[Kelly tells Buffy about her relationship Riley. Then she meets the Scoobies and tells them about the new and improved Wesley. Gwen pays Cordy a visit, and Cordy decides to change the rules of the game.]

Buffy catches her breath and walks over to Giles.

BUFFY: Simple search-and-destroy mission?

GILES: We destroyed a lot more than I planned on. [he laughs]

BUFFY: You're happy about putting the girls at risk, about leading them into a trap?

GILES: I'm happy that they made it out unscathed. I'm proud that they stood up to these Harvest Demons. You know how poisonous a bad first encounter with a new demon can be for morale. I'll admit that I made a horrible blunder in taking the girls to that barn tonight. I needlessly put everyone at risk. It could have been a disaster. But it wasn't. Their abilities more than made up for my blunders. And that's all a Watcher can ask for. By the way, who is this Kelly?

Kelly comes up from behind and puts her left arm around Buffy's shoulder and her right arm around Giles's.

KELLY: How bout we go back to your headquarters and I can explain. But I should warn you, my story will seem pretty lame compared to all of yours.

BUFFY: Headquarters?

GILES: That would be your house.

KELLY: Your girl recruits are off the hook. They could teach the men I'm training a thing or two about courage. [laughs] And marksmanship.

GILES: Thank you, um, Kelly. But the lion's share of the credit has to go to Buffy. The girls are simply following her example.

KELLY: Don't sell yourself short, jeeves. I saw you ax that demon guy. Just like something Wesley would do. Was Wes your protege at the Council?

Buffy and Giles laugh.

GILES: Why would you say something like that?

KELLY: Isn't it obvious?

BUFFY: No. Not even remotely.

KELLY: Bookish scholar by day, gritty tough guy by night. An English Indiana Jones, minus hat and bullwhip.

Kelly steps back and thinks for a moment about Wesley with a bullwhip.

GILES: Thank you. I like that analogy. Except Indy only fought humans, and I believe he knew fewer languages than I do. Anyway, we'd better head home before there's another attack.

GIles gets the girls into the van and drives off. Buffy and Kelly ride with Spike.

SPIKE: Kel, since you were a demon fighter in the army, did you have anything to do with that bloody awful Initiative?

KELLY: That was a tertiary mission. Low priority.

BUFFY: It didn't look low priority.

KELLY: You should have seen our two primary bases. Maggie Walsh did some psy-op work with the CIA. She also had a few connections with some civilians at the DOD. The Revolution in Military Affairs crowd. New warriors for a new era, the cutting edge. They ate her ideas up. Gave her a minor assignment to pursue her goals. I knew something bad would happen. Put a civilian in direct command of soldiers, and a lot of good soldiers usually end up dead. I never really understood what she was up to, even when some of the men who worked for her tried to explain it to me.

BUFFY: Which soldiers?

KELLY: The ones I trained a in the summer of 99. Graham, Forest, Riley. Good soldiers. Didn't know jack about demons when I met them. You know any of them?

BUFFY: All of them, actually.

KELLY: Good guys. Top-notch soldiers. Riley got Lieutenant cause he was the only one who went to college. Graham and Forest joined right out of high school. Course that did make them a little more experienced. Despite the CO/NCO divide, they got along great. Three Musketeers, I called them. Figured they would've known you professionally, since you all were demon fighters in the same small town.

Spike smirks.

KELLY: What is it?

Spike remains mum.

BUFFY: Riley was my boyfriend. We dated, for a year.

KELLY: Interesting. Very interesting. You and Finney.

BUFFY: What do you mean by "interesting?"

KELLY: Finney had a huge crush on me. It was pretty obvious from the moment we met. Eventually he admitted as much. Course, with me being a superior officer, both of us knew we could never date. Besides, he wasn't my type. Finn's plenty hunky — as I'm sure you noticed. But he's a little too white bread for my tastes. I like a man with layers. Someone complex, a little rough around the edges. Still, Finney's definitely hook-up worthy. On assignment in the jungle, fighting for your life, you kill the enemy, you celebrate. You know what I'm talking about, right?

Buffy doesn't answer.

SPIKE: So Riley was hot for Kelly right before he met you, Buffy. That is very interesting.

Buffy doesn't like the insinuation that she may have been Riley's Kelly substitute. But she's more upset by the pattern of Kelly getting hit on by Buffy's men and being dismissive about them.

BUFFY: Riley wasn't good enough for you?

KELLY: Hell no. He just wasn't my type. Like Angelus. Let's assume Angelus is human, and he's not evil. Total hottie. I won't deny it. But once again, not my type. Too perfect. [Spike doesn't like this] That chiseled body. That killer smile. Sorry, bad choice of words in his case. He's gorgeous, and he knows it. That's the problem. Too much attitude. Not enough self-deprecation. I need a guy who can make me laugh. Angelus couldn't do that. No one that hot needs to develop a sense of humor. Which reminds me, where was I? Oh, right. Angelus goes to bite me . . .

Kelly finishes the story for Buffy on the way home, where Anya, Willow, Andrew and Dawn spent the evening. Andrew and Xander are watching some old Star Trek episodes Andrew has on tape. Anya uses her knowledge of demon magic to help Willow cram for her expected showdown with Cordy. Dawn is in the kitchen, on the phone with Wesley, discussing the symbols on the Reaper's head and hands.

DAWN: No. No, it's Tungisic. Okay, yes, it's Chuvash. You're right about that. But that's not where it originated. No, I'm not nit-picking. It does matter. The interpretation could be entirely different. Tell Fred thanks for her help. I hadn't noticed the pattern. Yes, I'm also grateful for your help, Wesley. But I think it says both 12 and 20. Why are you automatically inferring multiplication? By the way, could you take another picture of the skull, this time with better focus? Maybe if you cut the skin off and flattened it out, the image would come out better. We need better resolution. Giles would tell you the same thing. Okay. Thanks Wesley. Nice working with you.

They both hang up.

FRED: Was that Giles?

WES: No. That was Dawn.

FRED: Connor's girlfriend?

WES: She appears to be quite bookish. I didn't think that was Connor's type.

FRED: Neither did I. Why were you arguing with her?

WES: We had some minor disagreements over the interpretations of certain symbols. She's quite knowledgeable. Being a teenager, she thinks she knows more than she actually does.

FRED: Hard to imagine Connor falling in love with a brainy girl. [smiles] Kinda cute, though. Brains and muscle, together.

Wesley frowns, turn away from Fred and looks down at his books.

WES: [mutters] Yes. We all know how adorable that can be.

When everyone returns home, Xander, Andrew, Willow, Anya and Dawn meet Kelly, and she tells everyone what they did to Angelus.

XANDER: Shot, stabbed, slashed, disembowled, and beaten into a bloody pulp. They should show that on tv every Thanksgiving. Now did you say you've kicked Angel AND Spike in the nuts?

KELLY: Yes. But I only tried to kill Spike.

SPIKE: And yet I was the one who didn't want to kill you.

Kelly looks at Spike, smiles and puts her right hand on his left shoulder.

KELLY: I told you I was sorry. For hitting you in the nads. Can't say I'm sorry bout the whole thing. I think we both enjoyed the rest of the fight.

Spike half-smiles and raises his eyebrows.

SPIKE: It wasn't without its charms.

KELLY: And you were a real gentleman about not hitting me, even after I tried to stake you.

WILLOW: With Spike, that's a turn-on.

XANDER: Let's get back to Angel. He tries to bite you, and you put two broken bottles into his neck?

KELLY: Little bottles. The ones you get in hotels. Had to get a little liquored up to get into character.

ANYA: Right. Because you were only PRETENDING to enjoy getting hit on, groped and kissed by a very handsome vampire. Musta been a real tough acting job.

KENNEDY: The hanky-panky does seem a bit gratuitous.

MOLLY: We've been taught to only make out with vampires who don't want to hurt us.

GILES: Who on earth taught you that? [thinks for a few seconds] Oh.

KELLY: I told you before, if we just jumped him he'd run away. He let his guard down because he thought I was helpless. That was the hard part — screaming and shaking and crying hysterically, like I had never seen a vampire before. Really had him believing that one.

SPIKE: Angelus always loved a screamer.

GILES: And that Lindsey fellow came up with this plan?

KELLY: The general outline. But Wesley devised the attack we used once Angelus was in the warehouse — operating in tandem, saving Faith for the very end. He has a very sharp tactical mind.

BUFFY: Wesley has a what? It's just, I don't remember him having a single good idea when he was here. Am I wrong?

GILES: No. You're not.

XANDER: And since when was he fearless in the face of danger?

ANDREW: Obviously all of you underestimated this complicated and gifted man. Can you tell me a more about his inner torment?

KELLY: [whispers to Spike] What's up with googly eyes?

SPIKE: He's prone to hero worship.

KELLY: Sorry that I can't tell you anything more about your friends in LA. I skipped town the morning after the attack. Based on his history, I figured if I stuck around Angelus would track me down and torture me to death.

SPIKE: Among other things. You don't have family in Los Angelus, do you?

KELLY: They're in San Diego.

GILES: Do you have any pets?

KELLY: No. Why?

GILES: Never mind.

KELLY: So where's your real headquarters?

XANDER: Our what?

KELLY: Your command center. Your base of operations.

BUFFY: Those would all be in this room.

KELLY: You live and work HERE? All 18 of you? In this tiny house? Talk about saving the world on a shoestring. Figured the Council would have expended more resources on its Slayer. How much did they pay you, Buffy?

Buffy starts laughing, as does Giles. Then she realizes it's not so funny.

BUFFY: Why am I laughing? Why are you laughing? This isn't funny. They paid you. They paid all those useless twits who came here to rate me.

ANYA: But the Council has a sacred tradition of using Slayers as slave labor.

GILES: That's completely ridiculous.

ANYA: You make them perform an extremely dangerous job against their will. You don't pay them a cent. Then you work them to death.

AMANDA: She does have a point.

BUFFY: No she doesn't. [laughs] I am not a slave. I never was.

KENNEDY: Technically, Buffy's an amateur.

ANYA: Slave, amateur — same difference. You do a job and don't get paid.

KELLY: Salary aside, I can't understand why they don't invest in your infrastructure. This house offers zero protection from your enemies. If the fate of the world does depend on the survival of you girls, shouldn't you be someplace more secure? It's almost like they chose to make Buffy's job as difficult as possible. From my vantage point, either this Council was incompetent, or it actually wanted you to fail.

SPIKE: Can't it be both?

WILLOW: Let's not get paranoid.

XANDER: I like the military comparison. The Council saw the Slayers as demon fodder. And you don't invest resources in a soldier you don't think will live very long. They've probably never had someone like Buffy who survived long enough for these things to matter.

ANYA: Which gives them a perverse incentive to make Slayers die early in their careers.

GILES: The Council would never intentionally attempt to kill a Slayer. [Buffy glares at him] Callously and deceitfully putting Slayers' lives at unnecessary risk — that's another matter.

KELLY: The whole operation seems stuck in the Dark Ages.

ANYA: I am sick and tired of everyone bad-mouthing the Dark Ages. They really weren't so bad. And back then warriors got paid. Someone regularly saved the village from troll attacks, they were rewarded. They weren't forced to work menial jobs in their spare time to pay the bills. Buffy provides an essential service. More essential than the service Kelly provides.

KELLY: Won't argue with that. I've seen what Slayers can do.

ANYA: Buffy does more, yet she gets less.

DAWN: She gets nothing.

ANYA: And neither do the rest of us. Think of how much better we'd be if we had spacious living and training quarters and the freedom to fight demons on a full-time basis.

KELLY: You mean like what Angel's friends have?

Drusilla walks into Angelus's room. He's lying on the bed. The room is dark. He's listening to Mozart's "Don Giovanni." Dru turns on a light. She's very happy.

ANGELUS: Did you get Connor?

DRU: He got away just.

Angelus struggles to his feet.

ANGELUS: Then why the hell are you happy? You failed!

Dru shows him a boy of about three. The child is too terrified to make a sound.

DRU: Went shopping. Decided to take him home, seeing how his mother is no longer around to care for him.

Angelus slaps Dru with his right hand. She falls down and starts whimpering.

DRU: Watch you temper in front of the children.

Angelus picks up the child, who screams as Angelus drains him. Dru stands up and smiles.

DRU: You loiked my gift.

Angelus slaps and punches Dru. She falls down and starts crying.

ANGELUS: I had Connor taken care of. All you had to do was show up on time. Look at me. Look at me!

Angelus squeezes her jaw and tilts Dru' head upwards. He points at his bruises.

ANGELUS: Because of you, all of this was for nothing!

He punches her again. Dru falls down on her face. She looks up at Angelus like a scared child.

DRU: Please don't hurt me. Please. I'm begging you. I'm sorry.

Angelus picks her up and pushes Dru's back against the wall.

ANGELUS: You let me down.

He tosses her across the room. Dru lies on the ground sobbing and whimpering.

ANGELUS: Get out.

Dru looks at Angelus, her face full of contrition.

DRU: Please forgive me. It won't ever happen again. I'll be good from now on. I promise.

Angelus picks up a wooden stake. Dru looks terrified.

ANGELUS: Get out.

He stares down at her coldly. She stands up and leaves, her head hanging down low.

Angelus's homing device had led Lindsey and the others to discover Cordy's address. Gwen decided to pay her a midnight visit. She easily made it through the building's electronic front doors and the electronic lock on Cordy's floor. From there, it was just some simple mechanical lock-picking. The penthouse was dark as Gwen entered the front hall. To her left were the servant's quarters. To her right, the kitchen. She saw someone walking from left to right. At first, she thought it was a child, because the person was only four feet tall. Gwen put her left hand over the person's mouth and picked it up before it could alert anyone. She took it into the kitchen, where she encountered another similarly-sized creature. Gwen put her right hand over his mouth and picked him up as well. She knocked their heads together, knocking them out. When they fell to the floor, Gwen shined her small flashlight on them. They weren't children. And while they were human-ish, they didn't appear to be completely human. They was something delicate, almost doll-like, about them. With this complication handled, Gwen went back to work. She searched the cabinets and closets for Angel's soul. She even searched the refrigerator and freezer. Gwen looked anywhere Cordy could have hidden the small vessel. Finding nothing, Gwen slipped into the giant main hall, in the center of which, coming out from the rear windows, was Cordy's bed, upon which she was sleeping. Gwen combed the room, even searching the drawers on the night stands which were on either side of the bed, only a few feet from the slumbering Cordy. She checked the bathroom, the walk-in closets, everywhere except the small servants' rooms where her other servants were sleeping. Gwen didn't think Cordy would entrust something so precious to the hired help. Finding nothing, she bound and gagged the two servants she had knocked unconscious and left.

MOLLY: I never thought I'd meet a woman who fights demons without Slayer power.

AMANDA: And makes a living doing it.

KENNEDY: Obviously all of us won't become Slayers. Unless we each die only a couple months after becoming a Slayer. Which means it would be a good thing if all of us didn't become Slayers. But we all have this training. We've all fought for our lives against powerful demons. It's nice to know there can be a future for us, even if we're not Chosen.

RONA: You'd want to do this, even if you didn't have to?

KENNEDY: It's like what Kelly said, which was basically the same thing Willow told me, which is more or less what I've noticed for myself: once you've seen this world, it's hard to turn away. Once you know there's this fight against evil, it's hard not to be a part of it.

XANDER: Why Wesley? What could she possibly see in him?

BUFFY: And the award for most abrupt segue goes to . . .

ANDREW: Like I said before, all of you have grievously underestimated this man.

In the kitchen, Dawn talks with Giles about the Reapers.

DAWN: Wesley and I agree that there are probably 20 of these Reapers.

GILES: And what led you to that conclusion?

DAWN: See this glyph? The one I circled?

GILES: Two arrows, side-by-side.

DAWN: Look at the arrowheads. They're bulging. There's no point. These are whistling arrows. On-nu.

GILES: Which symbolizes a tribe or band of warriors, but literally means a group of ten.

DAWN: Two groups of ten. Ten Reapers for each of the two Slayers. Now look at this other symbol. One whistling arrow crossed by two normal arrows.

GILES: Ten and two.

DAWN: That's what I thought. Wesley claims it's a reiteration of the other symbol, this one meaning two for the ten. Two Reapers for each of the ten Potential Slayers. And Wesley's right about that.

GILES: How would they know there would be ten Potentials?

DAWN: Maybe the 20 Reapers only appear when the number of Potentials have been winnowed down to ten. The Bringers start the job and the Reapers finish it. But I think the symbol has a double meaning, one which Wesley doesn't see. Ten and two, like you said. The two Slayers and the ten Potentials. Furthermore, the On-nu signifies ten warriors where one of the ten is clearly the leader. That would be Kennedy. So it fits exactly.

GILES: But that's merely a restating of what the symbols already tell us.

DAWN: That's what Wesley said. But I don't see why they'd be reduntant like that. There's only so much space on this guy's skull. The thing that did these carvings wouldn't waste valuable real estate by saying the same thing twice. I believe the number 12 has significance. They start off with 20 Reapers, and when they get to 12, something happens. It's a trigger, the same way having ten Potentials was a trigger.

GILES: A trigger for what?

DAWN: I don't know. But I think if we decode more of these symbols we'll find out.

Gwen enters the command center at the hotel. She picks up the two servants by the tops of their heads and lifts them off the ground.

GWEN: No soul jar. Not even in the wall safe. But I found these.

LORNE: Well color me impressed. Cordy has Elois! Take off the gags. They're perfectly harmless critters.

Gwen does this. The group looks over the two creatures. They have light blonde hair and green eyes. Their slim, four-foot tall bodies are proportioned like a fully-grown human body. They differ from humans in having extremely small noses with only one nostril, small, pointed elfin ears, and seven fingers — including two thumbs — on each hand.

WES: I didn't know Elois existed in this dimension.

GWEN: I figured we could get some information from em.

LORNE: No such luck. They only speak verbally to each other, and communicate telepathically with their owner.

FRED: Owner? Like pets?

LORNE: Except they clean up after themselves and everyone else.

WES: I've read that they were bred as a servile race. They're efficient, industrious, obedient —

LORNE: And expensive. Huge status simple.

GUNN: What do we do with them?

WES: They'll be sure to tell Cordelia about what they saw; about where we live.

FRED: But if Dru already knew, shouldn't Cordy?

LORNE: Plus, we do have that laudable policy of not killing harmless demons. Especially the adorable kind.

GWEN: You wanna let them go? They'll tell her I was there.

GUNN: Which might be a good thing.

GWEN: How do ya figure?

GUNN: People do stupid things when they're nervous and insecure. This could make her slip up.

Gwen opens the door and pats them on the back. They run out and return immediately to their owner.

The next morning Cordy laughs about what her Elois have told her. She opens up the freezer and pulls out a container of ice cream. She takes off the lid. There's no ice cream inside, but there is Angel's soul. She takes out the vessel and wipes the frost off the glass.

CORDY: Supertramp? Yes. Superthief? No.

The Elois pour Cordy a cup of tea and fluff up the cushions before she sits down on the living room couch. Two of them start giving her a pedicure. Two more give a manicure. Another one gives her a neck massage while the sixth one rubs her temples. Cordy looks depressed.

CORDY: You know what the sad thing is? I'm glad Gwen broke into my home. At least someone's paying attention to me. It's really true: the more powerful you are, the more isolated you become. And I'm like the most powerful being on earth. Buffy always whined about the loneliness of being a Slayer. At least she's weak enough that vampires can relate to her. Me, I have to wait for a demigod to come down. Or maybe an actual god. One of those really hot Greek Gods with a great body and no gross animal or demon parts. I have no one to share my life with. [the Elois look upset] I'm sorry. You guys are the best. But I need an equal. Okay, maybe just a bit weaker than me so he won't get all haughty and uppity. Someone who'll give me foot massages and ask me how my day went. I'd tell him I rained fire on Denver, and he'd give me advice, help me plan my next move. All this power, and I can't even make someone love me. [she pauses for a few seconds] What am I saying? Why have I turned into some pathetic loser who feels sorry for herself? I take a couple days off, and I'm losing my mind. I need to get back to work.

The Eloi who was massaging her neck grabs the phone, dials a number and puts the receiver up to Cordy's ears. The phone in the command center starts ringing. Fred picks it up.

FRED: Hello.

CORDY: Is the gang all there?

Fred's stunned into silence.

CORDY: Please don't act surprised. I can blot the sun out, but I can't find your phone number?

GUNN: Who is it?

CORDY: Is that Gunn's voice? But me on speaker Fred.

She does this.

CORDY: Who else is there?

FRED: Just us.

CORDY: Why isn't Wesley there? Still can't talk the boys into a threesome? We all know that's what Fred really wants. What I really want is to see the three of you in front of my building in exactly one hour. You three, and no one else. Pull a Slayer on me and you'll be extremely sorry. Be on time. I don't like to be kept waiting. And trust me, this will be worth the trip.

The Eloi hangs the phone up.

CORDY: It's time to remind everyone who the queen is.

This is the end of "Straight Outta Quor Toth." The story is continued in "Carry That Weight."