A/N: DARN YOU PEOPLE!!!! Every time I decide to end this fic once and for all, YOU GO ALL SWEET AND SAY "One more chapter!!! Please!!! PLEASE!!!!!! PLEASE BEJEZES!!!!" You make me feel so darn guilty! I hate you! Good bye!
*walks into concave space and flings curtains around her*
ladyx: *appears out of nowhere* Remember, folks, I'm Melissa's author self. She's the one hiding cowardly in the concave space hiding from her dear fans. I love you! *picks up roses* Thank you! And I'M going to write Chapter 5 of A Typico Fight Between You-Know-Whos!
Melissa: *flings open curtains* WHAT!?! You can't do that!!!! I'm the typist here!!
ladyx: That may be, weird one, but I do the storylines.
Melissa: *gets out stick* OH YEAH?!?!
ladyx: *picks up tower* YEAH!!!
Melissa: *bows* Ok then.
ladyx: ::grins:: Well, on to chapter 5, then. Remember, folks! As long as you keep begging ladyxkodomo to write the next chapter and not this sod named Melissa, you'll always be getting the next chapter!
Melissa: Damn.
ladyx: What was that?
Melissa: Oh, nothing.
Dislcaimer: Once AGAIN I don't own Kodomo no Omocha/Kodocha, but I DO OWN THE NINTH BOOK!!! Great Sana and Akito sap, but utter disappointment in the end, though. I can't believe I have to wait till furgin NOVEMB to get the 10th book! *sob* Ladyx! Go get the 10th book for me! And you know what else I have noticed? Everything comes out in Novemb. I mean, nothing whatsoever comes out in Ocotob. Samurai Girl #4 comes out in Novemb, Zodiac P.I. #3 comes out in Novemb, Kodocha #10 comes out in Novemb, blah, blah, blah...
ladyx: F---- off.
Note: This chap is dedictated (or not) to Hurricane Isabel, or Hurricane Latisha, as my very weird bro calls it. He lives in VA Beach so I'm really worried but he doesn't have sandbags, plywood, and he's not goin to the evac center. You know what his plan is? To stay home, and eat Doritos. And wait for his tiny little house to be rooted up by Izzie's/Latisha's winds. YEAH. NICE PLAN.
ladyx: Let me remind you, mel, that your plan is to stay home, sleep, and stay on the computer all day, tying up your precious phone line. Shouldn't you be raising that D in Science, that C in History, and those other low grades? Hmmmm?
me: F---- off.

A Typical Fight Between You-Know-Who's, Chapter 5

Sana: Ohmigod!!! Did you see the news!??
Fuka: No, no, what is it?
Aya: Is there going to be a storm? A really really bad one?
Akito: *snort* If there is, I hope it drowns Sana.
Sana: *pulls out hammer* Do you value your life, Akito?
Akito: Let me think about that. You're my girlfriend. Oh! My life holds no value whatsoever. Kill me now!
Sana: *glint in her eye* Gladly.
Fuka: GUYS! STOP! Didn't I send y'all tuh China!?
Sana: We hitched a plane back.
Akito: If anyone is wondering why there are 20,000 cartons of dim sum in the basement, they're Sana's.
Sana: SHUT UP!!! Anyway, as I was saying, a typhoon is coming!!! A really bad one, like Hurricane Isabel in the states!!!
Fuka: What's its name!?
Tsuyoshi: Typhoons have names...? I never knew that....
Sana: Lemme check. *pulls out newspaper* Typhoon....Typhoon Akito?!?
Akito: Hmmm?
Sana: Akito, they named that stupid typhoon after you.
Akito: I'm flattered.
Fuka: It's vicious, it's mean, it rips, it tears, it kills, it annoys you, and it destroys the town. Oh, great resemblance!
Akito: Fuka, stop butting into Sana's role of the frikin story.
Sana: Yeah, Fuka, stick to the damn script.
Fuka: Oh, well, excuuuuuuuuuse me.
Akito+Sana: Sure.
Akito: Anyway, Sana, you'll have to stay indoors if you don't want to see me cheating on you. My typhoon self will be grabbing all the sexy women off the streets in a vain attempt to replace you.
Sana: Vain...?
Misako: (walks into room) Listen, people, the typhoon is expected to hit in 12 hours. If you don't want to get killed, I suggest you stay here.
Rei: Ma'am!!! Are you sure it's a good idea to let Akito and Sana stay here together?!?
Misako: Of course. If you hear weird noises coming from their room, then you know you have to look.
Rei: Uh....right...is that good?
Misako: No. Well, I'll get grandchildren but that can't be good.
Rei: No, it can't. I agree.
Tsuyoshi: So we have to stay in Sana's house until the typhoon is over?!?
Akito: *silently* YESSSSSS!!!!
Sana: Don't try anything fresh with me, Akito.
Fuka: *smirk* Hehe, I'd like to see that happen.
[The lights flicker.]
Fuka: OHMIGOD!!!! THE LIGHTS'RE GOIN' OUT!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
Akito: Whoopee.
Sana: *hits Akito with mallet* SHUT UP AKITO!!!! You're the one causing all of this!
Akito: It's just my typhoon self, you idiot!!!!!!
Sana: Typhoon Akito, Akito Akito. What's the difference?!?!?
Akito: I am not normally a large swirling mass of water and wind!!!!
Sana: Well you're a large swirling mass of hot air!!!
Akito: Thank you!!!
Sana: That wasn't a compliment!!!
Akito: I know, because you're incapable of compliments!
Sana: *gets out mallet* I'M WARNING YOU!
Akito: *takes out laser stick* I'm warning you!
[The lights go out.]
Aya: EEEEEEEEK!!!
Rei: Don't worry, kids, I'm here!
Akito: What help is that going to do?!?
Rei: Why you little...
Sana: *gets out hammer* Stop being so stupid, Akito!
Akito: *gets out laser stick* Oh, yeah!? Well, what about--*click*--hey--*click*--what the hell happened to my laser stick!??
Fuka: The power's out, so your stick thang is too.
Akito: DAMMIT!!! I knew I should have gotten one that ran on batteries.
Fuka: Too late now.
Misako: So now, let's listen to the radio and see what's going on out there.
Tsuyoshi: Why don't we just ask Akito?
Akito: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
Misako: ALL OF YOU DARN KIDS SHUT YOUR FLYTRAPS!!!
Sana: Mom!!!
Rei: Miss!!!!
Miss Shimura: Ma'am!!!
Misako: That's me! Now let's listen.
Radio Guy: ....and if you listeners have just tuned in to Japan News 101.1, we have new information on Typhoon Akito. It is now settling forceful winds of over 80 mpr on the Kanto Plains, in the Tokyo Area. Floods and heavy rain are expected. Please, if you live around this area, take careful caution...
Aya: Look at all the damage you're doing, Akito!!!
Akito: IT IS NOT MY FAULT!!! *hits Aya*
Tsuyoshi: Akito.....what....did you.....just do.....to Aya?!?!?!??!
Akito: Um-er--
Tsuyoshi: HOW DARE YOU!!!! *picks up chair and flings it at Akito* AAAAAAAAAH!!! DAMN YOU AKITO!!!
Sana: Akito!!! Make him stop!! He's getting to be as loud as the damn wind!!!!
Akito: Hey, why not? There's no TV so this'll have to be my entertainment for tonight.
Sana: *hits him on head with mallet* DO IT NOW!!!!
Akito: God, fine, fine...
*hits Tsuyoshi on the head*
Aya: *sigh* I wonder sometimes if Tsuyoshi-kun has split personality disorder. Sometimes he's caring and responsible and neat and a great boyfriend and the next he's throwing chairs at his best friend.
Sana: Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Akito had split personality disorder.
Akito: Huh?
Sana: Well, you're always pretty nice to me, Akito, but look at you now, ripping off the shingles of people's roofs and flooding Tokyo...
Rei: She has a point.
Akito: *throws chair at Rei*
[Loud slam]
Voice: SOOOOOOMMMMEEEEBOOOODDDDY HELLLLLLLLLPPPP MEEEEE!!!
Misako: Oh my God, it's a voice!!!
Sana: Oh my God!!!! Maybe it's a homeless guy!!!
Akito: Are you going to take him in and make him your manager, too?
Rei: *throws chair at Akito*
Fuka: Aw, Aki, that was harsh.
Akito: Hmmph.
Miss Shimura: Ma'am!!! That voice was a person who is being pushed around by the wind and wishes to stay here for the remainder of the hurricane!
Misako: Have you ever seen him on tv?
Miss Shimura: Er-no...
Misako: THEN LET HIM IN!!!
Guy: Hello, I am a person who is being pushed around by the wind and wishes to stay here for the remainder of the hurricane!
Misako: Who are you?
Guy: I'm Sengoku-san.
Akito: AAAAAAAAH!!! SEND IT BACK SEND IT BACK SEND IT BACK!!!
Sengoku: AAAAAAH IT'S AKITO!!! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL AM I?!?!
Sana: Um....you're in my house, Mr. Sengoku.
Sengoku: Sana Kurata! I've always wanted your autograph. Can you--
Akito: [shielding Sana] She's not gonna give you anything you pathetic dickwad!
Sana: Akito!!!
Sengoku: Oh? You're not her, step away.
Akito: I'm her, uh, bodyguard.
Sengoku: You?!?!?! Akito Hayama???? Aahahahhahahhahha....that is too funny!!!
Akito: *blush* IT IS NOT!
Rei: Wow, Akito's blushing!
Sana: See Rei, I told you he has feelings, gimme my money.
Rei: *mumble* *mumble* Fine...
Akito: Wha...?
Sengoku: *slamming self against door* AHAHAHAA TOO FUNNY!!!!
Akito: Might I remind you that I left a bit more than a bruise on yer damn cheek, Sengoku.
Sengoku: Damn kid...
Sana: So Mr. Senpoopoo!
Sengoku: It's Sengoku.
Sana: Monkeypoo?
Sengoku: Sengoku.
Sana: Kusoyaro?
*In Japanese this means F you and I never really say that so I'm just putting it like that.
Akito: Good one, Sana!!!
Fuka: *spots a bottle on the floor* Hey, water. I'm thristy...
Sengoku: You little--
Fuka: Ah-ah-ah, Sengoku shit, you can't lay a finger on her else you'll get, er, whattizzit...put in public...arrested....yeah! You know....tabloi-ded.....whazzit?
Sana: Um....are you ok, Fuka?
Fuka: Nuttin like da good ole sake tuh liven yuh up.
Akito: Hey, lemme have some.
Tsuyoshi: Akito...!!!!
Rei: Hey, that's where my sake went!
All: [evil eye]
Rei: Uh, I mean, water.
Sengoku: *vulgar language*
Misako: Tskitty tsk tsk. This man is posing danger to my daughter!!! AKITO!!!! GET RID OF THE FAG!!
Akito: *sweatdrop* Er.....yeah...
[Akito throws Sengoku's body out of the door.]
Sengoku: YOU.....WILL.....PAY....!!!!!
[rams into tree]
Sengoku: Owch--dammit!!!
All: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
Radio Guy: And now, the eye of the typhoon is approaching Tokyo. Repeat, the eye of the storm is approaching Tokyo.
Akito: EEEEEKKKK!!!! THE EYE IS WATCHING US!!!
Rei: You stupid kid, it's not a real eye--
Akito: I knew that.
Sana: The eye of the storm is the middle of the typhoon when it is all quiet for a bit, thus giving storm victims a change to subdue the damage and stock up on equipment.
Little kids: Thank you, Sensei Sana-chan!
Fuka: *slurp* Bwaha yumm sake.
Aya: Well, what are we going to do now?
Sana: *appears with bathing suit and tube and rubber ducky* I'M GOING SWIMMING IN THE ROAD!!!
[Remember, the roads are flooded.]
Aya: No, Sana!!! The rain has acidic acid in it!!
Sana: I'm made of acidic acid!!! BOO YA!!! *jumps into road*
Akito: Hey, let's watch her sizzle to the death.
Misako: *hits Akito on head* Damn you boy!! You're her boyfriend!!
Akito: I am? Oh yes. I am the boyfriend of a turnip--I remember now!
Fuka: Yummm Sana go sizzz.
Tsuyoshi: *bangs head against wall* Why me...?!?!
Sana: Whew, I feel all burned all of a sudden.
END

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End Note: WHEW. FINALLY!!!! MY GOD, I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER GET THIS GOSH DARN THING DONE!! But I did. And now, I must work on my Evangelion fic. I wish you all farewell. (breaks through window)