Starsky & Hutch

By: Startisparticus2017

TO SMIRK OR NOT TO SMIRK

July 15, 2020

Chapter 1

Captain Dobey sat at his desk and shuffled file folders toward his two detectives. His dark brown eyes beamed at the nonchalant characters known as Starsky and Hutch. The look on Captain Dobey's face was that of a stone, angry, sculpture. He released a deep, heavy sigh and sat back loosening his neck tie. "I want these reports on my desk before you leave for your vacation! That means typed, punctuated and no comic books characters." The growl of his calmer than usual bark vibrated in the small office.

Starsky sat back, hunched down with one leg semi crossed over the other. He fought to control a much-needed chuckle. He turned his head to glance as his partner who appeared annoyed as he scanned the files that had been presented. Slightly flushed and agitated, Hutch reached over and pulled Starsky's left arm to looked at his partner's watch. "It's almost eight o'clock. That's PM. These are Starsky's reports, Captain." He averted his attention away from the Captain and pressed his lips tightly together. His very wide blue eyes and disgruntled demeanor met the dark-haired detectives casual goofy grin.

The Captain watched with amusement. He cleared his throat. "Yes, they are Starsky's reports. However, he's your partner, and as long as he is your partner, he is also your responsibility." The grey suit jacket shifted on his broad shoulders as he made his statement.

One side of the brunet's mouth lifted before he covered his mouth and giggled. The movement of his shoulders caused the leather to rub and crackle against the chair.

Detective Ken Hutchinson apparently was in no mood for his pal's lack of professionalism. Hutch ejected from the chair and whisked the remaining files from the Captain's desk. "Soon to be ex-partner!" His tall frame was rigid as he turned and exited.

The door slammed behind him causing both the Captain and Starsky to startle. Starsky pressed his lips together to suppress his laughter. He widened his eyes and sat up straight. "I've slammed a few doors in my time, but that, Captain was a five on a Richter scale." He met his Captain's blank unimpressed gaze. The childlike demeanor was wiped from his face. "Don't worry Cap, he's been a grouch all week. Thanks for goin' along with the joke." He slowly stood. "Hutch…he gets like this sometimes." The boyish wide grin formed, but it wasn't convincing. "I'll get those two reports done. The poor boy eats wheat germ, and alfalfa sprouts…who wouldn't be cranky?" He smiled genuinely and backed his way to the exit nodding his head. His hand nervously located the door knob and turned it quickly and exited.

The Captain sat back and shook his head. A smile overtook the dark features as he erupted into uncontrollable laughter. "The Greek God, Adonis De Hutchinson sprouted from behind the pillar." Wiping his eyes with his hand he continued to cackle. "That boy is nothing if not clever."

Chapter 2

The blond detective sat at his desk. His jacket hung on the back of his chair. The deep crevasse that sat between his eyebrows was a clear indication he was not happy. The clock now read eight thirty. Starsky was on the second of the five reports. He appeared to be intrigued with what he was reading. The double upward arches on the corner of his mouth was a tell-tale give away.

Hutch glanced at the clock then over to his thoroughly entertained partner. He tossed the file folder onto the desk. "You know Starsk, this juvenile behavior is costing me a dinner date, and meaningful relationship." He sat back, then crossed his arms over his chest. "The Tallinger reports reads like a fanfiction novel. I can just imagine what the other three reports look like." His posture straightened as he reached for the file folder and opened it. "Detective Blondie entered the building with his mighty python and pointed it at the dingy menace of a man." The manila folder flew across the table landing in front of Starsky. Hutch's face was flushed with agitation.

Starsky sat back and rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb as he placed all the paper work together. He smiled and chuckled lightly. "I hardly call a date with Lilla the bubble gum poppin' librarian a meaningful relationship. What is with you? This job is tough enough, lighten up will ya?" A wink and mischievous smile formed. "I gave Dobey fake reports. He's in on my joke…a little bon voyage for our week vacation, Blintz." In true Starsky fashion, the brunet pulled a stack of reports neatly stacked and placed them on his desk. "Only two reports needed touchin' up."

The Hutchinson no-holds-barred finger was raised and pointed at his partner. "Wipe that smirk off your face, Starsky." His teeth were clenched and eyes wild. "It's one thing to smile, but you…y-you are smirking. You don't take anything serious. It's all a joke." The pointed finger folded inward, he turned away ripping the already engaged typed form from the typewriter. "Smirk…the word makes me cringe. The site of you smirking sends my blood pressure through the roof."

The brunet's so-called smirk slowly disappeared. Casually, he took a sip of his coffee and purposely slammed the cup onto the desk. "Excuse me! What's wrong with smirkin'?" The arch of both eyebrows followed the question.

Annoyed, Hutch reached over and took his partner's cup of coffee and drank the remains. "What's wrong with smirkin'? Well first of all its pronounced s-m-i-r-k-i-n-g with a g on the end. Second, smirk is a conceited and or smug smile. You know what, it is cocky, arrogant and rude, Buddy Boy." The punctuation of the conversation met with the hammering sound of an empty coffee cup hitting the desk. "Most of all it is condescending, Pal." His voice was octaves higher than when he began.

Simmons and Babcock tentatively listened to the conversation. "Oh, this is going to be good, Partner. I happened to have good old Webster right here in my desk." Simmons pulled a dictionary from his desk drawer and thumbed through the pages. Babcock covered his face with one hand as he suppressed a giggle. "Hutch has been a nag all week. Poor Starsky."

Starsky retrieved the empty coffee cup as he stood and glared at Hutch. "Ya drank my coffee. Last I knew it was a free country. If I want to smirk, I will." He swaggered over to the coffee maker and poured coffee into the cup. "All of sudden just because I smirk, I annoy ya. So, I smirk, in my book it's a silly smile. Get over it." The tone did not contain anger, but more of a as-a-matter-of-fact.

The two arguing figures were distracted by the laughter across the room. Simmons exhibited the frail looking book of words and their meanings. He stood and grabbed his jacket. Babcock followed suit. The dictionary was dropped onto the desk and Simmons walked toward the exit and stopped. "It also means, as a verb…simper, snigger, leer or smiker or smirtle. To smile in an irritatingly smug, conceited, silly way." He patted his partner's shoulder. Babcock wiped the stray tears of cachinnation from his eyes. "As a noun…a smug, conceited, silly smile." The chortling continued. Babcock caught his breath. "In Starsky's case…smirkin' just means, I'm a bad boy and I don't give a crap." Simmons adjusted his jacket that he had just put on. "Now, now, gentlemen why don't you kiss and make up."

The tall blond's face hardened and jaw grew rigid. He took the nearest thing next to him and tossed it at the hilarious pair who exited quickly. "Everybody's a damn comedian." The stapler hit the door shattering into multiple parts as it hit the floor. "Jokes, and games all while the scum out there is getting away with murder."

Starsky's shoulders were now pulled back. His stance meant he was embarrassed. He reached across the desk and took the folders and dropped them onto the pile. He pulled the chair and sat briskly. "Go on. My reports, I'll fix'm." The sheet of paper that was engaged in the typewriter was extracted suddenly and shredded into pieces. "You've been in a dark mood for a week now. Nothin' I say or do is right. Go on before I smirk and get ya all bent out of shape again." The brunet spoke calmly. "What's next, I'm breathing too loud?" The words were edged with emotion and hurt, but not anger. It was evident that something was going on with his friend. "Just a joke, Hutch." A volcano of subconscious concern trickled its way to the surface and shadowed Starsky's features.

Hutch's jaw line twitched. He rubbed his forehead delicately. Starsky wasn't wrong, in fact he nailed the bullseye with his analysis. Something stirred within the blond and had been for over a week now. He felt the weight of the do's and don'ts of being a cop. Sometimes it was more a battle to maintain and not lose your mind. These reports represented the up and down rollercoaster of justice that sometimes spit in your face.

Silence hung between the two frustrated partners. Hutch grabbed his jacket and clenched it tightly. He turned his head slightly. His emotions were on a high wire act dangling. Desperately searching for safety, and security. He bit his bottom lip and sighed. "See ya." The normally tall stance not present. His steps appeared labored as he exited the squad room.

Starsky leaned his elbow onto the desk and propped his head onto the palm of his hand. He closed his eyes momentarily and rubbed at them with his other hand. "Ya, see ya. What a way to start of vacation." His hand dropped onto his lap as he opened his eyes to an empty office. "Well Hutch, maybe a break is what we both need. Either you're sick of me…huh, what do I know." Sadness veiled over his face.

Chapter 3

Hours had passed. Hutch sat in front of Starsky's apartment. The Torino was parked in front of the garage. The radio announced it was now one o'clock in the morning. Turning the car off, Hutch looked up at the windows and noticed a dim light. Paralyzed with uncertainty and the downward mental spiral, he couldn't move. "Time, we talked, Starsk. How do I…how do I tell you what is going on when I don't understand it myself?" The large hand landed on the steering wheel.

The headlights of an approaching car distracted him. The dark colored car pulled up beside the dent-ridden Galaxy. The passenger window was lowered. "Goldie Locks, what are you doing here this time of the morning?" Huggy leaned onto the seat toward Hutch. "I got a call from Curly an hour ago, said he needed some beer but couldn't drive because he was a cop and he was drunk." He chuckled.

Hutch bowed his head and smiled. "That sounds like Starsk." A weak grin formed and disappeared. "I…I've been a real jerk. I thought I'd…huh, I don't know what I am saying. I'm here." The weight of the world sat on his shoulders.

Huggy took the six pack and slid over and propped it on the window frame of the car door. "What ever it is that is going on between the two of you, I don't need to be in the middle of it, my man." A sigh came from the thin black man. "Look, he's worried about ya, my blond friend. Our boy called it poking a sleeping bear. Only problem we don't know if it's a koala, black bear or a grizzly." Another deep breath. "It's the not knowing. Should I or shouldn't I poke it? Perhaps a peace offering, speak before he pokes." Huggy's eyes shimmered in the darkness.

Hutch took the beer and he smiled at Huggy. "Thanks, Hug. I'll talk to the zoo keeper and deal with the consequences. By the way…I'm a polar bear." A bit of humor followed with a wink an eye.

The Cadillac roared to life and Huggy drove off. Hutch exited the car with the six pack of beer. He pocketed his keys and headed up the stairway. Each step felt heavier than the one before. Unsure if he wanted to enter, Hutch stood at the door contemplating. "Why am I trying to hurt the one person who truly understands?" Turning his head from side to side, he took a long deep breath. He turned the knob and entered.

The lamp near the couch softly casted its light around the room. Starsky had his stocking feet propped onto the coffee table as he slouched into his peacock chair. Sitting in a single file were four empty bottles of beer. The coffee table displayed a large pizza with everything on it on one side, vegetable on the other side. Two slices were missing from the everything-but-the-kitchen sink.

The tall blond went to the kitchen and placed the beer into the refrigerator. He took two bottles and opened them tossing the caps into the trash under the sink. Hesitating for a moment, he slowly entered the living room and approached his quiet partner and extended the beer bottle.

Not making eye contact the brooding brunet took the beer. "What happened to Huggy?"

Hutch made his way over to the couch and sat. He took a long sip of beer. "He mentioned avoiding the animal kingdom." A sheepish smile appeared.

Starsky lowered his legs onto the floor and sipped his beer. "Pizza's cold. The reports are done. If ya don't mind Hutch, I'd like to get some sleep. As ya can see, I've had a few too many beers." He sat up straight.

The smile faded on Hutch's face. There it was, the invisible wall. Hutch thought to himself, 'Is this the wall I built' and was Starsky mocking him and giving him a taste of his own medicine? A sudden rush of emotions ran through his body. The beer bottle crashed onto the coffee table splashing its contents everywhere. A blue blaze of pools landed on the prey, his dark-haired partner. "Yes, I do mind. You've been on my case all week." Tight, balled fists hung at his sides. "Blondie, you okay? Blintz, here if ya want to talk." He raised his right arm and ran his fingers through his hair. "Don't worry about it, Hutch. Ya win some, ya lose some." Frustration danced in the tone of his loud voice. "I don't give a damn about the pizza. I needed to think. I-I drove around. I just needed to think." He pressed the palms of his hands over his eyes and rubbed.

Starsky sat back and inhaled through his nostrils and poised his lips to one side. The inquisitive worried eyes watched his best friend unravel. The tired blond-headed man's right hand raised and pointed. "Don't you smirk at me, Starsky." The erect finger folded inward and formed a fist. "You don't take anything seriously. Y...you blow it off with a smirk, a grin, or a smart remark." Catapulting to his feet, the blond paced back and forth in front of his stunned partner. "Don't you get it? The past three months every perp, murderer, rapist…you name it, half of them were let go due to technicality or crooked lawyer." The large hands were raised and cupped the stressed ridden face. Slowly he slid them downward. "Two dead children, they were babies. All because of a strung-out parent leaving their drugs unattended. What is happening here? You…me, we put our lives on the line for…for what?" He quivered with pent up emotions.

The pacing continued until he reached the end of the coffee table in front of his partner. Slowly, almost painstakingly he sat and perched his elbows onto his knees and leaned forward. "S-Sometimes…it's just all too much." Defeat and pain laced his whispered voice. The trace of tears formed clouding the brilliance of blue opals of sadness. "I lash out at you. I don't mean to, but I do." His lips were parted and trembled slightly. The universe felt heavy with depression and angst.

Starsky needed to sober up quickly. He placed the bottle of beer with its mates on the side table. Shrugging his shoulders and taking a deep breath, he bowed his head for a moment. Slowly he raised it and focused on his friend. Determined, focused crystal-blue eyes targeted with intention. "What's goin' on… sucks. I get it. I don't sleep at night. Some days all I want to do is run, run far away." Nervously he raised his hand to scratch his head. "I sometimes forget and remind myself that I ain't alone in all this. Ya see, we're a team. We've been doin' this a long time. You got my back, I got yours. It's that simple, Pal." Abruptly he stood to release the pent-up energy and emotions. "Yeah, you lash out at me, but ya also know…I ain't goin' nowhere. Ya know I'm gonna take it." Slowly he walked by his motionless counterpart and placed a hand onto his shoulder in a circular motion, then walked toward the window. Staring out the window he crossed his arms over his chest. "Half of them were let go, but the other half weren't. Those kids died, but we saved four others." Feeling the side affects of beer consumption, the brunet's chin quivered as he squeezed his arms tighter over his chest. "The world feels like its against us. I get through it cause I know you're there. We may not get'em all, but we got some." With quivering lips pressed together, he raised one hand to dry a stray tear. "If I made it worse, I'm sorry. Ma always said laughter is the best medicine." Inhaling deeply, he turned and walked back to the peacock chair and sat. "I'm ramblin', must be the booze talkin'."

As though the clouds had opened and the sun shone through, Hutch turned slightly to glance at his partner as he made his way back. An overwhelming sensation overtook his body, mind and soul. The uphill battle didn't feel so difficult with the help of a friend, even if he did smirk a lot. It was the first time in over a week he felt the weight magically lift. The rims of his eyelids were reddened by tears and the extermination of darkness. "How do you do that, Starsky? Don't ever change, Gordo." The voice was clear, comforting and eager to deliver its message. "I'm sorry, Buddy."

Without warning the blond stood. Excitement radiated through open smiling eyes. "I'm not alone. We…you and me! We do make a difference." A wide pearly smile formed. "You've never made more sense, thank you, Partner." He reached out and pulled Starsky to his feet and hugged him tightly. Starsky smiled and returned the embrace. "Welcome back, ya big lummox."

The embrace ended. Hutch stepped back and blushed. "I better let you get some sleep; we have a road trip along the coast scheduled for the next couple days." He turned away to leave and stopped in his tracks. A sheepish grin formed as he turned to look at Starsky. "To smirk or not to smirk…I vote to smirk. Don't ever stop!" With the snap of his fingers a condescending smirk formed. "I'm a polar bear, in case you were wondering."

The End…of smirking, NOT! Okay…fine I'll cut back. (Okay…my story Bad Seed brought forth a conversation on the word 'smirk.' This is my way of showing that I can take criticism. I want to thank everyone for commenting. I am always willing to improve.)