Author's Note: I don't own "Scrapped Princess" or the song "Holdin' On" by Saliva. Slight spoilers for what happens with Leopold and I think that is mostly it. This is basically Pacifica POV on everything that has been happening to her and of her thoughts being the Scrapped Princess/Dethroned Princess. This is a one-shot. Enjoy and please review!

Holdin' On

By: Lauren

The moment I was born, I was thrown off a cliff.

The moment I was born, I was condemned to death.

Death. That is the fate of the Scrapped Princess. The poison that shall destroy the world. That is the meaning of the Scrapped Princess. It was prophesized that she would be the one to bring about the destruction of the world when she turns sixteen. And so the world tries to destroy her.

She was to be killed immediately. The tiny, smiling, blond haired, blue-eyed child that had entered the world only moments ago. She would be a child born without a future before her life would never be known or could ever be known.

They threw me off a cliff…but they never expected me to survive. Who would have thought that a mere infant could survive a fall from a cliff? Who would have thought a kind family would take her in? Who would have thought that she would grow to be a kind, cheerful girl of fifteen?

~*~

The day's reality around the bend.
Pain and misery my only friend
I raise a toast and I salute the end.
Six feet in the ground is where the living begins.

~*~

I am so happy that they took me in. Any other family would have killed me had they known I was the Dethroned Princess. The Scrapped Princess. Both mean death. But no, they took me in as one of their own. Mama and Papa raised me as if I was their own daughter. They named me Pacifica in hopes that everybody would love me. They both taught me everything they knew and gave me all of their love, along with my older brother Shannon and my older sister Raquel. We were a family. A happy family with a blissful life…but as everyone knows, all good things must eventually come to an end.

Mama and Papa passed away.

Almost everyone in the world is trying to kill me before I reach sixteen, which is only in a matter of months.

Shannon and Raquel both take good care of me. They protect me with their lives and we travel, running from the hatred of a frightened world.

Sometimes I wish I were never born as the Scrapped Princess. I wish that someone else in the world was born as her, as the poison of the world, and that I could have a normal life. But then I take it back. I would never wish my fate upon anyone else. No one deserves to have the burden of being the Dethroned Princess on their shoulders. It is a large one, one I can barely handle, and I would hate to see someone else suffering with what I go through. This is the fate that I was born with, whether I like it or not. It cannot be changed. I can only deal with it.

Sometimes I want to disappear. I want to just die so that everybody would leave me alone. Then no one else would hurt because of me and no one would come after us, after Shannon and Raquel. I don't want to destroy the world. Maybe I should just die like everyone wants me to. It would be so easy…to just disappear…to just end my life…just like that and it would all be over. Sometimes I wonder how I hold myself back from doing just that.

~*~

I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.

~*~

I cannot end it all because Shannon and Raquel believe in me and I believe in them. Their belief in me…their love for me…their protection…it gives me the strength to live, to struggle for survival. I can't give up, for them.

I wonder why they stay with me. They could be heroes if they wanted to, famous for killing the Dethroned Princess that would destroy the world. Then they would become rich and known throughout the land. But they don't. They do the exact opposite. They fight the world for me. They care for me and protect me. They keep me alive and…smiling.

Is it because I am their sister? Even if we aren't technically related by blood…we still grew up together…we have this bond of being siblings…

Is it because they promised Mama and Papa? Because they took an oath to protect me? But why would they take an oath? Do they really care that much? Do they care that much for their adopted sister that is called an evil child?

Yes, they do. That is what keeps me going. They've always been there for me. They protect me just like an older sibling should. They mean so much to me…they're my world. I don't know what I'd do without them. I'd probably be dead already. They've always taken care of me, even if we bicker constantly and they know I love them. They put up with my talk of disappearing and my demands of doing things for me. They are willing to fight the world for my life…and they are willing to fight a god for me even. Still, I wonder if they ever regret what they do. It would be so easy for them to kill me and end this life of constant running and fighting. They could be happy and settle down. But they aren't those kind of people.

Even so, I told Shannon, when I turn sixteen and if it is true, if I try to destroy the world, then I want him to be the one to kill me. Who better than the people who have brought me this far to begin with? Who have raised me? Loved me? I would rather it be them than a stranger.

~*~

I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on.
I've created a world that is devoid of love.
I'm praying to God and up to Heaven above.

~*~

Speaking of that stupid prophecy, it could be a lie even. This whole 'prophecy' could be wrong…there could be so much more to the Scrapped Princess than death. What if my purpose is beyond 'destruction of the world'? What if it is something different, something Mauzel does not wish for to happen? Then he could make a false prophecy to turn the world against me, making them do His dirty work. What if he isn't a true god? The people may be following the devil himself without realizing it.

I think…people just need something to believe in. To have this belief is to help one live in the world.

With this fate, it is hard to trust anyone. People I once knew, people I have known while growing up, people who have befriended me, all might try to kill me. I have known people as a child and when I met them again, they have tried to kill me. When a friend finds out who I really am, they shudder and avoid me. Sometimes…if I am lucky…they may accept it and be kind. Sometimes they leave me with a friendly good-bye but even so, there is always a chance we may meet again in the future, and this time they may strike me. A traveling musician, a tiny child, an old man, no one is safe. No one can be trusted. It can only be Shannon, Raquel and me. Sometimes we meet a kind soul that joins us but we must always part. It is too dangerous, they can be killed and when they know the truth, they often leave.

I have been lucky though too. I have met a Heresy Inspector that did not report me as the Dethroned Princess along with the same man who threw me off a cliff as a child. He could only apologize to me for what he had done. He quit being a knight after that, for as he tossed me off that cliff, I had smiled at him and he had realized I was only a child. An innocent child that was being condemned for what? For being born at the wrong time? Under the anger of Mauzel?

What I find funny is how everybody expects the Dethroned Princess to be some ugly witch. They expect her to be an evil demon child that wants to kill everybody and end the world. They want to see me as some girl with warts, tangled haired, chipped nails, black eyes, broken yellow teeth, a hunched back with a devil-like laugh and eyes that shine with all the evil, death, and destruction in the world. After all, it is easy to hate an ugly witch-girl. It is easy to kill a faceless person.

That is why they're often very surprised when they realize I am the Dethroned Princess. When they see the face that they must kill, for most good-hearted people, it becomes harder to carry out that task. I'm a normal looking girl with shiny, curly hair the color of the sun, with blue eyes the color of the sky, soft creamy skin the color of sand, normal nails, straight clean teeth, a straight back, a nice figure and eyes that shine with innocence and search for hope. I have no desire to bring about the end of the world. I have no desire to gain power, to topple everyone else down. I only want a normal, happy life. I want the world to leave me alone and let me grow up, have friends, meet a cute boy, mature into a young woman and experience the things other girls experience.

~*~

My heart and my soul have turned to push and shove.
It's enough to kill me but it's never enough.
I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.

~*~

Leopold was a nice boy. He was very noble and true and…he made me feel special. He made me feel…real…like maybe there was a chance for me to be a normal girl. He gave me something that I will never forget and I will always cherish. He gave me the chance to be loved by someone other than family and to love in return, even if we truly only had friendship. It was still something…special. But, as all paths must cross and then divide, as all people must meet and sometimes move on, his pathway led him somewhere far different than mine. He wants to take the pathway of being a knight. He is searching to find out what true chivalry is…even if it might make him my enemy in the future. He found out who I really was and he realized that if he wanted to be a knight, he might have to kill me. He talked of taking one life to save many. It was interesting when he realized that I would be the life he would have to take. I sure gave him something to think about, even if I didn't mean to. I threw his world for a spin, that is for sure. I think that he had expected the demon child, not the pretty girl I am.

His dream is to be a good, worthy knight that does the right thing and I am glad that he is following his dream. I am glad he gave me the gift of his friendship and I will always remember the days he stayed with me. Before he left, he kissed my hand and butterflies flew inside my stomach. I watched him ride off on his white horse. My knight in shining armor. Even when our days had been normal, when he had been oblivious to the truth, I had known that he would never be able to stay with us. It was silly of me. Who would want a girl that is poison? Our life is too dangerous for anyone to join us.

I will ignore the little ache in my heart that longs for his smiling face or for the sweet laughter of Uinia. I will ignore the tiny stab of pain at the future thought of him striking me down or of my brother and sister being hurt or killed because of me. I will continue down my pathway, always walking forward. That is the only way I can go. That is the only way anyone can go.

~*~
 
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.
I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on.

~*~

I am the Scrapped Princess, the Dethroned Princess.

I am the poison that will destroy the world.

The moment I was born I was thrown off a cliff.

The moment I was born, I was condemned to death.

Would you kill me? Would you kill one to save more?

This is my fate and I can't change it. I was born as the Scrapped Princess and I will always remain as her.

Death is where my pathway is leading me.

That is what I will change.