entitled: Better Judgement
summary: Lily gets dragged to Hogsmeade against her better judgement. But that's always been the problem, hasn't it? For one Saturday, she's willing to go without it. James/Lily.
disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
notes: I finally finished the seventh book, despite it being many, many years since I first started reading Harry Potter. I can't quite process how I'm feeling, nor can I explain my love for Lily and the Marauders.

Lily passed a group of young Hufflepuffs heading to Hogsmeade. They were applying ample lip gloss, chattering about Honeydukes and the complete loot that would occur there, jingling their Galleons madly at each other. Lily had managed to convince Thea that she was rewriting her Potions essay and would not go, not even for butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. Thea was finally driven away when Lily began lecturing on the nuances of picking fluxweed at the hour when the full moon hung precisely...

As Lily neared the doors of the Great Hall, a boy with unkempt hair was walking backwards, talking animatedly, and ran into her.

"Sorry," James said without looking, before his eyes caught the familiar red locks, the slender frame, the emerald green eyes that made his stomach do a backflip. He looked suddenly out of sorts seeing her. "Evans," he noted lamely.

Sirius strode between them, giving Lily a nod, trying to smother his smirk. He was followed by Remus, who smiled knowingly, and Peter, who waved at her sheepishly.

Lily turned to keep walking, but James was already beside her. She sped up, but his height made it easy for him to match her pace, and she considered breaking into a run, but realized that James Potter would be greatly humored by this.

"May I help you?"

"Aren't you going to the village, Evans?"

"No," Lily answered. "I have to work on my Potions essay."

"Didn't you already finish it? I saw Thea copying it last night in the common room."

"I missed a part—"

James cut in front of her, knowing that if she were to take this particular corridor, she would end up in the horrendous library again.

"Why don't you come with us to the Three Broomsticks? We're going to race our Patronuses on the way."

Lily tried to sidestep him. "No, I have—"

"Come on, Evans," James said, trying to meet her eyes, but Lily didn't want to look at him at the moment. In a moment of desperation, since most of his moments with Lily Evan seemed to begin or end in boyish desperation, he blurted, "So we kissed, what's the big deal?"

What's the big deal?

Lily steeled herself so she wouldn't blush. It seemed that she could not avoid his eyes any longer. "Potter," she said with as much decorum as she could muster, "It was an accident."

"Certainly."

James was grinning. He just wanted to be sure. He just needed to confirm that the kiss really happened, that in the glorious haze of winning the first Quidditch match of the year against Slytherin, amid butterbeer and scant shots of smuggled firewhisky (courtesy of Sirius), that he hadn't just dreamed the ending to a perfect night.

Most Gryffindors had left to find their beds, the common room was thoroughly trashed, Remus and Sirius were singing a duet, while Peter played the harmonica. James had spotted a girl staring out the tower window, a girl who had miraculously ended up with the bottle of firewhisky.

"Lily." He remembered saying her name, before slipping into the armchair beside her. He didn't remember what he said after that, only that he said something before leaning in to kiss her, and when he did, she didn't pull away.

After that, Lily Evans avoided him for a week. It would have been charming, if she hadn't been so ruddy spectacular at it. She would be absorbed in every lesson, burning through rolls of parchment, taking notes on who-knows-what, answering every question imaginable, and then vanish from class before any of the students could pick up their bags. Her absence from the Great Hall was answered by Thea sneaking food to their dorm under lame pretenses: "She's trying to rally for longer library hours." "She's trying to keep her figure." "She's frail, Potter. Frail."

And when James did try to tail her on the rare occasions he spotted her at all, she would proceed straight to Slughorn's office. Every. Time.

He had consider cornering her with his invisibility cloak and the Marauder's Map, but it was actually Sirius who said, "Let it be, mate. You'll run into her eventually." James now smirked, not having expected Sirius's prediction to manifest so literally.

"Look, Potter, I really have—"

"I know you've finished your Potions essay, because you've visited Slughorn's bloody office every day this week. There's only so much one can ask about the Polyjuice Potion," he added, seeing that she was about to protest. "And shouldn't you give Madam Pince a break? She's terrified you're going to pitch a tent in the Restricted Section and sleep there."

Lily was quiet, but her eyes were flickering as she tried to come up with another excuse.

"I won't even bring it up," James said, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Just stop tormenting Pince. Even if you don't need a weekend off, she does."

Lily was not entirely convinced, but she let Potter drag her over to the Entrance Hall, through the colossal oak doors, and out into the fresh, autumn air. The other Marauders had been waiting for James on the open grounds, but they didn't seem too surprised that Lily was trailing behind him.

"Hello, Lily. Glad you're joining us."

Lily nodded warmly at Remus. "I'm glad you got away with only two detentions."

She was referring to the recent prank involving soap and the Prefects' bathroom. It would have been benign for Marauder standards, but it just so happened that the Slytherin Head Boy and some insufferable prefects were bathing and walked out of the bathroom as bright as a vine of cherry tomatoes. Just in time for the weekend's Quidditch match.

"McGonagall went easy on me. I think she approved."

The group began their descent down the hillside.

"So Evans, how well can you hold your butterbeer?" Sirius asked.

Sirius was leading, while James walked a step behind her, no doubt trying to block the way in case she came to her senses and made a break for it.

"Fairly well."

"Wanna make a bet of it?"

"What are the stakes?"

"You're not serious, Lily," Remus said, striding along beside her. "Not to say that you wouldn't stand a chance, but our dear Sirius has a bit of a reputation he's unwilling to relinquish."

"So I've heard."

It wouldn't be the first time Lily returned to the common room to find Sirius carrying some poor Gryffindor back to his room, the clink of recently won Galleons resounding up the staircase.

Sirius snickered. "Don't be a bore, Evans. How 'bout it? You and me, the Three Broomsticks, loser has to grant a wish."

"Sirius, it's barely noon."

"Not now, Evans. Later."

They had reached a clear stretch that extended down to the village. Sirius pulled out his wand and the others followed, Remus rolling his eyes, Peter looking excited, and James moving forward so that the five of them stood at an even line.

"Now," Sirius said, readying his wand, "The last Patronus to the village gate is a dimwitted troll. On your mark—GO!"

In the simultaneous rings of Expecto Patronum, Lily saw the snowy flight of her doe racing against the stag which burst forth like a cannonball from the end of James's wand. The stag sped, barely needing to touch ground, and through the midday gleam, Lily had to admit, it was stunning.

In the thrill of sprinting after their Patronuses, Lily had forgotten that she was with the Marauders. She had known them for six years, after all. There had been times when she had been sickened by their behavior, frustrated at their arrogance, annoyed by their popularity, and yet, in equal measure, Lily found herself jealous of them. There were times when she wanted nothing more than to sit in the common room and watch the Marauders pass around Basic Hexes for the Busy and Vexed, while testing them on each other. In those moments, Lily allowed herself to daydream against her better judgement. What would it be like to sit beside James Potter?

She could hardly believe that he stood there now, waiting at the village entrance, catching his breath.

Peter's Patronus ended up a dimwitted troll. Sirius clapped him on the back for good effort and Peter seemed oblivious to his loss.

"Not bad, Evans," Sirius said, "though if Remus's didn't crash into mine—"

"Don't you mean yours that rammed into mine?"

"Minor technicalities."

They settled into an easy stride. James led the group, but kept glancing back behind him. Sirius wanted to walk the length of Hogsmeade before heading into any of the shops, which were still packed to the brim.

Lily kept her eye out for Thea, thinking it best to explain quickly why she was there, rather than have Thea think that Lily had lied to ditch her for other company. Despite the sour looks gravitating towards her from the clumps of girls moving through the busy street, Lily realized that she wasn't fazed by their staring. She learned, early on, not to pay too much attention to what people thought about her.

James looked happy. When their eyes met, he grinned at her, even though there was nothing extraordinary about their excursion. It was the same shop-lined street she had walked before with Severus, back when they were friends. Lily quickly brushed away the thought.

Sirius and Remus were discussing methods in which to lengthen the duration of their Patronuses, while Peter fell in and out of their shadows. Still, they'd turn around and ask him something, pulling him into the conversation.

"Evans," Sirius called back, "Are you going to the dinner?"

"No way. I heard he's inviting some of his old students from the Ministry and we're being asked to dress up. And bring a date." Lily crinkled her nose. "I'd much rather kiss the giant squid and call it a night."

"Yeah and I'd rather kiss Peeves," Sirius said.

The thing that bonded Sirius Black and Lily Evans was their common goal to avoid the Slug Club at all costs. They were routinely dragged to the dinners, Sirius at the hands of Regulus, and Lily by Thea's underhanded tricks, so that they often found themselves on certain Friday evenings behind a tapestry, levitating finger foods over to their corner from the trays of passing house-elves. James, though knowing that Lily and Sirius were some of Slughorn's favorites, was irked by the sudden realization that they talked on these occasions, often late into the night.

"I'll be your date," James offered, to which Sirius answered, "No thanks, mate," and Lily, Remus, and Peter laughed.

Honeydukes had mostly cleared when the group entered.

There were some Ravenclaw girls gathered by the towering display of Chocolate Frogs. Upon seeing Sirius, they huddled furiously as if they were discussing a Quidditch play. This seemed to unnerve him, and he opted to stay close to the door.

Thea spotted Lily first and proceeded to shriek like a Mandrake, before bounding over and pummeling her with a hug. Thea's sudden scream caused Gideon, her boyfriend, to spill a full bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. The jellied candies scattered across the floor and Mr. Flume was seen waving his wand as a broom and dustpan made their way over to the aisle.

"Lily! I'm so glad you came! Did Madam Pince finally kick you out?"

"Funny," Lily said, rolling her eyes, but smiling. "That seems to be an ongoing joke."

"Since the third year, sweetheart. Keep up." Thea turned and said hello to the group of boys around Lily. Her gaze lingered a half-second more on Sirius, but he was too busy keeping a steady eye on the Ravenclaws to notice. In the guise of another hug, Thea whispered, "I see you're in fine company, Miss Evans."

"Don't even start," Lily said, but ultimately felt grateful that Thea was too popular to care who Lily chose to hang out with.

"Severus asked where you were, by the way, so I told him you went to the lake."

"I told you I was going to the library."

"Yes, I did feel a bit bad about lying, but now that you're here, you don't have to worry about running into him!" Thea nodded, obviously content with her decision.

Gideon walked over to them. He had tried helping Mr. Flume clean up, but kept getting in the way of the broom and dustpan, which then worked together to shoo him out of the aisle. He then paid for the spilled candy and bought a new bag, smaller than the first, this time filled with amber-colored jellies. Gideon handed the bag to Thea and nodded to Lily, out of courtesy. "We should go," he said, casting the Marauders a wary look, "We have a reservation at Puddifoot's."

"Relax, Gideon," Thea said, kissing him on the cheek. "You don't have to get your boxers in a wad just because they're Gryffindor. I'm one too, remember?"

Gideon was a Slytherin and perhaps still bitter over the recent Quidditch loss, but despite his coldness towards them, Lily admired his guts. It was no easy task being in his shoes and dating a Gryffindor. A blush had invaded his cheeks, one he couldn't conceal, even with a straight face, because he was so pale.

"Well, best not be late," he said, moving towards the door.

"Maybe I'll catch you at the Three Broomsticks, Little Red," Thea sang teasingly, "Be careful of the big, bad sta—"

"Thea!" Lily shrieked.

"If not," Thea winked and flounced gracefully to the door, shaking her bag of Bertie Bott's one-flavoured beans, "I'll see you back at the dorm!"

Outside, she hooked arms with Gideon, who walked stiffly beside her, but seemed pleased.

"Dorothea can do much better than Gideon Maxton," Sirius said.

Lily shrugged, moving towards the sugar quills. "I think he's sweet."

James frowned. "How is he sweet?" he said, following her into the aisle.

"He Accio'ed sherry-flavored beans for her."

They ate their fill in candy, the boys trading Chocolate Frog cards and complaining how difficult it was to come across Andros the Invincible, which then brought the conversation back to Patronuses. Sirius wanted to stop in at Zonko's to pick up a neatly wrapped parcel, to which he did not divulge the contents, but thoroughly humored their guesses.

"You'll know when the time comes," he assured them, but James lunged for the parcel anyway and tripped on a flat rock.

He fell in the middle of the street. Sirius nearly died laughing. Peter stood frozen, which was all he could manage as a courtesy to his friend. Remus tried to help James up, but was unsuccessful as he was fighting to stifle his own laugh.

"Aren't you glad you don't have to worry about those in the air, Potter?" Lily remarked, unable to hold her tongue.

"Hilarious," James said, brushing off the dirt from his robes. "I didn't know you could crack jokes, Evans."

"I'm just grateful you're not our Seeker."

"Oh no," said James, "I'd much rather be chasing you."

They ended the evening at the Three Broomsticks. Lily and Peter went to find an open table, while James, Sirius, and Remus waited to order drinks at the bar.

Peter found a table by one of the inn's large windows and Lily chose the seat that had a clear view of the street. The sun was setting as a lavender glow peaked through the tops of the local shops and Lily saw the gang of Hufflepuffs from the morning. They were carrying heavy bags and looking exhausted by the day's excursion.

Lily did not regret following Potter to Hogsmeade.

"You know a spell, don't you, Lily?" Peter said, sitting across from her. "One that'll keep you from getting drunk."

Lily grinned. "As much as I trust that Sirius can hold his butterbeer, I wouldn't have agreed to a bet that I thought I would lose."

"Are those fighting words?" said Sirius, moving towards them with four mugs, two in each hand. Behind him, Remus and James carried two each.

Sirius sat down beside Peter, James beside Lily, and Remus scooted in from the busy aisle.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Evans?" James asked while passing a butterbeer over to Peter. "You won't lose our respect if you want to bail out, you know."

"She'd lose mine," said Sirius, pushing two frothy mugs towards Lily and kept two for himself. Remus added a third to Sirius's side.

Before they even said cheers, the eldest son of the House of Black downed his first mug in less than a minute, then tipped it over his head to show that there was not a drop left. Gryffindors, fourth or fifth years, at the next table roared in the inherent heroism of the act. "Just to make it fair, Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes.

When they did clink their mugs together, she downed her first butterbeer as fluidly as Sirius had. This led to a standing ovation from two of the younger Gryffindor boys, who quickly sat down after meeting the eyes of James Potter.

The Marauders were impressed. Peter clapped energetically, while Sirius lifted his mug to her. Lily couldn't help grinning, though she felt her cheeks getting hot. She'll want to take it easy on the second one, but at least she was one drink ahead now.

As the night went on, Peter was swiveling between Sirius and Lily. On the one hand, he was trying to calm down Sirius, who only got more obnoxious the more he drank. On the other, he was fussing over Lily and sending James pained looks, as if James had the power to do anything. Remus watched on with a smile, talking freely to James, who was constantly distracted because Lily and Sirius were competitively shouting out the names of all the prats in the Slug Club.

"Henry Dormer!"

"Yes! Dormer, I hate that guy!" Sirius barked. "George McKnightly!"

"Finley Webber!"

"Everly Stooges!"

"She's terrible!" Sirius agreed, taking a swig. "Gorgeous, but terrible!"

The two seemed incapable of talking quietly, though there was enough noise that they didn't draw anymore attention than they usually did being Marauders. James watched as Lily downed her second glass and Remus went to get two more. He would have been more worried if she didn't seem like she was having fun—at least, he hoped she was having fun.

It was on Sirius's fifth and Lily's third, that Severus came into the Three Broomsticks with Lucius Malfoy and his cronies. Lucius had an arm draped over Severus, guiding him to the bar, when Lily met Severus's deep black eyes and looked away.

James noticed this.

"Evans, if you want to stop—"

"Come on, Potter!" Sirius said, his words beginning to slur, "Evans can handle it. Right, Evans?"

As the Slytherins walked by, James leaned forward to block Lily from view. Malfoy said something about tarnished blood, Sirius made a grab at him, but luckily Remus was there to hold him off. "Perhaps, we should call it a night," Remus said, as Sirius leaned heavily on him.

Peter rose, grateful for he was sweating, and not from the heat of the crowded inn. "Yeah, the walk back will sober him up. Lily, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

Sirius was forced into a draw with Lily, as Remus explained that anymore to drink and Sirius would want to take off his robes.

Up ahead, Remus was dragging Sirius along while Peter circled them, anxiously. Lily laughed at this. The cold air was grazing her the sides of her cheeks and it seemed to awaken her from a dream.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure, Miss Evans."

James walked beside her. He was hoping that they'd walk slower, letting the others pull farther and farther up the hill.

"You were right. I didn't actually want to go to the library today."

"You're welcome to join us anytime."

James realized that he only partially meant what he said. He knew that the Marauders wouldn't mind him bringing Lily around, and today had proven what he'd always expected, that she would get along with them. James had even been surprised that Lily and Sirius had so much to say to each other, when he'd always thought that she preferred Remus out of all of them.

But there was not one moment in which, strolling through Hogsmeade, stopping into Honeydukes, making fun of the couples lined up outside of Puddifoot's Tea Shop, that James did not wish he was alone with Lily Evans.

"The kiss wasn't an accident," she said, without looking at him. "I just didn't think you'd remember. You were very drunk."

There was no point in hiding it.

Lily didn't know when the habit started, but for years now, she had told herself that she didn't need things that were not meant for her. Things like being a pureblood or winning back her sister's affection. She told herself that having Severus was enough, getting a job at the Ministry would be a blessing. She had wondered restlessly about how she would live without Hogwarts when it was all she knew.

And on those occasions, lying sleepless in the dark, Lily told herself that James Potter was no good for her. Perhaps, she meant that he was too good for her.

"I was sober once you kissed me."

"Right. Well, it's best to forget," she said cheerily. "It wasn't a big deal."

James stopped, turning to her. "You know I didn't mean that. I only said that so you'd stop avoiding me."

Remus, Sirius, and Peter were far ahead now, and they kept moving towards the light of the castle, under the twinkling stars.

"And why do we have to forget? It was our first kiss!"

Lily had known that. She had been tormented by that fact for the past week to the point she could barely look James in the face, but it was a thousand times more mortifying to hear him say it out loud.

"Potter, you can't honestly like me!" Lily said defensively.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Lily raised her voice, glad that no one was around to hear her, "Because I—I don't know!"

"Lily." James wanted to be clear, though he felt that his intentions had never been unclear. "I like you. I've like you since our first year, though I thought it was just some stupid crush till I realized I couldn't stop—"

"Right."

"Could you stop being so cynical! I'm trying to tell you how I feel, Evans, don't you know how embarrassing this is? But I want you to understand! So you'll finally stop seeing me as an arrogant ass!"

"So you do realize," Lily said, and though it had gotten quite dark, James could see that the corner of her lips were raised. The moon felt immensely warm then, though there was only a sliver of it.

"I honestly think we're perfect together," he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he turned to head back towards the castle. "If you could just give it a chance, you might learn a few things about me that you'd actually like."

Lily didn't say anything. She heard voices coming up from the village and followed him.

It was easier to snub his pointless confessions when James and Sirius were bullying Severus. It was just easier to walk past him in the corridors and ignore him in the Great Hall.

But things have changed, haven't they?

Lily could hardly deny her attraction to James Potter. It wasn't because he was annoying talented and ruddy handsome, just as the girls say. It was his bloody persistence that intrigued her. There were many instances in which Lily made a fool of him, but he never retaliated against her. He didn't care how often she brushed him off and it had been years. Instead, he tried to talk to her before lessons, always watched her take her seat in the Great Hall, pulled stupid faces when they were in Divination together because neither believed that soaked tea leaves could divine their future. He often lounged in the common room, waiting for her to get back from the library.

Lily wasn't stupid. She noticed these small gestures that showed James Potter was thoughtful. He would, on several occasions, return to the common room with a bruised face and give her a goofy grin, and Lily would hear, either in the girl's bathroom or from Thea, that Potter had punched someone in the face for tossing around the word 'Mudblood.'

They had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Treacle tart," Lily said and they stepped inside the empty common room.

"Will you at least tell me why you kissed me?" James asked as Lily moved towards the girl's dormitory. "Was it something I said?"

He had clearly remembered saying something, but even after racking his brain the next day and the day after that, the buzzing in his head circulating around the kiss was indecipherable.

Lily didn't stop until she had crossed to the other side of the room. Then, she turned and looked at James Potter who stood in the dim candlelight, with his stupid hair and stupid face, tall and handsome, as she noted the distance between them.

"Did you really forget?"

"Yes," he admitted, unsure if he should be embarrassed or ashamed.

"And you really want to know?"

"Yes, of course."

"Fine." Lily looked at him squarely. "You said you'd marry me, James Potter. You said that if I kissed you just once, you'd marry me, you arrogant prat."

And with that, she left him in the common room.

James stood frozen till he could no longer hear her footsteps. Then, he sunk into the nearest armchair, not yet ready to see the state Sirius was in or hear Remus lament that he ever met the Marauders, while Peter was surely flitting between them, trying to assuage the situation. He couldn't care too much for them at the moment, because his mind was racing.

James Potter didn't doubt that he had said those words, he only wondered how angry Lily must be that he had forgotten.