Disclaimer: I own nothing. Blah.
Author's Notes: Giftfic for Aishuu Shadoweaver, in exchange for services rendered. I'm kinda happy, kinda not happy with it. There was much revising and bloodshed. Let us never speak of it.
---
You are cordially invited.... Hikaru read over the words on the invitation carefully as he passed it from hand to hand. It was already creased from the constant handling, not to mention being stuffed in pockets and backpacks over the course of two days of consideration. And argument, because Waya, despite looking as though he were about to lighten up on certain long-held prejudices, had still been dead set against Hikaru's decision.
"It's not that I can't stand that guy," Waya had stated, his expression grudging. "Well, not as much as I used to, anyway. He's almost bearable. But inviting Touya Akira to a costume party? What the heck are you thinking, Shindou? He doesn't know how to have fun."
Hikaru could have disputed that, but since his only counter argument involved a detailing of how playing Go was fun, he had decided against it. So instead he'd resorted to a tried and true method -- begging and wheedling. Waya had finally agreed and everything was set, Hikaru just needed to get up the nerve to confront Akira -- which wasn't as easy a thing as he'd thought it would be. Mainly because, over two days of thinking, it had occurred to Hikaru that Waya may actually have a point.
At least, he's right that Touya doesn't do much fun stuff besides Go, Hikaru thought, sighing and leaning against the wall of the Go Institute, waiting for Akira, who was uncharacteristically late. Akira generally arrived long before Hikaru and usually had a few choice words for his companion about the value of arriving early. And I'm not sure if any sort of party is really Touya's thing. But...I mean, we can't just exclude him! Isumi-san and Saeki-san have been inviting young pros from all over, and we all need to blow off some steam after all the tough matches lately. It'd be kinda rude to invite everyone but Touya, wouldn't it?
And besides that, Touya's my friend! If I don't stick up for him and stuff nobody else will. He might like to do stuff besides play Go, if he ever
The elevator opened so suddenly that Hikaru, who had stopped paying attention, jumped. Akira regarded him with the same air a person might regard two monkeys who had started hitting each other with sticks.
"O-oh, Touya, hi!" Hikaru slipped easily back into his usual breezy personality, and Akira smiled tolerantly at him.
"Did I scare you?" he asked, not teasing but rather an actual, earnest question.
"I was distracted," Hikaru admitted, slipping his hand behind his back in order to hide the invitation. "I was waiting for you, though. Why're you late?"
"I'm not late," Akira said. "The games haven't started yet."
"Yeah, but usually you beat me," Hikaru said, keeping pace with Akira as the other boy moved towards the game room. "Do I get to give you the punctuality lecture this time?"
"Maybe later," Akira said distractedly. He seemed to be mostly ignoring Hikaru, though with Akira it was sometimes hard to tell.
"I, um, I have something for you." Hikaru passed the invitation from hand to hand behind his back and looked down.
"You do?" Akira's tone sounded pleasant as always, but there was something behind it this time. His face tilted downwards, Hikaru didn't notice Akira's eyes light up ever so slightly.
"Yeah...kinda..." Hikaru took a deep breath and handed Akira the invitation. The other boy read over it curiously, then glanced sidelong at Hikaru. "Well?"
"A costume party?" Akira couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. "That's... unexpected."
"But you'll come, right?" Hikaru said quickly. Akira didn't answer. "You will, right? Touya?"
"I don't know, Shindou," Akira admitted. He seemed to be deep in thought, and his eyes were hooded. "I don't usually--"
"I know, but this will be fun," Hikaru said quickly. "Please, Touya? A lot of the young pros are coming. Not just us, but people from all over. Isumi-san and Saeki-san know some people, and Yashiro's coming and inviting some of the people he knows..."
"I doubt I'd be welcome," Akira told him. "I thought your friends didn't like me."
"They're warming up to you," Hikaru said. "Come on, Touya! This'll be a chance to show them that you're not a stick in the mud!"
"I'm not a..." Akira started to protest, then thought better of it. He shook his head. "I don't think so, Shindou. I don't go to parties that often."
"Try 'at all,'" Hikaru grumbled. Seeing that Akira was about to turn away from him, he quickly returned to the conversation at hand. "Come on, Touya, please? I worked hard to get that for you. I really want you to come. You need to have fun some time. And it'd be nice...to hang around together when we're not playing Go, I mean. Don't you think so?"
"I suppose..." Akira clearly looked reluctant. "I don't think this is the sort of thing I would enjoy."
"Come on, just give it a chance!" Hikaru prodded. He was beginning to get irritated, and Akira's quick dismissal of the invitation wasn't helping matters. "Please? I can help you pick out a costume, even. Just come, okay?"
"I don't really want to," Akira admitted. "I'm sorry, Shindou. I just--"
"Can't you even give it a chance?" Hikaru was clearly annoyed now. He'd spent quite a bit of time arguing in order to get Akira that invitation. He'd expected that Akira would be reluctant, but he'd also expected the other boy to give in eventually. The refusal was not what he wanted. "Geez, Touya, just--just lighten up already! Have some fun! Why are you so against this anyway? It's just a stupid party."
"I won't be wanted," Akira said matter-of-factly, aware of the truth in his words but not hurt by it. "And I don't think I'd like the crowd. What would I do the entire time? Stand around and wish I was elsewhere, probably. So I may as well not go. Perhaps if you'd like to do something else sometime...."
"No," Hikaru said roughly, clearly angry and disappointed. "I don't get it, Touya. We're friends, right? So--so can't you just do this for me? I think you'd have fun if you came."
"I'm sorry, Shindou," Akira said. "I really do appreciate your effort. But I don't really want to...."
"What? Don't want to hang around with me or something?" Hikaru looked a little hurt now. "I--I thought you'd be happy that I asked."
"I am, I just--" Akira paused. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah...." Hikaru shrugged, downcast. "I'm gonna go get ready for the game okay?" With that, he stalked past Akira and into the game room. Akira glanced after him, looking rather upset himself.
"Shindou, I--" He started to follow after Hikaru, but the other boy had already gone inside. Akira paused, staring at the crumpled invitation in his hand.
Meanwhile, Hikaru sat down at the Goban and sighed.
That didn't go very well, did it? But he was being so stubborn... Hikaru glanced at the door, checking to see if Akira had followed him yet. I--I just really wanted him to come. I probably shouldn't have gotten mad, though....Touya's like that. He doesn't like to go to parties or to the movies or--or anything, really, unless it involves Go. But...I dunno. I don't know why I'm so disappointed by this. I just really wanted to spend some time with him that didn't involve playing Go. I just...I guess I should've known better, huh? Touya's not the type of person to agree to go to a party or anything like that. I'll apologize to him after the game, or whenever...eventually...
~~~
"So Touya didn't want to come?" Isumi asked Hikaru as they exited the elevator.
"I told you so," Waya said. "Don't worry, Shindou, we'll have a better time without him. Besides, you know he'd be no fun at all even if he did come."
"Yeah, but still...." Hikaru's voice trailed off. "I wanted him to come."
"Why? He'd probably just stand around in a corner all night," Waya stated.
"Waya has a point, Shindou," Isumi said. "The only time I ever see Touya in a crowd is when he's talking about Go. Otherwise, he doesn't seem to socialize much. He probably wouldn't be particularly vocal at a party anyway, even if it is full of Go players."
"So I'd talk to him," Hikaru said. "I could make him have fun. He usually seems happy enough when he's talking to me."
"Then you'd be babysitting Touya all night and you wouldn't have any fun," Waya said.
"Sure I would," Hikaru said. "I could get Touya to talk. And besides, he's my friend. So it'd only be nice to keep him company if he was uncomfortable, right?"
"I still don't get how you could be friends with Touya Akira," Waya said.
"I thought you said he wasn't so bad!" Hikaru argued.
"I said that I didn't hate him quite as much anymore," Waya said. "And only because you keep bothering me about it. But really, Shindou, how do you be friends with someone like that? He doesn't do anything except play Go. He's like a walking computer programmed just to play."
"You play Go all the time too," Hikaru pointed out. "And so do I, and so does Isumi-san. And you yell at me whenever I buy manga instead of Weekly Go!"
"But I actually do other things," Waya argued. "Whenever we meet at my place to play games we do other stuff and it's fun. What do you do with Touya besides play?"
"Well....we talk, sometimes."
"About what?"
"Go."
"Anything else?"
"Um..." Hikaru looked thoughtful. "Not really."
"See?" Waya looked as though he'd just won some sort of victory.
"Yeah, but--" Hikaru stopped, clearly trying to think of something else to say. He's got a point, I guess...but that's why I wanted to invite Touya, so we'd be able to do something else for a change, like friends. It's just that he....didn't really want to. Maybe he still thinks we're just rivals, just playing because we wouldn't do anything else otherwise... "I guess I should've figured he wouldn't want to come, huh?"
"Don't worry, Shindou," Isumi said. "Just because Touya didn't want to come doesn't mean you can't have any fun."
"You'll probably have more fun without him anyway," added Waya as they headed out the door. Hikaru nodded glumly. He suddenly raised his head a bit as he caught sight of Akira, standing in the lobby looking over in his direction. Then they passed through the doors and Hikaru looked away.
I'll probably have more fun without him... Hikaru thought. Yeah...I'll just have fun without him, that's all. Touya won't care. Why would he? So I shouldn't either.
Yet somehow, despite his thoughts, Hikaru couldn't help but feel disappointed as he followed Isumi and Waya along the sidewalk.
~~~
Standing outside the large brick building, Akira felt incredibly out of place. The wind was blowing and whipping his hair about his face, and his hands felt numb. He didn't really want to be here.
This is ridiculous, Akira thought darkly. Of all places...I should go home and forget about all of this. I should.
But then....
He sighed and peered into the huge picture window, trying to see inside the dimly lit shop. He could see figures inside, frozen in place, with wide capes and hats and multi-colored masks, and in between them moved smaller shapes, fingering the cloth and trying things on, laughing even in the darkness.
It seemed to be fairly nice, as costume shops go. There weren't many around; Akira only knew of this one because he vaguely remembered passing it on the way to the hospital after his father had collapsed years ago, on the day he was supposed to play Hikaru. He remembered staring apprehensively out a window and trying to concentrate on something besides the gnawing feeling in his stomach and saw the shop and wondered, just for a moment, if he could wear a costume that would change and allow him to feel less worried, less afraid. It had been an errant thought, barely worth noting, but there. And when Hikaru had swept past him into the game room, and then later, when he'd seen Hikaru, Waya and Isumi leaving the Go Institute and listened to their conversation without really meaning to, Akira had thought of it again.
The easy thing to do would be to apologize to Hikaru for irritating him, though Akira still didn't quite understand the reason for Hikaru's disappointment. But something in him had decided that the best way to make things right would be to go to the party and apologize there, and to try his best to have fun even though he wasn't quite sure if he actually would succeed on that end.
So he'd decided to find the costume shop again and to find something to wear, even though he felt vaguely ridiculous for doing so. Which was why he was still standing outside on the sidewalk and staring into the window like a kid outside of an expensive toy store, wanting to see what was inside but unsure if he really should go in.
It's just a store, Akira reminded himself. All I need to do is go in and find something that will hopefully not make me feel like an idiot for wearing it. Besides, this will make Shindou happy. That's why I'm doing this, after all. Because I need to apologize, and because I want him to be happy.
"Hey," a voice said, and Akira whirled. An older man was standing behind him, looking over him with interest. He gestured at the shop with one hand. "Are you going inside?"
"Eventually....." Akira replied. The man gave him a look that clearly said 'Weird kid' and headed past him, going inside the store. Akira tried to see past him to get a better look inside, but couldn't make out anything concrete.
I guess I should go inside, Akira thought, but didn't move. He just stood there, staring inside and feeling foolish for being so hesitant. This was such a simple thing, and here he was being nervous about it. I'm acting like a child. What do I have to worry about? I'll feel less foolish inside than I do out here.
With that, he carefully opened the door and stepped inside the dimly lit shop. A small bell above the door rang as he headed inside and he winced at the soft ring, not liking that his presence had been announced. He heard soft footfalls nearby and ducked behind a stand of costumes, feeling horribly silly but still not wanting anyone to see him here, as if a salesperson acknowledging his presence would somehow make the entire experience worse than it already was. The person passed by, and Akira relaxed.
So...I need to find a costume now, right? He stood in one spot and looked around rather helplessly, not even sure where to start looking. He was completely unfamiliar with the whole concept of a party in general, much less a costume party. He felt uncomfortable, which was a rather new feeling and altogether unpleasant.
This is all Shindou's fault. I wouldn't do these things if not for him, Akira thought darkly as he strode through the shop. The dim light and garish costumes gave the entire store an eerie feeling, and it only made Akira more determined to leave. Only the reminder of Hikaru's disappointed face kept him where he was, slinking through the racks of outfits like an amateur thief trying to avoid the eye of any and all bystanders. If not for him....but he's always changing me like that. Like these costumes-- in an instant I'm someone else. All because of him.
He wandered like this for what seemed like far longer a time then it actually was, thinking and only half-looking at everything around him, breathing in the scent of the different fabrics, brushing against them, feeling very much like the only living person in a world populated by nothing more than mannequins.
Finally, Akira ran across what he decided was the least ridiculous costume of everything he'd seen thus far. It seemed to be an outfit akin to that of an English swordsman, or at least how an English swordsman might look in a slightly low-budget movie. The outfit was mainly blue, made of soft fabric, with a vest and a long cape, as well as what Akira found to be a dismally silly-looking floppy hat. But it was better than anything he had seen thus far, and besides, Akira found himself strangely drawn to the blue gloves that came with the outfit. He dug around a bit until he found his size, then headed towards the cash register, hoping that Hikaru would appreciate the effort he had gone to and would hopefully like the costume.
Akira wasn't quite sure when he'd started hoping that Hikaru would be happy with his costume, but now that he thought of it, he didn't think that Hikaru's approval would be such a bad thing after all.
~~~
Hikaru held up his costume and felt vaguely disappointed. He'd found what he was looking for at an old costume shop near his house, but the actual costume itself had required a bit of tailoring. He'd tried his best on it, but he still wasn't happy.
It still looks kinda like what Sai used to wear, though, Hikaru thought, smiling a little at the thought. Sai would've appreciated the costume. Maybe, somewhere, the ghost was smiling right now, pleased at Hikaru's little gesture of memoriam, even if no one else at the party would understand the significance behind the costume. I'm not wearing the funny hat, though. That's going a little too far, I think.
He sighed and fell back onto his bed. The party would be starting in twenty minutes or so, and he wanted to get there early in case something needed to be dealt with, even though Isumi and a few of the older pros had taken care of most of the preparations. Hikaru himself had reserved the location, though -- it had occurred to him that Haze Junior High had a very nice, very large gym, and it had been surprisingly easy to rent the place out for a night, especially since school was out at the moment. All he had to do was be sure that nothing got broken or destroyed, and deal with the clean up.
"I wish Touya would've agreed to come," Hikaru murmured without thinking about it, and immediately felt angry with himself. No I don't. He didn't want to come, so why should I make him? He probably wouldn't be fun at all. He'd just sit and complain the whole time.
Nah, that's not what he'd do, Hikaru thought suddenly, mentally correcting himself. Touya doesn't do stuff like that. He'd either say, 'I'm not having fun and I'm going home' because he likes to be direct, or he'd stand around looking sorta disapproving but not actually say anything because he wouldn't wanna be impolite. Touya wouldn't complain unless I started bugging him too much, and even then he'd probably just smile and tell me that I should go have fun somewhere else, because he wasn't being any fun. And I wouldn't go because I'd try an' convince him that he could have fun too, and we'd actually have a good time...
"If he'd decided to come," Hikaru reminded himself and felt his good mood dissipating. He didn't understand what was wrong with him today. For some reason, thinking about all the things he could've done with Akira at the party had made him feel more upbeat, more excited, and the reminder that Akira had refused to go had dashed all those feelings in an instant. He wasn't happy, but for some reason he felt as if this disappointment was sharper than it should've been, more painful.
"Hikaru!" His mother's voice made Hikaru jump, and he looked up just as she peered in. "Oh, good, you're still here. I need you to run an errand for me."
"What?" Hikaru glanced at the clock. "I don't really have time, Mom, I have to leave in a few minutes...."
"I know, but I really need you to run to the store for me." Hikaru's mother looked apologetic. "I was making dinner for your father and I and I'm out of a few ingredients. I can't leave, though, part of the meal is already cooking, and your father won't be home for at least a half an hour, so you'll have to go."
"Okay, okay." Hikaru pouted briefly. "Just let me call Waya and tell him I'll be kinda late, okay? Then I'll go."
"Thank you." Hikaru's mother left the room and headed back downstairs. Hikaru shook his head and went to call Waya. He hadn't even gotten to the party yet and already things were going wrong.
Oh well, Hikaru thought. It's not like I'm in any real hurry anyway...
~~~
Once more, Akira stood outside a building, staring inside with a somewhat unsure air, as if even now debating whether or not to go inside. The sky was already dark and peppered with stars, and he stood before the door to Haze Junior High, staring at the sign telling all those arriving for the party that it would be in the gym, and that certain rooms had been left open to allow participants to change into their costumes -- which was just as well, because Akira had refused to wear his for the train ride and was even now clutching a duffel bag in one hand, waiting. He was just a bit late, on purpose, because he didn't really want to meet anyone and be noticed. He simply wanted to drift in and merge with the crowd until such time as Shindou arrived and rescued him.
What a stupid thought, Akira mused, thoroughly disgusting with his own timidity. Shifting jut once before smothering his nervousness, he strode inside and ducked into the nearest open classroom to change. There were clothes littered around the room, but nothing that Akira could recognize as belonging to Hikaru. But he must be here...weren't his friends the ones who thought up this idea? So he must be here somewhere...I'll have to find him.
When he entered the gym, fully costumed but suddenly wishing that he had a mask that would cover his face just as surely as the blue gloves covered his hands, Akira nearly turned around and left. It was crowded and Hikaru seemed to be nowhere in the immediate vicinity, and Akira was suddenly far too aware that he was wearing a costume and feeling like an idiot and a child.
No, Akira told himself firmly, wading into that mass of humanity, noting a few familiar faces but not really bothering with them, as there was only one face he was particularly interested in seeing. Shindou must be here, and I need to see him. He'll be happy when he sees me here...he must be happy...I want him to be happy with me here. Even if I feel so ridiculous like this, even if I'd rather be at home playing Go...I want to see him here, to have him see me.
So he wandered around for a time, finally taking up a vantage point by the far wall. Cautiously he watched the crowd; even ducking his head a few times to let his hair and that ridiculous hat hide his face whenever he was glanced at. He felt horribly immature for doing so, but he was also somehow determined not be recognized unless by Hikaru.
"Touya-kun, is that you?" A female voice startled him and he whirled to see a girl that he vaguely remembered from Hikaru's old Go club. Her name escaped him, and he struggled to find it. "Hikaru said you weren't coming."
"A-ah, I just changed my mind," Akira said, and then her name came to him. "Fujisaki-san. Why are you here? Shindou said only pros were..."
"He invited the whole former Go club," Akari said pleasantly. "Mitani-kun and Kaneko-san are here too. Kumiko said she'd be here; I haven't found her yet. But I didn't expect to see you here. Hikaru was upset because you couldn't come."
"Is Shindou here?" Akira asked quickly, not particularly wanting to get into a conversation with the girl but not wanting to be overly impolite, either. "I was looking for him. We had a bit of a fight, and I need to apologize."
"I haven't seen Hikaru," Akari said. "I don't think he's here. He was supposed to walk her with me, but when I went over to his house his mother said she'd sent him on an errand. I don't know if he's back from that yet."
"I see." Akira ducked his head. "Thank you, Fujisaki-san, but I have to go now." Without waiting for a reply, Akira strode back into the crowd.
So what do I do now? Shindou's not here, and I still feel stupid... Akira sighed. I'd rather be playing Go right now. Go makes so much more sense...the only battles are fought on the board, and those are solved easily enough. But this...this is different. I feel disappointed now. Why?
He exited the gym and made his way through the halls, hoping to return to the room he'd left his clothes in and return home, but he was too lost in his thoughts to pay much attention to where he was going. Soon Akira found himself in a different part of the building. He passed a half-opened door, then paused, looking in. He recognized that room...
The science room, Akira realized. I've never seen it from inside before. But I remember....I remember sakura petals and wind, and Shindou standing there, staring out as I stare in...and I challenge that was a long time in being answered...
Without realizing it Akira stepped inside. This was where Hikaru's Go club had once met, wasn't it? So somewhere in this room there would be a Go board, and stones. Carefully, trying to avoid the clothes that were scattered around -- this had obviously been one of the rooms open for changing -- Akira tried to open a few cupboards. Most were locked, but one was not, and in it he found an old worn Goban and stones. Akira removed the objects gently, almost reverently, and set it down on a table. Then, settling himself down in a chair in front of the board, Akira began to place the stones.
This is all very strange, he thought, laying a stone on the board. I am disappointed. Why?
Because I wanted to see Shindou here,
That thought gave him pause. He stared at the shining black stone on the board as if it had given the answer, not himself.
Because I wanted to see him smile. Because I wanted him to be happy. Because...
Akira could feel something inside him stir and call attention to itself, and he ducked his head, as if he could hide from it by lowering his face.
Yes. Because I want him to be happy.
In the darkness and silence, Akira continued to play, alone in a room filled with the scent of a single memory and a slowly growing wish.
~~~
Hikaru ran into the gym late and a bit out of breath. He hadn't expected his mother's errand to take quite so long, but the line at the store had been long, and of course only one cash register had been working, because otherwise things would have been far too easy. Hikaru ran a hand through his tousled hair and decided to go find someone to talk to.
"Oi! You're late, Shindou!" Waya called from somewhere behind him, and Hikaru jumped and whirled to face him, looking sheepish.
"It's not my fault, really," he said, but Waya's irritated glare didn't waver.
"I thought you were coming early? We waited for you!"
"I know, I know. I tried to call but you and Isumi-san both had already left to come here." Hikaru shrugged. "I'll stay late to help clean up, okay? My mom made me run an errand and wouldn't let me refuse."
"All right, just try not to forget, okay?" Waya seemed satisfied and stared contentedly around the gym. "Did you see how many people showed up, Shindou? I think that everybody needed a little break, at least."
"Yeah," Hikaru agreed, following Waya as he headed towards the refreshments table in the center of the gym. "You guys didn't have too much trouble without me here, right? Isumi-san said most things were already taken care of..."
"We did fine without you," Waya said. "Except that we started setting up a little later than we were going to because we waited for you. Some of the other guys came in early and agreed to help too, so it was okay. Just remember that you have to help clean up!"
"I was going to help clean up anyway!" Hikaru said, a little too quickly. "Besides, I don't think it'll take too long. How much trouble can a bunch of boring Go players cause, right?"
Waya arched an eyebrow expressively at him, and Hikaru shrugged weakly.
"I was kidding, okay? Kidding!" Hikaru was saved from any more conversation by a voice calling his name.
"Hikaru!" Hikaru turned to see Akari walking towards him, with Kumiko following behind. They were both dressed nicely and seemed happy enough, though Kumiko in particular seemed a little uncomfortable and seemed content to stick by Akari and watch the crowd.
"Oh, hey Akari, glad you came," Hikaru said. "Did anyone else come? I told Mitani he could but he said he had better things to do so I figured he might not."
"He's here," Akari assured him. "He was with Kaneko-san, I'm not sure where they went...it's really crowded. I didn't think you knew so many Pros!"
"Well...of course I know a bunch of people." Hikaru took a moment to preen. "That's part of being a great Go player."
"Even Touya-kun came, I was really impressed," Akari continued, and Hikaru suddenly snapped to attention.
"Touya was here? Where? When'd you see him?"
"Only--only about ten minutes ago," Akari said, surprised by Hikaru's sudden interest. "He was over by the wall; he wanted to know if I'd seen you..."
"I gotta go find him," Hikaru muttered. "Thanks, Akari, bye!" He ran off into he crowd, leaving a very confused Akari staring after him.
Touya did come, then! Hikaru couldn't help but smile a bit. I really didn't think he would...now where the heck is he? Akari said he was over by the wall, but I don't see him. He wouldn't have left, would he?
"This isn't working at all," Hikaru muttered after five minutes of fruitless searching. Clearly, Akira was nowhere to be found. "I need to think about this...I mean, where would I go if I was Touya? There's nowhere to play Go around here...except for..." The thought hit him suddenly, and he realized that there was still one place he had yet to check. He turned and exited the gym, heading for the science room.
Hikaru heard Akira before seeing him, the sound of Go stones hitting the board clear in the quiet hallway. He peered into the dark room and was rewarded by the sight of Akira dutifully sitting beside a Goban, playing and paying no attention to anything else. He didn't even look up when Hikaru entered the room, and didn't even seem to be aware of Hikaru's presence as the other boy crossed the room towards him. Hikaru stood behind Akira and paused, almost unwilling to break Akira's concentration.
He would be here, wouldn't he...not even paying attention to me. Touya's always so engrossed like that, how can he manage to do that? Hikaru noted Akira's clothing and couldn't help but feel a little pleased. He even dressed up. But why's he in here? Was he waiting for me or something, and left 'cause I wasn't there? He was surprised at how happy that thought made him feel.
"Touya?" Hikaru ventured, softly, and Akira didn't even twitch. Hikaru tried again, more forcefully this time. "Touya?"
Akira paused for a moment and Hikaru thought that he had gotten through, but then Akira simply laid another stone on the board and continued ignoring him.
Is he ignoring me? Hikaru leaned in a bit closer. No, I don't think he is. He's just concentrating way too hard, like usual. He's that sort of person.
Nodding to himself, Hikaru took a stone out of one of the casks and placed it on the board. Akira seemed to suddenly awaken to reality and he turned, getting out of his chair.
"Shindou!" Akira's tone of voice seemed strange, a mix of happiness and something else, something not as easy to pinpoint.
"You came," Hikaru said by way of a reply, smiling widely. Akira seemed almost unsure of his answer, which was rather odd.
"Yes..." Akira trailed off, then shrugged. "I wanted to apologize, I suppose. You seemed very disappointed in me before. And then that girl you're friends with -- I'm sorry, I've forgotten her name again -- said that you weren't here, so..." He shrugged again and glanced at the Go board. "I came in here. It seemed the most sensible thing to do."
"Yeah, Akari told me she saw you," Hikaru said. "I wouldn't have even known you were here otherwise. I should've figured you'd end up here, huh? You've got...I dunno, Go-radar or something."
"Or something," Akira agreed, smiling slightly himself.
"Are you gonna go back to the gym, or are we staying here?" Hikaru asked.
"We?" Akira repeated curiously.
"Well, I'm not going to leave you here alone," Hikaru said. "So do you wanna play a game or join everyone else?"
Akira started to reply, then paused, thinking.
"What would make you happier?" he asked. A surprised look crossed Hikaru's face.
"What would...I dunno, why're you asking?" Hikaru felt uncomfortable all of the sudden, and yet oddly pleased to hear the question asked at the same time.
"I don't want to be responsible for making you unhappy," Akira said, looking away. "We should go join your friends, shouldn't we? That's what you'd prefer."
"But I don't want you to be--" Hikaru started to say, but Akira cut him off.
"I'll be fine. Let me put these things away, and then we'll join them." He began to sweep the stones off the board and back into their casks. Hikaru watched him, not sure what he was expected to do.
"Shindou." Akira's voice startled him and Hikaru glanced at the other boy. Akira was still clearing the Go board, and he wasn't looking up.
"Y-yeah?" Hikaru didn't know why he felt so nervous all of the sudden, and he wondered if Akira was feeling the same. There seemed to be some sort of energy hovering in the air between them.
"When your friend told you I was here, were you happy?" Akira's tone was calm, but he still wasn't looking up; instead he proceeded to dutifully return the casks and Goban to their proper places. "Are you happy that I came?"
"Well...yeah," Hikaru said, and his face felt hot for some reason. "I--I am. Why?"
"It's nothing." Akira, having finished his cleaning, glanced up at Hikaru and smiled. "I just wanted to know. Shall we go join your friends?"
"O-okay," Hikaru replied hesitantly, allowing Akira to guide him back towards the gym. There was something about the look on Akira's face that was making him feel as though he should be saying something more, doing something more.
When they reached the gym there was a song playing over the speakers (Waya had gotten them from somewhere for use at the party, Hikaru had never asked where) and most of the gym was filled with general dancing mixed with continued mingling. Hikaru glanced towards Akira, then moved to join those standing by the walls and talking.
"I think Waya's still around here somewhere, we could go talk to him if you don't...."
"Wait." Akira's hand touched Hikaru's; Hikaru could feel the soft fabric of Akira's gloves as it brushed his fingers. Akira was staring at him intently, partly unsure and yet still with some measure of forcefulness. "Dance with me?"
Hikaru stared at him, not sure what to say, what to do. Dance? Why's he...I mean, I can't even... He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came.
Somehow, without even realizing it, Hikaru found he had wrapped his hand tighter around Akira's, and he didn't pull away when Akira led him into the crowd. It occurred to Hikaru again that he couldn't really dance, but it seemed that neither could Akira, and they settled for standing close and moving just a bit, slowly, together.
"I suppose I shouldn't have asked you?" Akira said, almost sheepish, looking around at the crowd that surrounded them. "We're not very good."
"It's okay," Hikaru replied, shifting nervously. Why am I nervous? I mean...it's only Touya... "I don't mind. We probably look stupid, huh?"
"Probably," Akira agreed, but his tone was light. "I just...I don't know. I wanted to ask you. I wanted to take your hand."
Nothing more was said after that. Pressed close together, they moved along the floor, ignoring strange looks pointed their way, trapped in a world of soft blue gloves and unsure breaths and clumsy hands, clumsy feet, unsure but still satisfied somehow, still pleased with flushed cheeks and smiling faces. Still happy.
Later that night, long after the dance, long after talking quietly in a corner and after Hikaru trying his best to get Akira to be social or at least something resembling social, they sat on the front steps of the school together, staring up at the clouded sky while the rest of the guests were busy preparing to leave.
"I have to help clean up later," Hikaru said. Akira nodded.
"I can help, if you want."
"You don't have to, it's okay." Hikaru glanced at him. "I'm just glad you actually came."
"I know." Akira slipped off a glove and stared at his hand, his expression almost distracted. "I feel very foolish, dressed like this."
"I think you look fine," Hikaru said, leaning back to watch the dark clouds as they moved across the sky. If he looked hard enough, he could just make out the small stars struggling to be seen, shining in the darkness.
"I still feel foolish." Akira paused, then pressed his bare hand lightly over one of Hikaru's hands. Hikaru looked over at him, half expectant.
"What?"
"Nothing. I just..." Akira looked at the glove in his other hand, then back at Hikaru. "It's nothing." He followed Hikaru's gaze skyward. "I never did apologize."
"Sure you did," Hikaru assured him. "I mean, you didn't say it or anything, but still...."
"Mmm." Akira nodded, noncommittal. Hikaru couldn't help but look at him. Akira's face was distant, and his eyes were shining with some emotion that he wasn't quite ready to speak. Hikaru closed his hand over Akira's and smiled.
"Touya...um...are you happy?" Hikaru didn't quite know why he asked the question, only that he felt the need to ask it.
"Happy?" Akira glanced at Hikaru, then at the clouds, then back at Hikaru again. Then he smiled, and in that smile Hikaru could feel the soft brush of an unspoken promise. "Yes, Shindou. Right now, with you...I'm happy."
Hikaru smiled back and there was silence. For now, nothing else needed to be said. For now, for the two of them together on the steps in the dark, silence was sweet enough.
----
Endnotes of interest: 1) Story partially inspired by a Fleetwood Mac song and an episode of The Amaazing Race. I have too many thoughts.
2) Only referred to as "akihika-ish" because as the story wound down, a firm declaration of love seemed out of place. Pretend it happens later if you wish.
3) Yes, I am aware that it's been over a month since I updated Wish We Never Met. People don't have to keep e-mailing me about it, the chapter will be done when it's done. I've been having difficulty getting in the mood to write lately. Hopefully I'll get it done soon, though.
4) Review! Or not. But it'd be nice. Please?