Eth Armxit:

Scrambled

Chapter One: Finite the Stalker

(the green Matrix code scrolls down the screen, and rushes to a close up of a computer screen displaying a naked Agent Smith.)

Architect: Shit! Are we starting?

(the screen switches to a program tracing a phone call)

(cut to a room)

(a young woman is sitting in front of a small computer screen displaying a picture of naked Smith. She clicks and it changes just as the camera points away from her. The phone rings, and she answers.)

Finite: Pizza Hut.

Gopher: Huh?

Finite: Just kidding? What's up?

Gopher: Just checking in. It's my turn to watch him.

Finite: No, dammit! He's just about to change…I mean I was just about to change…my…clothes.

Gopher: I think you like him. You like watching him.

Finite: I do.

Gopher: Oh, I'll leave you to it. By the way, maybe we should check out that "One" guy Morphbus keeps mentioning.

Finite: I'd rather watch Smith.

(cut to outside the building.)

Agent Kiss: What's up?

Police Dude: We sent a whole squad after her.

Agent Kiss: Dammit, I told you to wait!

Police Dude: She's just one girl. Surely a squad is enough to handle her.

Agent Kiss: It's likely your men are already dead. Then again, I could be wrong.

(cut back to Finite's room)

(policemen burst in through the door and point their guns at Finite.)

First Police Guy: Hands up! Move away from the computer!

Finite: No.

Second Police Guy: Damn! What should we do?

(Finite jumps up from the chair and lands in front of the First Police Guy. Two stage hands rush in and attach wires to her shoulders, and there is an audible 'crick' as she is hoisted to hang in front of Second Police Guy. She hangs there for three minutes.)

Second Police Guy: Psst! You're supposed to kick me now!

Finite: That's right…

(kicks him)

Finite: Damn! I'm stuck on this thing! (wriggles trying to dislodge herself from wires) Help!

First Police Guy: Okay…

(Agent Kiss walks in.)

Finite: Oh shit! An Agent!

Kiss: The audience isn't supposed to know that!

Finite: Bye…

(Finite runs out of room past Kiss. He stares after her for a second and then sits down at the computer, pressing the 'back' button and admiring the picture of Smith.)

(Finite runs up onto the roof, jumps over, dives through a window and lands in a bathtub with an old lady.)

Old Lady: Ah!! (smacks Finite with handbag)

Finite: Die, bitch! (shoots Old Lady)

(she opens the bathroom door and dives down the stairs, pointing both her guns back at the bathroom. The Old Lady comes staggering out, bullet hole in her side. Finite opens fire with her two pistols, annihilating the old coot.)

Finite (into cell phone): Crank! Get me out of here!

Crank: See the phone to your left?

Finite: No!

Crank: Go there.

(phone begins to ring. A garbage truck pulls up on the other side of the street and revs its engine.)

Finite (into phone): No, I'm not Stu. You're in the wrong movie.

Psycho Sniper: Sorry.

(Finite taps foot impatiently, waiting for phone to ring. From across street, Kiss sticks his head out of the garbage truck.)

Kiss: Hurry up! I'm waiting to create suspense here!

(phone rings, Finite picks it up)

Finite: Hello? (her body fades out minutes before the garbage truck crashes into the phone booth)

Psycho Sniper Guy: Hey! I needed that! Damn it!