If You're Lost For Words

If you're lost for words.....Become found for actions....

If you're lost in life...Become found with reactions....

Stop searching for who you are...and remember where it started....

You are a flight in motion...Soaring since departed...

Words are a puzzle that will never be completed.....?

Yours truly.... Jeff Hardy

Ours truly....this life
~ Jeff Hardy

Trish dropped to her knees so confused. Why would Jeff do that to her? Trish closed her eyes hoping it wasn't real. She felt hands on her shoulders. She opened her eyes and saw to emerald green eyes staring at her. They were crying, pleading, and trying to comfort her. She pushed him away. She saw Beth biting her lip, looking as if she was innocent.

"Patricia..." Trish slapped him as hard as she could. She didn't want to hear an apology or an excuse. All she wanted was for everything to leave. No Shannon, no Crystal, no Matt, no Amy, no Beth and no Jeff. Oh, god she wanted nothing more but to have no Jeff! Her life would be just fine if there was no Jeff.

"I don't want any excuses, I don't want to hear your lies, and I don't want you to say your sorry." Patricia said a s calmly as she could. She then turned to everyone else. "I know space is tight, but do any of you have room for me?"

"Of course, your always welcomed Trish." Crystal said quickly. She knew if Amy and Matt had accepted her first, Matt would force Jeff to do something nice for Patricia, and that's was not what she needed right now.

"I might as well start packing right now, cause there's no way I'm staying here any longer."

**********

Jeff kicked around the stuff in his room angrily. He was so stupid! He accepted something he shouldn't have. Now, Trish was leaving him. He knew there was nothing he could say to bring her back. Jeff then heard a knock at the door. He opened it to see Shannon.

"I haven't come here to nag you, or to tell you how wrong you were. I came here to get Patricia... I'm not gonna drop our friendship because of this. Jeff, still friends?" Shannon said extending his hand towards Jeff. Jeff nodded and shook his hand.

"I mean if that's what you want and feel. Patricia's in the bedroom. She's been in there since you guys left. She might be sleeping because she's stopped crying and yelling. I wanna say I'm sorry, I really do, but she won't let me. I guess after all of this I still love her... I just want her to feel the same," Jeff said. Shannon nodded.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Shannon opened the door to the room and closed it behind him. There was Patricia on the bed, staring at the ceiling, with Jeff's Jeremy McGrath t-shirt in one hand, and a wet handkerchief in the other. Shannon went over and sat next to her, running his fingers through her hair.

"Shannon... I don't wanna be here anymore, I don't wanna stay in this building. I wanna go home." Patricia said her voice sounded so broken up. It made Shannon hurt inside to hear it.

"I know, I know... Honestly, I don't think I wanna be here anymore either, but something's keeping me here. I just don't know what." Shannon said as Trish laid on his shoulder. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"There's no reason for me to stay here. I should just leave now, but at the same time, I don't wanna leave. It's just, maybe I don't wanna leave Jeff," Patricia said. Shannon shrugged.

"I see why you wouldn't wanna leave him. He's miserable. But it's not your fault. It's his own. It might not even be his own fault, maybe it was just Beth's fault." Shannon said, trying to explain something that he didn't even know.

"Shannon it is my fault. I accepted a relationship that I knew would never last. It's all my fault, I'm just gonna accept it." Trish said wiping her eyes and running her hands through her hair.

"Trish, you shouldn't blame yourself. You're letting Beth ruin your life, you're giving into exactly what she wants to happen. Don't do it Trisha, your stronger then that, I know you are." Trish shook her head. She knew Shannon was right, but she just couldn't do it.

"I just wanna go now, please?" She asked. Shannon nodded. He picked up a suitcase that was by the door, and lead Trish out. Jeff opened his mouth to say something, but Shannon shook her head.

"She doesn't wanna hear it Jeff, you're still my friend, but truthfully, I don't think anyone else wants to hear it either."

**********

"GODDAMIT! JEFF'S AN IDIOT! I SWEAR I WILL KILL HIM! HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO HER!? HE FUCKED THE BITCH AND LEFT PATRICIA OUT IN THE COLD! I'M ASHAMED TO EVEN CALL HIM MY BROTHER!" Amy sat on the bed crying, listening to Matt yell about how much he wanted to kill Jeff. Amy could not understand why Jeff would do this. Why he would cheat on Patricia, and of all people, with Beth.

"Matt, baby calm down please?" Amy asked. Matt turned to her, angry as hell.

"CALM DOWN? NO I WON'T CALM DOWN! JEFF DID THIS TO SOMEONE HE CLAIMED TO LOVE! HOW STUPID COULD HE BE?!" Matt yelled. Amy came up behind him and rubbed his tense shoulders. The someone knocked on the door. Amy went to answer it.

"Crystal, I'm not sure if it's the best time..." Amy said looking back at Matt.

"No, you have to come now! Trish's having an emotional breakdown, she could hardly breath. Amy she really needs you. You can bring Matt with you." Amy bit her lip. She went back in the room and grabbed Matt.

"Matt shut up, Trisha needs me. No yelling while your over at Shan's and Crystal's or I'll kill you, got it?" Amy asked. Matt nodded. They rushed over to Patricia to calm her down.

"What's going on?" Matt asked Shannon as him, Shannon and Shane waited outside the apartment.

"Trisha had a breakdown, Jeff sent her a letter. Don' know what it says though. Crystal won't tell me." Shannon shrugged.

"What possesed Jeff to do that?" Shane asked out of the blue. Crystal came out of the apartment. She sat next to Shannon and laid her head on his shoulder.

"He really messed up this time Shanny, Trish doesn't even wanna hear his name anymore, not that I could blame her. She fell in love, he broke her heart." Crystal said sighing. Then Beth came over to them. She began laughing.

"What the fuck do you want?" Shannon asked.

"Hm, looks like someone, really does like Trish, hm Shannon?" Shannon glared at her.

"Just what are you implying?" Matt asked.

"And what do you care, you're always getting in someone elses business aren't you. Admit it, you're jelous of your brother aren't you. What he has, you want." Beth said smirking.

"Can someone shut her up?" Shane yelled.

"Oh, it's you... Shane you never even mattered. Always left out, always a follower. You never felt you belonged. Because you're a freak." Beth hissed. Then Crystal jumped on top of her straggling her. Shannon pulled her off, she clawed at him, wanting to hurt her even more. Beth got up coughing. "God, she's a wild animal! No wonder you did what you did Shannon! I'd do the same thing!" Shannon knew exactly what she was talking about. He let Crystal go, Crysatl charged at Beth again. This time, Matt pulled her off.

"God Shannon! Are you insane?!" Matt yelled. Shannon waved his hand and walked towards Jeff's room. He knocked on the door.

"Shanny, thought you'd be over with Trish and Crystal." Shannon shook his head.

"I can't go back. I bet Beth already told em what I did. Crystal won't want anything to do with me. She'll eat me alive." Shannon said saking his head. Jeff stepped aside to let Shannon in.

"Join the club. So what'd you do anyway?" Jeff said closing the door. Shannon stepped over a few empty bottles.

"Jesus Christ Jeff! Thought you didn't drink!" Shannon sat on the mess couch.

"Well I've been a little upset! So back to what you did..." Jeff said sitting in the arm chair. He picked up the beer can, and noticed it was empty. He crushed it and threw it aside.

"I kissed her..." Shannon whispered quietly.

"Kissed who? Crystal? Cause if ya did, I don't know what the hell your worrying about, it's not the first grade." Jeff laughed.

"No Jeff, I kissed her, I know I wasn't supposed too, but I just did, but it's not like she pushed me away the scond I kissed her either..."

"Shannon, cut the crap and tell me who you kissed!" Jeff yelled angrily.

"I kissed Patricia alright!" Shannon yelled back leaping out of his chair. Jeff's eyes were wide. He threw his head back and yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'm sorry Jeff." Shannon said quietly. Jeff's head was down now. His hair was covering his red face.

"So, my best friend goes and kisses my girlfriend. Oh great. How do I know you didn't fuck her?" Jeff asked. Shannon was surprised by the words that came out of Jeff's mouth.

"What the... Jeff I wouldn't do that. It was in the spur of the moment. Anyway you were the asshole who fucked Beth, a girl you knew Patricia hated." Shannon said crossing his arms over his chest.

"A Best friend doesn't fuck around with their best friend's girlfriend. Especially when one of them is married!" Jeff yelled.

"Goddamit Jeff, you just don't listen do you? If you did, you would've known Beth was trouble in the first place! If you would've listen to Trish you wouldn't have made her hate you so much!" Shannon yelled. Jeff charged at Shannon, breaking down the door. Jeff almost had Shannon over the balcony. Matt, Crystal, Shane, Amy, Beth, and Trish rushed over to see what was going on, soon there was a whole crowd down below them.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND!" Jeff yelled with his hand at Shannon's throat.

"Oh sure Jeff, throw me over! See if Trish will love you again! That'll only make her hate you more! If that's even possible!" Shannon yelled. He started to struggle. Trish ran up the stairs.

"Jeff stop it! Please!" Trish pleaded.

"Hear that Jeff? She wants you to stop, but you don't wanna stop. Once you start you just wanna finish it don't you? Like once Beth got naked, you just wanted to finish by fucking her, didn't you Jeff?" Shannon asked. Jeff shook his head.

"JUST SHUT UP WHY DON'T YOU!" Jeff yelled angrily. Trish then tried to pull Jeff off of Shannon, but Jeff made a big mistake. He turned around and hit her. Hit her so she hit the ground hard. Shannon was right, once you start, you don't wanna stop. So Jeff hit her once more. Then Jeff started to punch Shannon in the face. Something took over him. Then he felt himself being pulled away from all of this. Out of the crowd he saw Beth, smiling. That was when Jeff finally realized what he did, everything. He used Trish, lied to everyone, fell in love, cheated on Trish, got drunk off his ass, and then almost killed his best friend, and then beat up Trish. He was so wrong that he didn't know what to do.

**********

"Looks life Jeff hit you pretty bad, but not as bad as Shannon, did you see his face? A black eye, a bruise, a cut! Jeff beat hi9m up pretty bad." Candace said tending to Trish's face.

"I Know, I feel so sorry for Shanny... Thanks for helping me Candy..." Trish said as Candace gave her ice. Candace shrugged.

"Hey, you're good practice for when my little boy gets in a fight." Candace said patting her stomach. Trish smiled.

"At least I'm useful for something. I just feel so stupid for actually believing in something that I knew would never last. I'm sure as hell I'd never do that again." Candace shook her head.

"Yes you will." Candace said. Trish glared at her. " No! I'm not saying your stupid, I'm just saying, people make mistakes. I mean, look at Matt... You know how many times he's messed up with Amy? And you know how many times they've gotten back together? Well, even Amy has lost count. They get back together because they love each other."

"What's your point? Are you saying I should get back with Jeff?" Trish asked.

"No, I guess my point is, no matter how many times a person messes up, something good always happens. Trish, your not useless. Jeff loves you. At least talk to him. You can't ignore him forever, but if you don't wanna it's ok. Just do what your inner soul tells you to do." Candace finished up with her face. "I'll see you around Trish." Trish smiled.

"Thanks Candy." Candace smiled and left. Trish waited a few minuties, then got up. Candace was right, Trish was gonna do what what her soul was telling her.

*********

Jeff got up and answered the door. There was Trish. She looked beautiful, dispite the brush on her cheek. She had her hair in a low pony tail, with a side part. She wore a pink t-shirt and a white mini skirt with white boots.

"Hey Jeff, wanna... talk?" Trish asked. Jeff laughed.

"So now you wanna talk? I don't think now's a good time. See, I've gotten over you. So I'm gonna have the time of my life. Go do the same." Tears welled up in Trish's eyes. "Oh god, now you wanna cry? Trish, get, over, it. You're a beautiful girl, you should have no problem."

"Jeff, I'm sorry..." Trish was cryiong now, black mascara dripping from her brown eyes. Jeff had no heart. She knew exactly what he was doing too. Throwing his life away.

"Damn, come in, I'll talk to you." Jeff rolled his eyes. Trish came into the hotel room that once was beautiful. It was now a mess. " Wait here." Jeff said pointing to the couch. He went into the room. Five minuties later, two girls came out. A brunette that looked like a movie star, and a blond that looked like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine. Then Jeff came out. He walked them out and then came to sit with Trish.

"No, no, this isn't gonna work. I'm gonna go instead." Trish started to get up, but Jeff grabbed her wrist.

"Trish, talk." Jeff said, his eyes full of the old Jeff.

"Fine Jeff... I'll talk..."

*********

"Where's Trish?" Lita asked. Matt shrugged.

"She went to go talk..." Candy said, braiding Crystal's hair.

"To who?" Shane asked copming form the kitchen with Shannon. He sat down next to Candy and gave her a plate of food.

"Jeff..." Candace said quietly. Shane heard her.

"Are you sure she's gonna be ok, you saw what happened to her. What he did." Shane whispered to her.

"What are you two talking about?" Crystal asked turning to Candace.

"Nothing," Candace said.

"Candy and me where just wondering who she went to go talk to. We know she wouldn't go talk to Beth, maybe her parents?" Shane suggested, knowing where she went.

" You're hiding something Shane, you're not good at hiding things. Especially from me. That's why you ruined all those surprise parties you tried to throw for me." Shannon said looking Shaane in the eye. Lucily Trish had came in.

"Hi... Everyone." She said with her head down. Crystal got up and rushed over to her.

"Trish, who'd you go talk to?" Crystal asked. Trish looked up at Crystal. At first she looked a little sad, then she smiled.

"I went to go talk to Jeff. And we had a great talk. He relizies that he was wrong, and that he has to work on making it up to me." Trish said smiling.

"Tell me all about it!"

*********

"Are you gonna talk anytime soon?" Jeff asked annoyed. Trish sighed hevily.

"Jeff, I hate to say this, but I'm worried about you. You're really hurting yourself, don't you care about what you're doing to yourself?" Trish asked.

"What do you care? I fucked Beth, and you left, I was sad, I was angry-"

"Jeff I don't care! I just want you to stop! It's not worth it Jeff, don't you even give a damn?" Trish asked angrily. Jeff shrugged.

"Not really..."

"Well start giving a damn, because if I ever get back with you, I don't want to be with a fucking acholic, that does nothing but sit on the damn couch, soaking in his misery. Got it?" Trish was now sitting on Jeff, his hands were pinned down on the arm rest, and his eyes were wide, staring up at Trish. She was just crying before, and now she had slipped back into the vicious Patricia Stratus he'd always known. He was glad. He smiled at her.

"Got it."

**********

"Is that it?" Crystal asked. Trish laughed.

"No, you think I'd let him off that easy?" Trish asked.

"If I know you well Trish, I'd say you gave him a very hard time." Lita said smirking.

"Of course!" Trish said as if it was obvious.

"That's my girl!" Matt said smiling.

**********

"Jeff, when you're done over there, you can start in the bedroom, if I'm ever gonna move back in I want it to be clean!" Trish was laying across the couch watching TV.

"Um, Trish could you..."

"Jeff, no, it's your mess, you clean it up!" Trish said with an attitude. Jeff sighed. Trish had him cleaning up the whole room, by himself. Jeff wasn't really the type of person who liked to clean in the first place, When Trish was in the room, she cleaned up all the time.

"I'm done with the room," Jeff said. Trish smiled. She looked around. She went in the room and checked everywhere. Under the bed, and in the drawers.

"Not bad, you did pretty good..." Trish leaned against the dresser. " You're expecting a reward aren't you?"

Jeff nodded. Trish beconed him to come closer, he came closer to her, ready for whatever kind of reward she was gonna give him.

"Ew, Jeff, go take a shower, I don't like men who stink, and brush you're teeth or something." Trish said pushing Jeff away. Jeff sighed and went towards the bathroom.

**********

"You had him whipped, you should give me some tips, maybe I could use em' on Shannon... Get him to do something around the house." Crystal said kissing Shannon.

"I don't think you'd want any tips from me..." Trish said biting her lip. " Now, let me finish!"

**********

Jeff came out of the bathroom looking like he was prince charming. He looked in the bedroom, and there was Trish in nothing but her underwear. She smiled at Jeff.

"You clean up well..." Trish said complementing him.

"Only for you." Jeff said shyly. Trish laughed. She walked into the living room. Jeff followed as if he was in a trance.

"Remember when, I came to your house, the night after you asked me to get Beth for you?" Patricia asked. She pushed him down into the arm chair. Jeff knew exactly what she was talking about, and he was glad, that Matt wanted nothing to do with him right now.

"Oh god yes, I remember." Jeff said smiling to himself. Then there was a knock at the door.

**********

"Oh, man, I bet I know who it was..." Shane began.

"Beth right?" Candace asked. Trish shook her head.

"Just listen alright!" Trish complained. She was getting sick of people inturupiting her.

"Ok, let Trish finish, I wanna hear the end." Matt said getting everyone to shut up.

"Ok..."

**********

"Jeff, you better go get that." Trish walked towards the room, to get her clothes back on. Jeff sighed, and went towards the door angrily. There was no doubt he'd blow up at the person who was at the door. He opened it and lifted his eyebrows.

"Beth what the hell are you doing here? I told you I never wanted to see you again until the wedding!" Jeff yelled. Beth smiled.

"She's here isn't she?" Beth asked, flipping her brown hair.

"If you're talkin' about Patricia, yeah she's here, so what's your point?" Jeff asked. Beth rolled her eyes.

"And you really pick her over moi? You must really be sick or somethin'. Beth said putting her hand on her hips. Jeff laughed.

"If you have nothing to say that matters, you can leave." Jeff said pointing at the door. Beth smiked and pushed him over towards the couch.

"Jeff, I know what you want. I know I have it, so how about you forget about everything else and focus on me." Beth said smirking. Just then someone pulled on Beth's ponytail, pulling her off of Jeff.

"I don't think so bitch."

**********

"Whoo hoo! Go Trish!" Crystal yelled out.

"I hope you smacked that bitch so hard..."

"Shane!" Candy complained. She kind of got annoyed when Shane cursed.

"Sorry babe." Shane said kissing Candy's neck.

"Is this a love fest or is Trish telling a story?" Amy asked a little disgusted.

"I hope I'm still telling my story!" Trish complained. Everyone shrugged and listened again.

**********

"If you think you can take Jeff right under my nose, you got another thing comin'. Jeff is mine, I'll die before I let you get your grimiy hands on him." Trish said still pulling on her ponytail. She then dropped her and smiled. "Now, if you would leave..."

Beth, rubbed her head, it must've hurt a lot. You could see the vengence in her eyes. She got up and dusted herself off.

"You better watch yourself Stratus, I'll get what I want one way or another." Beth left, leaving the two alone. Trish then went back over to Jeff.

"Wow, you really are brutal Trish!" Jeff said smiling.

"Shut up Jeff, if I see you with her, ever again, with or without your clothes on, you can be sure, there will be hell to pay and this time, I won't be coming back." Trish said looking himstraight in the eye.

"I'll make sure that never happens." Jeff said in awe of her.

"Good," Trish said. She then got up and wen't towards the door.

"Whoa Trish, I thought, the chair, couch... Right before Beth came in." Jeff went over to Trish, holding her hips and breathing on her neck. Trish smiled.

"If you think I'm gonna give into you that easy, you got another thing comeing. A few little words don't mean shit Jeff, I want you to show me."

**********

"So I'm moving back in with him tomrrow, but he know's I'm still mad at him, so he's gonna try to make it up to me. Or a least he says." Trish said arms crossed over her chest. She smirked at everyone.

"Oh yay! I'm so happy for you two!" Crystal said happily. Shannon smiled unsure if this was a good thing. He caught Trish's eye, and she shrugged. She quietly mouthed 'He loves me', and then went back to talking to everyone else.

**********

Jeff was far form happy. He was jumping for joy in his apartment. He had to make perfect for her. It was the only way he could keep her. He heard a knock in the door. It was Shannon. Jeff let him in happily knowing there was no way to dampen his spirts now.

"Jeff, you cleaned yourself up. Just like she said." Shannon said smiling a little. Jeff smiled back.

"Yep! Anything for my girl!" Jeff bounced on to the couch. Shannon sat down in a chair. He found an empty bottle under the coucion. Jeff took it. "Oops! Can't have her finding anything like that!"

He disappered into the kichen. Shannon saw Jeff had put a photo album on the table. Shannon picked it up to look at it. He opened to the first page. It was a picture of Trish. Shannon guessed she had to been five at least. He looked through it. It was mostly pictures of Trish and a few of her friends. At the end was a poloroid picture of Jeff. He was making a heart with his fingers. At the bottom he put a poem. A poem about how much he loved Trish and how he'd be destroyed if she ever left him again.

Jeff came back in, just as Shannon finished the poem. Jeff passed Shannon a soda.

"What cha think? I just finished making it for Trish. I had a lot of pictures of her, from when we went out. She thought if she gave me pictures of her when she was little, and I gave her ones of me, we'd be a lot closer together. Seems like they came in handy. I just took pictures of her all the time, just so I could see her smile." Jeff shook his head.

"You're a hopeless romantic Jeff. She must really like that." Shannon put the book down back where it was.

"I guess so, but if you really love someone, you'd always want to see them smile. I guess I was always in love with Trish. With Beth though... She was a special case. Not seeing her smile wasn't such a big deal for me. Yet, I can admit that I loved her." Jeff said resting his chin in his hands.

Shannon decided to change the subject. "So Trish, coming back soon right?"

"Tonight. She said tonight. I can't wait. She said that I won't see he until tonight. I can't wait. I wanna go to that time right now. I have a few hours." Jeff said checking the time.

"Wanna go to get somethin' to eat then? We'll be back before 6:00." Jeff shrugged.

"Sure."

**********

"Candy! Just two hours! Two hours!" Trish said happily running through Amy and Matt's apartment. Trish finally tripped, and lucily fell on the bed.

"You're gonna bust your head open acting like that." Matt said tickling Trish.

"I don't care! I'm gonna be with Jeff in just TWO WHOLE HOURS!" Trish yelled happily.

"I've never seen her so happy..." Amy said watching her bouce around the room.

"Ah, she's always happy. Remember she's a blond." Crystal said smirking.

"I HEARD THAT!" Trish yelled bouncing on the bed. "FUN NOT DUMB!"

"No one said you were dumb," Crystal said.

"Nyah!" Trish said still bouncing.

"Did someone call me?" Candy said trotting into the room. She looked at Trish and sighed. " Stop bouncing on the bed Trish." Trish stopped immediately.

"Go mommy Candy!" Amy said smirking.

"It's ok, I have to get ready anyway. I'm gonna go take a shower. Did Shannon take Jeff out to eat already?" Trish asked Crystal.

"It's set. Jeff's out. Me, shane, Candy and Matt have already set up the apartment." Crystal answered.

"I made the last minutie calls. It's a small party, but everyone who needs to be there will be there. You're spending a lot of money on Jeff, Trish." Trish smiled at Amy.

"I love him Amy. I can't help it." ********** I know it's annoying, but it's required: Disclaimer: If I owned the WWE, or any of these people, do you think I'd be writing this fan fiction? I don't own them, I wished I owned them though... But doesn't everybody! And I don't own the poem, if you read who it's by you'll know.

This however is not required, but it' fun (! Oye! What is Trish planning? Hm? You'll find out soon.

And that's the good News!

Bad news is, that will result in a shorter chapter.

It feels good to finally update especially with school in session and since I JUST started highschool in September, it's extra hard to update when you have writer's block. Nyah... Please Read and Review... It means a lot to me when you do! And I'm not just saying that! The more you reviw the better my chances are in my plan to rule the world! BWAHAHA! Oops, darn now I have to think of a new plan!

Thankies to everyone who's read my stories and reviewd them. Flame or not, I appreciate you're opinion and the flames help me improve my writing! THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT EVERYONE TO FLAME ME FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!

Anyway... Thanks.