Disclaimer, this is a once upon a time fanfic and as such I don't own all the characters and places depicted within the story, the story however is mine created within the once world and some of the characters are my own.

This story centres largely around Regina Mills and it takes place during season 6, there are a few spoilers within the story from the end of season 5 and first half of season 6 of once upon a time,

these are mainly in the first chapter and serve to establish some back story and help you to know where my story starts in relation to the show, so I wouldn't recommend reading this unless you have seen past episode 14 of season 6.

thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter one The weight of grief.

The second Regina closed her front door, the grief that had threatened to overwhelm her all day was finally released, everything that she had held in while she struggled to keep up the pretence of being ok just seemed to explode from her with the force of a bursting dam.

Hands still resting on the door that she had just pushed shut Regina leant into it pressing her forehead against the cool wood, fresh tears flowing unchecked as sobs wracked her body, Her heart ached so much that she wanted to reach into her chest and rip it out just to escape from the unbearable pain that was crushing it, but she fought against the urge knowing that it would only provide a temporary reprieve, because she would have to put her heart back eventually and when she did the pain would hit her harder than ever.

There was no escaping this pain, it was something she just had to live with, hoping that one day it might become a little more bearable. But today was not that day, and with her legs buckling under the weight of her grief Regina turned around, and back against the door she slid down it until she was sitting on the floor, and with her crossed arms resting on top of her knees which she had drawn up towards her chest, she bowed her head forward burying her face into them and continued to sob, shoulders heaving.

When her sobs had finally subsided, Regina picked herself up off of the floor groaning as she felt her knees protesting to her sudden change in position. Then kicking her heels off she headed up the stairs intent on taking a long hot shower.

After turning the shower on so that it could heat up, Regina went to hang her fluffy white towel over the heater, inwardly cringing as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she was a mess, her eyes, puffy from crying had dark circles underneath them, evidence of her recent sleep difficulties and her once perfectly applied mascara had run down her cheeks.

She was still staring at herself in the mirror when she saw steam beginning to rise behind her, and hastily turning away from her reflection she stepped into the now hot shower. Letting out a sigh of relief as she felt the tension beginning to leave her shoulders under the powerful jets of water caressing them.

For a few blissful minutes she felt some semblance of peace as the hot water cascaded over her body. Sadly, it didn't last nearly long enough and knowing when it had done all it could to soothe her that night Regina turned the water off and stepped out of the shower.

As she drew level with the mirror again she stopped, wiped the condensation off of the glass and looked into it to see a much fresher face looking back at her, it was now clear of the streaks of black make-up, and the puffiness had gone down some whilst she had been in the shower, only the dark circles betrayed her, remaining as prominent as ever beneath her eyes, the only outwards evidence of the former queens current struggles.

Wrapped in her warm fluffy towel she left the bathroom and padded across her bedroom, opening a drawer to select a black loose-fitting t-shirt and a pair of comfy black loungers that were covered in purple stars. Moving to put them on she sighed as she was pulled up short when a shrill ringing sounded through the room making her jump, hanging her clothing over the back of the chair that sat in front of her dresser Regina made her way over to the ringing phone on her bedside table, perching on the edge of her bed as she lifted the receiver.

Before she could speak a voice on the other end of the phone said "hi, would it be ok if Henry stayed with me and Killian tonight?". As if triggered by the sound of Emma's voice a sudden burst of white, hot anger burned through Regina, threatening to consume her, it was a dark anger, the type that made her want to seek revenge and destroy Emma's happiness. Emma who had dragged them all into the underworld in search of her precious Hook, if she hadn't have done that Hades wouldn't have escaped, and Regina's wonderful Robin would still be alive.

"Regina?" Emma prompted having been greeted with nothing but silence, "are you there?" taking a deep painful breath Regina collected herself, exhaled and showing no sign of the inner turmoil that was currently tormenting her she finally replied to the blonde on the other end of the phone, "Yes of course he can, but please make sure he does his homework and don't let him stay up to late he has school in the morning, tell Henry I love him and I will see him tomorrow"

"ok thanks…" Emma replied pausing as though building up the courage to say something else, apparently her courage won out because Regina heard a sharp intake of breath before Emma tentatively ploughed on "Regina are you ok ?" she asked sounding concerned "yes I'm fine" Regina insisted, with an edge of impatience in her tone

"ok as long as you're sure" Emma continued " but you know where I am if you need me, you aren't alone Regina" and just like that the anger that had been building inside Regina bubbling away just beneath the surface evaporated as fast as it came, she felt like a balloon rapidly deflating, "thanks Emma" she replied quietly before they said their goodbyes and Emma hung up.

These sudden flare ups of anger were not unusual for Regina these days, she didn't know when they would hit or even where they came from, but she did know that she wouldn't give in to them, she wouldn't let her heart be filled with hate and revenge like she had when Daniel died, she wouldn't let the grief of losing Robins destroy her and everything else she held dear, she had worked too hard and come too far to allow that happen .

In truth she didn't really blame Emma for Robins death, those were just irrational thoughts that came with the sudden flares of anger. Deep down she knew that none of what happened was any bodies fault, not really least of all Emma's. It wasn't even as though Robins death was entirely unexpected, Regina had suspected that she and Robin might be living on borrowed time from before they all agreed to follow Emma down into the underworld.

She had tried to ignore it, pushed it to the back of her mind hoping she was wrong. But the truth was that from the second she had regained her memories of her time in Camelot and remembered how Robin had thrown himself in front of an arrow to save her, how he would have died there and then had Emma not used her magic to save him, Magic for which they hadn't paid the price, she had suspected that it was only a matter of time before death came searching after all the price for a life was always a life and if that debt goes unpaid death returns to claim the life that magic granted balancing the scales.

It had already come once in the form of a wraith that had tried to drag Robin to the underworld, Regina with the help of some of the others had stopped it and saved Robin, still missing their memories from Camelot at that time they had been unaware that they had just helped him cheat death a second time buying him and Regina some more precious time together.

As much as she missed him and as often as she found herself wondering whether death would have caught up to Robin and taken him as quickly as it had if they hadn't have ventured into the underworld and unintentionally facilitated Hades escape, Regina couldn't truly regret her trip there,

because despite the fact that it had ultimately lead to the loss of her beloved Robin, she had helped a lot of people including both her parents move on, and she had found some closure for herself having made her peace with them and some of her past Evils, and with her mothers' help she had even seen the beginnings of a proper bond with her sister form. No, she had no regrets over following Emma into the underworld, and blamed none of them for Hades killing Robin, none of them knew that, that would happen she understood that.

Emma getting her Pirate back however had been a bitter pill to swallow, she was being stupid and she knew it, she should have been pleased after all that was what they went to the underworld for in the first place, so in a funny kind of way it should have given Robins death more meaning, knowing that they had achieved what they had set out to do, so his sacrifice hadn't been for nothing.

But seeing Hook charge into Grannies on the day of Robins funeral alive and well having been granted a second chance by Zeus had felt like a punch to the gut for Regina, it had just felt so unfair that Emma got her true love back when Regina had lost hers again. Realising that those kinds of thoughts wouldn't help anyone and having learned from years of experience that watching someone else's suffering could never ease her own, Regina had tried to be happy for Emma and as impossible a task as that had first seemed, she was pleasantly surprised to discover that deep down she really was pleased for her.

Life hadn't treated Emma well so far and Regina knew that, a big part of that was because of her, most of the loss, loneliness and suffering in Emma's life were Regina's fault because she had lost herself in vengeful darkness and cast a dark curse.

Putting Emma in the wardrobe was supposed to spare her from the curse and while it's true that to say that she wasn't affected the same way that the rest of the town was she was still every bit as much a victim of the curse that Regina had cast as everyone in Storybrooke was, her curse was just played out differently and presented her different challenges to face and overcome.

While everyone in Storybrooke had lived in bubble of safety most of them not remembering who they were, Emma had been growing up in the outside world, a world that had often treated her cruelly, believing that she had been abandoned because she was unwanted, unloved, she had thought that she was all alone in the world and Regina knew that she had been the one to blame for that.

In the middle of it all there had been one bright spark that had brought them all together, Henry. Henry who had opened Regina's heart to love again, Henry whose existence wouldn't have been possible without the curse, so as bad as Regina felt for the suffering she had caused to everyone including Emma she couldn't say that she truly regretted what she did because it had brought her Henry and she knew that Emma despite all her suffering wouldn't change anything either, because Henry made it all worth it. Emma may have been known as the saviour, but it had been Henrys pure heart, bravery and unwavering belief that had saved them all.

Regina snapped out of her daze and realising that she was still holding the receiver, returned it to its cradle before padding downstairs where she made herself comfortable on the sofa with a large glass of red wine. Flicking through the T.V channels she found nothing that appealed to her, so she turned it off and briefly toyed with the idea of reading a book before promptly dismissing it. She was so restless that she couldn't settle into anything, nothing seemed to capture her interest anymore.

In the end she opted to just go to bed, so finishing her glass of wine, she took a couple of sleeping tablets and turned in for night. Even with the sleeping tablets she still suffered a fit fall night sleep, tossing and turning as shots of lightening flashed through her dreams while she called out for Robin over and over again, ever searching but never finding him.

Regina woke up the next morning feeling more tired than ever, she found herself wanting to stay in bed and go back to sleep but she knew if she didn't get up now she wouldn't get up at all and she had so much work on at the moment she felt that she couldn't justify any time off, but even more importantly to her she didn't want anyone to think that anything was wrong, she wanted people to believe she was coping, she didn't want to worry anyone or become a burden, so she couldn't afford to lose herself in grief buried beneath her duvet.

Yawning she stretched and rolled out of bed, around thirty minutes later she was downstairs in her kitchen sitting at the kitchen island with her game face on and a mug of hot coffee cradled between her hands. Despite the fact that it was still early Regina left the house as soon as she finished her drink, looking forward to the distraction that work would provide her with, at home whatever time of day it was she just couldn't seem to settle.

There was never a quiet day in Storybrooke at the moment, with the immediate and pressing threats that Regina's alter ego the Evil Queen, her previously wicked sister Zelena, Hades and Mr Hyde had once presented now resolved they were finally able to address the whole host of refugees that were now present in Storybrooke having arrived from the land of untold stories with Hyde. If their confrontation with Mr Hyde had taught them anything it was the importance of knowing who everyone was and what their intentions were to make sure that they didn't end up with any other loose cannons running about intent on causing harm.

Between them Emma, Zelena, Henry and Regina had devised a strategy to best handle the situation. First Regina and Zelena had worked together using their magic to make the city hall into comfortable living quarters, it wasn't a five-star hotel, but it was more than adequate as temporary accommodation, between them they had then gathered up all the refugees in town and made them comfortable there.

The next step was for Regina to interview them all, her role was to gather as much information about each new arrival as she could, she was forming two lists, one of people who wanted to stay in Storybrooke and another of those that wanted to return to their original homes, Regina would then pass on copies of the information that she had gathered to both Henry and Emma.

Henry was using said information along with his story books to figure out which story people had originally come from, and which characters they had represented, this helped them to identify those who had the potential to pose the greatest risk to others and in some cases reunite people with their long lost family if that was what they desired.

Emma's job was to informally re-interview everyone using her human lie detector power to discern whether anyone was lying about their identity or motives. It was felt that it would be less intimidating to the new arrivals if Emma and Regina conducted their interviews separately, the last thing that they wanted was to make people feel uncomfortable by having to confront both the town's Mayor and Sherriff at the same time.

Regina's interviews were formal meetings conducted in her office where she asked everyone the same set of questions in a bid to find out what they needed to know about people before they could either officially welcome them into the town or help them get to their homes.

Emma's interviews were informal friendly chats during which she would introduce herself, explain that she was there should they ever need any help and ask if there was anything she could do to make them more comfortable, during the course of these conversations she would slip in questions about who they were, what they hoped to do, where they hope to stay, and using her super power along with the information that Regina had already obtained, she would gauge whether their answers were truthful or not.

Lastly, they would find suitable homes for those who wanted to stay, allocating them jobs should they wish to accept them, that best suited their particular skill sets and school places for the children. Then between them Emma, Regina and Zelena would use the Fairy's wands create portals with the help of the fairy's wands, to get the ones who wanted to leave, home. It was a system that they found to be working very well.

Regina sat behind her desk, checked she had everything she needed and pressed the intercom button so that she could ask her receptionist to send the first person of the day in. The first person turned out to be a rather rowdy family that consisted of one very harassed looking older woman who was fairly round, with soft brown eyes that were full of good humour, greying curly hair that stuck out wildly all over the place and so many children that she didn't seem to know what to do with them.

Once she was seated Regina started to ask her questions. The noise in the office was insane as all but one of, the children constantly vied for their mother's attention. One little girl with her shiny golden locks pulled up into a ponytail held in place by a pretty blue ribbon sat apart from her noisy, demanding siblings quietly reading a book in the corner of the office, she had a dreamy look on her face that reminded Regina forcefully of how Henry sometimes looked when reading his story books. The older lady whose name was Miriam began to explain how they had, ended up in the land of untold stories, "The day began as normal as any other" she began.

Shoeville on the outskirts of the Enchanted Forest Fifteen years before the first curse

"Next" Miriam called as another of her children stepped out of line taking his newly filled bowl of porridge to the table, the next child in line stepped forward holding out his empty bowl for his mother to fill, she ladled porridge into his bowl before calling "Next" again as she repeated the process until all but one of her children were sitting around the table eating, only her youngest son was left standing with his empty bowl held out looking hopeful, the evidence of the porridge that he had already consumed still stuck around the edges of his bowl and smeared over his mouth, "go on then" Miriam chuckled, ladling another dollop into his waiting bowl before dismissing him back to table, she was still transferring what remained of the porridge into a bowl for herself when the back door burst open.

Frowning she looked up to see who the new arrival was "To what do I owe this pleasure Maude" she asked rolling her eyes as she turned away from her excited neighbour and continuing to fill her bowl. Maude was slim and pointy in all the places where Miriam was round and soft, she had sharp beady eyes and even sharper ears.

"well I heard the news and just had to come ask you about it" Maude replied excitedly

So, she had come for gossip, now why doesn't that surprise me Miriam thought, Maude lived for gossip, but usually she had some inkling as to what her neighbour was talking about but today, she was mystified "news?" she looked back her neighbour eyebrows furrowed in confusion "what news"

"you mean you haven't heard?" Maude enthused maddeningly she really was infuriating at times Miriam thought "Evidently I haven't" she snapped glaring at Maude "if I had I might actually have the slightest idea what you are going on about" Maude ploughed on apparently unabashed by Miriam's tone, "someone was caught breaking into your barn last night Mir" she said barely able to contain her excitement "Oh" Miriam's eyebrows rose, disappearing beneath her wild fringe. "yes, and it turns out that he's a wanted man on the run, he's being held ready to be handed over to the authorities!"

Before she could reply an onslaught of children tore through the kitchen depositing their empty bowls into the kitchen sink on their way out to the garden, her own porridge bowl lay cold and forgotten Miriam automatically drifted over to the sink to begin washing the dishes and Maude realising she wasn't going to find any new gossip here, said her goodbyes and saw herself out of the cottage.

Miriam watched her children playing as she washed up before picking up the wash basket and venturing out to the stream, an hour later she was pegging the laundry now washed and wrangled on the line when her eldest daughter came running up to her hysterical, "what's happened" Miriam demanded a sense of urgency in her voice as she dropped the sheet that she was holding and grabbed the tops of her daughters arms, "M M M Maisy found a weird key in the barn door" she cried frantically "when she turned it the door opened and there was this weird swirly thing on the other side she got pulled in and didn't come back out, Joey and Liza were pulled in with her" the terrified girl finished.

Without a seconds hesitation Miriam followed her daughter to the barn, where to her horror she saw a portal swirling and seeing no other option she had removed the key from door dropping it into her pocket hoping that it would get them all back home again, gathered her remaining children and followed her youngest three into the portal.

Current time The Mayor's Office Storybrooke

"Of course the key wouldn't work from the other side" Miriam finished glumly, "but at least we were altogether, all we really want now is to get back home to Shoeville, can you help us Madame Mayor?" the older women pleaded "I'd be happy to" Regina replied secretly glad that she wouldn't be faced with prospect of having to enrol all of these children into school, she wasn't even sure that the school was big enough to sudden influx of this magnitude.

"I can't thank-you enough" Miriam exclaimed beaming at the Mayor "Hear that kids" she boomed over their din "we're going home" "YAY!" the children cheered, Regina cringed under the increase of noise, she was definitely going to need an aspirin after this.

It ended up taking most of the morning to process them all and even then, Regina couldn't be sure that she hadn't missed any of them out, there were just so many children and they never seemed to stop moving or be quiet,

By the time they left Regina felt exhausted and her head was pounding, so she reached for the aspirin, swallowed two and took a few minutes to sit in the quiet massaging her temples before deciding to take an early lunch.

As she reached into her bag much to her frustration Regina realised that she had forgotten her lunch, silently cursing at herself she left her office informing her receptionist that she would be back in an hour and made her way to her car, just as she pulled her keys out of her bag someone barrelled into her knocking her over, "oh my gosh I'm so sorry" a voice exclaimed "here let me help you" ignoring the hand that was reaching out to help her up Regina picked herself up off of the ground brushing herself off and spun around glaring into the face of the person who had run into her.

"Watch where you're going" Regina snapped at the young woman in front her, startled the woman warily backed away from the scrutiny of Regina's glare, "I really am sorry" she mumbled "I didn't see you there" Regina just stared at the woman still angry, but in midst of her irritation a feeling of de ja vu crept over her, she was sure that she recognised this girl from somewhere, those blue eyes were so familiar, her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out where she had seen this woman before "are you ok?" the woman asked her sounding concerned "do you want me to get someone for you?" "No, it's ok, I'm fine" Regina replied after a few seconds, thinking that the last thing she needed or wanted was more peoples concern. "just be more careful in future", "don't worry I will" the woman replied before turning to leave, "wait" Regina called out causing the other woman to stop in her tracks "do I know you?" "I don't think so" the younger woman replied looking back with a smile that lit up her whole face "I'm sure I would have remembered you if we had" with that she turned and ran on leaving Regina standing alone in the street staring after her.