Chapter One: Meeting of the (Absent) Minds
A motorcycle flies over a building and a woman leaps off. The woman is tall, short-haired, and wearing tight, black leather which rips whenever she moves her hands. She leaps from the motorcycle.
"WOO HOO! I mean…this is a vital and necessary mission to the survival of the human race. I am taking it with utmost seriousness," says Finite.
The cycle crashes into a guard post. Finite lands and kicks a few guard asses. She opens her phone.
"Operator," answers Clink.
"I'm in."
"Excellent. So I have the ship to myself now, right?"
"Yes…"
"Great, I'm off to get Delilah the doll. See ya."
He hangs up.
Suddenly, Finite leaps out of a window of a large building, turning and firing backwards. Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie jumps out after her, firing his weapon. Suddenly, Finite's eyes go wide. Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie slowly changes into Agent Smith before Finite's eyes. His clothes dissolve, leaving him butt naked. The two land. Finite's clothes fall off and the two go at it.
Peo wakes up in bed, screaming. All the crew rushes in through the door. Morphbus grabs him by the shoulder. "What up, coz?"
"Yea, what's happening, sugar?" asks Clink worriedly.
"You three disgust me. It feels good to have that off my chest," says Finite randomly.
"Nothing, just a bad dream," answers Peo. "And I wet the bed again."
Everybody falls silent for an awkward amount of time. Finite says, "That's disgusting," and runs out.
Morphbus lays a comforting hand on Peo's shoulder. "I bitch-slap her into submission later, homie, don't you worry. Was I in the dream?"
"GOD, NO!!!" screams Peo. "It was…Agent Smith. And Finite."
"Smith, eh?" inquires Clink. "Sounds good."
"EW!!!!!" cries Peo. "Is it time to go yet?"
"Actually, we're late. We were just waiting for you to wake up."
Peo: Why didn't you guys wake me?
"They were concerned because last time someone came into your room while you slept you "sleep raped" them," answered Clink. "I was all for waking you up. I even volunteered."
"Let's go to meeting now."
The door view port slides open. "What's the password?"
"Fo shizzle my nizzle dizzle," answered Morphbus.
"Oh, hey, Morphbus. Sup. Come on in."
Dobbie throws a stack of paper on the table. "These thermo-thingies confirm the last transmission of the Whoops! The machines are digging."
Murmuring fills the room.
"A quarter of a million Sentinels. Those numbers can't be right!" protests Coward.
Morphbus suddenly enters the room, talking. "Why not, foo? One squid for every pimp, ho, and spawn in Lion? That sounds like the thinking of a machine to me. Or a druggie."
Dobbie nods to Morphbus. Finite's face is red and swollen, with numerous hand marks.
There suddenly came a pounding on the door. The guard slides the view port open again.
"I'm looking for Peo," says Obvious Agent Whose Identity Is Badly Masked.
"I wish I'd never heard of him. He is so annoying."
"Will you give him this package? You see, he showed me things I never thought were possible…"
The guard makes a disgusted face.
"Buzz off, you nasty-ass mother…Mother…MOTHER…AH! Can't swear!"
Peo comes up the stairs. "Who was that?"
"How did you know someone was here?"
"Because you yelled downstairs "Someone's here!""
"Oh. He gave you this."
Peo opens the package to reveal one of the Agents' thong radios. He looks up in fear.
"Agents are coming! Run!" The guard flings the door open and runs outside after yelling a vague warning downstairs.
"One of you should say behind in case the Oracle tries to contact us," Morphbus tells the crowd.
"Shit, I'll do it just to see what Block does to you," says Coward.
"I smack his bitch-ass down if he tries to mess with me and my crew," Morphbus informs the rebel.
"I didn't know you cared!" Trinity whispers in his ear.
"It's just an expression…" Morphbus assures her.
Agent Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie and Agent Nameless burst in. Peo screams like a little girl or possibly my friend Justin.
"They're all down there!" Peo panics, pointing to the stairs.
"Thank you," says Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie. "Nameless, take them!"
"All by myself?"
"Hell yes!"
Nameless sighs and runs down stairs. Now Important to the Agents but Still Not Important to the Movie turns to Peo.
"DIE PEO!!!"
"AH!" Peo screams, running out into the night and taking to the air with a flying leap.
Eventually, all the other rebels reach exits also, but the process requires the choking of a small horse, numerous naked chickens, a dildo, and Finite naked.
"Where my chuzzin' Peo?" asks Morphbus, back on the Nebizzle.
"He's doing his superman thang…" answers Clink admiringly.
Peo is flying above the clouds. He spots a jet and flies out in front of it, mooning the pilot. The jet crashes. He flies to the Oracle's apartment and looks inside. Seeing no one, he decides to go to a club where he meets a girl.
"Hi," the One says. The girl returns his greeting. "Wanna dance?" Peo asks. "Sure, why not?" she answers, taking off her dark Agent-like glasses. They make there way out onto the dance floor. They dance the night away. Soon, they decide to retire. "My place or yours?" the girl asked. Peo thinks for a while before remembering he has no place. "Uh…yours…"
The girl leads Peo to an apartment building. Peo strips out of his Matrix-thong uniform, and eyes the girl. She refuses to move.
"Hello???" Peo says.
"Uh…I changed my mind…"
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!" Peo yells. He rips open her shirt, displaying a hairy chest. He falls back in horror. "OH MY GOD!"
The girl sighs. "You have discovered me…" She strips.
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The girl has become Agent Kiss. "Understand this, Mister Handerson. We never met. GOT THAT??"
"Yes."
Kiss leaves and Peo phones Clink, who takes him to an exit. The exit, however, leads to a room on the Nebizzle that is empty save Clink, who is wearing tight leather and approaching Peo with a whip. Suddenly, a voice calls from upstairs.
"We're almost to The Pad, homies, come up."