Locked Heart Five

~*~*~*~

     I can feel his breath at the back of my neck as he whispers to me, his voice chilling, making the freezing night wind a warm breeze in comparison. I'm shivering too much, and my mind feels too shocked to register any more information. And I… I really don't want to believe this is happening right now.

     "My doll… it's been quite some time since we've been alone together like this ne?" Muraki seductively whispers to my ear.

     "What do you want from me now?" He took everything from me… isn't he satisfied already?

     "I want my doll back." He whispers, straightforward. He removes his arms around my shoulders and settles himself beside me, and begins to playfully caress my cheek.

     "Lovely… you're more beautiful than when we first met."

     Then he wipes my tears away with his thumb.

     "Tears don't suit you… especially if I'm not the reason why you're crying." He says with a seemingly gentle smile. A demon's smile.

     I don't like this. Someone… anyone… please, take me away from him. I don't want to go through that again. That night… and those three hellish years that followed. I don't want to remember. Please… help me. I want to scream, to beg for help, but I feel frozen on my seat. I'm beginning to shiver again. This coldness, where does it come from? Is it from the wind? Or is it from the person beside me?

     Such a deep, dark and cold soul…

     But sometimes… why do I feel comfortable in his coldness? Like the cool breeze that I always sought comfort in at night, when I was still alive. Is it because I've been used to the cold, having lived all by myself at that dark cellar for thirteen years? Or is it because I…

    I snap back into my senses as I suddenly feel something pressed on my lips… his lips.

     And I instinctively push him away.

     "Wha… what do you think you're doing?" I hissed rather harshly.

     "I can't resist it. Your eyes… they hypnotize me. Especially when you stare at me like that, lost in your thoughts." He replies coolly. "Were you thinking about me?" he adds with an annoying smirk.

     "Why would I?" I retort, raising an eyebrow at him.

     "Because you love me."

     Four words… only four damned words but how did it manage to rapidly increase my heartbeat and make my cheeks the reddest object in the universe? I can't breathe. Damn it. What the hell's wrong with me? This person… why did he just say that? I just don't understand him. Did he say that because it's true? No way…

     "Liar." The word slips out from my tongue.

     "Oh? What makes you think that?" He asks, yet again with that annoying smile.

     "You always deceived Tsuzuki. What reason would I have to believe you?" I ask him, narrowing my eyes. I can remember only too well the Queen Camellia case, where he managed to make all of us believe he's dead, only to find out that he was the murderer all along. And poor Tsubaki-hime… just another broken toy for him.

     "I can lie to Tsuzuki-san or any other person for as much as I like. But let me tell you one thing… I never lie to you." He says, looking at me straight in the eyes.

     This guy… just where's he getting at? I hate him. Why does he always love to torture me like this… more than physically, but psychologically… emotionally- my weakest point.

     'Why am I always
     Being tormented by this man...
     Bound by thread even when the fingers are gone, can a puppet not return to being human again?' *

     "Why don't you just leave me alone…? I'm tired… I'm very tired… Just go away." I suddenly voice out before I even realized what I was doing. It's true. I want to quit playing games… especially his games.

     "How many times do I have to tell you? I'll never do that. You and I are bound… and we will be… forever." And he comes closer and pulls me into a tight hug.

     "Or perhaps… you need me to remind you?" He whispers in my ear with a tone of voice that sends my blood to feel like ice.

     "After all… tonight, the moon is red like blood. Just like… that time."

     I look up, and to my horror, what he said was true. And he starts to nip on my neck. I don't want this… I really don't want this… help me… please…

     Ne, Hisoka… I want you to understand…*

     Tsubaki's last words start to echo in my ears…

     I didn't love a criminal…*

     Now… I'm beginning to doubt it… What she said…

     I…loved a human.*

     I wonder if she was wrong…

     If this person really is a human as Tsubaki claims him to be… Then why… How could he make me suffer like this?

~*~*~*~

     "… soka… Hisoka…"

     My head hurts… I feel so cold… and yet I can feel my skin burning…

     "Hisoka…"

     Someone's shaking my shoulders… as if… trying to wake me up…?

     "Hey… Hisoka… are you okay?"

     Dark… oh, my eyes are shut. No wonder. My eyelids feel so heavy… force my eyes open. And I squint at the light. When the surroundings begin to register, I realize that I'm in a very soft bed, and a little lampshade is dimly lighting the room. Tsuzuki's sitting beside me and holding my shoulders. He's looking down at me worriedly, and I can strongly feel the emotions pouring out from him.

     Concern and regret…

     And it hurts.  

     "Tsuzuki… your shields…" I utter weakly. I'm really so pathetic.

     "Oh! So… sorry." He closes his eyes in concentration and I can feel him slowly building up his mental barriers. "Better?" he asks with a simple smile.

     I nod.

     A minute of awkward silence passes then suddenly, bits of what happened earlier start to come back. I suddenly grasp Tsuzuki's arm. He abruptly looks at me with a startled expression on his face and holds my hand.

     "What's wrong?"

     "Mu… Muraki… where is he? How did I get away from him?" I ask him, not bothering to hide the worry and anxiety from my quivering voice.

     He looks at me as if I'd grown flowers on my head then gently smiles.

     "What are you talking about, Hisoka? I know he's still alive… but he hasn't been anywhere near us." He calmly states.

     "But… but I saw him. Didn't you? He was right there! At the bus stop!" I frantically try to convince him then my voice weakens. "And he… he…" I trail off. I can feel my arms move and I unconsciously hug myself.

    He pulls me into a hug and gently strokes my hair.

     "Nothing happened Hisoka. No one was there at the bus stop when I found you, asleep. But when I brought you here, you began to thrash about, like you were trapped in a nightmare. That's why I woke you up." He explains.

     So… it was all a dream huh? But it felt so real… I still feel so disoriented. But then, I dare myself to hope.

     "Tsuzuki… everything that happened… it was all just part of my dream right…?" I stop before I hesitantly continue. "We didn't have a fight right? You… you didn't call me… something bad… did you?" I look at him with desperate eyes.

    But he sadly looks away.

     "Oh that… It was real. It happened, Hisoka. After that was when you ran away… and probably, because of the long time I took to find you, you fell asleep." He says, trying to avoid my eyes. Then I feel him muster up a lot of determination and he looks straight into my eyes as he speaks.

     "But Hisoka, I want you to know that I didn't mean it." He holds my hands tightly and speaks with all his heart. "I'm sorry."

     This time, I'm the one who looks away.

     "You don't have to apologize for something that you said if it's true."

     My voice feels so distant. My eyelids are beginning to shudder again.

     Tsuzuki looks at me with a stunned face. "What do you mean?" He asks with voice barely above a whisper.

     "That night… when Muraki took my life… he also took everything away from me…"

     The first drop… followed by a second one… then the third… fresh tears once again freely flow down my cheeks.

     "And I mean everything, Tsuzuki… everything…"

     I pull my hands away from his and hug myself.

     The pain…

     The shame…

     That weakness… not being able to defend myself…

     Not being able to prevent it from happening…

     And the memories… the everlasting mark… that will forever haunt me… for as long as I live…

     "The curse carved onto your body, permeating to your bones and tissue, even if you were reduced to a cell, it would still return. My little puppet that dances by my whim..." *

     He really… would never leave me alone. Should I accept that fate? Should I be resigned to the idea that I will forever be…

     His 'doll'…?

     "So you were right, Tsuzuki… I am a slut…" I sob.

     "Muraki's slut…"

      And I let my sobs take over me. I can't breathe anymore… Muraki's hold on me is so tight that I know… I have no escape. So all I can do is cry… It always helps. It makes me feel even just a wee bit better. Besides, it's always like this. Whenever I remember that and fall into that nightmare…

     Though there's no reason for anyone to come save me, I can only scream into the night. *

     Tsuzuki then pulls me into a warm embrace. He kisses my forehead and strokes my back, helping to ease my breathing.

     "Hisoka… do you remember when we were together outside the infirmary, after our case in Kyoto…?" He gently asks. He continues to stroke my back, then I feel his hand rise up and gently run his fingers through my hair. "You told me that someday, you'll surpass him. Do you remember what I told you in answer to that?"

    He pulls away and cups my face, making me look straight into his eyes.

     "That 'Together… we can do it.'… and I firmly believe that. Hisoka… you are not weak…" he gently affirms, then continues with a joking smile. "…as you so love to think of yourself."

     He holds my hands again, and speaks to me with a serious voice.

     "Besides… I have a confession to make. This evening, when we were arguing, wrong words came out of my mouth. Let me finish what I was really supposed to say, Hisoka. And this time, I promise, I won't screw up." He begins with a kind smile.

     "I didn't like seeing someone hug you because it makes me feel jealous."

     Jealous…? Why?

     And he continues, as if he heard my unspoken question.

     "Because I…"

     He draws closer to me, our faces barely inches apart.

     "I love you."

     And he seals those three words with a kiss.

     My very first kiss…

     Our very first kiss.

~*~*~*~

* King of Swords arc. Translations courtesy of theria.

There! I managed to finish another chap in what… two hours? But the brainstorming I had to do to come up with the idea took what… 2 years? Kidding. XD But I think it took me fairly a week or so to form half of this chap in my head. The other half I did on the spot.

Well, I just hope I didn't screw it up. Let me know what you think will you? Please? I'll beg if I have to. Just let me know the good and bad sides of this chapter, okay? So that I don't end up screwing the next ones… ^^

Also, if you might have noticed, I changed the summary. It's because I did some revisions to the plot.