well preferred to be called a man, he had come to like, but now resented. There were many dissonant emotions churning within the pirate that made him almost tremulous within. He made sure that no one, not even Gibbs, knew of this inner turmoil, and he did a good job of covering it.
As he sat in the hull of the pearl, his head leaning against a barrel and his feet propped up by a small crate. He craved a drink, to be drunk and wash away his thoughts, which were possibly more focused of his former cohorts than ever before, but there was nothing left on the ship to drink. They had been through a terrible storm. Most of their rum had been tossed overboard by the ravaging winds and vicious waters, and by this point the remaining stash had already been devoured.
His mind although dabbling upon the thought of his beloved rum, continued to fixate on thoughts of Elizabeth Swann, who was, most likely, now referred to as Mrs. William Turner. This deduction roused a haphazard frown from Jack, for he knew deep down that the night he spent on the deserted island with Elizabeth was something that he could never forget, even if he wanted to. Of course, he had done more than kiss her, but it was much different than anything with any of the other women he had ever met. He should have talked to her about it; that he knew. But he was forgetting one important thing; he was Captain Jack Sparrow! He was not supposed to feel attached to anything, or anyone.
He pushed himself off of the ground and crossed the wooden planks that formed the floor of the hull. He sat himself down at a desk in the corner and pulled a piece of parchment out of the top drawers. He grabbed the quill from the ink pot that was placed precariously near the edge of the desk and began scrawling with it on the paper.
Elizabeth,
It has been far too long, I know, but this is my apology. I am
killing my self from the inside out because I have never told you what
I should have. All my fears had pushed you out. I wished for things
that I did not need, and what I am chasing will not set me free. I
have found that it is hard to lead the life you choose, when all your
luck has run out on you and the dreams you thought you wanted are
coming true. It is stranger than your sympathy, which you held for all
but me, and all the thoughts you stole from me, but I am not sure
where I belong. No where is home and I am all wrong. I know now that I
was not all the things I tried to make believe I was, and all the talk
and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me. That
night, six months ago, without knowing what I was doing, I took a lot
of chances with my feelings, but I did not really know what you felt.
You took it so slowly, and your eyes looked so lonely. I knew then
that you were thinking of me. I thought that everything was all wrong,
stealing the girl that Will loved away from him. Where the hell did I
think I was? My head was filled with doubt, but at the moment it was
easy to forget. You must have choked at first on the regrets. Who the
hell did I think I was? For so long, I have had a head that refuses to
let me sleep. Fiction was the only way you were dealing, and you
turned your pretty head when it became real. That night was your
secret that I cannot keep. You saw a little stranger in your mirror.
The little girl you never knew was what you feared. All you want is
something I cannot be, which is why I left you with Will. He can be
more than what you need and what you want. I can picture you now. Your
world is moving way too fast. Nothing you experienced was real, and it
did not last. I am in love, but you probably neglect to care. Turn
your anger into lust. I am still here, but you will not trust at all
that I am still waiting. Love and sex and loneliness, you took what
was yours and left the rest. I will survive, even though I am torn and
pieces, seemingly blind and waiting for you. I am still in love with
all my sins. Where you stopped was only where I began. Living like a
house on fire, I hope what you fear is what you desire. It is hard for
me to deal, but I still love the way you felt. You were this angry
little girl, drowning both literally and figuratively in this petty
world. I was the one to run to. You and I have something, but it is
all to me and then it is nothing to you. I have my defenses when it
comes to my intentions for you. We woke up in the breakdown of the
things we never thought we could be. I saw the hint of desire in your
eyes, so I do not want to hear that it did not exist. I may be too
late, but remember that I am not the one who you should fear. Darling,
I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there
at all. I wanted to be all you need, but I do not have a solution for
what could never be. You were not the answer. So, I suppose I must
forget that I ever thought it was you. I do not need the fallout of
all the past that is in between us. I am holding on, but all my lies
will not be enough to keep you here. It is over to you, but I cannot
find the answers when you are gone. And after you receive this letter,
you will not find the answers where you are. I think I need you now.
This is not easy to admit, but no one needs to know, not even Will. I
will not tear you down in order to get into the world you wanted. It
is bordering on confusing, but no one can believe in things that never
change. My dearest Elizabeth, I know not if or when I will see you
next, but I am still here, waiting.
Yours truly,
Captain Jack Sparrow
He sat back in his chair, staring down at the letter to the woman (he was now ready to admit that she was one) who unknowingly held the key to his heart. His face contorted at that very idea, and he gazed at the writing with a peculiar look of disgust. It was nothing like he had ever written before. In fact, he had to wonder if he had ever written anything. He realized that, yes, he had to have written something, otherwise it would not have been possible for him to have written this, unless he had articulated it to someone – wait, his mind was babbling. Getting back on track, he knew that he could not possibly send this letter to Elizabeth. It was pathetic. He was Captain Jack Sparrow, and he was most certainly man enough to deliver his message in person.
He snatched the parchment off of the desk and crumpled it into a ball between the palms of his hands. With a flick of his wrist he accurately tossed it out of the small hole in the ship, a hole he had remembered to have been formed during his very adventure with Elizabeth. A smirk played upon his face as he placed his feet on top of the desk, crossing them at the ankles. His head rolled back onto the edge of the chair, and eventually he fell asleep.