The Hyper, The Spikey and the Manic-Depressant
Chapter 5-The Plan in action
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
CloudRox1: Sorry for the long wait! I will totally understand if you want to throw rotten fruit/eggs/bricks at me!
Lawyers: THERE SHE IS!
CloudRox1: Eeep:runs:
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Wzfgl?"
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Cloud turned over and thumped the alarm clock. The tiny figure of Sephiroth was already squashed from several mornings'-worth of maltreatment. Cloud, for about the fifteenth time, cursed The Alarme Shoppe for selling out of everything else. He turned over again and thumped onto the floor.
"Aw, crap." He shuffled into the bathroom.
-()-
Yuffie, lying awake in the next room, grinned evilly when she heard the shower start to run.
Operation Get-Cloud-To-Help-Cheer-Up-Vinnie was under way.
Hmm…maybe I should work on a shorter name…she thought.
-()-
More awake now, Cloud stepped out of the shower. Over the years, his hair had absorbed so much gel that it still retained its basic shape even while he was sleeping or showering. Unfortunately, this didn't stop bed-head, so his hair looked like an old broom whose bristles have stuck together with age crossed with a large bush then dunked in sugary water for a week.
This happened every morning. A fresh coat of gel usually sorted it out. He opened the cupboard next to the mirror and felt around for his personal jumbo-sized pot.
"Ow…stupid Tifa's anti-jiggle breast tape…hmm" Cloud stared at the tape. "That explains a lot." He shrugged, put it back, and rummaged again.
And again, slightly more panicked than last time.
He ripped the cupboard of the wall and emptied the contents onto the floor, frantically searching.
-()-
Yuffie felt a little twinge of conscience when she heard the small sobbing coming from the bathroom. She'd had to control her evil laugh when she heard the cabinet ripping off though. She mentally poked her conscience.
Don't you start now, not when it's all coming together, or else I'll take five Hypers in a row again!
Her conscience stopped twingeing.
Yuffie concentrated on the bathroom noises again. For some reason, they seemed to have stopped.
"That's odd…"
And that's when Cloud burst in, looking like a bush wearing a spiky afro, grabbed her by the turtleneck and dragged out of bed.
"EEK! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
"My hair-gel. Has been. Stolen. I won't accuse you. Yet. But I need to get some more, and I'll be dammed if I'm going to leave you in the villa alone, especially after what happened last time."
"IT WAS ONE SMALL FIRE! WHY DOES NO-ONE JUST LET IT BE!"
"Regardless. You. Me., Midgar. Now."
"…fair enough. But, uh, Cloud?"
"What?"
"You might want to put some clothes on instead of that towel."
-()-()-()-
2 HOURS (AND A SET OF PANTS) LATER
-()-()-()-
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO SALE?"
"Look, I'm not happy about you people in general, I'm not aiding and abetting your sort!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY SORT!"
The shopkeeper looked uncomfortable.
"You know..."
Cloud's voice went dangerously quiet.
"No. Please, do tell."
"Like…lesbian transvestites."
-()-()-()-
(ANOTHER) 3 HOURS LATER
-()-()-()
"That was the twenty-third store today."
"I know."
The unsupported spikes were drooping quite badly.
"Why do all shopkeepers on the Planet seem really reluctant to sell to me?"
"I don't know."
"And they all have really crazy and unbelievable reasons when I ask why!"
"Um."
The iceberg of suspicion rose in Cloud's thoughts.
"Yuffie…you wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you?"
Yuffie stiffened.
"Eeep," she said quietly.
He wasn't meant to figure it out yet! I haven't reached this part in my Plan! She mentally panicked.
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
CloudRox1: OK, I think I lost them.
Small Lawyer: OVER HERE! SHE'S HE-yelp!
CloudRox1:holding the struggling sackful of lawyer: I have to go before I'm convicted of…we don't have time to list them all…Bye!
This fic sponsored by The Soul-Searchers Society. If you wish to make a donation of one or more souls, please leave a review, and our operators will get back to you.