Thaymore was a place where emotions conflicted against one another in Adora.

It was the pivotal place in her life, when she stepped back and thought about it. Everything she had done in the last few years, every scratch and cut, every fight, every push against the Horde - It all could be traced back to this small village, where she had first been able to eat something that wasn't a ration bar or grey sludge. Where she first saw what it was like not living under a totalitarian regime. Where she first saw what the Horde was doing, what they were actually doing to Etheria.

In a way, it was where everything had started to go right for her. Where she realized that she was fighting for the right side. Where she made real friends who would stand by her no matter what. Where she realized the real beauty of the world she lived on, and the will to defend it.

But in others, it was where everything bad that happened to her over the last few years had started too.

There was a compulsion in her that she didn't fully understand, and couldn't explain to Bow or Glimmer, or anyone else. But every so often - Maybe once every four, five months? - She found herself drawn back to Thaymore. And so, she made the journey.

Always on foot, and always alone, and covered in shawls and robes.

She couldn't rest until she did. Couldn't sleep. Could hardly even think about anything else.

How was she supposed to explain that to anyone?

Parts of the village were still battered and in disrepair from the Horde invasion and occupation, but repairs were underway and were quickly making progress. Each time Adora visited the village, more of the work had been done. The people of Thaymore weren't quick workers, but they were effective workers. The buildings looked better than when Adora had first seen them.

The streets were empty. A few lights inside homes were on, but that was it. It wasn't like the appearance of a stranger was enough of a cause for concern that people would burst out of their homes with pitchforks to scare her off. All the same, she adjusted the shawl around her head, making sure to tuck in any strands of hair that were waving in front of her eyes. It wouldn't do much to hide her identity if someone recognized her face, but it made her feel better. She adjusted the shawl again, making sure that her eyes were harder to see from the outside.

It wasn't like she had to hide - It wasn't like she was a stranger, or an unwelcome sight in Thaymore. Quite contradictory, they loved her. She was 'The Hero of the Rebellion' after all.

But she didn't come here for the affirmation.

The affirmation felt like poison whenever she felt like this.

It was why she made sure to only enter the village at night. So no one saw her.

And also so she didn't look crazy… Which she was half sure she was, but it wasn't like anyone else needed to know that.

Every time she went to the village, she always found herself at the same spot. The surroundings changed, but she had committed it to memory. It was almost spiritual to her at this point. No matter what surroundings changed, she always knew exactly where the spot was.

And she always stood in the same spot.

It was here that she and Catra chose their sides.

Where they first fought.

Where Adora lost her.

Being there always brought Adora a sense of melancholy and longing. No matter what good she felt she did for Etheria, a part of her always found itself stuck in this moment. All it really took was the thought of it and everything felt like it weighed a ton of bricks again. To the credit of her friends, she didn't feel like that a lot of the time. They were incredible at keeping her mind off of things like this. It was normally her own mind that pulled her back here. It always made its way through though. And then eventually it became too much for her to ignore, so here she came.

Briefly, Adora closed her eyes. Then she reopened them.

Every moment of it played through in her mind. Seeing the Horde attack. Seeing Catra roll in on a tank, and then leap at her with nothing but relief and joy that she had found her. How excited she was to have found her. How… Catra she was. The Catra Adora knew.

How it turned from joy to confusion. How confusion turned to betrayal.

How betrayal led to anger.

How anger led to… Whatever they were right now.

'You've known these people, for, what, a couple of hours, and now you're going to throw away everything for them?'

Every word Catra had said to Adora was practically inarguable. But Adora knew that she was right. It was so obvious when she looked around that the Horde had lied to them their entire lives. It was wrong. She had to oppose it.

'What happened to you?'

There were so many different ways she could answer that question. Back then, she couldn't answer it.

And she knew that was part of why she was drawn here, time and time again.

Because that was why she lost Catra.

'The Horde has been screwing with us since we were kids, Catra - That's why we need to leave! You can come with me!'

'You didn't seem to care when Shadow Weaver was looking for a punching bag.'

'That isn't true and you know it!'

'It's hard to tell when you're the one leaving me to go back and deal with her crap on my own, Adora!'

'Then come with me!'

'And do what? Play second best to you all over again?'

'You were never second best -'

'And that's not true and you know it.'

It always went like this. The same argument played out in Adora's head, with new words, new arguments, new methods, new… Everything. Anything that she could think to have said, anything to make Catra come with her.

It spoke to how well she knew Catra that she always had counterarguments for her own points.

...It spoke to how much she knew Catra was right.

Even when she didn't want to admit it. It didn't matter how much ground The Rebellion gained…

Being here, having these arguments like this with herself and her imagined version of Catra… It felt like it was the closest that she and her would get again. It was what cursed that compulsion she felt. How she was supposed to explain that was well beyond her. But it was what it was.

Of course, she knew why the compulsion was there. She could just never explain it to anyone else, or why it came when it came. Be it the lack of words to convey it, or the anxiety of telling her friends where her heart was. Not wanting to hear about 'Horde Scum' from Glimmer, or Bow's well-meaning efforts, but efforts that just left Adora feeling worse than she started.

And it was because here she failed someone she loved. The person she loved. More than anyone and anything else.

And she wanted to believe that somehow, if she could find the right words, the right argument, the perfect sentence that would make Catra see that they didn't need to fight like this.

And that this could all just… Stop.

She would do her job as She-Ra, and she would do what The Rebellion needed her to do. She would fight the Horde, and she would win. But she would always feel like she was the one losing.

….Adora would always feel like she was losing.

It was always a dream that sparked that compulsion in Adora. Whenever she woke up, she felt it. And she knew that that was going to end up being her day or she wasn't going to be able to do anything else for the next week.

The same thing happened this time. She woke up, and looked at the ceiling, and she felt it. The compulsion was there. She sighed, and went to sit up.

Only for a weight to keep her down. Her eyes shot open as she was suddenly completely and without question wide awake now as she tried to figure out what the hell was -

"Uuurh…"

Adora blinked and looked to her side.

Catra, with her arm wrapped around Adora.

Oh.

Right.

Her brain had taken a while to actually catch up to reality, but it all hit her mind rapidly, and she relaxed.

The war had ended about two months ago. Catra had defected from the Horde after they rescued her from Horde Prime.

And Catra had told Adora she loved her. And Adora had confessed the same.

And now they were here. Two months later.

...And the compulsion was still there.

Adora turned her head and looked at Catra again. Her hair, shortened from her time in the Galactic Horde, was starting to grow out again in a haphazard manner, split ends and the likes. Her eyes and ears were twitching slightly, probably from Adora's sudden jerk upwards, but they looked like they were calming down a bit now. She was almost firm in how she was holding Adora, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Enough that Adora noticed it now she was awake and aware of her surroundings, but not so much that it hurt. In fact, adora suspected it was an unconscious response to Adora's movement.

Part of it reminded Adora of their days in the Horde, when a younger Catra would curl up next to her while they slept, and on a few occasions, would dare to sneak under the covers and snuggle up next to Adora when she thought the blonde girl was asleep. Always managed to wake up before her though.

It was impossible to not smile at the sight. Catra was adorable.

Things had changed so much since then. So much had changed, so quickly, so suddenly, that it was nearly impossible to fully comprehend it all. From all the fighting in the war, to now, everything about Adora and Catra's relationship had been a spiral of confusion and uncertainty, made all the harder by that yearning in her heart that persisted all the while. Every single fight and battle, every exchange of blows and words… A part of Adora had feared that… That was it.

That commbat was what their relationship was now. That it was going to be the only thing they had - Conflict.

And now here she was, with Catra sleeping on her shoulder. Gentle. Warm. Her guard down. Trusting. She just watched for a while, watching the cute way her ears would occasionally flicker in her sleep. Now that she listened closely, there was a very faint purr that she could hear. That made Adora's heart melt, every time she heard it.

Adora couldn't help it. She loved this girl.

A part of her almost felt guilty - Not guilty enough to actually stop her, though - When she leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the sleeping girls lips. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Then she pulled back.

And now Catra was awake, blinking, and finally her cheeks running red when her brain processed what had just happened. Then the smirk appeared.

"So, is this some Princess thing I've not been told about, or were you just waiting for an excuse to attack me in my sleep?"

Affectionately rolling her eyes at the dramatic use of the word 'attack', Adora just smiled at her girlfriend fondly. "Good morning to you too." She then pulled Catra into a hug, hoping it would get rid of that compulsive feeling that was stirring inside her. It didn't.

It took Catra a moment to respond, but she hugged back after a second. "First thing in a morning? Seriously?" Her tone of voice indicated no irritation whatsoever. More amused bewilderment.

There was a joking nature to it, in a way that still made Adora smile into Catra's neck, where her face had wound up. She didn't give any response to it though, and she didn't let go for a while. It lasted longer than any morning hug that the two had had before.

Still, the compulsion was there. Whatever it was there for, it was there independent of Adora's proximity to Catra, the opposite of what Adora had been hoping for.

How the heck was she supposed to explain this to Catra?

"Er… Adora?" Catra said, confusion obvious in her voice. "Are you still awake or?..."

Wait, how long had Adora been contemplating that? She could have sworn it had only been like, ten seconds.

"Oh!" She let go of Catra, holding her hands up in front of her once she released the other girl. "Sorry." She muttered, trying to hide her own red cheeks now by looking away.

"Er… Not that I'm not a fan of… That." Catra said, tilting her head. She was now cross-legged in front of Adora. "But are you alright? You're acting weird. You sleep alright?"

For a moment, Adora considered exactly how she was supposed to answer that question. She was rested, and she was fine. There was just that… Need to go to Thaymore.

The part of her that always missed Catra, no matter how much they fought when they were on opposite sides of the war, thought that if Catra came back, that everything would just fall into place. That the compulsion would go away. But here it was, and she didn't know why.

How did she explain this though?

"I er…" She started, trying to find… Any words to explain herself. "I-I'm fine."

Catra raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"I erm…" Adora paused again, before giving up and sighing. "Catra, there's… There's somewhere I need to go today."

Catra's ears flickered and she blinked. "Wait, what? Where? Is this like, She-Ra stuff?"

"No, no, it's… Just something I need to do."

Catra blinked again. "You're uh, kinda freaking me out a bit here, Adora." She said, with an added laugh that was very obviously fake.

"Aw. You do care."

Catra immediately threw a pillow at her. "You're the one acting weird, okay?"

"Sorry." Adora apologized, smiling as she tossed the pillow aside. "It's just… I need to go."

"...You never said where."

"...Thaymore."

A pause.

"...Where?"

Adora blinked. Catra had no idea what Thaymore was. Either she didn't remember the name, or she had never been told it by the Horde commanders. It would've almost been funny if it wasn't the site of where everything started.

Her blink took a few seconds, it turned out, since Catra spoke up again before she could respond. "Well, now I'm curious. When're we going?"

We? "Wait, I never said - "

"Too late, you were acting weird." Catra said, cutting Adora off. "Now you're stuck with me. I wanna know what's been making you act so weird, first thing in a morning." She ended the sentence by sticking her tongue out at Adora. An effort to make things less tense then they were now.

Part of Adora wanted to protest, but she thought about it for a moment, and then thought about it. Maybe… Maybe Catra going with her would help? She didn't understand the first thing about this compulsion. Maybe it would help a bit? If this was going to be every few months even with Catra back, and them not being girlfriends, then it was clearly a problem and was going to need to be addressed.

She didn't like having this compulsion. It made her feel weird. Sick, almost.

...Had to be worth a shot, at least?

"...Okay." She nodded, giving in. "I… I'd like to get there when it's dark so… A few hours."

"Got it." Catra nodded. "Anything I should know?"

"...It's where everything started."

There wasn't much else to do on the walk to Thaymore than for Adora to explain everything in as clear and concise a manner as she could. Or at least try to, anyway. The walk was long, and the shrubbery wasn't anything explicitly interesting to look at. It was kind of all they had to chat about

She tried to explain the compulsion that she had felt to go to Thaymore every so often, and how it had messed with her head and her thinking like crazy before she just had to go to the small village. She tried to explain what that compulsion felt like. She tried to explain… Basically anything about the feeling that she could.

All Catra was able to really understand was that Thaymore was where the two of them had chosen their sides. When she learned that, her fur had stood on end. Clearly, if not the name, she remembered the place.

But she didn't back out of her plan to go with Adora. She held to that regardless. And she didn't push Adora for any more information as they made their way there. Still, she would readily confess to being very confused as to why Adora felt the need to go back to that place, of all places.

To which, Adora could only give her her honest answer.

"...I don't know."

Catra gave her a stare, and Adora understood what it meant. How couldn't she know why she felt the need, but knew exactly where to go and what to do? Especially when it was such a specific place. It wasn't like that could be a coincidence,

Adora wished that she knew. In truth, she was just as confused as Catra.

It was dark by the time they reached Thaymore. They had timed it well. Adora couldn't help but notice that it was the first time that Catra really looked like she believed Adora's claims that she'd done this multiple times before.

A compulsion that occasionally drove her to return here at night? It sounded like it was the start to a horror novel.

But here they were, arriving almost at the exact right time to the second. Maybe she had been holding out the hope that this was all just some kind of elaborate prank, and only now just realized that no, Adora was serious, and there was an actual issue here that needed to be addressed.

It was hard to blame her, in all honesty.

Once she was certain that the last civilian had entered their home for the night, Adora stepped over the bushline that they had hidden behind, and into the village itself. "Alright, well…" Adora said, more to herself than anyone else. "Here we are…"

As she stepped out of the bushline, Catra looked around, trying to find a familiar… Anything that would let her piece together roughly where she was, or if she had any memory of being here beforehand. There wasn't any right now/. "It looked…. Different when it was on fire." She said, bluntly. Adora got the feeling that she didn't even really recognize the place.

"It's been a while." Adora explained. "They rebuilt the place, and added some extensions and new buildings. Rearranged the layout and everything. It got pretty badly damaged in the war."

"Right…" Catra noted, remembering the role she had had to play in that.

"...Come on." The blonde nodded her head in the direction they were headed, and began to walk there. Catra followed her, glancing from side to side around her, trying to take in the layout, mostly out of habit at this point.

Thaymore wasn't exactly a large village. It didn't take too long to go from one side of the village to the other. Whenever Adora came here to make the trip for whatever reason, it took her only five minutes at the absolute most. And when they found the spot, it was always with a sense of anticipation and anxiety, like she was afraid of what her own imagination was going to yell at her for. She didn't have that now. What she had was…

...A deep feeling of regret.

For what, she didn't know. But it nearly made her stop walking entirely.

Things felt heavier this time. Much heavier.

She didn't know why.

They passed on final corner. And there it was.

"We're here."

Time had helped to heal the wounds to the land. Where there was dust and rubble and mud that day, now there was grass and greenery. It hadn't been touched by the people of Thaymore, coincidentally. The surroundings were different, but the spot was the same.

"I recognize it now."

Catra spoke softly, and had taken a few steps towards the spot. She scanned the area again, like she was making absolutely certain that she wasn't mistaken. Her fur stood on end again, and her eyes darted from side to side, like she was seeing everything happen in slow motion all over again. Her tail curled.

Taking a few steps forward so she was next to her, Adora took Catra's hand into her own. The pair of them just watched the scene in front of them for a short while. Both of them felt deeply different things, but the area meant the same thing to them.

It was the site of their mistakes.

After a while, one of them found it in them to speak. "...Why do you come here, Adora?" Catra asked, quietly, and while not taking her eyes off of the scene around her. "What exactly did you… Do here?"

"..." Adora glanced at Catra, before letting her head fall. "... I… I used to… Argue…. With myself here."

"...What about?" Catra asked, though it sounded like she had already put the pieces together by now.

"...Trying to stop you from going back to the Horde." It felt like a confession of sin, like she had said something that she had vowed never to tell anyone.

That seemed to be what Catra had come to predict. She didn't say anything after that. She held Adora's hand tighter though, in an effort to offer some comfort. The gesture was appreciated - Adora doubted that Catra was particularly happy here either.

A few moments passed. Then Adora took a step forward. And then another step. Catra followed.

Ten or so steps more, and the pair of them stood exactly where they had been as they argued with one another years ago. Where the choices were made, and where the next few years of their lives played out from.

For a moment, when Adora looked at Catra, she didn't see her girlfriend. She saw the years younger version of the girl whom she had wanted so desperately to convince to leave the Horde and to come with her, to abandon that life. And she saw the anger again. And the fear. And the betrayal.

But now she was older. And smarter. And knew more about everything.

Now she understood the extent of it.

Between learning how Catra was treated firsthand, from the few times Catra would talk about it, to her introspection with the mind of an adult looking back at the memories of a child. She understood what it was that Catra had been arguing. What her life was like in the Horde behind those closed doors, where Adora couldn't see her…

How she could have been there for her. How she could have stopped it. How she could have helped.

But how she didn't. And how it was her fault that Catra had had to grow up in the way that she had. How it was her fault that she hadn't seen the warning signs. How it was her fault she didn't know the words to make Catra come with her.

...There was nothing left to argue though. And she didn't want to argue with Catra anymore.

How much of their lives could have been like the last two months if she had known what to say to get Catra on her side?

How hard would it have been to push Catra that little bit harder?

How hard would it have been to do… Something - Anything - To stop Catra from choosing the path she chose?

But she hadn't done, because she didn't know how to them. Now she did.

And she wanted to kick herself for not getting this sooner.

"Adora?"

Looking up at Catra, Adora realized that she must have been lost in thought. The expression on Catra's face showed… Nothing but concern. A pang of guilt hit her. "Sorry, sorry…. What is it?"

"...You're crying..."

"Huh?" Adora's hand reached up and touched at her cheek, and came into contact with a wet tear. The same finger reached up and touched the corner of her eye. Water then fell down almost freely from her eyes. She was crying.

She knew why this time.

The metaphorical floodgates opened up when she realized what she was doing. Her disposition of unawareness and observation utterly broke to pieces and in its place came a face that was red and messy with tears and sweat. Her jawline clenched, trying to keep the open sobs in. that failed very quickly. Then the open sobbing came, along with the lack of balance.

"A-Adora?!" Catra did the only thing that she could think to do, and that was to try to offer some sort of physical comfort. Her hands made themselves known to Adora's shoulders, to stop her from just collapsing into either her or hitting the ground. She didn't have a clue what she was supposed to say or what she was supposed to do.

Not until Adora spoke.

"Catra… I'm… I'm so, so sorry."

It was guilt.

Soul crushing guilt.

That was what it had always been.

Neither of them had ever really talked about that day in Theymore. It all seemed like distant memories now. So much had happened to everyone over the last few months of the war that going back any further just felt… To a lot of people, unnecessary.

But it weighed on Adora's shoulders. It weighed on her shoulders so heavily that she hadn't even realized it.

How easily she could have stopped this if she just knew then what she knew now.

Guilt that she could have stopped their fighting.

Guilt that her actions caused her so much pain.

Guilt that she hadn't been able to put a word onto it until now.

And a part of her had carried that. Had carried that since the day that she had lost Catra. Had felt in no small part the responsibility of her friend remaining with the Horde. There had to have been a way to bring her back - There had to have been. There had to have been!

Now they were both here again. And when Adora looked at Catra, she couldn't help but feel in some way that she had failed Catra back then. Bits and pieces of Catra's life in the Horde had come up in conversation since…

The fact that she had had to be subjected to that?

How couldn't Adora feel responsibility for it to a degree?

It felt crushing.

"Sorry? What are you even sorry about?" Catra asked her, completely clueless as to what was going on, and what she was even being apologized to for.

"Everything that happened here." Adora forced herself to not be openly sobbing as recounted what happened. "The way I left you here… Catra I - I didn't mean to abandon you back then. I didn't mean to - I didn't know how bad things were between you and Shadow Weaver, I swear. I - If I had been better at… Any of that - Any of it - I might have been able to -"

Catra's hands clasped at Adora's cheeks. They were gentle, careful not to pull at what must have looked like very sore skin. The expression that was in her eyes though was one of seriousness. Determinism.

"Adora. Stop."

A pause. For a moment, Adora's tears themselves halted in her tear ducts. The pair of them locked their eyes.

"You don't owe me an apology for what happened here. I don't know why you think you do but you don't. I… I made my choice. Not you. You're not responsible for that."

"I could have done something! You..." The tears started rolling again. "... You told me how bad things got at the Horde… You… You wouldn't have had to go through all of that…"

"...This really is just like you. You know what?"

"H-Huh?"

Suddenly, Catra was smiling. A soft, gentle smile. And her expression was warm. Like the one she had made when she had first woken up today.

"You always tried to play the Hero. Even before you ended up being She-Ra. Always taking on all the problems in the world." She spoke with a slight flair for the dramatic. Nonetheless, she didn't stop smiling. "And now you're trying to do this with the past? It's annoying."

"H - Hey!"

"...I don't know if there was anything that you could have said back then."

The admission almost stung Adora.

"I was angry… And I don't think you were ever going to calm me down." Catra sighed. Her ears pressed against her head. "I… I don't… Understand this compulsion you say you've had. But you said that you were arguing against me like you were trying to convince me to leave the Horde, right? Well… I'm here now." Her smile returned. "And it's because of you that I'm here now."

"Catra…"

Being open with emotions and thoughts like this wasn't an easy job for Catra. It was something that she had tried to not do for the majority of her life. Getting to this point had taken a lot of work, and it was clear that Catra saw the struggle that was going on in Adora's head. Even if it didn't make much sense to her.

"If…. If it wasn't for you, I don't even know if I'd be here." Catra admitted, shuddering as she thought back to the Galactic Horde. "I feel like we can call that even, don't you?"

"I… I just…. I wish that I could have done… Something back then."

"...I'm not sure I like thinking about what could have been." Catra said. She learned her head in, and rested her forehead against Adora's. The sudden contact made the blonde blush slightly, but she relaxed quickly. "Not anymore. Not when I have this."

"...Heh."

"...What."

"It's just… It's weird seeing you be this sentimental."

"The one time I'm like this." Catra pulled her head back to give Adora a dramatic disapproving look. "The one time."

"I mean… I'd be pretty happy if you were like this more. It's… Cute."

"How many times do I have to tell you to not call me cute?"

"Well I mean, if you stop being cute…"

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm like this with you."

That caused the pair of them to laugh, even though Catra hadn't actually said anything particularly funny. It was just…. The closeness of it, Adora supposed. Because it was Catra who had said it.

"...Do you feel any better?" The short-haired girl asked.

Adora did, she noticed. It was odd. Normally when she felt the urge to come to Thaymore, and she argued against herself to deal with the compulsion, she left feeling heavy still. It wasn't until the next day that she felt like her old self again.

But it was different this time. Now she felt good. Lighter. Like a burden had been lifted from her. It wasn't like the guilt or the desire to have a different way in which things went down had gone, but…

...It was Catra. It was hard to not feel better just being around Catra.

"I… Yeah. Yeah, I think so." She smiled. "...Thank you, Catra." Her head rested against Carta's shoulder. "Thanks."

"...Glad we came all this way for a five minute stay then." Catra said, sarcastically. "And now we've gotta go all the way back to Bright Moon…"

"I could try calling Swift Wind."

"Yeah no I'm pretty sure that thing tries to kill me every time I fly on him."

Another laugh.

The compulsion didn't show up again after five months.

The next time it returned, it was five years later.

And Adora knew exactly what the reason was that time.

That time, it was to ask a question.

And the answer to it would be yes.

Okay so I did this for a competition on the Extalia writing Discord server in about a day while working off of being awake for 24 hours - I dunno if this is my best work but given the parameters I think I managed well enough.

I've always had a bit of a compulsion to climb to the top of the hills I live nearby and just look out at the area around me. And I'm a fan of sentimental areas so, I figured this would be interesting. I came up with it at like, 5am so, may not be the most thought out fic in the world. I may come back and edit it at a later date, but this is what I've got for it now. Theres a lot of fics with catra being the emotionally incapable one, so I thought switching it up a bit might be interesting. Let me know if you liked it.

To be honest I don't have much else to say for this one. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I'll see you all next time - See ya!