Disclaimer : I do not own sword art online and any of its character

Once upon a time in a nice summer day at a dungeon by the name of 'daycare'.

Young toddler Alice Zuberg got dropped of by her parent to begin her new adventure in life. Conquering the daycare and beat everyone here into submission because she was a princess. And a princess deserved her own kingdom to rule over.

Alice looked over all the toddler in the room. none of them look good enough. Seriously, is it that hard to find an intelligent subject? Then she saw a black hair toddler climbing out a window beside him ,on a shelf, was a flaxen hair toddler beating other kids off the shelf with a blue plastic sword.

They both looked promising. Much better than those toddlers who were smashing their toy car on the floor or lying on the floor drooling.

She subtly(or as subtly as a 2 year old toddler could) pushed a chair near the shelf and climbed up.

She crawled up to the window the two toddlers were trying to climb out of, wanted to see what happen.

There was a black plastic sword outside.

They were probably trying to get it

It was at that moment that the black hair toddler almost lost his footing(?). His flaxen hair friend try to pull him up. And Alice...

Alice pushed them out the window.

They both fell onto the grasses below but they didn't cry. The flaxen hair toddler threw his sword at her and his black hair companion started laughing hysterically.

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Eugeo carefully planted his carrot on the ground. He made sure that his crop was orderly and wasn't all over the place like Kazuto's or in an alien runic shape like Alice's. Because Kazuto didn't function and Alice was a heathen. Their(more like his) farm deserved better.

"Hey Eugeo." Kazuto said as he walked up to him. " You wanna get married."

He,then, procured a big ass diamond ring out of nowhere. Eugeo was so moved he was going to accept.

Then, Alice jumped them both and knocked their laptops down. "No way, dumbass. How could you?! I thought we could only marry NPC???"

Kazuto smirked. " Well...we could marry each other. We just need to use a ring instead of bouquet and YOU are the dumbass, Alice."

"I wanna marry Eugeo" Alice said.

"Suck to be you."

Alice looked at Eugeo like he killed all her family. "why?" she asked in a low,raspy and incredibly scary voice.

"Umm..because It's incredibly hard to find and I'm moved by his dedication?" He replied in what he thought was an acceptable answer.

Apparently not. She pinched his cheek and sighed exaggerated. "It's not fair.He already marry you every time we play house and now he get to marry you in the only game you play."

"But you insisted on being a priest though?" Kazuto chimed in unnecessarily.

"Doesn't mean I don't want to marry him in Stardew Valley!" She said indignantly.

"He can organise everything for me."

"I appreciate your affection, Alice." Eugeo deadpanned. "But I will be better off with Kazuto. He'll only make me arrange his garden and not clean his house or arrange his chest." He pressed accepted.

Kazuto hugged him in real life and rubbed their cheek together. Alice looked at them with annoyance and smacked them both.

"by the way, Have you heard about sword art online?" Kazuto asked out of blue.

"You mean the game you beta-ed?" Eugeo asked.

"Yeah,They're gonna officially sell it in,like, a week."

"I'm so gonna buy it." Alice said,full of conviction. "I missed the beta but now..Now is my chance to conquer this kingdom and make its citizens my subject."

Eugeo wondered why they were friend.

"You're gonna do this with us." Alice commanded.

"No way,I'm not." He refused "I'm gonna die in 10 second. It's going to be so pathetic I'll want to kill myself."

"don't worry. We can do triple suicide." Kazuto patted his back comfortingly. "But before that I'll make sure you won't die pathetically."

"I won't allow any of my subject to die pathetically." Alice declared. she stood with one leg on the floor and the other on an ottoman then pointed one finger up.

"We'll conquer the land of Aincrad and I'll be the queen. Everyone else will be beaten into submission."

Kazuto clapped really enthusiastically and Eugeo wondered yet again why were they friends.

He'd like to use the 'If you can't beat them, join them' mentality but the last time he did that Alice got suspended for a week, 30 or so kid got admitted into the hospital and Kazuto was traumatise.

Alice even had the gall to wonder why people started calling her a heathen.

Since, 'If you can't beat them,join them' would result in a disaster, he'd probably avoided them for a week.

Maybe, They'd forget about it.

He was wrong.

"We do everything together Eugeo." Kazuto said with full-on puppy dog eyed. "We're in the same class,live in the same neighborhood,go to the same dojo. We even sleep together."

"Well, we don't have to do this together." He tried to backed away slowly.

Which is a mistake.

Alice pinned him to the ground instantly. "You're not going anywhere, peasant. Now bow to the whim of you queen." She started cackling and then plopped a helmet on his head

Eugeo would usually reply with something more eloquent but he had been marathoning Stardew Valley all night and only ate coffee mixed with tons of milk since yesterday morning. So he answered with "What the fuck,Alice?"

"What the fuck indeed,young padawan. Tis the tool of the future,the portal to fantasy land...Nervegear!" She pulled him up.

Eugeo stood back up and immediately fell down and stop moving. His friends watched him with interest.

"What am I suppose to do?" He asked rather morosely.

Author note : This is my first time writing fanfiction. I wrote this simply to pass time and maybe improve my English. I intend for it to be a crack fic because my sister told me I've done well with humorous scrap I written. I researched a bit about crack fic and Writing a Good Crackfic - The Idiot's Guide To Insane Writing: Part 1 told me I shouldn't write anything longer than 1k and not to use my brain too much. So every chapter will be 1k not count disclaimer and author note.