Hey everyone. I know you guys are probably wondering why I haven't updated
my other fic. Well I am having writers block for that fic so I am hopefully
going to cure it with this One-Shot fic. This fic contains: angst, thoughts
of suicide, the actual act of suicide (Don't kill me for who does it, I
hate doing it but I am still going to do it.), and yaoi-ness.
Pharaoh Yami: Can I do the disclaimer?
Me: Go right ahead.
Pharaoh Yami: Pharaoh Yami's Princess.. well, my princess actually, does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song "My Last Breath" by Evanescence. She is just very depressed and the song inspired her. Please be nice with her and the outcome of this. I hate the ending as much as she does and as much as you guys will.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ words ~ = song lyrics
My Last Breath
***Yugi's POV***
I sat in my room on my bed staring at the floor. I had tears in my eyes and I tried so hard to hold them back but whatever I did, I couldn't. I looked out the window into the pouring rain. My friends had been ignoring me lately and Yami was trying his best to try and talk to them but it was no use. They seem to hate me now. I feel so alone in this world. I get up and walk to the window. I see my friends walk by the game shop and glance at my window. I don't know why they would do that. After all, they don't care about me anymore.
Recently, I have been thinking about suicide. With each passing day, it sounds better and better to me. I know Yami would be so hurt because he loves me. I love him too but the hurt I feel is has more of an impact on me. I need to get away from this pain, this hurtfulness. I can't stand it anymore. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve all of this pain?
I left my room and walked into the bathroom. I could hear Yami in the kitchen cooking something for me to eat. I haven't been able to eat much lately because of my depression. I have tries to hide my feeling from Yami about this for so long and it becomes harder with each passing day. I open up the little cabinet door and carefully and quietly pull out a razor. No one knows that the razor is even there other than me. I bought it a few days ago knowing that I might have needed it later. Apparently I was right and I needed it now more than ever.
I slowly walked into my room trying carefully to not make any noise. I didn't want Yami to hear me and to stop me. If he were there, it would be even harder for me to do. I love him so much and I know I would hurt him by doing this, but I need to do this. I'm so sorry to hurt you like this Yami but I need to do this. I need to do this to end all my pain, to get away from this world of hurt I am in. I never wanted to hurt you and I even promised you that I wouldn't, but I am afraid I have to break this promise, my dearest Yami. I'm so sorry.
I hold the razor up into the dim light of my room. I look at the blades. They look so sharp. They will surely do the job right. Now I just have to cut the right spot on my wrist and then my sorrow in this world will end. I feel my wrist with the hand holding the razor. After a minute or two, I find a good spot to cut. I put the razor to my wrist and I suddenly hear a loud crash. I look to my doorway and I see Yami there.
Dammit! He caught me. I look at him with sad eyes and he runs up to me and holds me in his arms.
"Yugi, what are you doing?" He asks me.
"Doing what I need to do Yami. I am in constant pain and I need to end the pain in my life Yami. This is the only way to do it!" I respond as I break down into tears.
"This isn't the only way, aibou. I can help you through this. We can get through it together."
I shake my head in response. "I'm not scared about this Yami. I love you so much and I feel that this is the only thing I can do. I am so sorry Yami."
~Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid~
***Yami's POV***
I hold my trembling lover in my arms. I can't stop looking at him with fear and hurt in my eyes. I can't believe he want to end his life because of some pain people are causing him. Doesn't he know that I will be hurt and I will never recover from all of this pain?
"Yugi, please don't do this! I love you!" I say as tears begin to fall down my face as well. I can see the fear in his eyes as well. I can feel that he truly doesn't want to do this but is doing this as a last resort. "Please live for me! I need you in my life! Please, Yugi!!"
I am sobbing by now. I am so scared that I am going to lose my only true love forever due to depression and the pain of his friends. I look deep into his eyes but my sadness deepens when I can't find any hope of saving him. "Yugi, do you hear me at all?"
He doesn't answer me. I get even more scared for him. He's never usually this quiet. If he is, it's usually because he is tired. I am so worried about him. "Please, Yugi, my light, please don't do it. What will your grandfather say? He'll be so hurt as well. You can't do this. There are people that care about you and that love you. Those people need you in their life to survive, Yugi. You are the reason some people are living. Without you, there is no point of living for me." I can't stop thinking about when I first held Yugi in my arms and called him my own. I can't let this end tonight.
~Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
***Yugi's POV***
I'm going to miss so much in my life. I am going to miss Yami hold me in his arms. I am going to miss helping my grandfather in the game shop. I am going to miss the nights of passion I shared with Yami. The tears in my eyes flowed faster as I thought of my love making sessions with Yami. He made me feel loved and wanted. That was all I wanted to feel but my friends ruined it all.
I am going to miss acting all shy and innocent around Yami and my grandfather. I know they love my innocence so much and that's one reason why they love me and care for me so much. I can't believe I am ready to give it all up. I guess people have to do what is necessary when life comes to this. People have to be ready to give up their life in order to be truly happy. I know it's sad, but it's the truth.
Secretly, I want to be saved. I want to be saved from this nightmare called suicide. I want Yami to get this idea out of my mind and heart. The evil and dark thought with is plaguing my body, mind and soul. The thing that is sweet yet sour. Blissful yet Sinful. A safe haven yet an entrapping hell. Please Yami, help me. Save me.
~I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)~
***Yami's POV***
I can feel Yugi's tears falling onto my hand and wrist. He's in tears because of everything that is happening to him. I feel there is another reason too. I think he can hear my pleas for him to come back to reality and for me to help him. I know he can hear me because if he couldn't, he wouldn't be crying so much.
I see my sweet and innocent light position the razor blade to his wrist again. I watch in total horror. I try to move my body and grab his wrists to stop him but my body is frozen in fear and in shock. I can't believe it. I want to save him so much yet my body won't let me move to do it. This can't be happening! Dear Ra! Let me move to stop him! I need to save him! I love him too much to lose him!!
I see him softly sob out an apology and he cuts his wrist. He cries out in pain as he does. The razor falls to the floor and blood comes pouring from his wrist. I can tell he cut himself deep because of the amount of blood that is coming out of his wrist. Oh dear Ra!! Yugi, my sweet hikari, why did you do this? Why did you have to end it tonight?
~I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
***Yugi's POV***
I position the razor to my wrist again. I hope I cut it in the right place. I want it to be as quick and painless as it can. I can't stand much more pain as it is. I slide the razor across my wrist and it produces a deep cut into my wrist. I cry out in pain. Why did I do this? I am ending my life but I am losing the only thing that really matters; the love of my sweet darker half.
Yami cries out for help even though he knows no one is home. Tear pour down his face as he covers the wound with the sheet from my bed. I look away sadly and because I can't stand the sight of blood. It makes me sick. I already feel sick so I don't want it to get any worse.
"Yami." I whisper. He looks down at me with sorrow in his eyes. I can tell that I have broken his heart and that he still loves me more than ever. "Yami, please, don't cry. I know you are hurt but I needed to do this." I start to get dizzy from the blood loss. "Please go on with your life without me. Don't be afraid to be with someone else just because of what I did. I love you and I will always love you. Nothing can change that." My vision is starting to blur. I am beginning to get light-headed as well. "Please, tell grandpa that I love him and I am sorry. I love you my darkness. Never forget that." I slowly and weakly raise my head up and kiss Yami on the lips one final time. "I love you, now and forever." After I finish that heart-felt sentence, I get to dizzy and weak to speak. I can feel myself beginning to lose consciousness.
~Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there
Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me calling me as you fade to black~
***Yami's POV***
My sweet hikari tells me he loves me and that he is sorry for his actions. If he is sorry then why did he do it in the first place? I cry out in pain and sorrow as I can tell that Yugi is quickly losing consciousness. I know I can't do anything to save him. Why did you have to do this, Yugi? Why? I need you. I need you to live!
I sob loudly knowing I had lost my love forever. I can't live without him. I will never forget him and I refuse to love anyone else again. His heart will always belong to me and my heart will always belong to him. I place a kiss on his lifeless body hoping that it would bring him back to me. I get no response. I can't believe he gone. Gone from my life forever. I hold his body close to mine as I continue to cry. Why Yugi? Why? Why did it have to end tonight?
~Say goodnight~
~Holding my last breath~
~Don't be afraid~
~Safe inside myself~
~Calling me~
~Are all my thoughts of you~
~Calling me~
~Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Me: *cries on Pharaoh Yami's shoulder*
Pharaoh Yami: It's ok; it's just a fic.
Me: I know, but I can't help it! It's so sad! I can't believe I wrote it! *breaks down crying again*
Pharaoh Yami: Well, I guess it's up to me to ask for reviews. Please review!
Pharaoh Yami: Can I do the disclaimer?
Me: Go right ahead.
Pharaoh Yami: Pharaoh Yami's Princess.. well, my princess actually, does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or the song "My Last Breath" by Evanescence. She is just very depressed and the song inspired her. Please be nice with her and the outcome of this. I hate the ending as much as she does and as much as you guys will.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ words ~ = song lyrics
My Last Breath
***Yugi's POV***
I sat in my room on my bed staring at the floor. I had tears in my eyes and I tried so hard to hold them back but whatever I did, I couldn't. I looked out the window into the pouring rain. My friends had been ignoring me lately and Yami was trying his best to try and talk to them but it was no use. They seem to hate me now. I feel so alone in this world. I get up and walk to the window. I see my friends walk by the game shop and glance at my window. I don't know why they would do that. After all, they don't care about me anymore.
Recently, I have been thinking about suicide. With each passing day, it sounds better and better to me. I know Yami would be so hurt because he loves me. I love him too but the hurt I feel is has more of an impact on me. I need to get away from this pain, this hurtfulness. I can't stand it anymore. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve all of this pain?
I left my room and walked into the bathroom. I could hear Yami in the kitchen cooking something for me to eat. I haven't been able to eat much lately because of my depression. I have tries to hide my feeling from Yami about this for so long and it becomes harder with each passing day. I open up the little cabinet door and carefully and quietly pull out a razor. No one knows that the razor is even there other than me. I bought it a few days ago knowing that I might have needed it later. Apparently I was right and I needed it now more than ever.
I slowly walked into my room trying carefully to not make any noise. I didn't want Yami to hear me and to stop me. If he were there, it would be even harder for me to do. I love him so much and I know I would hurt him by doing this, but I need to do this. I'm so sorry to hurt you like this Yami but I need to do this. I need to do this to end all my pain, to get away from this world of hurt I am in. I never wanted to hurt you and I even promised you that I wouldn't, but I am afraid I have to break this promise, my dearest Yami. I'm so sorry.
I hold the razor up into the dim light of my room. I look at the blades. They look so sharp. They will surely do the job right. Now I just have to cut the right spot on my wrist and then my sorrow in this world will end. I feel my wrist with the hand holding the razor. After a minute or two, I find a good spot to cut. I put the razor to my wrist and I suddenly hear a loud crash. I look to my doorway and I see Yami there.
Dammit! He caught me. I look at him with sad eyes and he runs up to me and holds me in his arms.
"Yugi, what are you doing?" He asks me.
"Doing what I need to do Yami. I am in constant pain and I need to end the pain in my life Yami. This is the only way to do it!" I respond as I break down into tears.
"This isn't the only way, aibou. I can help you through this. We can get through it together."
I shake my head in response. "I'm not scared about this Yami. I love you so much and I feel that this is the only thing I can do. I am so sorry Yami."
~Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid~
***Yami's POV***
I hold my trembling lover in my arms. I can't stop looking at him with fear and hurt in my eyes. I can't believe he want to end his life because of some pain people are causing him. Doesn't he know that I will be hurt and I will never recover from all of this pain?
"Yugi, please don't do this! I love you!" I say as tears begin to fall down my face as well. I can see the fear in his eyes as well. I can feel that he truly doesn't want to do this but is doing this as a last resort. "Please live for me! I need you in my life! Please, Yugi!!"
I am sobbing by now. I am so scared that I am going to lose my only true love forever due to depression and the pain of his friends. I look deep into his eyes but my sadness deepens when I can't find any hope of saving him. "Yugi, do you hear me at all?"
He doesn't answer me. I get even more scared for him. He's never usually this quiet. If he is, it's usually because he is tired. I am so worried about him. "Please, Yugi, my light, please don't do it. What will your grandfather say? He'll be so hurt as well. You can't do this. There are people that care about you and that love you. Those people need you in their life to survive, Yugi. You are the reason some people are living. Without you, there is no point of living for me." I can't stop thinking about when I first held Yugi in my arms and called him my own. I can't let this end tonight.
~Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
***Yugi's POV***
I'm going to miss so much in my life. I am going to miss Yami hold me in his arms. I am going to miss helping my grandfather in the game shop. I am going to miss the nights of passion I shared with Yami. The tears in my eyes flowed faster as I thought of my love making sessions with Yami. He made me feel loved and wanted. That was all I wanted to feel but my friends ruined it all.
I am going to miss acting all shy and innocent around Yami and my grandfather. I know they love my innocence so much and that's one reason why they love me and care for me so much. I can't believe I am ready to give it all up. I guess people have to do what is necessary when life comes to this. People have to be ready to give up their life in order to be truly happy. I know it's sad, but it's the truth.
Secretly, I want to be saved. I want to be saved from this nightmare called suicide. I want Yami to get this idea out of my mind and heart. The evil and dark thought with is plaguing my body, mind and soul. The thing that is sweet yet sour. Blissful yet Sinful. A safe haven yet an entrapping hell. Please Yami, help me. Save me.
~I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)~
***Yami's POV***
I can feel Yugi's tears falling onto my hand and wrist. He's in tears because of everything that is happening to him. I feel there is another reason too. I think he can hear my pleas for him to come back to reality and for me to help him. I know he can hear me because if he couldn't, he wouldn't be crying so much.
I see my sweet and innocent light position the razor blade to his wrist again. I watch in total horror. I try to move my body and grab his wrists to stop him but my body is frozen in fear and in shock. I can't believe it. I want to save him so much yet my body won't let me move to do it. This can't be happening! Dear Ra! Let me move to stop him! I need to save him! I love him too much to lose him!!
I see him softly sob out an apology and he cuts his wrist. He cries out in pain as he does. The razor falls to the floor and blood comes pouring from his wrist. I can tell he cut himself deep because of the amount of blood that is coming out of his wrist. Oh dear Ra!! Yugi, my sweet hikari, why did you do this? Why did you have to end it tonight?
~I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
***Yugi's POV***
I position the razor to my wrist again. I hope I cut it in the right place. I want it to be as quick and painless as it can. I can't stand much more pain as it is. I slide the razor across my wrist and it produces a deep cut into my wrist. I cry out in pain. Why did I do this? I am ending my life but I am losing the only thing that really matters; the love of my sweet darker half.
Yami cries out for help even though he knows no one is home. Tear pour down his face as he covers the wound with the sheet from my bed. I look away sadly and because I can't stand the sight of blood. It makes me sick. I already feel sick so I don't want it to get any worse.
"Yami." I whisper. He looks down at me with sorrow in his eyes. I can tell that I have broken his heart and that he still loves me more than ever. "Yami, please, don't cry. I know you are hurt but I needed to do this." I start to get dizzy from the blood loss. "Please go on with your life without me. Don't be afraid to be with someone else just because of what I did. I love you and I will always love you. Nothing can change that." My vision is starting to blur. I am beginning to get light-headed as well. "Please, tell grandpa that I love him and I am sorry. I love you my darkness. Never forget that." I slowly and weakly raise my head up and kiss Yami on the lips one final time. "I love you, now and forever." After I finish that heart-felt sentence, I get to dizzy and weak to speak. I can feel myself beginning to lose consciousness.
~Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there
Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me calling me as you fade to black~
***Yami's POV***
My sweet hikari tells me he loves me and that he is sorry for his actions. If he is sorry then why did he do it in the first place? I cry out in pain and sorrow as I can tell that Yugi is quickly losing consciousness. I know I can't do anything to save him. Why did you have to do this, Yugi? Why? I need you. I need you to live!
I sob loudly knowing I had lost my love forever. I can't live without him. I will never forget him and I refuse to love anyone else again. His heart will always belong to me and my heart will always belong to him. I place a kiss on his lifeless body hoping that it would bring him back to me. I get no response. I can't believe he gone. Gone from my life forever. I hold his body close to mine as I continue to cry. Why Yugi? Why? Why did it have to end tonight?
~Say goodnight~
~Holding my last breath~
~Don't be afraid~
~Safe inside myself~
~Calling me~
~Are all my thoughts of you~
~Calling me~
~Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Me: *cries on Pharaoh Yami's shoulder*
Pharaoh Yami: It's ok; it's just a fic.
Me: I know, but I can't help it! It's so sad! I can't believe I wrote it! *breaks down crying again*
Pharaoh Yami: Well, I guess it's up to me to ask for reviews. Please review!