Fear Me, For I am God

No, Really, I Mean It!

By Jimmy Sprinkles

Hey!!! I wrote this one, after thinking about what gods would do in their spare time. For some of this one, you have to picture them chibi, or else it doesn't work. In my world, the gods live in a very large round room with a fireplace in the south end and four very large armchairs, one for each god, since thrones look uncomfortable. And Genbu is very self-conscious of his animal form.

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Seiryuu was angry. Very angry. So angry, in fact, that he looked as if he were going to strangle the next person who came within five feet of him.

However, Seiryuu was angry a good deal of the time, and therefore, no one else cared. It wasn't his default emotion, like Genbu's, but definitely one of the more common ones. So, naturally, since no one cared, no one did anything about it. It was better not to get in Seiryuu's way, anyway.

"Dammit, it isn't fair!!" he stormed.

All Gods turned to look at him. "What isn't fair?" Byakko sighed.

"Grr" Genbu growled.

Suzaku rose from his large, cushy red chair at the southern end of the large, round room. "They're a hazard to society, Seiryuu," he voiced coldly, "it's not a matter of fair' at all."

"You got YOURS reincarnated! And all of mine are DEAD now! It's not FAIR! And I fail to see how you all can rule over what I want to do when I'm on your level!!!" Seiryuu was getting so angry now that Byakko and Genbu had to grab him before he began to fight with Suzaku.

"You don't have to hold him back, I can take him on fine!" Suzaku taunted.

"Let go of me!!!!!!!" Seiryuu shouted as he attempted to writhe free of his fellow God's grasp.

"Suzaku, stop goading him on, you're only making it WORSE!" Byakko scolded.

Seiryuu continued to squirm, so they took him over and tied him to his huge blue armchair in the eastern nook of the room, using lots of rope. Lots and LOTS of rope.

"Haaaaaa. Hanashite!!!!!!!!!!!" Seiryuu whined, kicking at them to no avail.

"Feh, yeah right," muttered Genbu, resisting the strong urge to kick back at him.

"I HEARD that!!!!!!!!!!! You damn snake-turtle-fornicating REPTILE, I HEARD you say that!!!"

Genbu could no longer resist the temptation, and kicked Seiryuu VERY HARD in the shins. Over and over and over.

"Itaa." Seiryuu moaned after Genbu finally sat down again.

"I don't think you needed to do that" Byakko said.

"Served him right, the damn mumble mutter mumble mumble"

"We all know he deserved it, but we're trying to negotiate with him, not kill him," Suzaku reprimanded.

"I do NOT! Shutting up," Seiryuu silence himself at a glare from Genbu. He didn't want to be attacked anymore while there was still nothing he could do about it.

"Now, about the seishi thing," Suzaku began, "I don't think we ought to."

"Gimme three good- I mean, DAMN GOOD, able to convince ME- reasons why I shouldn't," Seiryuu challenged, his voice slipping into its usual, sly, cunning tones.

" Gimme a minute." The Gods sans Seiryuu huddled.

"Reason 1," Suzaku began after they'd stopped discussing, "We have you tied up to a chair, and we can force you not to."

"Not good enough," Seiryuu sneered.

"-_-# Well, they're EVIL. You can't help that."

"Yeah, I guess Nakago and Miboshi ARE pretty evil."

"I mean ALL of them."

"Alright, THAT'S exaggerating. Most of them were only following Nakago's lead, and he was only evil because he worshipped Tenkou. But, if he was reborn, I could fix it up so that he wasn't in a tribe that did that."

"The reason still stands."

"........... Ok, you have 1. You need three to keep me from reincarnating them out of spite," Seiryuu leered, figuring he could talk them out of just about anything else they could try to throw at him.

"Because they had horrible lives the first time, and it's cruel to put them through that sort of thing again."

"Hey, dude, that was just the one time. You could say that about your own seishi."

Byakko leaned in toward Suzaku. "He's really sort of right, you know. And he is god, so if he really wanted to, he could change it. Not like he'd do it, since he's a sadistic jerk, but still."

"Fine," Suzaku growled. Seiryuu's persuasive skills were beginning to get on his nerves. "Alright. Because every single one of anybody's problems is your fault."

"WHAT?!?!?! Since when?!"

"Your seishi killed off mine. Your army killed off theirs. Your seishi worshipped Tenkou, making the rest of us have to cause a big fit and seal him away-"

"-Which meant we actually had to COOPERATE!" Byakko added, "which is almost as hard as sealing away Tenkou in the first place!"

"Yup," Genbu agreed.

"Ok, fine. .....And your point is?" Seiryuu asked, while everyone else facevaulted.

"The point is," Suzaku grumbled, twitching with anger and frustration, "that YOUR seishi shouldn't be reborn of the benefit of the WORLD!"

"......It would not benefit the world, it would just benefit you guys," Seiryuu argued. "I don't think you guys should bother getting involved with my country's problems."

"It's our problem too, if things turn out like last time."

"What if they don't?"

"You can't be sure of that."

"Can too."

"......Dammit, I hate you."

Seiryuu grinned mockingly. "I'm aware."

"It's still a problem, though," Byakko pointed out.

"Very well. 2. Try again."

This was becoming a problem. Suzaku was beginning to lose his patience, and Seiryuu was only getting started with his argument, that challenging smirk still fixed to his face. He had to come up with something, fast. Arguments with Seiryuu could, literally, go on for decades. If not finished by the end of the day, they were bound to last.

"Can I at least reincarnate Amiboshi and Suboshi? Cuz they're just damn cool."

"But they're incest and gay!" Byakko retorted without thinking.

"That shouldn't matter!" Suzaku cried. "If it's true love, gender and relation shouldn't..."

"Now you've got him started," Genbu whispered. "And you say gay like it's a bad thing. 'Course, you would, everyone's straight on your side. I've got Hikitsu and Tomite with me, and Suzaku, nearly everybody's homosexual on HIS side."

Suzaku continued to rant, on and on, about the beauties of love and all that stuff. However, no one was listening.

"Oi, are you paying attention to me?" Suzaku asked in surprise.

"...and so I said to the guy, 'Hey, this isn't my cloud!'- Oh, sorry Suzaku, what'd you say?" Byakko asked.

"Grr........."

"Well, about Amiboshi and Suboshi, can I? Because they didn't really do anything that would cause them to deserve NOT being reborn," Seiryuu said.

"Suboshi killed Tamahome's family!" Suzaku stated, appalled.

"That was Nakago's fault."

"Suboshi was the one who went off without hearing the whole thing."

"So he's careless. It doesn't mean he should be stuck dead like that."
"Oi...." said a voice.

"He didn't feel bad about it afterward! If he really were a nice person, he would have felt a BIT of remorse!"

"HEY..."

"I'm telling you-

"SHUT UP!!" yelled Taitsukun, who had been listening to them arguing long enough.

"AAAHHHHHH!!!!! Sunukake-baba!!!!!" everyone pointed (except Seiryuu, since he was tied to a chair) and yelled.

Taitsukun whacked them all over the head with a tessen.

"Itaa......." everyone whimpered.

"Now, what's all this about?" she asked. "And why is Seiryuu tied to a chair?"

"Seiryuu is being a stubborn bastard."

"I am not, you damn flamin' chicken-"

"Why, you-"

"ENOUGH!" Taitsukun shouted. Suzaku, with his fist two inches in front of Seiryuu's nose turned his head. Seiryuu, eyes squinched closed, opened one to look at her.

"Now, what," she said annoyedly, "is Seiryuu being stubborn about?"

"He wants his seishi reincarnated, and we don't want him to," Genbu growled.

"If Suzaku gets his reincarnated, I should get mine reincarnated too," the dragon god pouted.

"The series isn't long enough for that," Taitsukun stated simply.

Seiryuu stared, mouth open in shock.

"Ha ha," Suzaku laughed. "My seishi are cooler anyway. I mean, I've got Tasuki and Chichiri, man! YOU'VE got who? Ashitare? Don't make me laugh."

However, while Suzaku was saying this, Taitsukun, Byakko and Genbu were busy untying Seiryuu's bounds. As soon as they were off, Seiryuu leapt, knocking Suzaku to the ground, pummeling him thoroughly, since, by now, Suzaku DEFINITELY deserved it.

THE END.

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Hope you liked it! My second FY ff, but the first one didn't turn out so great. And I'm not writing any more of this one, since it's really hard to write for gods. The whole, "Hey! This isn't my cloud" sequence was though up by Nagi-chan, and modified from a quote by Asuka.