James 'Bucky' Barnes was tired.

Forget that.

He was fucking exhausted.

The serum boosted his ability to function to an extent, but he hadn't slept for more than twenty minutes a night for the last eleven days.

It was obvious that Steve was worried about him.

Sam was worried about him.

Even Natalia – shit – Natasha, she went by Natasha now, even Natasha seemed concerned.

In her own way.

If he was honest with himself, even Bucky was worried.

It was an ex-occupational hazard that he suffered from brutally vivid dreams. Nightmares.

However, the ones currently keeping him awake were… different.

But whenever he woke, gasping, drenched in sweat and stifling yells, almost everything drifted away before he could cling to it.

He had begrudgingly given tiny snippets of information to Steve, as his best friend wouldn't let up until Bucky told him at least some of what was wrong. He regretted it when, later that day, he heard Steve talking to Natali – Natasha.

"I know T'Challa was successful with the programming and when I say T'Challa, I mean Shuri. But have we even considered the possibility that his brain or at least his memory may have suffered permanent damage?"
Natasha had suggested quietly and since then Bucky could not stop thinking about that possibility.

Yes, he was free of the Hydra programming. Those goddamn words would never make him hurt someone ever again.

But the Wakandan princess who had undoubtedly saved his life and countless others by removing his Winter Soldier triggers, had by no means fixed him.

Huge sections of his memory were shot to hell, half his life a mystery that he was only just starting to allow Steve to help solve.

PTSD wasn't a thing during the wars, at least not that he could remember, but the internet was both a blessing and a curse. Bucky had been reading it a lot, trying to learn, trying to catch up, just trying to sort out the mess that Hydra had left in his head.

So maybe his mind, his memory… maybe it was damaged beyond repair.

Maybe that was why, whatever the hell kind of dreams were keeping him from sleep, seemed to slip away like sand through his fingers whenever he tried to hold onto them.

Pieces, fragments would catch in the mesh.

A hand clinging to and clawing to his metal arm.

An unrecognisable voice saying his name "James…".

A tiny room.

A tiny face.

That tiny face haunted Bucky.

When he awoke or before he even risked trying to sleep, the old soldier found himself silently praying

"Please say that I didn't kill her. Please tell me I didn't kill a baby."

His only spark of hope was that the baby in his mind was alive and he had no memory of her dying at his hands.

This was hopefully a good sign.

Because he hadn't lied to Stark. He really did remember them all.

It was the one area where his mind did not fail him.

"On your left."

Steve looked up with a smile at those words as Sam Wilson flopped down onto the couch beside him.

"What took you so long?" the Captain said with a tired attempt at his usual easy banter with the Falcon.

"Hey kiss my ass Captain Steroids" Sam grinned, with no malice in his voice. Then the smile dropped. Sam fixed Steve with a calm but intent gaze and said

"What's on your mind Cap?"

"Worried about Buck."

"You're always worried about him."

Steve sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah I am. But something's going on with him. He's not sleeping. He wont tell me, hell he wont even talk to Nat. I think it's his memories but…" Steve ran a hand through his hair and shrugged helplessly "T'Challa and Shuri, they did everything they could. I don't know what else there is to do."

The two men sat in silence for a minute.

Then Sam spoke up.

"You know…" Sam said slowly "… Wanda is coming back to the compound this evening…"

Steve straightened a little at that.

Wanda had taken some time away, staying with Clint and his family since the events in Germany led to her incarceration on The Raft prison.

Poor kid needed a break.

In fact, Steve was surprised she hadn't stayed away longer. The girl had lost her parents, then her brother and then her home. She had been targeted by the people behind the (thankfully abandoned) accords, attacked by friends and locked up in a straight jacket and shock collar.

So yeah.

The kid needed a break.

"I thought she was staying until the 9th?" Steve said and Sam shook his head.

"Spoke to her last week. Got the impression she's worried about being a burden on Barton and his family."

"Seriously? Barton loves her. And Laura is a saint, we all know that."

"Yeah. I know. But like I said, she's coming back this evening…"

Suddenly, what Sam was suggesting clicked in Steve's brain.

"I don't know Sam." he said warily.

"Won't know unless we try. You ask Barnes, I'll talk to Wanda."

With that, Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder, got to his feet and left the room.

"No."

"Buck c'mon…"

"I said no Steve!"

This was going well.

Steve tried again.

"You were the one who told me you wanted to keep trying, trying to remember and fix things. Why not let Wanda try? You know her, you've fought with her and even if you don't trust her – "

"I don't trust anyone who can or has controlled other people's minds!"

"Even if you don't trust her" Steve said calmly "I do. More than most." He took a breath and walked towards where Bucky was stood, having turned his back to him.

"Look" he said "Buck I get it. But even you have to admit that something is off with you man. You're struggling and everyone can see it. We tried T'Challa and Shuri. We haven't tried Wanda. You two haven't been in the same place since Germany but now is the time to try."

He put a hand on Bucky's shoulder and took it as a good sign that his best friend didn't shrug him off.

"Just try."

"I don't wanna hurt her Steve."

Bucky's words were almost a whisper.

There was a knock at the open door to Bucky's room.

"I don't mean to interrupt…"

That accent could only belong to the subject of their discussion and both Steve and Bucky turned to find Wanda stood a little awkwardly in the doorway.

"Sam told me. About his idea I mean. I'll do it… if – if you'll let me, James?"

All eyes were on Bucky now.

His shoulders sagged a little.

"Can you? Fix it I mean?" he asked, hesitantly.

Wanda took a step into the room. She was wearing a long red cardigan and she twisted the sleeves as she replied

"Truthfully? I'm not sure. Not 100%. But most likely yes. To an extent. If there are memories, stuck below the surface, I'm good at getting those back. But it may take time… doing too much in one go could do more harm than good."

Wanda gave Bucky a small half smile.

"I won't do it unless you want me to James. And I'll be careful. I promise."

Maybe it was the accent.

Maybe he found the almost Eastern European lilt soothing after his time in Romania and his memories of Natalia.

Maybe it was because Wanda had risked everything in a fight she could have easily walked away from and had suffered for helping him and Steve.

But Bucky found himself taking a deep breath and nodding his head.

"Okay."

They all jumped when suddenly someone clapped their hands and turned as Sam said

"Well then let's do it."

WELCOME TO THE MAD HOUSE!

Hey guys I back back back back back again with some new bullshit.

I love Bucky Barnes but goddamit if I aint gonna make him suffer before I make him happy.

Also I'm forever bitter that Bucky and Natasha's comic book relationship from the Red Room was never used in the films so yes I'm putting reference to it in here.

Let me know what you think. Love hearing from y'all.

More soon.

Geronimo xx