6.1.03- Hi, everyone! This is my first time writing a Hikago fanfic, so I'm a little nervous about the new audience, but I'll live.
Before we start, I have some things I want to mention:
It might be best if you've read at least to volume 17 (or… sixty-something in the anime, I think?) before you read this fic, but it really doesn't make any difference. Just things like the fact that Isumi went to China and Sai *mumble mumble*
There will be at least a little bit of bashing everyone. This chapter has a lot of Hikaru-bashing, but I don't intend on that being the case for the entire fic. I really have nothing against any of the characters. If you don't like "unbiased" bashing, then don't read.
And… I think that's it. Oh, for every chapter, I'll have a second copy of that chapter with writer's commentary, which will explain inside jokes and things… like Oms. YAY!
Okay, that's it! I hope you like!

The Camping Trip of DOOM!!
By Umeko
Chapter One: "Spare Doors and the Moping Tree"

Akira sighed. "Remind me again why I'm going camping with you three…"

"Oh, come on, Touya!" Hikaru tapped his rival on the head with his fan, chuckling. "You know you really want to!"

"Please quit it with the fan, Shindo-kun…"

"All right, that's IT!" Waya screamed, turning around in his seat to look at the two younger pros. "If I have to hear one more word out of your mouth, Touya, I'm going to throw you out of the car and have Isumi-san run over you repeatedly!"

Isumi looked slightly alarmed and turned his attention from the road for a moment. "That's really harsh, Waya."

Akira blinked obliviously. "Yeah, what did I do?"

"You know what you did!" Waya countered.

"No I don't."

"Yes you do!!"

"No, I really don't know what you're talking about."

"SHUT UP!!" Waya turned back around and sat low in his seat, fuming. "Speed up, Isumi-san!"

"I'm already going over the speed limit…"

Akira turned back to Hikaru. "Shindo-kun, let's play mental go."

"Okay!" Hikaru beamed. "I'll be black!"

"All right." Akira shrugged, figuring that they couldn't really nigiri in mental go.

Hikaru tapped his cheek with his fan, contemplating his first move. "Hmm… upper-right star!"

Since I don't know squat about go, we'll skip the entire game.

"I have lost," Hikaru mumbled, bowing.

"That's all fine and dandy, then!" Isumi exclaimed, fearing the after-play discussion. "Oh, look, there's a diner, let's have dinner!"

Waya looked at the clock. "It's three-thirty."

"Too bad, we're eating." Isumi pulled into the parking lot and dragged the other three into the diner.

"Ah, hello," called a familiar voice.

Everyone turned to face the source of the voice. "Ogata-san?"

Ogata nodded. "This is the Go Diner."

"Sweet, there are gobans on each table!" Waya noted.

Hikaru grinned. "Touya, let's play another game."

"On second thought, let's eat dinner at a normal time," Isumi said. He grabbed the others again and threw them back into the car.

"Aww…" Hikaru whined. "I wanted ramen…"

"They don't have ramen there," Isumi lied.

"Oh, okay then."

The car ride continued for a while, quiet and uneventful, until Hikaru spoke up again.

"Hey everyone, look what I can do with my fan!"

"No," everyone moaned.

Hikaru sniffed. "But it's so cool…"

Akira rolled his eyes. "How many things can you do with a fan? You open it and close it. It's a fan."

"But I can open and close it in different ways!"

"What's so cool about that?"

"Just the fact that it's my fan makes it unbearably awesome!"

"I bet you stole that fan from someone, Shindo-kun!"

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, from someone who wouldn't give you any ramen!"

"I did not! Take it back!"

"No way!"

"That's it, I'm leaving!!" Hikaru opened his door, only to have it instantly knocked off by a passing car. "Agh!"

Isumi started panicking. "Shindo, what are you doing to my car?!"

"I didn't do anything!!"

"He tried to leave the car," Akira answered calmly, as if his friend's life wasn't in peril.

"You idiot!" Waya screamed. "You can't leave the car when it's moving, Touya!!"

"Why are you yelling at me? I'm not the one who tried to leave."

"I'm pulling over!" Isumi announced. So… he pulled over.

"And…?" said Waya. "You pulled over, so now what?"

Isumi started getting out. "I have a spare door in the back, so I'm going to get that and attach it."

"You have a spare door?" Hikaru asked.

"Yes, because I knew I'd be driving with you."

Hikaru blinked. "Huh?"

"Never mind." Isumi then used the magical powers he learned in China to attach the door.

Just kidding. He attached it normally.

"There." Isumi climbed back into the car, then turned to Hikaru and Touya. "Now, you two got all that arguing out of your systems, so you should be nice and friendly with each other for a while now, correct?"

"Yeah!" the two boys smiled.

"Good."

The rest of the trip went smoothly, and Waya got out of way-too-angry-to-be-in-character mode.

Finally, the quartet reached the camping grounds.

"Here we are!" Isumi said as he parked the car by a tree.

"Hoo-ray!" the others cheered. Except… maybe not Akira. But maybe he did.

"So now what do we do?" Hikaru asked cheerfully.

Waya unlocked the trunk and looked inside. "Isumi-san and I will make dinner, I suppose. Shindo and Touya, you can set up the tents." He handed the two tents to them, then continued to dig through Isumi's magical trunk that holds everything. "Where's the stove?"

Isumi lightly knocked him upside the head. "I didn't bring a stove. We're cooking over open fire."

"Really? Damn…" Waya pulled out a giant white cloth bag. "What's this?"

"Ah!!" Hikaru rushed over and snatched the bag away. "This is my bag of instant ramen! You can't have any, so hands off!"

"I didn't want any."

Hikaru huffed. "I'm going to tie this into a tree where bears, raccoons, and other people can't get to it!"

"You do that." Waya looked back into the trunk. "Touya, is this your goban?"

Akira walked over and carefully took out the goban. "One of them, yes. I wouldn't take one of the better ones camping."

"Damn bastard…" Waya growled under his breath. He continued digging through the trunk until Isumi took out a pot and grate.

"Come on, Waya. Let's make dinner."

***

"You're putting the stake in the wrong place, Touya!"

Akira slowly looked up at Hikaru, who was doing absolutely nothing to help. "This is the first stake, Shindo-kun. It doesn't matter where I put it."

"Yes it does."

"All right, where should I put it?" Akira sighed.

"Right there." Using his fan, Hikaru pointed to a spot an inch away from the stake's present position.

Akira glared. "Please put that fan away. It offends me."

"How can it offend you?"

"It just does, so put it away."

"You can't be offended by a fan!"

"Well, I am!!"

"Too bad! I'm not putting it away!"

"I'll make you put it away!"

"No you won't!" Hikaru grabbed the tarp and threw it over his rival's head. At that, Akira pounced blindly, managing to drag Hikaru to the ground.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Isumi and Waya rushed over to the sparring boys and managed to separate them.

Waya snatched the tarp off Akira's head. "What the hell are you two doing?!"

"He started it!" Akira pointed an accusing finger at Hikaru.

"I did not!" Hikaru pouted. "He insulted my fan!"

Isumi sighed. "Look, it's just a fan…"

"NO IT'S NOT!!" Hikaru ran off, then sat by a tree, back to the others, to mope and stroke his fan.

"Whatever." Akira shrugged. "I can put the tents up by myself."

Waya nodded. "You do that. Isumi-san and I will go back to making dinner…"

"DON'T TOUCH MY RAMEN!!" Hikaru screamed, not turning away from the tree.

"We won't. You put it in a tree, remember?"

After a while, Akira successfully got the tents up. Then he went over to apologize to Hikaru. Hikaru accepted the apology, but would only leave his Moping Tree after Akira gave his fan a hug.

"Dinner time!" Waya yelled, because I want to get this chapter over with.

"Yay!" Hikaru sat down next to Akira on a log by the fire. "What's for dinner?"

"Hot dogs on a stick!" Isumi handed everyone a stick with an uncooked hot dog on the end.

Akira cocked an eyebrow. "So, wait… you basically did nothing to prepare for dinner?"

"Are you blind, Touya?!" Waya jabbed his thumb towards the blazing fire. "We got the fire started!"

Hikaru scratched his head. "Is that really that much of an accomplishment?"

"We didn't use matches, lighters, fire starters, lighter fuel, or dynamite."

"Oh!" Everyone put down their sticks and applauded, because that's really hard to do! (Heck, two summers ago when I was at camp we had to light a fire with matches and that was near impossible! We ended up using about four boxes of matches… Then again, it would start raining whenever we got any flame of any sort.)

"So… what did you need the grate and pot for?" Hikaru asked.

Everyone paused and stared at him. After a few moments, Waya slapped him upside the head. "Don't ask stupid questions!"

So we got to the park and had a great time, but I got mad at Oms because he burned the hot dogs!

Hey, I like them crispy! It's a barbecue, isn't it?

"What was that?" Isumi asked, puzzled.

Everyone shrugged and chose to ignore it.

"Anyway…" Isumi cleared his throat. "Since there are two tents, there will have to be two people to each tent."

The younger boys nodded like good little schoolchildren.

"So…" Isumi pointed to each tent in turn. "Waya and I will sleep in that tent, and Shindo and Touya will be in the other."

Waya buried his face in his hands. "The shounen-ai fanfiction authors will get a kick out of this arrangement," he mumbled.

Since everyone had finished eating and it had gotten dark while Oms burned the hot dogs, they all decided to go to bed. So Isumi used the magical powers he learned in China to teleport them all into their sleeping bags.

Just kidding. They all got into their sleeping bags normally.

"Where's my goban?!" Akira demanded.

"I kidnapped it!" Waya answered. "You two are not playing a game tonight!!"

"WHY NOT?!" the two young pros yelled.

"We want to get some sleep!" With that, the lantern in Waya and Isumi's tent went out.

"Oh, well." Akira turned out their own lantern and lay back to go to sleep.

Snap, snap.

He winced. "Shindo-kun, please stop that."

Snap, snap. "Stop what?"

Snap, snap. "Stop playing with your fan!"

Snap. "I'm not playing with my fan!" Snap.

"Yes, you are!" Snap, snap.

"I'm not playing with my fan, Touya!" Snap.

Snap. "Yes you are! Stop lying to me!"

Snap, snap. "I'm not lying!"

Snap, snap. "Yes you are, now STOP!!"

Snap… "SHUT UP!"

"Fine!" the two yelled back, and the snapping stopped, because Hikaru HAD been playing with his fan.

That liar.