Screen Title: #InsaneGrandma

Cast

Main Cast

Jennette McCurdy as Sam Puckett

Ariana Grande as Cat Valentine

Cameron Ocasio as Dice Corleone

Guest Cast

Marilyn Harris as Charlotte Harris

Susan Chuang as Mrs. Lee

Special Guest Cast

Leon Thomas III as André Harris

Matt Bennett as Robbie Shapiro

Jake Farrow as Rex Powers

Sam is lying down on the couch watching a Drake & Josh marathon while Cat is putting some dishes away

Cat: Hey Sam can you give me a hand with these dishes?

Sam: I would.

Cat: Yay.

Sam: But I won't.

Cat: Poo.

The doorbell rings

Cat: Ding dong.

Sam: Who's at the door?

Cat: I don't know. I'll go see.

Cat goes to the door and opens it and on the other side is André Harris from Victorious

The audience cheers

Cat: Hi André.

André: Hey Cat.

Sam: What are you doing here?

André: I need you to babysit someone?

Cat: Who?

André: My grandma.

Sam: You want us to babysit an old person?

André: Yeah.

Sam: Sorry André but we only babysit people up to the age of 13 to 15.

Cat: Sam I've known André way longer than you have so you don't know this. His grandma is mentally insane.

André: It's true.

Charlotte: WHERE AM I?!

André: Grandma you're at Cat's house.

Charlotte: HOW'D I GET HERE?!

André: I drove you here.

Sam: Okay I see it now.

Cat: Why do you want us to babysit her?

André: I'd ask Tori but she's not available. Beck's in Canada. Jade said no, and Trina is working on her so called talented show.

Cat: Ah.

Sam: How much will you pay us?

André: $300.

Sam: We'll do it.

André: Grandma I'm heading out. My friend Cat and her roommate Sam are going to take care of you until I get back.

Charlotte: OKAY ANDRÉ!

André takes off

Cat: Mrs. Harris I'd like you to meet my roommate...

Charlotte: I DON'T KNOW YOU!

Sam: Why does she scream a lot?

Cat: She freaks out over everything.

Dice walks in

Dice: Hey girls.

Cat: Hi Dice.

Sam: Sup Dice.

Charlotte: INTRUDER!

Dice: Huh?

Cat: Mrs. Harris he's not an intruder. He's my friend.

Charlotte: HE'S JUST YOUR FRIEND!

Dice: Can someone tell me what's going on?

Cat: My friend André asked me and Sam to babysit his grandma.

Dice: Why does she need babysitting?

Sam: Apparently she freaks out over everything.

Dice: Okay I'm caught up.

Mrs. Harris walks by a glass door and screams

Cat: André's grandma, what's wrong?

Charlotte: THERE'S ANOTHER ME ON THE WALL!

Sam: That's just a mirror.

Charlotte: IT'S JUST A MIRROR!

Sam: Cat?

Cat: Yes.

Sam: How long did André say he'll be gone for?

Cat: I don't know why?

Scene cuts to André who is eating sushi at Nozu

André: Finally I can eat without my grandma freaking out.

Mrs. Lee: That'll be $27.50.

André: Since when was sushi $27.50?

Mrs. Lee: Since now.

André: Ugh fine.

André takes out his debit card and walks out

Mrs. Lee: Finally he left. I still hold a grunch for his lady friend and that goth girl.

Back with Sam, Cat, Dice, and Mrs. Harris

Charlotte: Boy will you get me some tea?

Dice: Uh sure.

Cat: I think we need some help babysitting André's grandma.

Sam: How? He said none of your other friends weren't available right now.

Cat: Actually he said that Jade, Tori, Beck, and Trina were unavailable. He didn't say anything about Robbie being busy.

Sam: Oh. Well give him a call and tell him to get other here right now.

Cat: Kay Kay.

Cat gets her phone out and scrolls through her name of contacts (including Freddie Benson) until she finds Robbie's number

We now cut to Robbie's house as the audience cheers

Robbie: Oh someone's calling me.

Rex: Probably a butt dial.

Robbie: Oh hush Rex.

Robbie answers the call

Robbie: Hello?

Cat: Robbie it's Cat.

Robbie: Hi Cat.

Cat: Sam and I are babysitting André's grandma and we need some help. Can you swing by and help us out?

Robbie: Uh sure. I'll be there right away.

Cat: Don't bring Rex with you.

Robbie: Don't worry, I won't.

Rex: Aw man you never take me anywhere anymore.

Cat: See you soon Rob.

Robbie: Bye.

Cat: Bye.

Call ends

Dice: Is he coming?

Cat: Yep.

Charlotte: WHO'S COMING?!

Sam: A friend of ours you nutty old lady.

Charlotte: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!

Dice: Robbie better get here soon.

20 minutes later, the doorbell rings

Cat: Ding dong.

Sam: It's open.

Robbie walks in

Robbie: Hey I'm here.

Charlotte: HI ROBBIE!

Robbie: Still shouting at things huh?

Sam: Thanks for coming. We didn't know André's grandma is this nutty.

Cat: I did. I've known André since 2008.

Dice: Well Sam and I didn't know she would be this insane.

Sam: How does he put up with that?

Robbie: He just does.

Cat: Hey Robbie remember when your sister's butterfly got stuck in my ear and we asked André's grandma to get it out?

Robbie: Yeah. My sister was not happy about that.

Sam: How did a butterfly get stuck in your ear? It's impossible.

Robbie: If you think that's impossible, the butterfly was in her left ear but got out through her right ear.

Dice: That's weird.

Mrs. Harris turns on the TV and screams

Sam: What's wrong now?

Charlotte: THERE ARE PEOPLE INSIDE THE BOX WALL!

Robbie: That's just a TV.

Dice: Yeah.

Cat: Oh I love this episode of Drake & Josh.

Sam: Ha it's the one where they have to get jobs at a sushi factory.

Robbie: That was the best episode ever.

Charlotte: HOW IS THAT MACHINE MOVING SO FAST!

Cat: It's an episode of Drake & Josh.

Sam: They use special effects to make it go fast.

Dice: Yeah.

Charlotte: WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?

Sam: Robbie take her to the bathroom?

Robbie: Why me?

Sam: Cause I said so.

Robbie: Come on André's grandma. I'll take you to the bathroom.

Robbie takes her to the bathroom and when Charlotte sees herself on the wall, she yells

Charlotte: THERE'S ANOTHER ME ON THE WINDOW!

Robbie: That's a mirror. It lets you see yourself.

Charlotte: IT'S JUST A MIRROR!

Robbie: Yeah you see. Now I'm on there.

Charlotte flushes the toilet

Charlotte: THE WATER IN THE TOILET WENT AWAY!

Robbie: It's a toilet. It's supposed to do that. Now it's back.

Charlotte: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!

Robbie: After you finish going to the bathroom, you have to flush the toilet. Otherwise it'll be all gross and nasty.

Charlotte: OH OKAY!

They walk back in the living room

Dice: Did she handle the bathroom?

Robbie: I told her on why the water goes down.

Sam: Has she always been like this?

Cat: No she used to be normal.

Robbie: She's been like this since at least 2004.

Sam: Damn.

Charlotte: HEY WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

Sam: You're not the boss of me.

Cat: Sam don't start an argument. She hates cursing.

Sam: Fine I won't curse.

Dice: Why does she hate cursing?

Robbie: She just does.

Cat gets a text

Sam: Who texted?

Cat: André.

Robbie: What did he say?

Cat: He's coming to pick up his grandma in 30 minutes.

Dice: Good.

Charlotte: HEY!

Dice: Not being mean you are sweet and all. It's just that you scream too much.

Charlotte: NO I DON'T!

Robbie: You've been screaming for most of your life.

Cat: How have you not lost your voice?

Charlotte: I DON'T KNOW!

Sam: She reminds me of my mom.

Robbie: Does she scream a lot?

Sam: Oh yeah. She always yelled at everything.

Cat: I guess you know how André feels.

Sam: Yeah, I guess I do.

Robbie: Heh my grandma likes to embarrass me a lot.

Cat: You're grandma is the worst.

Dice: Cat don't be rude.

Robbie: No it's fine. She hated on Cat all because of her red hair.

Sam: Why does she hate Cat's hair?

Robbie: She think she shouldn't dye it unless she has psychological problems.

Sam: Her hair has nothing to do with her psychological problems.

Cat: That's what I said.

Charlotte: I LIKE YOUR HAIR!

Cat: AW thanks André's grandma.

Dice: What's her first name?

Robbie: Charlotte.

Sam: CHarlotte?

Charlotte: IS THAT A PROBLEM?!

Sam: No it's a nice name.

Charlotte: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!

30 minutes later

The doorbell rings

Cat: Ding dong.

Sam: It's open!

André walks in

André: I'm here to pick up my grandma.

Charlotte: HI ANDRE!

André: Why's Robbie here?

Cat: We had a little trouble to we called him to help.

André: Well here's your money.

André hands Sam and Cat $300

Sam: Sweet.

André: Come on grandma let's go.

Charlotte: OKAY ANDRE!

André: See you at school Cat and Robbie.

Cat: Bye André.

Robbie: Bye.

Sam: See ya.

André and his grandma leave

Cat: Sweet we got paid $300.

Sam: Robbie since you and Dice did help, I'll split the money with you.

Dice: No you keep it.

Robbie: Yeah keep the money.

Sam: Okay.

Cat: Thanks for helping us Robbie.

Robbie: I'm always here to help. Well I got to go. See you at school on Monday.

Cat: Bye Robbie.

Robbie leaves

Dice: So this is the first time you guys have babysat an elderly?

Sam: You had us babysit Goomer?

Cat: Goomer is not an elderly.

Dice: Yeah. Elderly is when you're old and wrinkled.

Cat: Like Nona.

Sam: Well I guess there's a first time for everything.

Cat: Hey André just posted a review of us on our babysitting website.

Sam: What he say?

Cat: That we're such great babysitters and that all parents should take their kids to us.

Dice: That was nice of him.

Sam: He's a really great friend of yours.

Cat: Yeah. I'm proud to have a friend like him.

Sam: He's proud to have a great friend like you.

Dice: Anyone should be proud to have a friend like Cat.

Sam: Yeah. You're funny. You're cool.

Dice: Everyone at your school must be proud to have a friend like you.

Cat: Aw thanks.

Sam: Don't mention it.

Dice: No problem.