I sat in my car, watching the red and blue lights flashing through the channels of rain running down my window. I watched the interaction between the officers and the driver of the vehicle, confusion evident on his face. I watched as they brought out the K9 to sniff around the car. But I didn't need to watch to know what they would find. A part of me knew this was going to far, that this was wrong. Planting drugs, falsifying evidence, was not only immoral, it was illegal. My mind wandered back to a younger me, a fresh face to the Intelligence unit, wondering what that person would say if she could see me now. That Hailey would have never so much as thought of this scenario, let alone act on it, or actually go through with it. But here I was. I guess what they say is true, time can change people. I focused on the scene before me once more, watching the handcuffs going on and confusion mixing with anger as the man who had managed to evade the law for so long was finally going down. I started my car up and pulled away slowly, knowing the chain of events that would follow. Gael would be charged and Luis would hopefully get his deal. The damage to his and Vanessa's relationship was done, but I knew she would feel a sense of relief knowing he wouldn't take the full ride. Maybe that's why I had done this, maybe the soft spot that had formed over the last few months for Vanessa is what led me to tonight. Maybe trying to help out a friend was enough justification to not make this so bad. Or maybe I just didn't care anymore.

I came to a stop at a flashing red light, having every intention to just go home and hope my plan fell into place like I was certain it would, when my phone buzzed in the seat beside me. I picked it up, glancing down at the name lighting up the screen. That was fast.

We need to meet. Now.

I forced out a breath as the words from Voight settled in. I knew it would happen eventually, I just figured I'd have more time first. But apparently the news of Gael's bust had traveled quickly. With another sigh, I made a U-turn, angling myself to head back towards the precinct.

The drive there was a blur as I steeled myself for what was to come. Voight, out of everyone, would know that something was off. Gael was too good at what he did to make a stupid mistake like this. And Voight was smart enough to know I was somehow involved, whether he knew the full extent or not. I parked my car and quickly got out into the cool Chicago drizzle, not wanting to linger any longer on this than necessary. As I trudged up the steps into the 21st, the reaction I received from Trudy should have been my first indication of what was to come. The second she laid eyes on me she turned her back and feigned interest in something on her computer. My head jerked back slightly at her reaction but I didn't have time to push the issue. I quickly jogged up the steps and buzzed my way in.

Without any delay, I strolled right into the bullpen, making a beeline for his office. Just as I reached the door frame, I forced myself to slow down, setting my shoulders back and wiping my face of any emotion before stepping in.

"You wanted to see me?"

Hank, who was leaning forward with his head resting against his palm, immediately sat up and shifted back in his seat to get a better look at me.

"Shut the door."

Ah, so this definitely wasn't going to go well. With a slight nod of my head I did as I was told, steeling myself for the conversation to come. I remained standing, hoping to keep this as quick as possible.

"Sit down."

Voight wasn't having it and saw right through my attempts to keep this informal. I sat with a slight sigh, pursing my lips and trying to keep my emotions stoic.

"I just heard from Becerra. Patrol found two keys of dope in the trap of Gael's car. And she's gonna use our wire to build the case. Should be a slam dunk."

I nodded slightly as he spoke. This is not information I should already be aware of, I briefly considered feigning surprise at his words, but I knew he would see right through that too. If I was here he already knew what I had done. I remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"Oh, and Luis, he's gonna get the one year deal in exchange for corroborating evidence, so..."

Voight trailed off, watching my face closely. The later part of what he had just said was new to me. I had hoped that Luis would get the break but it wasn't a guarantee. I gave a slight smile, one I knew didn't reach my eyes and took a small breath before responding.

"That's great. Finally caught a break."

I could play along with this charade for as long as he would allow it. A part of me hoped we could just leave it at this, but I knew I wouldn't get that lucky.

"Yeah."

Hank nodded in agreement, our facade continuing. We were nearing a breaking point though and I knew he wasn't done with me yet. A silence filled the room as he continued to study my features. I stared right back, unwilling to waiver and back down from this battle.

"So this is something we're doing now?"

There it was. I knew we weren't done. I knew he had figured it out, but I still wasn't sure if he had put all the details together yet. I tilted my head questioningly, not trusting myself to speak, unsure if my voice would betray me.

"Planting dope? Creating evidence?"

Nothing, and I mean nothing, got by Hank Voight. I knew this as a fact but it was still a calculated risk I had taken.

"If product was found in his car, it was his own product."

I tried to justify my actions without fully admitting to them, hoping we could finish this little dance soon.

"And you think that makes it better?"

He leaned forward now, closing the distance between us and causing me to swallow hard at the increased tension.

"Gael got off easy. Luis deserved the deal."

Once again, I defended my actions, coming closer to admitting what had occurred without actually voicing the words. I didn't need to say it out loud, he already knew. He dropped his head, processing what I had said.

"Hailey, I understand why you did it. I'm not stupid. But do you understand you crossed a line?"

He understood because there was a part of me that had become more and more like him. I thought back to the younger Hailey once again and how far I had ventured away from that person.

"Do you?"

He pushed, waiting for my response. I didn't have one, I couldn't find the words to reply. So instead I let out a shaky breath, fighting to maintain my composure.

"Hailey, the problem with crossing lines...you cross enough of them, you forget where they are. You don't see them anymore."

His words were hitting a nerve within me. Maybe because I knew he was right. Maybe because a part of me had become concerned about those lines myself and the fact that they had already blurred.

"I'm seeing just fine, sir."

I spoke quietly, unsure of whether I was trying to convince him or myself.

"Yeah, okay. Well take a look at this, New York's FBI task force is looking for a loan out officer. I just signed you up."

Of all the ways I had imagined this meeting going, all the things I had rehearsed in my head that he would say to me...that was the last thing I had expected.

"What?"

I spoke before I could stop myself, before I had even fully processed what he had said.

"It's an assignment for a few weeks. Believe me, they do things different there. The lines, they are real clear."

What he was saying, what he was doing, finally registered and something inside me clicked. I knew I should keep my mouth shut, be thankful I still had a job and that I wasn't being arrested. But the thought of being sent away, from Intelligence, from Chicago...it broke something inside me and I exploded.

"I did the same thing you would have done."

There was a part of me that hated what I had just admitted out loud. I never in a million years could have predicted that I would be in this situation, that I would have crossed the lines to get me here. I knew how Voight worked, hell, I respected it. His ways weren't always straightforward or morally sound, but he brought justice to situations when the system failed. Before I could continue, although I wasn't sure what would have come next, Voight exploded in front of me. He stood abruptly and shoved the contents of his desk onto the floor. I immediately felt the panic set in, the tightness in my chest and the struggle to breath. I wasn't afraid of Voight, no, but the scene in front of me was one that was all to familiar. I instantly traveled back to my childhood, feeling less like a hardened detective and more like the scared little girl I once was by the second. I knew what was coming next, throwing things usually preceded yelling in my experience and, try as I might, I couldn't get my walls up fast enough before it started.

"I don't want you to be me! That's my job! Your job is to be you!"

He towered over me now, face reddened and veins throbbing along his neck. I felt myself shutting down, burying myself deep down into the hole I had fought so hard to crawl out of. I couldn't speak, could barely breathe, and it was taking everything in me not to show my emotions. Luckily, after years of abuse, I had learned to hide them well. But his sudden outburst was pushing my limits to the brink.

"Hailey, I'm starting to wonder if you can do it."

He spoke softer that time, his eyes drilling into mine. I scrambled to keep myself together, to keep my walls up. I refused to break down in front of him, to let him see what he had just broke inside of me. I focused on my breathing and swallowed down the burning in my throat. He gave me one last glare before shaking his head and moving to stand behind his desk.

"Alright, Platt's got the details. Flight leaves tomorrow. Have a safe trip."

And with that I was dismissed. I took a moment, trying to steady the trembling within me before I stood on shaky legs and made my way to the door. I pulled it open, my body functioning on autopilot, and walked quickly through the bullpen. I could feel the burning in my throat increase and knew I was on the brink of losing control. I swallowed hard as I approached the steps leading me back to Platt. I didn't need to say anything for her to know why I was lingering. With a somber look, she reached under her desk and pulled out a manila envelope, handing it to me without a word. She looked like she was considering saying something, but the look in my eyes must have been enough to make her rethink it. I nodded my thanks and turned to walk out the doors. I kept my pace steady, one foot in front of the other, as I made my way to my car. I hit the key fob, illuminating my headlights in the slight drizzle and then climbed in, tossing the envelope onto the seat beside me. I gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, my chest tightening once again. I forced another deep breath into my lungs, wincing as they burned in protest and started my car. I wouldn't let myself loose it here. I could make it home first.

I made it about two blocks before my body took over. Tears began to stream down my face and they quickly transformed into sobs. Through blurry eyes, I navigated off the roadway into a parking space along the sidewalk. My breathing was coming out labored as each inhale sent a fire coursing within me. I held onto the steering wheel for dear life as my emotions crashed over me, my body shaking with the force. I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I couldn't gain control over myself no matter how hard I tried. I gave in eventually, realizing I wasn't going to win and let the sobs rack through me. After what felt like an eternity, they began to slow. My breaths began to come easier and I no longer felt the tears running down my face. In fact, I felt nothing. My body had now shifted into autopilot mode. I was numb. I sat there for a few more moments, regaining the rest of my composure. I wiped at my face with my sleeves, glancing at my red rimmed eyes in the rear view mirror. My goal had been to make it home but suddenly that's the last place I wanted to be. I debated my next location and a thought popped into my head that almost made me loose control again. Jay. I needed to tell him that I was leaving. I had watched first hand the mess he had been when Erin left and I refused to do that to him, even though they had been romantically involved and we were just close friends. I pushed down the thoughts that came racing to the forefront of my mind when I though of him, Vanessa's words from the waiting room replaying in my head on repeat. No, that was definitely a line I wouldn't cross. As if on cue, my phone buzzed once again from its spot beside me. I hesitantly glanced down at it and let out a breath when I saw Jay's picture lighting up my screen. I took a deep breath and prayed my voice wouldn't give me away before I answered it.

"Hey.."

Shit. My voice was hoarse and there was no doubt I had been crying.

"Hailey? You okay?"

He was concerned. Of course he was. The man seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to reading me..well, most of the time anyway.

"Yeah yeah..."

I tried to play it off but I knew he wouldn't buy it. I could hear commotion in the back and hoped maybe he would be too busy to push the issue.

"We're all at Molly's celebrating. Gael got popped, did you hear?"

Oh if he only knew. I debated agreeing to come up for drinks but I knew there was no way I would be able to play this off in front of my entire unit. And frankly, I didn't have the energy for that anyway. But, I thought quickly, if I told him there then I would have an excuse to bail right after and he wouldn't be alone. Plus, maybe his slight buzz would be enough to curb the edge of the bomb I was about to drop.

"Sure, sounds good."

I agreed and then quickly ended the call. With a deep breath, I shifted my car into drive and pointed towards the bar, rehearsing my conversation the entire way. I pulled into the lot and my bravado instantly faded. I couldn't bring myself to go in so instead I pulled my phone back out and sent him a text.

Hey, I'm in the lot. Can you come out?"

This was weak, I knew it was. But there was no good way to deliver the news I was about to tell him and this seemed like the easiest option. His reply was instant and I got out to stand in front of my car as he came jogging towards me from the bar. His face held a smile that quickly faltered as he took in my appearance. I'm sure my face was still red from my breakdown and I could tell my eyes were a dead giveaway. He slowed as he approached, closing the gap and moving to lean beside me against the hood of my car. He crossed his arms, looking down at me and waiting for me to speak.

"Hey Jay..."

My brain scrambled to find more words to say but the look in his eyes was throwing me off. He knew I was about to say something bad, he just didn't know what.

"Hailey...what's going on?"

He pushed, slightly impatient with the suspense I was unwittingly creating.

"I'm going to New York."

Well...I could have done that better. Try as I might, I couldn't form a better way to say it so instead I just blurted it out. I didn't say it sadly, or harshly, in fact, my voice had been damn near monotone. But still, I watched as my words settled in, crushing him. He didn't say anything and I let the silence hang between us for a moment before I continued.

"Voight's sending me. It's a few weeks. But I'll be back."

I tacked on the last part as I watched him shutting down, shutting me out. I was sure I knew what was racing through his mind right now. Thoughts of Lindsay leaving and the destruction that had come in that wake.

"Why?"

His voice was hoarse and I knew he was holding something back. His tone was a mix of hurt, anger and confusion. All something I could easily identify with at the moment.

"FBI task force needs a loan out officer."

I dodged his real question, hoping that would be enough. It wasn't.

"Why?"

He repeated again and I knew what he was pushing for. Voight didn't just send people away without reason and Jay was smart enough to put that much together at least.

"He thinks...he thinks my lines are blurred and he wants to set me straight."

I admitted weakly, shuddering as I said it out loud for the first time. Jay was someone who would always have my back and I knew if I gave him the full details that he would receive them without judgement, but I couldn't bring myself to let him in on the full story yet.

"What did you do?"

His voice was quieter this time, his tone matching my monotone one from earlier. His question, or rather, the way he delivered it, threw me off though. There was a hint of accusation in his voice that struck a nerve within me.

"What did I do?"

I repeated, shifting off the hood to face him directly. I thought Jay was someone who would have my back no matter what, but suddenly that was a fact I was doubting.

"He's punishing you so it must have been something big. What did you do?"

Jay's tone had shifted and he moved off the hood as well, lingering over me. His tone was angry now and it had me throwing up my walls for a second time tonight.

"Nothing he would't have done."

I challenged, crossing my arms over my chest and squaring my shoulders back. I knew that his anger wasn't directed at me per say, he was angry I was being made to leave, angry at Voight for sending me.

"Damn it Hailey..."

He trailed off, shaking his head. This was not the response I had expected and I wasn't sure how to proceed. Suddenly, I felt as if we were at a turning point and if we both weren't careful there would be some serious dents in our relationship afterwards.

"My flight leaves tomorrow."

I relayed that detail when I couldn't find anything else to say. His eyes bugged out slightly as the new information settled in. He paced in front of me, avoiding my eyes as he looked anywhere but my direction. I let him have his moment, finding myself once again swallowing down the burn in my throat.

"How long?"

He asked, movements stopping but still avoiding my eyes. I wasn't oblivious to the distance his pacing had put between us but I didn't want to push it.

"Um, three weeks, I think...I haven't read the packet yet."

I all but whispered my response, watching his face change once again. The anger was gone now, but nothing had taken it's place. His face was void of all emotion and the sight made the panic feeling return to my chest.

"Okay. Have a good trip Hailey."

And with that he turned away, slowly making his way back to the bar. I was frozen by his words and his abrupt end to the discussion. He was halfway across the lot by the time I could force anything from my mouth.

"Jay."

I said, loud enough that he should have been able to hear me but if he did he didn't respond.

"Jay!"

I tried again, practically yelling this time as the back of his figure came to the bars entrance, pausing briefly before dipping inside. As soon as he was out of sight, all the emotions I had shut down earlier came racing back. Now not only had I lost Intelligence, even if it was only for a brief period of time, but I also just lost Jay. Or at least, that's what this felt like. Something in his eyes before he looked away told me I had hurt him by leaving, even though this wasn't my choice it was a direct result of my actions and therefore definitely my fault. I came to the realization as my emotions came crashing back over me, that I would loose Intelligence in a heartbeat before I would lose Jay. Although it seemed as if, in one fell swoop, I had just lost both. I debated going into the bar after him but there was no way I was going to be able to compose myself any time soon and I couldn't bring myself to walking in there in front of everyone, looking like a mess as my world crumbled around me. So instead, I climbed into my car and drove myself home. Once there, I dragged myself up the stairs, stripping my clothes off as I went, knowing Vanessa wasn't home, and then stepped into the shower. I turned the water as hot as it would go, letting myself fall apart completely on last time before promising myself it wouldn't happen again.