Yes, I have lost what little sanity I had left. It's the only excuse.
Edited 11:30 AM, Thursday 18th August 2005
How to Rescue Harry From a Brick With Only Eleven People
By SilverWolf7007
Chapter One: Bricks are Bad
Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore had called a truce. Not the first thing anyone was expecting them to do. And it was all because some psychopath was trying to take over the world.
This threat actually had a motto, which was "I want to take over the world, but I'll settle for Scotland for now."
He was complete evil; there was nothing good about him. And he had done something that was unforgivable.
Something that had brought the wizarding worlds most bitter enemies and complete opposites together.
Something that made Voldemort forget about killing Muggles and Muggleborns.
Something that made the Ministry of Magic forget about capturing Sirius Black, and ignore the fact that he was a criminal on the run when he was helping them track down this terrible monster.
Something that made Dumbledore forget about killing Voldemort.
Something that caused every single wizard and witch to call and alliance.
He had kidnapped Harry Potter.
His name was Brickie, and he was the Lord High Brick of Brickland. He was a brick.
The Alliance Against Brickie, or the AAB as they were called, were meeting in a neutral place: a strategically placed large shack in the Forbidden Forest, owned by a vampire named Sylvan. He and his housemates, who lived not far away, were also part of the AAB.
The AAB were seated around a large table. At each end were Dumbledore and Voldemort, with the other members between them.
Everyone had been surprised when Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black hadn't shown up for the AAB meetings. It was extremely unusual for those four not to get involved.
"I call this meeting of the Alliance Against Brickie to order," Fudge called. Everyone ignored him, because he's an idiot.
"Okay people, settle down and listen!" a voice called. Everyone shut up and turned to a glaring vampire. Sylvan nodded in satisfaction. "Now, why don't we all listen to what Dumbledore has to say?"
Everyone turned to look at the Headmaster of Hogwarts. "We called this meeting because we believe that we know where Brickie is hiding, and we are looking for someone to volunteer to rescue Harry."
There was complete silence, indicating that no one was really willing to risk their lives and sanity to rescue the Boy-Who-Lived from the insane block.
"Oh for my sake!" James cried. He was one of Sylvan's vampire friends, extremely self-centred, and slightly crazy. "Aren't any of you daft idiots going to rescue the poor kid? He's probably being tortured right now!"
Off in Brickie's Evil Lair...
Harry was staring transfixed in horror at a large rabbit dressed in a purple dinosaur suit.
"I love you, you love me..." it continued to sing the Barney song.
"It's worse than a large fluffy bunny rabbit, it's a large fluffy bunny rabbit in a Barney suit," Harry muttered, sounding terrified, and yet strangely fascinated.
The sound of evil laughter drifts to his ears from the direction of Brickie's bedroom.
"My boss is pure evil," commented Brickie's left hand man, Mr Psychiatrist. Then he looked confused. "What did I just say?"
Dr Brian, Brickie's right hand man, rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it. You're very forgetful, aren't you?"
"I don't know, I can't remember. Am I?"
"I rest my case."
Harry shuddered as the Barney/bunny continued to sing. He sincerely hoped that someone would come to save him soon. He'd even rather Voldemort and the Cruciatus Curse to Brickie and his torture methods.
"James isright, much as it pains me to admit it," someone said from the doorway. "You people are a bunch of pansies."
Everyone turned, and they were shocked to see Sirius standing there, along with Lucius, Severus and Remus. They were all alive, unhurt, and even seemed to be getting along, due to the significant lack of Death Glares.
"What are you lot doing here?" Voldemort asked.
Remus glanced at Lucius, who stepped forward. "We've been planning, plotting, searching, finding, scheming, and finally we've come to a decision."
"Which is?" McGonagall queried.
"We have decided to go on a quest to save Harry from the clutches of Brickie," Sirius announced.
"And unlike you lot, we'll actually succeed, due to the fact that we have resolved our differences," Severus continued.
"And we even have a system of order. I mean, at least we know who's in charge," Lucius added, smirking at Fudge, Dumbledore and Voldemort.
"Really?" Arthur Weasley said incredulously. "You mean to tell us that the four of you actually picked a leader?"
The four nodded.
"Who?" Dumbledore questioned. "And how?"
"Well, our leader was pretty much taking over the show anyway, giving out jobs, orders, and information from the very beginning." Sirius turned and grinned at Remus. "He's the only reason that none of us are dead."
"Remus? You're the leader?" Molly said.
The werewolf nodded. "I am. This lot actually listen to me, if you can believe it. Anyway, back to business. We're here for a reason. We were wondering, would anyone want to come on our quest and help rescue Harry?"
There was silence for a minute.
"I'll come," two voices said.
Sirius groaned. "I thought you might."
James and Sylvan grinned, standing up and joining the other four by the doorway.
"Anyone else?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, all right," two more voices replied. Hermione and Draco glared at each other, but stood up.
No one else volunteered.
"We'll just be leaving then," Lucius said, turning to go.
"Wait!" three voices cried.
Fred, George and Percy Weasley stood up and joined the group going to save Harry.
"Bye!" the group called.
"Good luck!" yelled the Dark Lord and the Headmaster.
What do you think? Worth continuing?
Please review!
S. Wolf