(brief cut to black)

(Cut to the McFly house. We can see Marty asleep on the bed, in his clothes and twisted into a strange position. Gina and J. C. appear, dressed in black and holding J. C.'s knapsack. J. C. holds up a finger to Austin, then sneaks up to the window. She and Gina slip a thin wire with a loop through a crack and catch the lock. With a little skillful maneuvering, they open the window. They quietly climb in and go over to Marty. J. C. pulls out a bottle and pours a little of the liquid inside onto a pad. She gently presses it to Marty's face. The teen starts a little, then relaxes again. J. C. quickly removes the pad while Gina leaves a note on Marty's dresser. Then together they drag Marty away.

Cut to the inside of a shack in the woods. Marty is there, loosely tied to a cot. J. C. looks into the camera, satisfied.)

J. C.: We left a note to the family assuring them Marty will be fine, and the only ransom we require is Doc. Due to the strong connection to Marty, Doc should come to save him, no matter what the risk to himself. Then we'll capture Doc and turn Marty loose. Of course, Marty will have visitation rights.

GINA: (looking at Marty) He's kinda cute too. Maybe we should keep both of them.

J. C.: I don't know, Gina. This one has a dangerous paternal force. The McFlyis Georgon has a powerful attack.

AUSTIN: (sighing) Why do I put up with them. . . .

J. C.: Quiet, you. (sits down) Now, all we have to do, is sit back and wait.

(Marty suddenly stirs.)

MARTY: (groaning) Ugh. . .Mom?

GINA: Hey there, Marty.

MARTY: (waking up) Who are you? (looking around) Where am I?

J. C.: Welcome to our headquarters, Marty. I'm Josie Caroline Jones, and this is my assistant, Gina Sarah Lloyd. And our camera-man, Austin.

GINA: (bright smile) Hi.

AUSTIN: You have my deepest sympathy.

MARTY: (uncertainly) Hi. Why am I here?

GINA: (bouncing) You're gonna help us get our Doc. He's gonna come to rescue you, and we're going to catch him.

MARTY: Heh?

J. C.: We're on the trail of the Doculus Brownis. You are a major social contact, and I doubt he'd want to lose you. So it's only natural to attempt a rescue. When he does, we'll trap him.

MARTY: (still lost) I can't understand either of you.

AUSTIN: (sigh) They want to kidnap Dr. Brown, and you're the bait.

MARTY: (angry) HEY!! That's my best friend you're talking about!! I refuse to lure him into two nutties' grasp! Let me go!

J. C.: No can do. We're not going to hurt Dockie Wockie, Marty. We just want to catch him. You'll be allowed to visit him whenever you want.

GINA: (smiling) You might even be going with him. If J. C. will let me.

MARTY: Dockie Wockie???

AUSTIN: You should hear what J. C. calls me.

J. C.: I don't know if we should take Marty, Gina. We don't want problems with the police.

GINA: But we're going to have problems with the police anyway for capturing Doc!

J. C.: (frowning) Hmmm, true. (looks at Austin) Hey, wait! Austin's default form is that of a policeman!

AUSTIN: Oh no you don't! I hold the camera, that's it!

J. C.: You forget you have to follow my direct orders, Austie?

(Austin gives her that patented "Terminator glare." She just grins at him. She and Gina are obviously very sure of themselves on this one.)

J. C.: Right now, I order you to hold down fort. Watch that door and yell if anybody comes. Gina and I are going to discuss the Marty issue over firewood.

GINA: Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. . . .

(They head out the door. Austin sits on the bed beside Marty, turning his finger into a knife and cutting the ropes.)

AUSTIN: I remember a time where I wouldn't care if you lived or died. If you got in the way of my mission, you had to be terminated.

MARTY: (sarcastically) Things must have been great then.

AUSTIN: Better than being J. C.'s lapdog. She reprogrammed me so I have to follow all her orders.

MARTY: Touche. Man, I hope Doc's gonna be all right. My family's probably going crazy with worry.

OFF-CAMERA VOICE: Sort of. I promised them I'd get you back.

(Startled, Marty and Austin turn to see a young woman's face, with golden glasses and medium length brown hair. She smiles reassuringly at them.)

GIRL: Hi. I'm Lisa. I've been trying to protect Doc from those two lunatics who are trying to catch him. Now it looks like they've gotten desperate. Guess I'll have to break you out, Marty.

MARTY: (looking at Austin) Don't yell. Please don't yell.

AUSTIN: (smugly) She said yell if anybody came in the door. Lisa came in through the window.

(Lisa nods and climbs in.)

LISA: Now just follow me. We should get back to your house in no time, Marty.

(They all climb out the window and start walking through the forest. Suddenly who should appear but Doc, looking frantic.)

DOC: MARTY! Thank God I've found you! (hugs) When your parents found the note, they called me right away. (turning) Clara! I found Marty!

CLARA: (emerging from trees) Oh, Marty, I'm glad you're safe. Who are your friends?

MARTY: Well, this is Lisa, and this is Austin.

J. C. AND GINA: Lisa???

(All turn to see J. C. and Gina standing nearby, looking very pissed. Lisa glares at them, while Doc, Marty, and Clara all back away. Austin tries to slip into the trees and escape.)

J. C.: (growl) STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, AUSTIN.

(Austin freezes. J. C. walks up to Lisa, her entire body tense.)

J. C.: I thought I told you to stay out of my affairs, Fagan.

LISA: Somebody had to stop you from kidnaping Doc before me. My Doctors 5 and 8 wanted to meet him. They thought he could help them with the TARDIS's problems.

GINA: (furious) Well, you can't have him! He's MY Doc!

(She runs and grabs Doc in a killer hug. Doc tries to pry her off, with little success.)

DOC: Dammit, that "Catfight" show is in the past! Leave me alone! It was bad enough the girls got into a fight after the show, but this is ridiculous!

CLARA: (angry) Leave my husband alone!

J. C.: Don't you tell me what to do! I don't even accept you as canon! He's MY Doc!

LISA: I need him! He's MY Doc!

CLARA: I married him! To put it in your crude terms, he's MY Doc!

MARTY: (jokingly) I'm his best friend. Maybe he's MY Doc.

GIRLS: (looking at Marty) Ewwwwwwwwww.

DOC: (getting nervous) Now, now, ladies, I've been through this before, I don't need to go through this again. . . .

GINA: (Bruce Banner impression) You're making me angry. I don't think you're gonna like me when I'm angry.

J. C.: Do you know what I can do when I'm upset? And don't forget, who's got a terminator on their side?

AUSTIN: I was hoping you would leave me out of this.

LISA: I have powerful friends too, but I'm not afraid to do this mano a mano. Are you, Mary Sue?

GINA: (steaming) You're getting close to the danger point. . . .

CLARA: (eyes narrowed) Listen, do I have to put you back in your places? (rolls up sleeves) This is my husband we're talking about.

J. C.: Go ahead. Make my day.

GINA: (looking a little green) Danger point!

(She transforms into an Incredible Hulkette. Clara looks a little unnerved, but J. C. doesn't seem too perturbed. Neither does Lisa, surprisingly.)

J. C.: That temper's nothing. (eyes begin to glow) Try taking on me when I'm mad!

(She begins to levitate, looking positively demonic. Suddenly envelopes start flying everywhere. Austin catches one and reads it.)

AUSTIN: "You are APPROVED! For this FREE Credit Card!" Where did this come from?

J. C.: Gywnn warned me about that. She let me have the Book of E-ville to become a witch and gain revenge on my enemies. Sending out junk mail is part of my curse. (thinks) Hey, maybe I could use it to my advantage.

(She starts making an envelope tornado. Gina Hulk lumbers over to Clara, lifting her hands over her head.)

GINA: Hulk smash Clara!

(Clara rolls out of the way. The slam of Gina's fists rocks the whole forest. Marty, Doc and Austin cling to each other in fear. Wings, golden and feathery, but slowly turning red, tear their way out of the back Lisa's shirt. She glares at J. C., completely ignoring Gina and Clara.)

LISA: He's mine, and I'm taking him back to Alnilam! Trust me, I could raise a whole army if I needed to.

(She emits a few strange calls, and birds descend on J. C. She promptly disperses her envelope tornado at them. Clara, now inexplicably dressed in ninja gear, is still doing battle with Gina. Gina lumbers around, smashing random things. One of those is J. C.'s envelopes. She sends a bolt of energy toward her. Soon everyone is entangled in a vicious fight.)

CLARA: (doing an amazing series of kicks) My feet hurt. . . .

J. C.: (exploding a nearby tree) Then I guess you won't be able to dodge that!

GINA: Hulk smash bird!

LISA: (flitting around her head) Better than being called an angel, I guess. (has the birds attack Gina)

GINA: Hulk annoyed!

MARTY: Boy, I'm glad I don't have fan girls like you!

DOC: (in a desperate attempt to calm them down) GIRLS! Am I really worth fighting over?!

(The girls pause and all look at each other. Doc looks relieved, until--)

GIRLS: MY DOC!!!

(They all lunge at him! Marty and Austin bolt, leaving Doc standing there, screaming loudly. Close-up on the inside of his mouth, then change to a darkened room at night. Doc sits up, breathing hard and sweating. He looks around wildly, the covers slipping off his body. He gathers them back up and begins to laugh, a touch hysterically.)

DOC: (relieved) It was all a dream. . . . Just a horrible nightmare. (wipes the sweat off his forehead) I really have to stop reading "Catfight" right before going to bed.

(He collapses back onto the bed, sighing happily. He turns to the vague shape next to him.)

DOC: You would not believe the dream I just had. . . .

(The light is switched on, revealing Clara, Gina, Lisa, and J. C. all in bed with him. They all smile lovingly at him.)

GIRLS: Oh, wouldn't we?

(Doc stares at them a moment, then very slowly turns to the camera, dead white. He weakly mouths "help me" as the girls swarm him. Pan up, through the window, eventually showing the whole house. Rod Sterling's voice comes on.)

ROD: So -- which is the reality, and which is the dream? Sometimes it's hard to say. Is reality what is happening right now, or is it a dream? We leave Dr. Brown with that question, as he is the only one qualified to answer it. Dr. Brown, a man trapped in his own personal nightmare -- and in the Twilight Zone.

(Spooky Music plays.)

The --

(Doc walks in. His bedclothes are torn and ragged, and he looks pretty tired. He holds out his hand.)

DOC: A public service announcement. Please donate paper or metals of monetary value to the "Lock Up These Lunatics" fund. Otherwise, I will have no choice but to make the move into slash fiction.

GIRLS: (off-screen, hysterical shriek) WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE, WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE!

MARTY: (off-screen) DO--OOC! Yuck.

The End

Gwynn, the Book of E-ville, and the line "My feet hurt" copyright Peter Abrahams, "Sluggy Freelance." Austin the T-1000 copyright James Cameron. Rod Sterling and The Twilight Zone copyright to whoever currently owns the show. Hulk copyright Marvel Comics. "Catfight" copyright me. :)