Sally and the Telemarketer

A fire crackled merrily behind its grate in a cozy hearth. Deep mahogany-colored walls boasted bookshelves crammed with volumes, new and old. There was an aura of quietude in this room, of undisturbed tranquility.

In front of the fireplace was a large red armchair that almost looked throne-like. Ensconced within its cushy depths was Sally Po, once-fighter, now finding peace within the pages of a book. At present, she was deep in the middle of War and Peace, oblivious to the world.

Riiiiiing

Or at least, she HAD been oblivious to the world. With an almost imperceptible sigh, she bookmarked her place and lifted the antique receiver.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Miss Po, this is Ruby Moon. I'm calling for Master Eriol. He says he wants his chair back."

"Well tell him I'm not done with it," Sally retorted, snuggling further down into it. "HE was the one who suggested the most soothing atmosphere as one in a comfy chair in a library in front of a fireplace. I'm not finished being soothed." Her own armchair, a lumpy relic scavenged from a thrift shop, sat forlornly in the corner, position temporarily usurped by the sleeker replacement.

There was a muttered conversation on the other end of the line. Then Ruby Moon came back. "Can you at least return it by the weekend? He needs it to look intimidating for some people."

"Oh, sure. I'll see you then." They exchanged goodbyes and she replaced the phone in its cradle.

"Now, where was I…"

But no sooner had she removed her bookmark than the phone emitted its shrill tones again. She picked it up with a bit less patience than before.

"Ruby, I SAID I would—"

"Good afternoon, miss! You sound like the type that would like a good book! I'm calling to interest you in our unique offer!"

Sally pondered what kind of skills could determine a preference for literature by voice alone, then responded "I do like books, yes, but—"

"We have on our hands a copy of a newly translated version of Sun Tzu's The Art of War! And it can be yours for the completely reasonable price of $2.99 butwe'llreamyouontheshippingfees. So place your order today!"

Sally thought for a moment. "This wouldn't happen to be the miniature edition? Or perhaps the Shambala Classics release? Or the Special Edition? Or the Classics of Ancient China release? Or, wait…the New Translation? That one isn't new, you know, it came out YEARS ago."

There was a poignant silence on the other end. Then, hesitantly, as if digging himself out from under a pile of words, the man replied "Actually, it's The Art of War for Women, it's a book on how women can make smart choices at work and stuff. We have to say that it's just The Art of War to catch people's attention or something."

"The art of war. For women. For WORK?" Sally started laughing. "I've already fought in a war. I don't need a book on it. Besides, you can't shoot someone at work if they don't get a project done. Or at least, you can't anymore." The man made a slightly intimidated sound. "Anyways, thank you for the heads-up, but I don't think I'll be interested."

She paused, a devilish thought flitting through her head.

"Although, actually, I think there might be someone I know who's interested. Here's their number." Rattling it off, she wished him luck and hung up.

Then she sat there giggling for a while before going back to her book.

And in a secluded house deep in the mountains, Wufei's brand-new phone began to ring.

A/N: WELL. I think about three and a half years is plenty long procrastination on this. Good grief, I posted the last chapter in my first year of CC and now I've graduated from the university. major sweatdropping The idea for this was largely influenced by the fact that I now work at both a library and a bookstore. booooks… All versions of The Art of War were taken from an search. Master Eriol and Ruby Moon are of course from Cardcaptor Sakura…as well as the Red Chair of Looming.

To all reviewers, past, present, and future: You have made/make/will make my day. It's such an awesome feeling to see the little notification in my e-mail. :D You're all the best ever!

So (FINALLY) concludes the saga of the Telemarketers! You've been a wonderful audience! Thank you and goodnight. XD

(bows, applause, curtain falls)