Loneliness has lost all meaning. My emotions far beyond written expression. Yet I sit here and I try, oh how I try, to put things into a clear perspective. Your beauty, our lust, I'm starved, now I fade into dust. Can you please tell me what's left of us? I see pieces of you inside of me. However, there are also holes where my heart use to be. I am confused and have become numb. Why did you leave? Your words still vivid in the depths of my blurred mind, it's for the best, repeats over and over with no notion of time. But dammit Jeff, why couldn't you see that things always have a way of working out. Together we could have battled the dark and stormy weather, I have no doubt. The precautions I took when I saw that you were slipping away. Obviously not good enough because I sit here withered in pain. I admit I may come off as bitter maybe even selfish but how else am I to communicate what is festering within this tormented soul?

I wish for a moment that I could enter your mind. That beautifully strange web of originality would no doubt reveal the answers I long to find. Wait. Hold on, I must take a step back. Here I am again being demanding and unfair. Even in my writing, I tend to be unaware. I will admit I had a way of driving you to the brink. But know that I am sorry and I love you, no matter what you may think. I can still see you clawing. Clawing for your happiness as you put up with my bullshit. I must say, reflecting on ones faults is truly a bitch. One thing though, you must confess, I was there for you until you took your last breath. I held your hand, tried to stop the blood, kissed you good bye and cried for months. When you say this was all for the best I wonder for whom? I certainly know that it wasn't me you were referring to. Because I still dream, dream about us. And I still long, long for your touch. How the HELL can you justify leaving in such an awful way? One shot, click, pull, BOOM, you're blown away. Dead by your own hand. Two seconds, just two seconds, sooner and I could have stopped this deranged sequence of events. Jeff, damn you JEFF HARDY! How can you defend this kind of torture you've put me through? I will never understand.

Dream! Do you remember our dreams? Children, acres of land, a beautiful house. A reality I will never know. At least not now. It would be wonderful to see you again. Do you think we will be reunited in the end? I can imagine you in Heaven with the angels of our children that can never be born. Please Jeff can you answer my cries? Please Jeff can you tell me why? It's getting late and I must go. I sit here and pour the last of my Vodka, drowning this hollow soul. Remember my image, remember our happiness, and remember our love for it is not lost within my being. Excuse the tear drops on this letter, excuse the blood splatters. Yes I tried again, but I am weak and cannot bring my life to an end. Well it is day 365 since our last goodbye and on our anniversary, I close this neglected rambling with a soft sigh.

I MISS YOU… Trish