Chapter Eleven: Whisper

            It was dark.  The full moon hid itself behind the clouds above as Shinji concealed himself in the darkness below.  Moving through shadows that threw themselves into his path, he trudged silently forward.  His face, emotionless, showed only the grim determination of the task at hand, the task that he knew would be his last.  And to that end would he go.

            No doubt was left in his mind, for what good would it do?  His heart was shattered, his soul plunged into a darkness no night could match.  Nothing was left.  No reason to live, no reason to care.  No reason to stop.  No one mattered anymore; what could they do?  Neither Asuka, nor Misato, nor his classmates could do anything.  They didn't care.  They didn't know.  They never would, until the end.  And unto that conclusion he marched on.

            Black was the night, but blacker still was the shadow cast by her apartment.  No...it was no longer hers.  Now it was just an empty shell, devoid of any substance or emotion, a specter of its former self.  And into it walked the lesser of the two specters, the one that would empty himself to fill the other and stain the twilight red before the night was through.

Catch me, as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drives me

Into madness

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

If I will it all away

            The moon reflected crimson in her eyes.  Those eyes had seen much since their rebirth: an exodus from her original home, deep in Terminal Dogma; the disbelieving noiseless stares of a dozen NERV technicians; the complex system of elevators and stairs; and finally this, the shining moon, expanding horizontally through the widening gap of the last doors sliding open.

            The freshness of the air made her stop for a moment to smell what reality was like.  For an eternity she had waited in that nothingness, and then there was the metallic stench of NERV.  This was...nice.  Then, remembering the purpose for her exit, the First Child winced at her momentary lack of focus and broke out into a rare sprint.  Her target was the same as his, though it was for a completely different purpose that she ran there.  Please, Shinji... she thought, don't let me be too late.

            Turning a corner, it came into view: her former home, just a few hundred yards away.  No...not a 'former' home, my home.  Our home.  Now and forever, if I can't arrive there soon.  As she glanced up at the moon and saw its skeletal visage, she hoped her looming sense of inevitability was just a figment of her budding imagination.

            She ran on.

Don't turn away (Don't give into the pain)

Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind)

Don't turn out the lights (Never sleep, never die)

            There were too many stairs.  Having neither the presence of mind or the motivation, Shinji hadn't counted them, but it seemed like far too much trouble to go to for dying.  He wondered why he had come here, since it didn't have any more meaning.  Rei was gone, and she wasn't coming back.  This isn't her home, he reminded himself.  But it was to him.  This was the temple of his memories, built within his mind for the angel of the sea.  And tonight would be made her human sacrifice.

            A fitting tribute, he thought, for someone like her.  She was perfect in every way.  If this is the only way to join her, I'll gladly do it.  But then again, there's probably nothing on the other side...still, it would be better this way, to never again spend time in agony, to be at peace.  To be resting in peace.  A chill ran through his body as the three sacred numbers appeared: 402, her apartment.  The inner sanctum.  The door handle, unlocked, turned with a muffled screech.  And into the darkness he entered.

I'm frightened by what I see

But somehow I know

That there's much more to come

Immobilized by my fear

And soon to be blinded by tears

I can stop the pain if I will it all away

If I will it all away

            The white soles of her feet, covered by the tightly fitting plug suit she had borrowed from NERV, hammered at the ground.  Wind rushed through her hair by no force other than her own speed.  Apartments and stores whizzed by in a blur, lost in her voluntary tunnel vision; so intense was her focus that all she saw was the target before her.  She closed in on it quickly, and soon the door to the bare lobby was behind her.

            She looked at the stairs and somehow knew that he had been here recently.  Her throat constricted, choking back a shudder of fear that seemed to signal an attempt's failure.  Fighting the horror welling from within, she began the ascent. 

Don't turn away (Don't give into the pain)

Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind)

Don't turn out the lights (Never sleep, never die)

            It's cold in here.

            The door closed behind him.  The apartment was exactly as he remembered it: bare, blank, just another empty shell.  And cold...so cold.  No great surprise that she always seemed to be frozen, then, if this was her home.  Passing through the small entryway, Shinji looked around at the main room.  There was her only window, there, her table.  And there, her bed...  In its presence Shinji felt an inexplicable sense of unworthiness to be in the resting place of his goddess, as if he was committing sacrilege by his mere presence.

            Another memory triggered, and he turned to see the doorway he had missed.  The last one she ever went through.  Another shiver ran down his spine.  He didn't want to go in there.  But he had to.  He was drawn to it by some unseen force...Fate, perhaps.  Or Death.

            The door opened.  Shinji's hand slid off the handle and dropped to his side.  There it was.  The basin of water, still crimson around the edges, rusted faucet overhead.  The knife still by its side.

            He knelt down to pick it up and cradled it reverently.  His face set once again in a hollow mask of torment, Shinji walked slowly to her bed and fell onto the end facing the window, with the grace of another angel slain.

            His hand began to tremble as he raised the blade high.

Fallen angels at my feet

Whispered voices at my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me I fear

She beckons me, shall I give in

Upon my end, shall I begin

Forsaking all I've fallen for

I rise to meet the end...

            "Shinji!!"

            The door burst open and slammed into the wall behind it, knocking to the floor a few loose chunks of concrete.  They hit well after Rei had flown by.

            Her cries continued to ring out until she bounded into her own room and saw the object of her search lying still on her bed, unmoving.  Beside him lay a blood-coated knife.

            Immediately she was holding him.  Tears ran down her soft cheeks and pooled on Shinji's pale face.  His eyes remained closed and shed none.

            Rei threw her head back and released her pain.  Screaming again and again, she denied his death.  But it was there, unavoidable.  Unforgettable.  After all her efforts, after all the pain and all the suffering, she couldn't save him.  He was gone.  Clutching his body close to her, she could feel the last heat go out of it.  And the room was cold once again.

            "Shinji..." she sobbed.  "Shinji...no..."

            And then she felt an arm encircle her and draw her closer.

            Rei's eyes widened.  A short gasp escaped her lips before they met with his; once they had been here in a dream, but now they saw face to face the reality they had chosen.  The tear-framed crimson eyes slowly closed, surrendering to the moment.  She returned the kiss readily, letting spill into him all the hopes and dreams she had ever had, all the wish that someday this could be real.  At last it was.

            A thousand thoughts and emotions swirled through their connected mind as Rei's dissipating tears ran down his face.  Her breath mingled with Shinji's, filling the gaps and voids deep in their entwined soul.  At last their touch broke, and brushing away her last tear of sorrow Rei opened her eyes.  "Shinji..." she whispered.  "How?"

            He picked up the knife, running one finger along the flat of the blade; it came off clean.  "It's not my blood."

            "But...how did you know?"

            "That you would come?" he asked.  Rei nodded.  Shinji smiled warmly and said, "I just...I knew that you'd be here.  I could feel you with me."

            The expression of shocked confusion faded from her face and gave way to one of unbridled joy as Rei reached out to wrap her arms around her beloved.             Holding him tightly to her she looked down over his shoulder and listened to Shinji's heart beating steadily.  And she smiled.