Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Star Trek or Monty Python? Well, okay, as that is an illogical question (You can't see me through the monitor), I'll rephrase it. Do you think I own Star Trek or Monty Python? If you said know, you're correct. If you said yes, then you've got some mental problems to work through. Enjoy.
(I know there were only 5 main knights, but I didn't want to exclude anyone ^_^; and of course, there are those expendable knights, in the form of our beloved red-shirts. I'll try to follow the script as well as I can, but I have a terrible memory, and can't remember it all even though I just watched it last night.)
Enterprise Crew and the Holy Grail
(I want a better name, though still with 'and the Holy Grail' in it. Suggestions?)
The sound of a horse galloping was heard in the misty morning of England. Slowly, the two riders came into view. Wait, no. That's our mistake. Not a horse galloping at all, just an ensign, clapping two coconuts together to make it sound as if they were on a horse. The other man, in a gold shirt, was pretending to be on a horse. Quite silly, really.
Anyways, they 'rode' up to the nearest castle. The only one in sight, really, but that was beside the point. As it turned out, there were humans in there. Dumb, but human.
"Who goes there?" Cried out the man standing watch on top of the castle.
And the man in the gold shirt replied, "It is I, Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise! And this is my servant, Ensign Patsy. We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, in search of the finest and most beautiful women in the la-, uh, I mean, the finest and bravest Command Officers-"
Replied the man on the castle: "Ridden? What, on a horse?"
"Yes." Said Kirk.
"You've just got two coconuts, and are bangin' them together."
"So? We have searched for the finest-" Kirk argued from below.
"Where'd you get them?"
"What?" Kirk asked, thrown completely off by that."
"The coconuts. Where'd you get them?"
"We found them." Replied Kirk.
"Found them!? You listen here; a coconut is from tropical regions. These lands about us are temperate zones, and-"
"The swallow may fly south in the winter, in seek of warmer temperature, but these are not strangers in our land."
"Are you suggesting that the coconuts migrated?"
"Not at all." Kirk said wearily. "They could be carried."
"What? By a swallow?"
"He could grip it by the husk."
"It's not a matter of where he grips it. It's a matter of weight ratios. A five ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. A sparrow has to beat it's wings 136 times a minute in order to stay in flight-"
Kirk was fed up. "What does it matter how I found him? Will you tell your master that Captain Kirk is here-"
Now another guard had joined the conversation. "What about an African swallow?"
"Oh, well, yeah, an African swallow could carry it." Replied the first. "But a European swallow!"
"Yes, of course, that's absurd."
"Oh, wait," Said the first. "African swallows are non-migratory."
"Ah…" Said the second. There was a pause, in which Kirk and Ensign Patsy 'rode' off. "Supposin' two swallows carried it together…"
CLANG! "Bring out your dead!" A man smacked his triangle with his metal club again. "Bring out your dead!" Again. "Bring out your dead!" Again. "Bring out your dead!"
And man kept on going on like this, oblivious to the moaning and crying around him. After a bit, a man came up to him carrying another man over his shoulder. For ease of the scene, let's call the man with the triangle and club #1, the man with the 'dead' man over his shoulder #2, and the 'dead' man #3. Okay? Good!
"I've got one." Said #2.
"Nine-pits." #1 ordered.
"I'm not dead!" Said #3 in a week voice.
"What?" Asked 1.
"Nothing." #2 covered. "Here's your nine-pits."
#3 noticed that no one heard him the first time, and repeated his plea.
"He says he's not dead." #1 said.
"Well, he will be soon. He's very old." 2 said.
"I can't take him." 1 said.
"I think I'm getting better!" 3 tried.
"No you aren't, you'll be stone dead in a moment." 2 turned back to 1. "Listen, think you could stick around a bit?"
"No, I've gotta finish my rounds. The people are just dying to die!" 1 replied.
"I don't want to go on the cart!" 3 said.
"Oh, don't be such a baby. Well, when's your next run?" 2 said.
"Thursday."
"He'll be long dead by then."
"I think I'm going for a walk!" Tried 3 vainly.
"You're not fooling anyone, y'know." 2 said. "Well, you think you could-" He started to say to 1.
"I feel happy! I feel happy! I feel happy!" 3 cried desperately.
1 looked about, and smacked 3 with his club. 3 fell strangely silent.
"Thanks." 2 said, putting 3 on the cart.
"See ya on Thursday." 1 said.
"Thursday, right." 2 said.
At this point, Kirk and Patsy 'rode' past.
"Who's that?" Asked 2.
"Must be a Starship Captain."
"How do you know that?"
"He hasn't got shit all over 'im."
You like? Short, I know, but more coming! I promise!