An Invader ZIM Fanfiction by SpookyChild
Author's Notes:
Woo, it's been a long time since I've written an Invader Zim story! But, that's good, because my other IZ stories sucked… but, this one doesn't! YAY! Go me! So, yeah, Zim gets a fortune cookie that tells him he will die, and now he has the most horrible luck in the world! But in order to return to the Chinese restaurant to get the curse taken off of him, he must go all the way across the country to find it! Um, so, yeah! Read on!
Disclaimer: YES! I'M JHONEN! MWAHAHAHA- hey, I have cool glasses…
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Chapter One-----------------------
"GIR! Put down that egg foo yung and help me with the chow mein. The humans are always eating this…filth, and I want to know why. Maybe it has some sort of magnetic attraction? GIR, WHAT IN THE NAME OF IRK ARE YOU DOING?!" Zim screamed, dropping the Chinese food on the ground. Gir looked up from inside the box of ramen noodles.
"Nothing."
"Gir, do not eat this filth. What were you thinking?" Zim asked, exasperated. Gir looked at him blankly.
"Thinking…?"
"Exactly. Really Gir, you could have gotten cancer. Or…leprosy. Now, come down into the examination room and bring the Chinese…pork food with you." Zim turned and stalked away.
"You eat pork with a fork!" Gir sang, skipping after him.
"Yes you do…Yes you do…" Zim muttered, thinking that statement over. They stepped into the garbage can and lowered themselves down to the sub-levels. Zim hopped off the elevator when they reached the examination room, and Gir followed suit.
"Okay, Gir, put that stuff on the table over there." Zim ordered, pointing across the room.
"What's pork made of?" Gir asked as he crossed the room, setting the bag of food on the table. Zim stared at him blankly.
"Made…of…?" Zim crossed his arms. "It is not made, Gir. Pork is one of Earth's most abundant resources. It's right up there with dirt monsters and that liquid…air…stuff." Zim added lamely. Gir stared at him.
"…You mean water?"
"QUIT ASKING QUESTIONS!" Zim spun around. "COMPUTER! Analyze this food and tell me of its purpose."
"Analyzing! ANALYZING!" The computer screamed. Suddenly, a map popped up on the computer's screen.
"What's that?" Zim asked, raising an invisible eyebrow.
"The country of China, known for it's toy making, Chinese food, and KUNG! FU! ANARCHY!" The computer added with a shout. Zim raised his eyebrow again.
"I see…"
"COOKIES!" Gir cried, jumping into the Chinese bag.
"GIR!" Zim screamed, running over to the table. "THINK OF THE LEPROSY!"
"Not leprosy, Master! Cookies!" Gir pulled from the bag a small, triangular cookie in a small plastic bag. Zim sniffed it slightly before taking it.
"Well, I see no harm…" Zim muttered. He looked over to see Gir break open his cookie and pull a small piece of paper from it. "Huh? What's that?" Zim asked.
"It's a piece of paper and it tells you your fortune." Gir handed his paper to Zim for reading. Zim stared at it for a minute.
" 'You must pay for your subscription to Playboy.'" Zim blinked, then turned to his robot. "GIR! YOU'VE BEEN GETTING PLAYBOY AND YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME?!"
"I read it for the articles!" Gir protested.
"…I hate you." Zim turned and walked away, opening his cookie at the same time. He stopped and read his fortune.
"What'd ya get?!" Gir asked excitedly. Zim re-read the paper.
" 'You will die.'" Just as these words escaped Zim's lipless mouth, the small table next to him caught fire and exploded.
***
"Gaz!" Dib cried breathlessly. He collapsed on the couch next to his sister. Gaz looked over to see the wide grin on her brother's face and, shuddering, turned back to the television.
"What?!" She snapped. Dib pulled something out of his coat pocket.
"I have just found a way to beat Zim!" Dib exclaimed, the grin growing wider, causing him to look like the Grinch with a rather large head tumor. Gaz shuddered again as Dib continued. "You see, I'm going to hide behind something, and when Zim comes walking by, BAM! I'll pour this all over him, and then-,"
"Dib, that's nothing but shampoo." Gaz pointed out, looking at the bottle that said 'Herbal Essences'.
"Well, you see, that's the beauty of my plan…" Dib chuckled, shaking his head. This went on for about five minutes before Gaz interrupted.
"Are you going to explain the shampoo or what?" She asked, irritated.
"Yes."
"Okay then."
"Well," Dib continued, "I was thinking that if water caused him to burn, I wonder what shampoo will do! It will be…" Dib paused for dramatic effect and Gaz's left eye twitched. "THE BATH OF THE UNHOLY!" He finally shouted.
"…I hate you."
"Okay." Dib hopped off the couch and skipped out of the house, humming to himself. He began heading in the direction of a familiar green house.
"Okay, Dib." Dib said to himself. "Don't rush in. Just stand your ground and wait for him to come to you. Understand?" He waited for himself to answer. Dib smirked when he did, in fact, agree with himself. "Good…hey, is talking to yourself like this healthy?"
"Sure." Dib answered himself again, and smiled. He paused when he saw Zim run out of his house, screaming like a howler monkey with a whole swarm of bees chasing him. Dib raised his eyebrow when Zim ran past him.
"Zim? What's your problem?" Dib asked suspiciously. Zim rushed up to him, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him roughly.
"The cookie has sentenced me to death!" He screamed crazily. "Run, you miserable dirt-child, if you value your organs!" The green alien then turned and dashed away, screaming and waving his arms madly. Dib raised his eyebrow.
"Hmm… maybe I should follow him. He might be up to something." Just as he said this, Gir came running out of the house, screaming with glee and dragging the Voot-Runner (disguised by the big pig balloon) behind him like a kite. He stopped by Dib and smiled up at him.
"We iz goin' to a safe-house!" He stated before chasing after Zim. Just as he left, the green house behind them exploded. Dib raised his eyebrow.
"…Screw this, I'm getting a Pop-Tart." He then turned and walked back to his house.
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(A/N)
Well, there you have it! What's going to happen? Will Zim escape the curse? Will Gir find the safe-house? Will Dib get his Pop-Tart? Will Gaz get to watch her show? Will the Legendary Ninja Association ever come together to defeat Captain Evil? Wait, that has nothing to do with this. Stay tuned!
Thank you!