Title: The Destruction of Man
Author: Zath Chauvert
Summary: a filk song about everyone's favorite chemically-created mass-murdering psychopath, Edward Hyde
Rating: PG-13
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Disclaimer: Not mine. Not mine. Blah blah blah. You know how it goes.
By Zath Chauvert
Everything inside brackets [like this] goes along with dialog in the song that was on "The Scarlet Pimpernel: Encore" soundtrack but was not listed in the lyrics.
(sung to the tune of "The Creation Of Man" from The Scarlet Pimpernel)
Gov'nors!
Spare me!
Ware ye, sir,
How that psychopath
Loves to make them dead!
Strangles!
Kills, sir!
Thrills, sir! Stabs!
Of the doctor and the madman, sir,
Who murders with abandon, sir?
Old Edward's an assassin, sir!
Hyde revels in bloodshed!
[Hyde: "Free! Now, to the Red Rat to have fun, cause some trouble, what?"
Jekyll: "God no, Edward, my assignment's to save dad from mental confinement, and you, as my split personality, don't have a say!"]
Go to a brothel for some sex.
Give Lucy Harris a sharp slap!
And we gather that he stabs her in the back!
His hands long to wrap around their necks,
Make them meet with some mishap.
And it's fine to break their spine with a quick snap.
Now trust your lust and kill your fill!
Make Doctor Jekyll cringe!
Turn the show into one bloody binge!
La, but someone has to rant and spit
And abuse another hypocrite!
And that is why Henry created Ed!
[Hyde: "You're so pathetic, Jekyll."
Jekyll: "Damn you, Hyde!"
Hyde: "Always said you were, always said, 'let's go and get ourselves some women!' Let me be a Roman, have an orgy! Get some tail, ay what?"
Jekyll: "Save me, I'm staying faithful to Emma! 'Get tail?!?'"]
Now, sir!
How, sir?
Beat them down!
Kill a couple guys and it makes Hyde glad.
Blood, booze!
More, sir!
Whores, sir! Death!
Of the good guy and the bad guy, sir,
Who wants to make them all die, sir?
It's bonzer for the bad guy
'Cuz he's schitzo-psycho mad!
[Hyde: "Well, a man's evil side is dangerous of course, running amok, murdering with glee..."]
Ed, use your cane to beat and jab.
Set that pedophile alight!
Kill Bess cruelly with her jewelry in plain sight.
[Go on,] Have fun [Ed]!
When you're done, sulk in the lab.
Give poor Utterson a fright-
Taunt the lawyer in the foyer late at night!
Now choke a bloke!
Bring down the town!
Rejoice in homicide!
And the Gov'nors will fall prey to Hyde!
La, but someone has to rant and spit
And abuse another hypocrite!
And that is why Henry created Ed!
[Hyde: "Now, it's strange that this never happened to any of the lab rats."
Jekyll: "What lab rats? There wasn't time!"]
Edward was the darker side of Jekyll.
Though in violence he was mired,
You will grant the burning of the bishop
Was inspired!
[Hyde: "Oh, all that scotch did just the job"]
If you want a bloody gash, cheri-
Do more than slash their artery!
Fires, cudgels, garrotes, and mace!
Terrify the human race!
La, but someone has to rant and spit
And abuse another hypocrite!
This show has characters quite fated
To be badly mutilated!
That is why Henry created Ed!