Here Cometh the Cheese
Author's, uh, warning: Zaniness found below. Do not read while eating
cheese.
This is all Bill the Pony's fault. Ya hear me - BtP's fault!!
Rating: PG, possibly.
Summary: Estel meets his match in prank playing, in the Master Cook
himself. When the things get out of hand, Estel's efforts to set things
right overshadow the original prank itself. Rivendell will never be the
same. Pre-LotR, but Estel and Legolas are friends - think Cassia's and
Sio's Mellon Chronicles era...
Chapter One of Three:
The day began like any other day. Lord Elrond, master of Imladris, leaned
against his balcony rail enjoying the warm morning sun. He closed his
eyes, letting the bright sounds of the morning inundate his senses; birds
chirping, wind gently rustling leaves...
Screams and cries of indignation...
Elrond's eyes flew open.
He sighed. Sounded like he needed to fill the role of referee once again.
He looked down, surveying the area. Where were those boys?
The answer came to him on the heels of the question: Follow the sound of
the screaming. Sighing again, wondering whatever posessed him to take in
a human son, he pushed off the railing and turned inside, following the
sound of pranks being played.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Estel ran. Hot on his trail were three elves, and he knew a fourth was
probably running to cut him off before he reached his objective. Then
there was the fifth - Fiwen, on whom the prank had been played, albeit
inadvertantly, could be quite devious in her revenge. He'd have to watch
out for her. Apologizing was not going to help.
She's been where Elrohir was supposed to have been. It was an honest
mistake. It was Elrohir's hair that was supposed to be bright purple, not
the pretty she-Elf's. Not that Fiwen was inclined to believe him, or cut
him any slack whatsoever. Elrohir wasn't happy either, when he found out
the prank was for him, and Elladan wanted to hobble Estel for daring play
a prank on a girl - he was convinced Estel had no sense of chivalry
anymore.
So, Elladan, Elrohir, and Fiwen's brother were right behind Estel.
Legolas, Estel was sure, was somewhere in the woods, pursuing the man
just for the fun of it.
One man, four elves...the odds were not good.
Estel dashed into Lord Elrond's home, crashing through hallways and
heading for the kitchens. There was a passageway that would let him out
into a more secluded area of Rivendell from there, and if he could get
there before his pursuers, he might stand a chance. Barely noticing his
adopted father, Elrond himself, move swiftly out of Estel's way, he
barrelled into the kitchens.
He may not have noticed Elrond, but he did take note of the flash of
purple and the indignant shout of the Master Cook. He skid to a stop,
face to face with an irate Fiwen. His eyes widened as hers narrowed, and
when he turned away from her gaze, found the three elves that had been
pursuing him standing behind him. Estel managed a weak hello just before
Elrond and Legolas stepped into the kitchen.
There was a moment when no one moved. Not a sound rent the still, tense
air.
Then suddenly, Fiwen's brother dove for Estel. Estel dodged quickly,
turning for the passageway. He, however, misjudged the turn, driving the
corner of a table deep into his stomach. The elf landed on him and their
combined momentum moved the table several feet forward. Food flew.
Estel and Fiwen's brother landed on the floor, both watching in something
akin to amazement as a huge cheese wheel dropped on the floor and rolled
unerringly toward the passageway. It kept rolling, never wobbling, never
straying from its course.
Silence reigned again. The Master Cook's gaze followed the cheese as it
rolled away and disappeared from view and the elf tuned his eyes back to
glare at Estel. His look changed from one of glaring anger to one of
utmost horror.
Elrond groaned. Long had he known the Master Cook, and he could sense
exactly what was coming.
"No," the cook ground out. He pointed a trembling finger at Estel. "Look
what you have done. Ai, Valar save us all, you have let it loose!"
Fiwen helped her brother up, and they both promptly stepped back from the
now seemingly crazy cook. She looked to Elrond, a question bright in her
eyes. Elrond was distracted for a moment by her bright purple hair before
offering her a small smile and gestured for her to play along. He turned
to his twin sons and Legolas and nodded knowingly. The twins nodded back,
and Elrohir shushed Legolas.
The cook lurched forward, grabbing Estel's shirt front and lifting the
young man clear off the ground. "You have doomed us all. Your insolence
has destroyed Imladris." The cook's voice was rising higher and higher
with every word. "Lord Elrond, what is to be done? Ai!" He dropped Estel,
who somehow managed to land on his feet and back away as far as he could.
It put him right next to Fiwen and her brother, but by this point, Estel
cared not for retribution from that corner.
The cook pointed to Estel again and spoke, his voice raspy and low. "Doom
on you. Doom on you."
"What are you talking about?" Estel finally said, regarding the cook with
a fearful, but skeptical glance.
"The cheese..." the cook muttered.
Elrond somehow managed not to laugh. Elrohir left the room, one arm
wrapped around his sides while the other hand was clapped over his mouth.
"The what?" Estel choked, completely bewildered.
"You have set the cheese wheel lose on Imladris. No one is safe."
Estel stared at the elf who'd seemed to have gone insane in front of him.
He turned to Elrond, who somehow managed to put on an appropriately
horrified look. "Ada?" Estel trailed off when he saw Elrond's face. He'd
never seen his father looking so...so terrified. Elrond did not get
terrified. Concerned, yes. Terrified, no.
It scared Estel out of his wits.
Cheese does this?
"Ada, what -"
Elrond cut him off. "Later, Estel," he said, his voice cracking. Estel
could have sworn it cracked with terror, but in truth, Elrond was having
a llittle trouble holding back laughter. "Elladan, gather the scouts. A
small party will be able to move faster."
Elladan nodded. "I'll get Elrohir." He laid a hand on his father's
shoulder. "Not to worry, Ada. We will stop this horrible thing." He left.
Elrond turned to leave, gesturing for Fiwen and her brother to follow.
"Come, Fiwen. Do not fear," he added, for sheer lack of something to say
- after all, how much can be said about cheese wheels of doom? "Master
Cook, I will need you in my study. Ten minutes."
They all went. Estel was left standing in the kitchen, literally
scratching his head. He turned to Legolas, who alone stood framed by the
doorway. "What just happened?"
The golden haired elf straightened. "It is a serious elven matter," he
said seriously. He turned to go, but looked back over his shoulder. "If I
were you, I would stay inside until this is over."
Estel nodded. "Yeah, I can see where Fiwen might want to murder me."
"It is not Fiwen you have to fear," Legolas said gravely. "The cheese
wheel rolls again."
Estel stared bewildered as Legolas left. "Not you too," he finally
managed to say. He stood in silence for a few minutes, totally at a loss
to try to explain the last few minutes.
"A cheese wheel?! What in the whole of middle earth and Moria does a
cheese wheel have to do with doom?" he yelled. "Ai, Eru...they have gone
insane."
Had he been listening to anything but his own rant, Estel would have
heard a group of elves break into soft laughter around the corner.
tbc...Chapter Two coming soon!!
Author's, uh, warning: Zaniness found below. Do not read while eating
cheese.
This is all Bill the Pony's fault. Ya hear me - BtP's fault!!
Rating: PG, possibly.
Summary: Estel meets his match in prank playing, in the Master Cook
himself. When the things get out of hand, Estel's efforts to set things
right overshadow the original prank itself. Rivendell will never be the
same. Pre-LotR, but Estel and Legolas are friends - think Cassia's and
Sio's Mellon Chronicles era...
Chapter One of Three:
The day began like any other day. Lord Elrond, master of Imladris, leaned
against his balcony rail enjoying the warm morning sun. He closed his
eyes, letting the bright sounds of the morning inundate his senses; birds
chirping, wind gently rustling leaves...
Screams and cries of indignation...
Elrond's eyes flew open.
He sighed. Sounded like he needed to fill the role of referee once again.
He looked down, surveying the area. Where were those boys?
The answer came to him on the heels of the question: Follow the sound of
the screaming. Sighing again, wondering whatever posessed him to take in
a human son, he pushed off the railing and turned inside, following the
sound of pranks being played.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Estel ran. Hot on his trail were three elves, and he knew a fourth was
probably running to cut him off before he reached his objective. Then
there was the fifth - Fiwen, on whom the prank had been played, albeit
inadvertantly, could be quite devious in her revenge. He'd have to watch
out for her. Apologizing was not going to help.
She's been where Elrohir was supposed to have been. It was an honest
mistake. It was Elrohir's hair that was supposed to be bright purple, not
the pretty she-Elf's. Not that Fiwen was inclined to believe him, or cut
him any slack whatsoever. Elrohir wasn't happy either, when he found out
the prank was for him, and Elladan wanted to hobble Estel for daring play
a prank on a girl - he was convinced Estel had no sense of chivalry
anymore.
So, Elladan, Elrohir, and Fiwen's brother were right behind Estel.
Legolas, Estel was sure, was somewhere in the woods, pursuing the man
just for the fun of it.
One man, four elves...the odds were not good.
Estel dashed into Lord Elrond's home, crashing through hallways and
heading for the kitchens. There was a passageway that would let him out
into a more secluded area of Rivendell from there, and if he could get
there before his pursuers, he might stand a chance. Barely noticing his
adopted father, Elrond himself, move swiftly out of Estel's way, he
barrelled into the kitchens.
He may not have noticed Elrond, but he did take note of the flash of
purple and the indignant shout of the Master Cook. He skid to a stop,
face to face with an irate Fiwen. His eyes widened as hers narrowed, and
when he turned away from her gaze, found the three elves that had been
pursuing him standing behind him. Estel managed a weak hello just before
Elrond and Legolas stepped into the kitchen.
There was a moment when no one moved. Not a sound rent the still, tense
air.
Then suddenly, Fiwen's brother dove for Estel. Estel dodged quickly,
turning for the passageway. He, however, misjudged the turn, driving the
corner of a table deep into his stomach. The elf landed on him and their
combined momentum moved the table several feet forward. Food flew.
Estel and Fiwen's brother landed on the floor, both watching in something
akin to amazement as a huge cheese wheel dropped on the floor and rolled
unerringly toward the passageway. It kept rolling, never wobbling, never
straying from its course.
Silence reigned again. The Master Cook's gaze followed the cheese as it
rolled away and disappeared from view and the elf tuned his eyes back to
glare at Estel. His look changed from one of glaring anger to one of
utmost horror.
Elrond groaned. Long had he known the Master Cook, and he could sense
exactly what was coming.
"No," the cook ground out. He pointed a trembling finger at Estel. "Look
what you have done. Ai, Valar save us all, you have let it loose!"
Fiwen helped her brother up, and they both promptly stepped back from the
now seemingly crazy cook. She looked to Elrond, a question bright in her
eyes. Elrond was distracted for a moment by her bright purple hair before
offering her a small smile and gestured for her to play along. He turned
to his twin sons and Legolas and nodded knowingly. The twins nodded back,
and Elrohir shushed Legolas.
The cook lurched forward, grabbing Estel's shirt front and lifting the
young man clear off the ground. "You have doomed us all. Your insolence
has destroyed Imladris." The cook's voice was rising higher and higher
with every word. "Lord Elrond, what is to be done? Ai!" He dropped Estel,
who somehow managed to land on his feet and back away as far as he could.
It put him right next to Fiwen and her brother, but by this point, Estel
cared not for retribution from that corner.
The cook pointed to Estel again and spoke, his voice raspy and low. "Doom
on you. Doom on you."
"What are you talking about?" Estel finally said, regarding the cook with
a fearful, but skeptical glance.
"The cheese..." the cook muttered.
Elrond somehow managed not to laugh. Elrohir left the room, one arm
wrapped around his sides while the other hand was clapped over his mouth.
"The what?" Estel choked, completely bewildered.
"You have set the cheese wheel lose on Imladris. No one is safe."
Estel stared at the elf who'd seemed to have gone insane in front of him.
He turned to Elrond, who somehow managed to put on an appropriately
horrified look. "Ada?" Estel trailed off when he saw Elrond's face. He'd
never seen his father looking so...so terrified. Elrond did not get
terrified. Concerned, yes. Terrified, no.
It scared Estel out of his wits.
Cheese does this?
"Ada, what -"
Elrond cut him off. "Later, Estel," he said, his voice cracking. Estel
could have sworn it cracked with terror, but in truth, Elrond was having
a llittle trouble holding back laughter. "Elladan, gather the scouts. A
small party will be able to move faster."
Elladan nodded. "I'll get Elrohir." He laid a hand on his father's
shoulder. "Not to worry, Ada. We will stop this horrible thing." He left.
Elrond turned to leave, gesturing for Fiwen and her brother to follow.
"Come, Fiwen. Do not fear," he added, for sheer lack of something to say
- after all, how much can be said about cheese wheels of doom? "Master
Cook, I will need you in my study. Ten minutes."
They all went. Estel was left standing in the kitchen, literally
scratching his head. He turned to Legolas, who alone stood framed by the
doorway. "What just happened?"
The golden haired elf straightened. "It is a serious elven matter," he
said seriously. He turned to go, but looked back over his shoulder. "If I
were you, I would stay inside until this is over."
Estel nodded. "Yeah, I can see where Fiwen might want to murder me."
"It is not Fiwen you have to fear," Legolas said gravely. "The cheese
wheel rolls again."
Estel stared bewildered as Legolas left. "Not you too," he finally
managed to say. He stood in silence for a few minutes, totally at a loss
to try to explain the last few minutes.
"A cheese wheel?! What in the whole of middle earth and Moria does a
cheese wheel have to do with doom?" he yelled. "Ai, Eru...they have gone
insane."
Had he been listening to anything but his own rant, Estel would have
heard a group of elves break into soft laughter around the corner.
tbc...Chapter Two coming soon!!