Summary: The misadventures of Granger and Snapeasaurus started with the drabble and art of Hermione and her Megalosaurus!Snape. The original art is posted on the AO3 account since FF dot net does not approve of such shenanigans.

Beta Love: No beta, no love *Sobs uncontrollably* Nope, caught again! Dragon and the Rose.

Warnings: Probably crack, AU, all that jazz.

The Misadventures of Snapeasaurus

If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

It had been a tiring day, all and all, and finding enough food to feed a hungry megalosaurus was hard enough when people frowned on you predating on their cows, sheep, or the occasional variety of hoofed snacks on legs.

At least, she thought, she never had to worry about being cold, for the dinosaur's warm insulating feathers always seemed just enough to make sleep comfortable.

Professor Snape had, to his credit, not eaten Neville after the incident, but it hadn't been for lack of trying.

No, Hermione had managed to in a fit of accidental and fear-for-Neville's-life-what-else-was-new-bloody-hell-what-now that had broken through the Apparition wards and transported them to a far-off shore where the otters were too quick to be eaten but the nearby dead whale had been perfectly convenient enough to suffice.

Stasis charms, disillusionment, and the ever underestimated but highly valued air-freshening charm didn't hurt either. Being the daughter of a dentist had helped keep the dinosaur's teeth free of tendon and bone stuck between his teeth and helped his rather rancid whale-breath.

Oddly, once his hunger and violent desire to murder Neville Longbottom had been eased, Professor Snape had seemed to have a strangely protective demeanour. He followed her around with a mild stompy stompy stompy gait, and when she wasn't going quite fast enough for his taste, he wedged himself under her and carried her as he plodding along back towards Hogwarts.

It was going to take a few days, Hermione figured. Her wand was back at Hogwarts, probably covered in exploded potion like half the room before her magic had prevented Professor Snape from eating Neville. She had a rudimentary ability to cast wandless magic, but it seemed that while she could practice magical dentistry, freshen her professor's carnivore breath, preserve food, and disillusion herself and one irritated Jurassic period Great Lizard, Apparition (on purpose, anyway) was not happening.

She wasn't licensed, anyway, and she really didn't want to add "splinched potions professor" to her resume of things he would undoubtedly take points off for the moment he was returned to normal.

Her attempts at producing a Patronus had always been with a wand, and her attempt to conjure a happy memory was hard enough with a wand when you weren't cross-country trekking with a dinosaur across Scotland.

Strangely, she found herself appreciating Professor Snape's company, and even more strangely, he seemed more tolerant of her talking to herself and to him when he was a dinosaur.

At least he wasn't trying to eat her.

All bets were off when they returned back to Hogwarts.

She really hoped Neville had enough sense to stay far, far away for—

Well however long it took the Potions master to stop holding a grudge.

Snape started, the warm draft of air from his nostrils moving about her hair wildly.

Could he read her mind?

She placed a hand between his eye ridges and carressed the feathery coating of down-like feathers. He seemed to appreciate it, his eyes half-closing and his mouth parted in enjoyment. His leg did a little twitch like the hindquarters of a dog when you got just the right spot scratched.

A tingle of something rose in her chest, and she felt a warmth fill her as her body seemed to vibrate.

Her body seemed to be made of light as a Patronus emerged from her body like a spirit walking through her—

It was a Megalosaurus.

The great Patronus roared and hared off towards Hogwarts and hopefully help.

Professor Snape was staring at her, his reptilian eyes seeming to look into her soul.

"Seems you're my happiest memory, Professor," Hermione said. "I hope you don't mind." She smiled at him weakly.

Professor Snape seemed to sniff before he shoved his head against her for more eye ridge scratches.

Hermione, smiling, obliged.

When the Aurors arrived to return them both to Hogwarts, it took some extra convincing on their part that they weren't trying to harm Hermione. They had sent their most efficient and talented Aurors, and they had looked like a cross between rough, severe, scowl, and menace.

Hermione could feel Snape's protective fury as he manoeuvred in front of her and kept her behind his legs, and she was happy to be protected judging by their appearance.

No wonder no one liked Aurors.

Sheesh.

They were scary.

The irony that she'd find comfort from the admittedly far scarier Professor Snape wasn't lost on her.

She placed her hand on Snape's leg, and his head was on a swivel, his sharp teeth snapping when the Aurors attempted to advance.

When they tried to bring out their wands, Snape's ire seemed all the more stoked, and when Hermione cringed behind him as she begged them to put down their wands—

Neither the Aurors nor Professor Snape seemed all that eager to put aside their aggression towards the other party.

But when one Auror seemed to have enough of the standoff, he loosed a spell directly at the "creature's" face.

"NO!" Hermione cried, rushing forward to throw herself in front of it. "Don't hurt Professor Snape!"

There was a stunned silence as Hermione's body jerked and twisted, scores of deep cuts appearing all over her small frame as she let out a pained yelp and whimper. Her body fell to the ground in front of the Aurors and one shocked megalosaurus.

The dinosaur's nostrils flared as he nudged her gently. Blood smeared down his snout where her wounds painted his feathers crimson, staining them so darkly that it looked like tar.

Nudge.

Nothing.

Nudge, nudge.

Nothing.

The dinosaur gave a low, mournful-sounding chuff, his nose pressed into the curve of her hand and nudged again in a self-petting movement.

Lips pulled sharply back from his fangs, which were now dripping with whetted ire and saliva.

His black eyes seemed to scream of the yawning Abyss as he let out an unnaturally loud roaring shriek of absolute fury.

The Aurors might as well have been fighting a Nundu for all the good their magic did them as the incredibly pissed off megalosaurus proceeded to go about claiming his pound of flesh from each of their unworthy hides with extreme prejudice.

"What the hell is going on here, Albus?" Minerva asked, wringing her hands together as she took in the sight of a heavily bandaged Hermione Granger lying motionless on the infirmary bed.

The other beds had been moved away to make room for one highly intimidating wall of reptilian black and deep green feathers and scales. Despite the absolutely terrifying change in physical appearance, Minerva had no problem recognising that familiar dark, umbral gaze.

The dinosaur had his head laying next to Granger's still, mummified form. Her body smelled of liniments and medicines from Poppy's care. He'd tucked Granger in next to his body, allowing his feather-covered tail to wrap around her in a secure protective embrace. Her hand curved naturally over his snout, seeming so utterly small and fragile against the reptile's considerably larger size.

Albus was stroking his beard again. The compulsion seemingly increased with the power of his knitted eyebrows. "I believe Miss Granger has formed a most unexpected bond with our Severus, Minerva."

Minerva looked at the infirmary full of moaning groaning Aurors and back at Severus. Severus gave her a steely gaze that spoke of predatory ferociousness and sheer protective wrath. "But why are there so many injured Aurors in our infirmary? Why is Severus a— a— whatever in Merlin's name that is?!"

Severus' expression was thunderous, and the tightening of his lips over his multiple rows of intimidating teeth did not help in the slightest.

"Megalosaurus," Albus sighed. "From what our friends in the DoM have been able to determine.."

"Why on earth is the Department of Mysteries involved in this?" Minerva's voice was getting rather shrill, something quite uncharacteristic of the normally cool-headed transfiguration professor and Deputy Headmistress.

"Well, the forcible transformation into a dinosaur is a bit of a mystery, Minerva," Albus said with a shrug. "They think it could have been an Animagus form had he actually studied to become one, but thanks to Mr Longbottom's most unfortunate experimentation in potions class—"

"Is that why Mr Longbottom hasn't left Gryffindor tower for a solid week now? He refuses to talk to me about it. He refuses to set foot out of the tower at all, not for classes or even meals. The boy claims he's going to die."

The megalosaurus snorted at that, his tail wrapping a little tighter around Hermione.

"Not for lack of trying, I understand," Albus commented, fighting back an amused twinkle. "The boy may be proven right if he dares show his face around Severus while he's trapped in this form. The instinct to eat him is apparently very, very strong indeed."

Minerva's eyes widened. "Why are we having this conversation so calmly?"

Albus took in a deep breath and let it out. "Severus seems perfectly rational when Miss Granger is there to temper his primitive instincts."

"But why Miss Granger? Can't we have one of the staff stay with him?!" Minerva looked at the protective curl of his tail around Granger's body and Severus' narrow-eyed murderous expression. He looked like he was going to stand, and a low, reverberating growl started to gather in his throat.

Hermione's small hand touched his nose, gently stroking his scales and feathers, even in her half-aware state, and the megalosaurus settled again, his eyes never leaving Minerva.

To Minerva's horror, the young witch seemed to sigh and snuggle into the beast's warmth, tucking herself deep into his thick coat of warm, downy feathers.

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be a very good idea," Albus said after a long moment. "The bond between then is very tight."

"What bond?" Minerva's frustration seemed to grow even more.

"Minerva, please," Albus sighed. "I have no clue as to the nature of it or what caused it. That is part of the reason why the DoM is currently looking into the situation. Now, I certainly do realise that you are quite understandably concerned for young Miss Granger's welfare, but the fact of the matter is that they survived out there in the wilds for over a week, never once drawing attention to themselves. She was only injured when the Aurors arrived on the scene to rescue them and hadn't realised our Severus was now— well, an exceedingly large reptile."

The agitated stomping of dragonhide boots on the flagstone floor signalled the arrival of Alastor Moody as he stormed in on a black cloud of righteous fury. "Snape!" he hissed. "What's this I hear about you transforming yourself into some ruddy beast in an attempt to manipulate an innocent girl?"

Glittering motes of magic seemed to dance around Granger's supine form as she curled even tighter into a foetal position, her hands going over her ears to cover them in an effort to drown out the racket.

Snape's low growl made the bed shake as he tucked Granger under his head.

"This farce has gone on long enough. Bad enough you're a bloody Dark wizard, but now you're using this ruddy cock-up to your perverted advantage, and I won't stand for it," Moody snarled.

"Alastor, no—" Albus attempted to warn the Auror, going for his own wand.

SMACK!

Snape's tail whipped out and sent the Auror careening out the open infirmary window, bouncing off a nearby tree into a very unhappy Whomping Willow, which promptly, well, whomped him, sending Moody flying arse over tit into Black Lake to land in the tentacles of a baffled-looking giant squid.

Albus furrowed his brows. "Was that truly necessary, Severus?"

Hermione touched Snape's snout and patted it comfortingly. "He says it could have been much worse."

Dumbledore and Minerva looked at Hermione like she'd grown a second head.

"May I go back to sleep, Professor?"

Severus laid his head back over her, tucking her securely against his body. The unmistakable flare of warm, soothing magic resonated between them.

"Mmm," Hermione mumbled, falling back into sleep.

Albus and Minerva stared at each other, neither knowing what to do or say.

"Professor Snape would like everyone to take a seat and— be silent," Hermione said a little awkwardly as she sat at a small desk next to Snape's larger teaching desk. "Today's lesson is on the all-purpose anti-venin potion. The instructions are on the board."

Snape let out a barking snarl.

"And he wishes you to know that if you think being a huge dinosaur in a classroom will excuse you from paying proper attention, Mr Potter, you will find yourself serving detention along with Mr Longbottom, who will be—"

Hermione turned to face the megalosaurus. "Professor—"

The dinosaur gave her a pointed look.

Hermione sighed. "Serving detention until he's as old as Headmaster Dumbledore."

Neville tried to merge with the floor as Harry looked constipated.

Ron, unable to keep his big mouth shut, blurted out, "Oi, Hermione! Why are you teaching the ruddy class? It's not like you're a teacher!"

Hermione winced, looking at the wrathful Snape. Her head hurt from his stream of epithets, and he seemed somewhat mollified by her pain. He nosed her hand, apologetically. "Professor Snape would like you to remember that he is the one teaching this class, and if you have any complaints, you are welcome to discuss them with the headmaster."

Hermione opened up her book and gathered up her materials. "Time starts now. Place your finished potions on Professor Snape's desk for evaluation. Those that fail to do so will give him three feet of parchment on the clinical uses of anti-venin potions outside the most obvious use, that of treating a patient who suffered an attack from some species of venomous creature. You may begin."

No one moved.

Snape barked a vicious snarl.

"Now," Hermione added sharply.

Students quickly scattered to obey.

And so began the journey of one Hermione Jean Granger, megalosaurus translator, potions apprentice, teaching assistant, former Gryffindor, adopted member of Slytherin, and the most important thing of all, according to the completely cowed students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: She-Who-Somehow-Kept-Snape-From-Murdering-Everyone.

Hermione hastily scribbled a flurry of notes into her journal as she studied her latest assignment and poor Professor Snape endured what must have been the most epically boring faculty meeting he'd ever attended. She could practically feel the weariness dripping off his aura, and it was only his comforting warmth pressed against her that reminded her that he was calm if only for her being there.

That was a revelation she'd never seen coming.

All attempts to reverse the "condition" on Snape had ended with the unlucky curse-breakers breaking out in colourful feathers in embarrassing places, or turned them into various colours of Compsognathus longpipes, a small turkey-sized dinosaur that hadn't been seen since the Tithonian age in the late Jurassic period.

Dinosaurs that, unfortunately for them, were much lower on the food chain than the Megalosaurus, a fact of which Snape very quickly reminded them.

As long as Hermione was there, in physical contact pretty much at all times, the only exceptions being him pacing and growling impatiently outside her lavatory door, his instinctive need to predate on "anything smaller than himself" was kept safely under wraps.

Without her—

Well, at least they had stopped trying after the first few disastrous attempts.

Dumbledore had authorised her apprenticeship and resorting, and Snape became her sole teacher in all things save Divination, which Hermione had sworn off anyway and Arithmancy, which she attended with Snape close by.

Many weren't sure if Hermione had managed to pick up Snape's notoriously horrible vernacular or if she was simply directly translating what the dour wizard was saying to her. No one understood how or why she could understand him when no one else could. They'd tried multiple things, even having Minerva try changing into a cat to speak with him. It hadn't ended well. Minerva was "small" and all-too-conveniently "snack-sized."

So, Snape because her living desk and chair, and she used his back as a table and tail as a seat or just propped herself up against his warm side and listened to the lecture with a portable wooden lap desk nestled on her knees.

Lessons, Hermione found out to her pleasure, were so much more relaxing with one on one teaching, and Snape was, even more strangely, a patient teacher when he wasn't in a classroom setting with people trying to blow him and their fellow students to smithereens. The teasing and otherwise malicious pranking had disappeared completely (she couldn't imagine why), and no one dared bother her when she wanted to study.

She ended up, since she was his main translator, becoming privy to the true face of Slytherin, which included everything from midlife crises (who knew that could happen as a teenager) and wailing over what were often frankly horrific arranged marriages.

Hermione began to truly— understand.

She kept all that she learned under lock and key and a permanent sealing charm in her head, and that garnered her appreciation and true respect amongst the Slytherin who thought she would run off and tell their secrets but also resulted in her earning the ever-growing ire of Gryffindor who thought her loyalty should have stayed where it belonged: with them.

But her loyalty had been irrevocably sealed, unbeknownst to them, not to Slytherin but to Severus Snape.

She had fallen into the depths of a mind so complex that it fascinated her like a library of forgotten and neglected books. She roamed the pathways of his presence like a cherished and beloved book, and she found she couldn't even contemplate sleeping if not for his presence nestled against her.

She'd learned to go "hunting" with him, clinging to his feathered back as he tore off through the Dark Forest in chase of prey— prey that found that having eight legs and huge size did absolutely nothing to protect against a hungry megalosaurus, whose hide was impervious to their fangs and whose teeth and dagger claws ripped open their bodies like a hot knife through butter.

Hagrid was in tears, for some reason, which Hermione could not fathom.

The centaur applauded him as a herd-hero.

Hermione was given special permission to visit the centaur (and the Forbidden Forest), and they taught her the ancient art of bowmaking and spearmaking to assist "on the hunt" as well as leatherworking to make a suitable harness to help keep her glued to Snape's back when he was going at a full run.

Snape tolerated it much as he tolerated her, making chuffing noises and low growls, but only her hand ever touched his body, rubbed his eye ridges, and even placed her hands into his mouth to clean his teeth.

Whatever odd looks they might have given her to be on the green with a giant toothbrush to clean all of his dagger teeth to a glistening opal finish ended with Snape's predatory look and low, rumbling growl as he held still for her attentions. She bathed him in the lake, sudding him down and then meticulously oiling his scaled hide afterwards until he was shining with health.

Perhaps, some of the student and staff might have made the comment that Snape had never looked so healthy before if not for the dutiful attention of Hermione Granger. She filed and tended his talons until they shined, and then she would comb his feathers until they were free of random debris and disarray.

Her hair, however, thanks to his snuffling and random experimental chomp-licks, was a disaster that even the best hair tonic had nothing but futile flailing about trying to solve. Granger's grades had never been better; however, and no one had ever accused Snape of playing favourites before or after his transformation.

Being a megalosaurus wasn't hindering his dangerous reputation in the slightest.

No, definitely not.

And, perhaps, a certain old wizard was thinking it was all for the better, even if those like Minerva were still trying very hard to figure out how to get her cub back and Severus back to "normal."

"The bond is far stronger than a mere curse, cat-witch," Magorian said as he crossed his arms across his chest. He gestured to where Hermione was standing on top of Snape's back to reach the higher branches and the tasty pine nuts that were well out of reach for normal land walkers. "Their stars are tightly bound."

"It's just not natural," Minerva protested. "The change was an unfortunate accident."

"Was it really?" Magorian replied, his lips pressed firmly into a flat line. "I think you are too deeply rooted like the ancient oak, but your roots are bound and unhealthy. Look at how in sync they are. How much at ease. Ever since he first ran into the forest to escape your favoured ones, he has never been so strong and healthy. He does not brood as he once did; his gaze firmly locked on the ground instead of the heavens. Look at how she is? Confident. Brazen. Yet she still listens to his guidance. She respects our ways. She keeps her eyes on the stars and planets as well as the ground as a proper foal should."

"But we have no idea what he is teaching her! It could all be in her head!"

"Professor Snape kindly asks you to butt the hell out, Minerva," Hermione said, her kinder voice having taken on the odd tinge of Snape's scathing tones. Hermione's amber eyes were glowing, and motes of wild magic danced around her hair and arms, moving down her body as the sun's burning fires flared and ebbed. Hermione looked down at Snape as she pulled another pinecone down. "Are you sure? She's a teacher!"

Hermione's face twisted with some inner conflict, but then she sighed and looked over at Minerva. "And I would kindly ask you to go fuck a sodding haggis. I can teach Miss Granger just fine. She will take any battery of tests you can throw at her, and she will pass them all with flying colours."

Minerva's face grew cherry red as she spluttered helplessly, one hand clutching at her chest. "If she's always taking tests while you're there, she could be—"

The megalosaurus's teeth snapped shut mere inches from Minerva's head.

"Do. Not. Finish. That. Sentence, Minerva," Hermione's voice bit out icily.

"People will assume—"

"With YOUR help!"

"At least let her take the test without you there!"

Snape's snarl dribbled foamy slaver all over Minerva's hat. He seemed but a sliver away from having a certain cat Animagus for lunch.

Literally.

Hermione's hand lay softly against Snape's scaled lips. Her eyes scanned his mouth as she caressed the smooth scales. "I'll take them," Hermione said. "But you are not allowed to blame him for any lack of control while I do."

"I can handle him, lass," Minerva said confidently.

The look Hermione gave her once head of house was disturbingly Snapelike. Her lip curled, twisting her mouth into a distinctively scowl. "You'll try." She handed Magorian the basket of pinecones full of plump pinenuts. "But you don't trust him. He will smell it on you."

"Trust has nothing to do with it, lass, but I trust Severus."

Hermione's expression was serene. "I don't believe you."

Hermione hadn't really thought herself ready for formal testing, but Snape had told her she was ready. Apprentice testing was supposedly harder than anything the O.W.L.s or even N.E.W.T.s could throw at you due to the expected quality of the education. Still, it was clear that the Deputy Headmistress was not all that confident that Hermione could do the tests with Snape there to feed her help.

It angered her that anyone would think she'd cheat on a test, and she found her respect for the Deputy Headmistress to lower just pondering the situation.

She escorted her professor to the Deputy Headmistress' quarters and gave Snape a reassuring pat. "I'll be back soon," she said.

The megalosaurus seemed content enough, and Minerva had dismissed the need for any sort of help in handling him, satisfied that she could take care of whatever anxiety Snape might have if it was actually there.

Hermione had felt a little strange without Snape's warmth with her, even lonely. She had become so used to his presence, even comfort, that she was starting to regret her earlier bravery in saying she'd take the tests alone.

Not that she was cheating. EVER!

No, she simply missed that ever-present warmth he had become in her life.

So much for dinosaurs being cold-blooded, she mused.

So much for a lot of things people believed, really.

The tests had one requirement other than her being alone and supervised by a ministry official: a magical suppression collar that made sure there were no outside influences to her test knowledge.

Hermione had rolled her eyes. As. If.

The moment the collar had clicked around her, she felt a pool of dread settle in her stomach. She fought it, using every control Snape had taught her to focus, recenter, and stay on task.

She had to say that after having helped Professor Snape with every sort of grading from first year up, she knew a "stupid" answer when she saw one. She habitually circled bad answers in red ink and wrote scathing comments next to it saying why it was wrong, having unintentionally learned how to change the ink in her quill to red and back to do so. Apparently, minor magics such as ink charms were allowed through the suppression collar, and her final turn in for the test was covered in red and black ink, scalding commentary, and detailed rationales in every essay space.

By the time she had turned in her work, the ministry official that looked over her test had eyes as wide as saucers. He passed a unique wand over it, and it glowed a brilliant gold and set off miniature fireworks. The official swallowed hard, yanking on his collar a bit.

"Apprentice Granger," he said a bit stiffly. He reached over to take off her collar. "You will get your official results in a few days by an owl." He took the collar off with a click. "Our apologies for the collar. We were told there was a chance you would be—"

"A cheater," Hermione finished.

The official seemed to shrink from her gaze as if it were floor covered in lava. "Yes, well, I can see that this was hardly the case."

Hermione's eyes narrowed, but she nodded grimly. "Thank you for your time, Mr Collingsworth. If I may ask, what test was this, exactly?"

"You mean, you didn't know?"

Hermione tilted her head, her eyes rolling forward to stare at him. "Obviously."

Collingsworth flinched. "It is the mastery determination test. If you pass it, you are allowed to choose the focus of your mastery studies under your current master."

"So, I will still have to take my N.E.W.T.s?" Hermione asked.

He gave her a strange expression. "No, Apprentice Granger. If you pass this test, it confirms you are ready to study for your full mastery. I, uh— it was presumed you had already taken the other tests before taking this one. It's, uh, much harder."

"And who chose the test, if I may be so bold as to ask," Hermione said, her voice taking on a steely tone.

"The request for testing was sent in by Deputy Headmistress McGonagall."

"I see." Hermione rolled her head, cracking her neck. "Thank you for your consideration," she said formally.

"Apprentice Granger," he said, nodding. He waved his wand, and the wards and doors opened up so she could leave.

"Ah, Miss Granger," Albus said, having been waiting for her by the door. "I believe we should probably hurry and have you retrieve Severus from the Deputy Headmistress' rooms—"

Hermione's brows raised high into her hair. "Yes, Headmaster."

Hermione had seen demolished houses before when she helped her parents with charities throughout the years, but what greeted her eyes upon her return to Minerva McGonagall's quarters …

Well, it was as if a bulldozer had blown through the place driven by a drunken monkey high on PCP.

There wasn't a single square inch of space that wasn't trashed, torn, or otherwise mangled and smashed to pieces.

And upon the only place not smashed to smithereens, one terrified silver tabby was desperately clinging to the chandelier.

"Professor Snape!" Hermione cried, running towards the exceedingly pissed-off megalosaurus and wrapping her arms around his leg.

The dinosaur paused in his jumping and snapping at the just out of reach snack that was taunting him.

A warm rush of magic flared, and Hermione's eyes glowed for a second. "It's okay, Professor. I'm finished with my tests. We can go out and get some dinner so you don't have to eat Professor McGonagall, okay?"

Snape rumbled softly, his nose bumping into her, mouth parting to expose all of his teeth as a rough purr sounded from his throat.

"Language, sir," Hermione admonished. "You'd take points from me if I said anything like that."

Snape seemed utterly unimpressed by that, his jaws closing carefully around her shoulder and moving her over so he could wedge his head against her.

She rubbed his eye ridges and hugged his snout. "If it's okay, Headmaster, I think I should take Professor Snape to get something to eat before he gets too hungry."

"I think that is a marvellous idea, Miss Granger. Please do," Albus said kindly with an approving nod.

Hermione patted Professor Snape's feathers and placed her fingers under his jaw. "Come along then," she said. "Let's get some food. I'm positively starving too-NNGAHHH!"

Snape took her up in his mouth by the collar and robes, walking out with thudding stompy footsteps as the remains of an ornate thistle-embossed vase fell on the floor and died a horrible death.

Albus watched them leave with an amused smile, but then his face grew quite stern and serious. "I do hope you're through with trying to disprove whatever it was you were attempting to disprove, Minerva," he said with a sigh. Should you try something like this again, the consequences could prove very dire, indeed. Do I need to repeat myself?"

Minerva meowed piteously from above.

"Excellent." The headmaster turned to leave. "Do clean this up, Minerva. You could hurt yourself quite badly in here."

He glided out in all his purple and silver star-spangled glory.

Minerva clung desperately to her final refuge with a rather frightened-sounding meow.

The house-elves told him she didn't come down until several hours later that night.

"That's nasty, sir," Hermione said, wrinkling her nose as the megalosaurus crunched on the bodies of a few select Acromantula. She nibbled on her own bowl of venison stew and tried hard to think of England.

"Better it not go to waste," Magorian said with an amused chuckle as he passed her a dish of dried fruit and freshly roasted nuts. "How did your testing go?"

"I don't know yet," Hermione said. "The man cast some sort of spell on my work before I left and it turned gold, but I have no idea if that means I passed the test or simply that I didn't cheat."

Magorian shook his head. "The word of the master saying you are ready was always good enough before."

Hermione sighed. "I don't know why she doesn't trust Professor Snape. She says she does, but she acts like she doesn't."

"Trust is a very rare thing, friend Hermione," Firenze said. "One can work with others and yet not trust them."

Hermione shrugged. "I suppose so, but Professor Snape has never hurt me. I don't see why anyone would think provoking him to prove otherwise would help anything."

"Many think that if they cannot see or hear something for themselves that it ceases to be real. We centaur often believe that humans are inferior to us for they do learn the stars and planets. They cannot or do not hunt, so, therefore, they do not understand the world. It is not strictly true, but we often fall victim to thinking it. Our cultures are so very different, and as a human would call us beasts, we would call a human a fool blind to the Earth and Stars."

Hermione looked skyward. "I guess we all have our own failings."

"The cat-witch has been here a very long time, Hermione," Firenze said. "She has seen a great many things, but she has also not seen a great many things. We can only hope that she has learned that what you have is something quite unique and powerful, indeed."

Hermione leaned back against Snape's warm body. "I'm glad you're here, Professor."

The megalosaurus rumbled deeply as he curled his tail around her to bring her closer to his body and hold her tighter against his scales and feathers.

Her eyes drifted shut without her permission as sleep claimed her aggressively, dragging her down into the Lands of Oneiros.

While most were content with school being just as hard as it had always been, Hermione found that teaching with Professor Snape was both challenging but more and more natural. Many had believed that it was a farce having her as a teacher, even if she was the voice of Professor Snape, but as it turned out, their classes became harder. They got away with far less, and they couldn't pretend to be paying attention because a certain megalosaurus would end up breathing down their neck if they weren't.

Teaching turned out to be an excellent way to learn, and Hermione began to feel the very things she was translating to Snape's students. Her potion-making at the front of the class served as an example to the others— an unintended but fortunate side-effect of her both teaching and learning at the same time.

Time passed quickly, and when it became clear that no amount of understanding was going to happen with her parents refusing to accept their daughter living with a dinosaur in their home, her subsequent summers were spent at Hogwarts with Professor Snape, brewing potions under his ever-watchful eye.

At least, she figured, it was more understandable that her parents couldn't wrap their mind around their daughter sleeping with a dinosaur that was also her teacher. There was only so much a Muggle pair of dentists could possibly fathom at once.

Thankfully, whatever it was that Professor Dumbledore finally said to placate them worked, much to her relief. She still received letters from them every month, and she wrote them often, taking care to leave out the parts that were likely to cause their minds to explode.

Shopping was an interesting experience, and the DoM had given Professor Snape a "collar" that would temporarily shrink him down to a more manageable size and made him look like—

Well, apparently a Tibetan mastiff.

Apparently, they were fresh out of the more glamorous glamours.

Snape seemed utterly disgusted by it all, but he tolerated her putting the "bloody thing" on so they could go shopping in peace without causing a panic. It was easier for him to pose as her familiar than attempt to explain the truth.

Meanwhile, they were both enrolled in an Animagus class together, with Severus acting as if the mandrake leaf stuck to the roof of his mouth was as uncomfortable as a sneak attack of super-sticky peanut butter. She charmed the leaf to stick there after a few hunts had proven that no matter of determination was going to get it to stay when he was eating giant spiders regularly.

The DoM believed Severus was quite literally a megalosaurus wizard who was quite capable of becoming a homimagus, but they believed her learning together with him might allow her to add a few credentials to her growing resume. There was some speculation as to what had happened to Snape's wand and if he was incapable of casting magic while in dinosaur form or if he simply couldn't without a wand. Hermione kept silent about it, figuring that Professor Snape's talents were his own, and she wasn't going to help them figure Professor Snape out if they didn't take the time to ask him themselves.

By the time Hermione's seventh year rolled around, the war that could have been, was, and tried again had fallen flat on its face under the screams of maimed, mauled, and otherwise dismembered Death Eaters who discovered exactly why dinosaurs did not care much about wands.

Hermione spent a good few hours cleaning Professor Snape's teeth afterwards, refusing to sleep in the same room with someone with manky Death Eater breath.

Snape seemed to understand, tolerating her ministrations with a few rumbles of protest but no biting.

Albus Dumbledore seemed strangely happier despite the scores of scattered bodies and body parts that had to be carted away from the Hogwarts' green.

They found the broken wand remnants scattered about the green as well, and one wand, in particular, caused Aurors to buzz around like agitated bees.

"Who was Tom Riddle," Hermione asked as Snape kept a watchful eye on the "untrustworthy" Aurors. He really had never forgiven them for hurting Hermione, and so to him, every Auror was a suspicious dunderhead that bloody well deserved to be bitten.

Snape eyed her, rumbling.

"Oh. Kind of a big deal then."

Snape rolled his eyes to look at her. Obviously.

"Um—"

Snape looked at her.

"Did you eat him?"

Snape chuffed at her.

"Thank, Merlin. He could have given you severe indigestion," Hermione said, patting him fondly.

He purred, nudging her.

Hermione boggled as she noticed he had something clenched between his teeth.

She took it and realised it was a scroll container. She popped the wax seal and unrolled the parchment within.

"Congratulations, Master Granger!" the parchment announced. "You have successfully completed all certifications along with your required mastery project, publication, and specialisation in potions! You are now fully certified to teach or brew independently. Our best wishes on your new career, Master Granger, and we hope you will consider registering with us again should you choose to pursue a secondary mastery!

The Board of Mastery, British Wizarding Division

Simeon O'Connor, Head of the Board of Mastery"

A shimmering glow shot up from parchment and charmed her wrist with a mark of mastery. The magical mark shimmered and sank deep into her skin, making itself at home within her magical signature.

Hermione dropped the parchment and took Snape's snout in both hands. "I'm a Master! I'm— I'm a Master!" She did a joyful little dance on both feet and planted a swift kiss on his snout. "I love you so much!"

There was a blast of searing heat as a baffled, gobsmacked, and now quite human potions master stood in the megalosaurus' place.

Hermione stared at him, speechless.

Snape dropped to one knee. "Marry me?"

Hermione's face lit up like Christmas morning. "YES!"

Albus Dumbledore gleefully allowed the wedding to take place on the Hogwarts' grounds, and the entire centaur herd were in attendance. Magorian officiated, giving due reverence to the old gods, the stars and planets, and the powerful magical bond that had only grown between one witch and her beloved dinosaur.

Hermione took up the reins of teaching Potions to the first through third years, preparing them for the rigours of learning from her husband in their advanced potions classes. It was never said that any student of hers wasn't ready for what her husband taught. Many said they looked forward to the male Snape because they believed Hermione was super strict with regard to rules and homework.

Oh, how little they knew.

The night halls were quiet and serene, save the distinct stomping of a mated pair of megalosauruses patrolling the nighttime corridors. Hermione's Animagus form had turned out to be, not that anyone had really predicted anything else, exactly like her mate's.

And then one day—

The pair was joined by a set of twins— small miniatures of their parents that stomp, stomp, stomped around their parent's feet like the world was their oyster and nothing could ever hurt them.

Given who their parents were, however, they were probably right.

If anyone was disputing the fact that babies could be Animagi at their age, no one dared to say it to the Snapes' faces.

Wise, considering just how many teeth were in those faces.

And when all good little wizards and witches were tucked into their dorms after being rooted out of their hidden snogging places, Masters Severus and Hermione Snape would curl up next to Black Lake and stargaze together, their little twin spawns Antonius and Agatha nestled between them without a care in the world.

And when Masters Snape needed a little private time, Grandpa Albus turned out to be a great baby megalosaurus sitter with the centaur weren't available.

And so they lived happily megalosaurus-ly ever after.

STOMP!

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the short, friends! Thank Dragon and the Rose for staying up past her pumpkin hour to beta this ficlet.