Edit: added italics.
character's thoughts
"character's speech"
~~~flash back starts
***flash back ends
A black figure slipped into the hotel room, pausing to adjust to the sudden darkness. A slab of yellow light falling past him cut sharply into the smokey-blue carpet. The shadows slowly reclaimed the illuminated spot as the door was closed with a muffled click. With a bit of shuffling, the figure took off his shoes and stepped into the mosaic of light shining through the large windows. A pale face was lit up by the flickering city lights as it moved past the small dresser, heading over to the crisply flat bed.
Shindo Hikaru collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the squares of light on the ceiling. The irregular winking of the many reflections mirrored his current frame of mind. He had been holding back his turbulent thoughts throughout the evening for the sake of the media, smiling for the photographs and answering the interviews politely. It had tired him to the point where he felt he was going to faint. Now, all alone in his room, he was free to deal with his loss properly.
~~~
The black and white pattern plainly told Hikaru what the outcome of the game was but he rebelled against their answer.
No! I can't lose! I have to win this! I just have to! If I don't keep trying, the match will definitely be decided...
However, that sinking feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away, even as he doggedly pushed on with everything he had. He could see the back of the opponent he was chasing, if only he could get past him...
I have to run faster, damn it!
***
Hikaru covered his eyes with the back of his hand as he struggled with the afternoon's events.
Just as I'd reached my opponent, the game ended. Only half a moku away. Only...
That sinking feeling didn't leave when the game had stopped but lingered on until Hikaru felt like he'd sunken to the bottom of the darkest ocean imaginable. He felt so small and alone in the infinite black sea.
Can't see... anything... Was there anything at all in front of me?
Hikaru shivered involuntarily at the cold, bleak thoughts that crossed his mind.
~~~
Shocked and lost in his thoughts, Hikaru stared at the goban in front of him. He let his gaze penetrate the soft browns and yellows of the wood, deliberately blurring the black stars. He was aware that he was shutting off his emotions inside to stop the acute pain but let it continue until he was numb.
"Let's go, Shindo."
Getting no response from his rival, Touya continued in his soft voice, "This isn't the end. There is no end."
Patiently, Touya waited for Hikaru to stand up awkwardly from his chair before walking forward with him.
***
Not the end? Hikaru bitterly considered his rival's words.
"Then, why do I see this endless darkness in front of me?" was what he wanted to yell at Akira's face. Deep inside, Hikaru knew that his rival's words were right but his current mood did not accept it. There was still so much anger and fustration...
~~~
"Shusaku is of no use... Even though Shusaku is held in high esteem... Even if he were alive today, he wouldn't stand a chance against me!"
Hikaru was rooted to the ground as he watched the cocky red-haired pro walk off the stage. Ko Yongha had said the words staring right into his eyes.
***
A well of anger and determination had expanded in Hikaru's heart to defend Shusaku's... no, Sai's Go. Those words should never have existed, in thought or in speech. There was no one who was Sai's equal, much less his superior, Sai was...
Sai was his closest friend.
The back of Hikaru's palm quickly became wet as long supressed tears started to flow. Time had eased the pain of losing Sai but it still cut him up inside to recall the memories.
Sai was... so precious... to him. He wanted to protect his friend against those words, wanted to keep the person that was 'Sai' unchanged in his mind. Hikaru remembered the many games he had played for Sai to protect his friend's most important values such as the forged Shusaku signature, or the bullying of weaker players by stronger players.
I wanted to protect you. I wanted to fight in your place because you couldn't. But in the end... Sai... I'm so sorry. I just wasn't strong enough. I'm so sorry... Please forgive me...
His Go just wasn't strong enough to answer Ko Yongha. He wasn't Sai, that kind of strength...
The tears slowed as Hikaru finally faced his feelings. A stray drop rolled down the corner of his eye and onto the blanket. A forlorn sniffle resounded in the room as the prone figure lying on the bed clenched his fists.
Protecting what was precious... wasn't a simple thing to do. But... I want to protect. To show I can protect. Sai, please wait until I can show you.
Somehow, Hikaru could feel Sai's approval and a slight smile flickered briefly over the tired face. There had not been one day that Hikaru hadn't thought of his friend. He had always been able to feel Sai's quiet presence during a game, including today's. It was the reason why he kept playing, so that Sai would always be there beside him. He wanted to thank him for so many things, especially for introducing the world of Go to him. It was how he'd met Touya... Touya.
"Shindo?"
Hikaru unclenched his fists and kept quiet as he heard the door close. Muffled footsteps crossed the carpet and stopped at the edge of the bed in front of him.
"Are you alright?"
There was more silence as Akira waited for Hikaru's answer.
"Shindo..."
"Un, I'm fine." came the abrubt reply.
Akira hesitated before sitting down beside the dark, sprawled form of his rival. His worry had increased by several notches when he had entered the dimly lit room. It was uncomfortably close and stifling, an effect that might have been created by the lack of sound or movement. Hikaru seemed to be the center of it all, lying still on the huge double bed, a hand obscurring half of his face. The thin streaks of light floating through the window made the image even more surreal.
Here was one of the most liveliest person he knew, yet... The loss must have been more important than he had guessed. Shusaku... Who was he to Hikaru? How were they tied together? There were so many questions going through Akira's mind but rather than dwelling on them, he focused on what was more important.
Shindo Hikaru.
How deep down was he? Wrapped in darkness with eyes and ears closed, it wasn't something anyone should do. He had to see, to push away the darkness and realize what was around him.
"Please don't lie to me, Shindo. I know you're just saying you're fine in the same way you were talking and smiling this afternoon." Akira stopped, hoping that Hikaru would remove his hand from his face or sit up. Getting no response, he turned his head away and gazed at the wall. "I just want to let you know... I want to help you. It must have been hard to lose today but..."
"Leave me alone, Touya."
Akira felt his heart miss a beat as his greatest fear surfaced. Was Hikaru going to quit Go for real this time? When Hikaru first started missing his pro games, it was so sudden that Akira had just been shocked to hear him say such a thing. But now... the idea of it made him feel extremely uneasy. It was probably very unlikely but... he wanted to be there for Hikaru this time.
"Aren't you already alone inside, Shindo? Is it really alright to be like this?" Akira looked over his shoulder to watch for Hikaru's reaction. It was just like...
~~~
"Why are you missing games? What's the reason?"
Akira paused, giving Hikaru the full blast of his dark eyes as he waited for an answer.
"I'm just not good enough." was what Hikaru ended up saying.
Akira was completely thrown off track. "Not good enough? What do you mean?"
Hikaru pushed his chair back, refusing to look up as he thought up of something else to get the nosey pro off his back.
"I'm saying it doesn't matter whether I play or not!"
Akira kept staring at Hikaru as if it would enable him to read his mind. It was like Hikaru was running away from something, or denying something. He could feel it, this wasn't what Hikaru truly felt.
"I don't agree."
Determined indigo eyes met wide brown ones. Don't keep running away, Shindo.
"Touya..."
Hikaru's face saddened and he looked away abrubtly.
"I'm not going to play anymore."
Without thinking, Akira stood up and yelled, "Not play!!!? Don't be crazy!!"
Hikaru was silent, looking at the person who he'd been chasing for the past year.
"I'm sorry."
Without a word, Hikaru raced out of the library. Akira didn't hesitate to give chase through the hallways. As they neared the school gate, he tried once more to reach Hikaru.
"Shindo! Why did you become a pro!? Wasn't it to fight me!!?"
***
Was he presuming too much like he had that day? Maybe-
"We lost... I lost" came a hoarse reply, jolting Akira out of his thoughts. "I should have let you be first board, it was the way it was supposed to be. You're the stronger player, the most experienced. I shouldn't have-"
The familiar attitude behind the lines made Akira cut in. "Kurata-san made the right choice. I don't think I could've done much better than you, today, no matter what you think. Besides, the loss isn't on you alone. We're a team, the result rests on all of our shoulders." Akira sighed inwardly. He'd let words slip out of his mouth without thinking and knew what Hikaru would say next...
"You didn't lose a single match, Touya."
"Yashiro lost both of his matches too."
Akira winced at the way it came out. Sorry about that Yashiro.
"I could've won the first game if I hadn't been so nervous to begin with. Everyone knew that." Hikaru began, his voice weirdly flat. "I made really stupid mistakes that cost the me, mistakes that I couldn't recover from. I could've won it but I didn't. It was all within my ability but I just played so poorly. And then today's game with Ko Yongha-" Hikaru's voice had been rising higher and higher, revealing the fustrations he'd been supressing from the first match.
Akira felt something twist in his stomach. Hikaru's emotions were seeping into him through his speech and it was making his blood pound inside his veins. "Shindo, stop going over what you should have done! You can't change the past but that doesn't mean that there's no future!" His voice cut through the room like a sword and Akira was suddenly all too aware of his outburst. The lights continued to softly spread their pattern around the room, unchanged by the disturbance. Taking a deep breath, the young pro choose his next words carefully, trying to get Hikaru to focus on something other than the Hokuto Cup games, to look at the bigger picture. "Didn't you say you wanted to walk the path to the Hand of God? This is just a small obstacle on that path. Are you going to stop walking because of a bad game and a loss?"
Hikaru lowered his hand a little to look up at the flat ceiling through his pale fringe. The words somehow lingered in the air, waiting for his answer.
~~~
Taking his bag from Ichikawa, Hikaru put the last pieces of the puzzle together. His destiny, his path...
"I'll go step by step, but I won't stop." He paused at the door to the Go salon, his back to Touya. "The one to achieve the Hand of God will be me."
***
The Hand of God... The ultimate goal was still far ahead. So very far... Anxiety and doubt was over taking him. Sai had tried for two life times and hadn't gotten there. Who was he to talk about reaching the Hand of God? It was like a rocky path up a mountain. The very height discouraged him, nevermind what the path was like.
"I- I can't walk the path without you." Akira continued, suddenly quiet. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you, a worthy rival, someone to chase and challenge. I couldn't take the first step until you appeared. It was like I was playing Go by myself. I don't want to try and walk the path alone again."
Startled, Hikaru altered his gaze and stared at what he thought was someone he knew so well. Akira had also faced the empty loneliness before. He knew what the darkness was like. He had been waiting for him...
Akira seemed to be very interested with his hands as he fidgeted, soft hair hiding his expression in shadow. The dim light produced sharp, blue highlights in his otherwise black hair. The occassional, muffled car-horn sounded through the window but otherwise, the room was eerily quiet. The dark-haired boy was feeling extremely awkward and embarrassed. He had no idea why he'd said what he did, it just came out. It was all true however, Shindo was the person who spurred him on to become a pro. It was about time he knew how important he was.
"You can use this opportunity to pick yourself up." Akira continued. "If you overcome this, you'll become stronger. The path to the Hand of God will have many obstacles like this. If you learn how to deal with it now, you'll be ready for the next one."
Darkened purple-blue eyes hesitantly looked up to meet the black-brown ones peeking over Hikaru's palm. Akira paused as he felt his rival's eyes bore into him. He'd almost finished saying what he wanted. What would Hikaru's answer be?
"I just want- I just want to say that I believe in you. You're strong enough to overcome this."
The words seemed to unlock something inside of Hikaru. Touya Akira, the strongest Go player his age, was his rival. No, he wanted to be his rival. He believed in him and he was by his side like Sai was. Together, the two of them would walk the path to the Hand of God and forging forward with all their will, towards the spark of light in the distance.
I won't let you down, Touya. Not again, not ever. I will make myself worthy to be your rival. I promise. Hikaru thought back to the words he'd said earlier. To link the far past and the far future. Just watch me do it, Touya, Ko Yongha, everyone.
"Touya... Thank you."
Akira blinked at Hikaru's abrubt reply. He'd thought he'd get more of an argument before the famously stubborn boy would come to his senses.
The bleached-fringed pro stiffly sat up with a groan and rubbed his eyes to get rid of his tears. He turned around to look at his rival's concerned face in the darkness and got out a little laugh. Akira was a bit puzzled but a smile crept to his lips. He reached over to close his fingers around the white fan that Hikaru always carried and offered it to Hikaru.
"Ready to start walking again, Shindo?"
Notes and message:
Uwaaaaaaaaa...... *stretches hands* Yay, finished!! Apologies if the writing was a bit off (I'm sure I went overboard with the descriptions but I like writing with heaps of imagery). The last time I wrote a fiction story was 2001 so I'm a bit rusty (our school does not encourage writing fiction). Anyhoo, the notes...
1) I wrote this fic purely because I was a bit POed about how HnG ended and needed a little closure (I still can't believe Hotta Yumi-sensei ended the story!!! *wails*). True, the manga showed Hikaru getting over his loss when ch189 ended but heck, I couldn't get over it and I wasn't even playing. With so much riding on the game, I felt that Hikaru should've taken more time to get over it (yes, I know he CRIED in front of everyone but still... the ending seemed a bit blunt).
2) I'm well aware that Touya has dark green hair and apple-green eyes in the anime but I decided to be different and follow the manga. And before you argue that Touya's hair isn't always dark blue in the manga, I took the color from the more recent chapters where his hair IS black with blue-purple highlights ^_______^
3) Hikaru's eyes are also a dark shade of green in the anime but again, I followed the manga where it is grayed-out brown most of the time.
4) This isn't a shounen-ai story, despite the fact that Hikaru and Akira were in a dark room together. I just thought that if anyone could comfort Hikaru, it would be Akira (the other options were Yashiro or Kurata-san ¬¬ which would you rather have?).
5) Thanks sooo much to toriyamaworld.com and hngo.net for the flash-back scenes in the form of scanlations *huggles* A smaller thanks to Real Fansubs and Soldats for making it possible for me to watch HnG *huggles* Minna-san, make sure you support HnG when it comes out later this year! (my own copies of the anime and manga... *drool*)
6) If there are any glaring mistakes, please point them out! If you liked the fic in any way, please say so! If you hated the fic, you should also say so... but with a reason ^^
Replies:
Synammon: thanks for reminding me about the anonymous review thing
Summercloud/Ami: thanks for the grammar correction ^____^
And of course, to everyone who's reviewed this! *huggles* Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy *sigh*