Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own any manga/anime series, and that includes Yu-Gi-Oh. Nor do I own the song.
Note: since fanfiction net doesn't anymore allow songlyrics used in the fics, I had to remove them. If you're interested, at least some of the songs I've used here are translated on lirama(dot)net.
The song I used in this chapter was Inglasin Laura by Maija Vilkkumaa, and at least it is available on Lirama in English.
One more note: I don't really know anything about Anzu's family. I think her parents are alive, and as far as I know she doesn't have any sisters or brothers…
This is in Anzu's pov.
What are little girls made of, made of? What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice, and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of.
What are Little Girls Made of?
–
"How have you been lately?"
"Fine… just fine."
"It has been quite long since we met last time… Your parents told me that you have been really quiet past few weeks."
I shrug. "Maybe… I just don't have anything to talk with them."
The woman sitting in front of me gives me that look, and I bite my lip. That was a mistake. I smile at her. "I'm just a little tired. There's so much work in school these days. It's nothing to worry about." I keep on smiling that bright and sunny smile. I've become really good in this.
She doesn't look convinced and I suppress a sigh. This is going to be a long evening… I'm not going to begin to visit this place every week again as I did when I was a kid.
–
I walk out of that building not looking back. I don't want to see it ever again in my life.
I remember the first time I came here. Even then I thought that it's probably the ugliest building I've ever seen. Reminded me of a cardboard box. I remember mother smiling at me. I've always known that when she smiles like that I'm going to hate what happens next. That time wasn't an exception.
"Come on, honey," she said, walking up the steps to the front door in her high heels, and I shuffled after her reluctantly. I wasn't sure what would happen once we'd get in, all they had told me was that there'd be some nice lady with whom I could discuss my problems - my problems! I wasn't the one having problems there. I knew I wouldn't like it. It would be just a little more talking, and even then I was sick of words. Pretty words, empty promises.
'If you behave yourself well tonight we might consider about getting that dog next summer.' 'Now stop that whining, and we'll go to circus on Saturday.' 'Do your homework now, so maybe we'll let you go to that concert.'
Why should I have obeyed when they never kept heir promises? And then I'm the one who has problems… A little girl who doesn't behave as cute little girls are supposed to behave. A little girl who's supposed to be like a doll when her Daddy has some important quests, but who resembles more a gnome…
I honestly can't understand my mother. She's a real representative wife, with no other purpose than to… represent. To look pretty in official occasions. And still she seems to be happy. Talking with her friends about all kinds of trivial things… the new beauty salons, the newcomers in the upper society, and so on… If they sometimes talk about anything important it's just because they are horrified about some war or another that takes place in the world… but it never lasts for long, and they never do anything but talk.
I guess they didn't get worried about me until I started going to school. I was an average student, but of course they were sure that I should be much better. And on the top of it I didn't make many friends, and those few friends I had were boys. I played football with them, climbed trees and had fun. And had 'problems'…
I've always felt happy just being alone, what's wrong with that? Moreover, I didn't stomach superficiality then anymore than I do nowadays. And everything seemed to be so superficial. If you had a pretty dress on and played nicely with Barbie dolls, everything was fine. Sometimes it made me so angry… I remember when I once threw a stone into a shop's window… I didn't really mean to do it, of course, and the window didn't even broke. I just happened to have a pretty stone I had found in my hand and then my mother stopped in the front of the shop window and started to admire a 'princess dress' they had in there. She'd have liked to buy it to me, but I really didn't like it, and I'd have a bad day, and then I just…
Next week we had that first meeting with that 'nice lady'.
The Nice Lady talked to me about Nice things, had Nice toys, played Nice games with me… It was all so Nice I almost got sick. In the beginning I always threw a tantrum when I had to go to meet her, but finally I realized that it just made the things worse. I realized that if I started to behave as they wanted me to, they might leave me in peace.
I realized that they weren't really interested about what I was or who I was, they just wanted me to fit the stereotype of a well brought up little girl. Why not, if that makes them so happy.
So, gradually I turned into a Nice Girl, made friends with some girls in my class, played their games, and kept on smiling.
Nice Girl. God, how I hated it. From the beginning I decided that it wouldn't last for long, that someday I'd get rid of all of that. Someday I'd be free… but that was years ago and nothing has changed.
–
I walk on, feeling kind of sick. Disgusted with my life. Okay, it's not that bad really… that is if I shut down my brain and stop thinking. That's what I've been doing for some time now, but a couple of weeks ago I made the mistake of actually thinking something, and I realized that this isn't what I want from my life.
I was first thinking about what happened in the Duelist Kingdom, and I realized that despite all the horrors I had actually… enjoyed myself. Or at least some little part of me that I had barred in some quiet corner of my heart had enjoyed…
I thought about my friends and our friendship, and realized that although I do love them, I'd really want to spend some time away from them. Away from this… all.
I realized that I'd want to leave somewhere very far away and live a life of my own.
Some boys from my class walk past me and I smile at them, automatically.
They roll their eyes and laugh. "Hey, friendship-girl!" I hear one of them shout after me and I glance at him over my shoulder. "Have you made any new friends lately? Wanna tell us what a wonderful thing friendship is?" The other's snicker and I hear one of them muttering something about someone being totally nuts.
Now what's this? Am I not a Nice Girl nowadays? Everyone should like me, isn't that how it goes? Yes, friendship's important, I've been told that more time's than I can count. I'm just telling you what's been told to me, what's wrong with that?
I look them into their eyes and see the coldness there, behind their laughter. They belong to those people who enjoy hurting others, those who don't have the strength to laugh at their own pathetic lives and who then laugh at others.
Something snaps in my head. "Fuck off," I tell them, and walk away, leaving them staring after me.
–
I had thought to go to walk in the park, but I change my mind. I don't need any more time to think about this, I know what I'm doing. Instead, I go straight home, into my room, and start packing.
I can't take everything, and I have to spend some time wondering what's important and what's not. Clothes, of course, and everything that has some value… And then… I take a bunch of papers from under my bed and pack them too. All the things I've written during the nights, when I can't sleep… Someday, I'm going to be a famous author.
That's it. Everything's ready.
For a moment I hesitate a little. When I started packing, this all felt kind of unreal, but now what I'm going to do hit me with full strength, and I can't help but feel quite… unsure.
No. I'm not going to get any second thoughts now. Shaking my head I take my things to the front door. Good thing that my parents aren't home.
–
One more thing… I go to mother's room and take her credit card. She never carries it with her, she prefers using cold cash.
So. I smile as I look at the small piece of plastic in my hand. It's amazing what you can do with one of these.
I put my backpack on - it's quite heavy, but so what - and walk out of the door, not looking back. This is one more place I don't care to see again.
You never wanted me, anyway, I think as I walk away from the house. You wanted a daughter who'd be everything you want her to be. This is all your own fault, after all. I have a very good memory, you know. I remember every promise you've broken, all the little things you've forgotten. You wanted to drag me into your petty, superficial, jet set world… Well, I'm sorry but I don't seem to fit into that world. Although I have to admit that you almost managed in it… Thank god of the Duelist Kingdom, it woke me up just in time.
Someday you'll see what I can be in my world… Maybe you'll be sorry then about the things you did… or didn't do, that's more like it.
You'll see, someday.
Pretty weird for an Anzu-fic, if you ask me, but I just had to write it. Hope you liked it…
Anyways, reviews are always appreciated!