By Mercury
Author Notes: Ya'll ready for this? This was the product of a very strange thread on the Hardline. Basically, it's The Matrix… but everyone is a crocodile. Thanks go out to all the wonderful Hardline people who helped me develop it, and those who commented on it already.
Feedback is appreciated but not demanded. Try not to take this too seriously… enjoy!
The hallway in the run-down building was dusty and abandoned, lit only by the cops' flashlights that shone from the tops of their bright yellow construction hats (After a previous mission, the cops had learned from experience that holding flashlights could be quite difficult when you lacked opposable thumbs.). The first cop turned his head and nodded to the larger one behind him. Suddenly, the huge crocodile policeman lunged forward towards the door.
"Ow." Remarked one of the rookie cops after watching his reptilian boss slide down the door.
"Apparently headfirst isn't the best way to go, Chief." Another cop said.
"I knew that." Came the Chief's sharp response as he tried to get rid of the stars that were spinning around his head. "Now quiet down. We've got work to do." With a swoosh of his tail, the door flew off its hinges, exposing a young, female crocodile dressed in excess amounts of leather.
"Freeze!"
"Police!"
"Claws on your head!"
The attractive hacker, Trinity, attempted to work her hands up onto the top of her head, but eventually gave up. "I... uh... can't."
The cops sighed. The Chief inched forward a little, cautious of the croc in front of him.
--- Meanwhile, outside... ---
A black car drove up in front of the abandoned "Tart O' the City" bakery (once famous for it's delicious lemon parfaits). The doors swung open and out came three Agents.
The cops had rarely seen Agents before, but these crocs had an unmistakable air of menace and importance surrounding them, causing many of the young rookies to scurry away at the sight of them and their top hats.
"Lieutenant." Called one Agent, adjusting his silk top hat ever so slightly.
"Oh shit..."
"Lieutenant, I gave specific orders." The crocodile raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, confusing several of the other cops who, up until now, didn't know they had eyebrows.
"I think we can handle one little girl." The Agent gave him a look filled with as much disgust as he could muster, the result being quite frightening. "I sent two units!" He quickly added, for fear of being decapitated with his deadly-looking tail.
"No, Lieutenant, your crocs are already dead." The Agents began to crawl up the stairs of the bakery, leaving behind a very bewildered police officer. Too bewildered, in fact, to tell the Agent that he was only a Captain.
--- And back inside... ---
The female croc lunged forward and sent the Chief flying with a high kick, somehow managed with her short, stubby legs. Two cops ran up to her and she leaped into the air before thwacking them each in the face with her tail. After a few snaps of her jaw and some masterful bullet dodging, and she was able to exit.
Stepping around the disembodied heads of some croc cops, she poked her head out through the door, only to be greeted by a unit of cops and... an Agent.
"Please stay where you are with your hands on your-"
Turning around, she started to waddle as fast as she could towards the window. The Agent immediately began to go after her.
"...head..." The cop with the megaphone trailed off. "Well, what the hell. I haven't seen a good fight scene in ages."
"What about the time when Chief beat up the milkman?"
"Yeah, but that was a week ago!"
Trinity was going as fast as she could, with the Agent hot on her tail. Stay focused, she thought to herself. You've gotta keep going and going and
--- 15 minutes later... ---
going and going and... made it! Without pausing to look back at the panting Agent and half-asleep cops, she placed her body on the building's ledge and pushed off, soaring through the air and safely landing on a building on the other side.
Down below, a croc child stopped her mother. "Mommy, a crocodile in black leather just went flying through the air!"
"Don't be ridiculous, darling."
A few moments later and a figure wearing a top hat followed suit and went soaring.
"Another one just flew, too! And he had a top hat!"
The cops paused to gaze in wonder at his feat. "How does his hat stay on?"
"I don't know, maybe it's permanently attached."
On the rooftop, Trinity paused as she reached the edge of the building. A bullet whizzed by her ear, but she paid no attention to it and instead leaped off and dove through the window, landing on the floor in front of a staircase.
"Get up," she said to herself, lying in a pile of broken glass, clutching a gun in each hand. "Get up n-"
"Who are you talking too?" Said the housekeeper, passing by with a broom. Trinity whirled around and the housekeeper fled as quickly as she could at the sight of the guns. Struggling to move in her tight black leather, Trinity waddled outside and started heading towards the phone booth Morpheus had told her about. All I have to do is keep going, Trinity thought. Going and going and
--- 10 minutes and a lot of waddling later... ---
going and- finally! Trinity smashed through the telephone booth and, using her tail, flicked the phone off of its receiver. She used her claw to press it to her head, and moments later, she was gone.
A truck pulled up to the phone booth and lunged forward, demolishing it instantly. The driver, the Agent that had been chasing Trinity, stepped out. From either side of the wreckage appeared the other two Agents.
"You were late." Drawled Agent Jones.
Smith contemplated telling them how difficult it was to drive a large truck in crocodile form, but decided against it, saying instead "It doesn't matter."
"We have the name of their next target. It is... Neo."
"A search has already begun."
The other two Agents turned and began to waddle away, but Smith stayed behind for a moment, surveying the wreckage. It's nice how we don't get held responsible for these things, he thought, then left.
---