A/N: I plan on updating this at least once a week. It might be more, but for sure at least once a week for the time being. It's also going to be a very slow burn between Jay and Hailey. It's also an au where Jay is a dad and Hailey isn't a cop or part of the unit!


Jay Halstead's wedding band sat there on the necklace he wore every day. He didn't need to turn the ring the right way in the light to see the craving with Bree's handwriting on it. He had it memorized from the minute she had it to him almost ten years ago.

Me and you forever, babe.

"You know, there's no way I can do without you, right?" Jay asked, slipping the ring onto his finger, ignoring the fact the chain was still looped around it. The metal was just as cold as it was when he wore against his chest. He closed his eyes, letting the world take over just for a second—one second of anything to be normal again.

"Oh please, Jay," Bree's voice was sweet like honey to his ears. The same voice he missed so much hearing in the last ten months. "You're doing a fine job."

"Am I though?" Jay asked, opening his eyes to see his reflection staring back at him. His hair disheveled and still damp from the shower. Dark circles under his eyes. The swirls of light shades of black and purples against his pale skin and the rim of his eyes a bright shade of red from the tears that fell during the shower that morning.

At least he looked as bad as he currently felt.

He let out a long, annoying breath while running his hands through his hair. There needed to be some part of him that was somewhat together-together enough for his five-year-old daughter Lilly. Jay had to remind himself he wasn't the only dealing with Bree's death. There was a little girl out there that was waiting for him to put the world back together, just like it had been almost ten months earlier.

Jay took the ring off, letting it fall back on the necklace and slipped it under the black shirt he wore.

"Lilly," his voice thick with the emotions he was trying to hold down. Jay didn't see his daughter when he ran into her in the hallway outside his bedroom. Auburn hair falling in front of her face as she looked up at him. Her bright hazel eyes met his blue ones in a way that told Jay he had overslept without her saying a word to him.

"We're gonna be late," she declared, her little hands on her hips. Oh, how many times Bree had said those same words in that same pose to him before.

"Who dressed you?" Jay focused on the outfit his daughter had one. A brown dress with a yellow cardigan and the way she had started to mess with the light brown tights against her legs.

"Uncle Will," Lilly grabbed Jay's hand, pulling him down the hallway with all the might she had. "He fed me too, give me yucky oatmeal."

"I thought you liked oatmeal?" He snatched the yellow butterfly clip off the counter. Lilly shook her head, dodging his attempt to clip back her bangs that fell in her face. She was twisting and turning and trying her hardest to not wear it. "If you don't sit still, I'm gonna end up poking your eye out."

She gasped, freezing in place and allowing Jay to kneel in front of her. His fingers pushing back the loose hair and clipped it back. Her eyebrows furrowed together when she ran her hand across the metal clip.

"What you don't like it?"

"It hurts my head," she whined, tossing her head back, "like really bad, daddy."

It was the start of an uphill battle Jay knew he was going to lose fast. He tilted her head back towards, and slid the clip out, placing it back into his jeans pocket. "I'll order some new ones."

"Order the ones mommy used to get," Lilly half-asked, half-demanded, "please."

At least his daughter had added the word please to her demand. Jay wasn't even sure where Bree had got the hair clips Lilly loved so much that she had managed to lose every single one in the last ten months. It was going to be a mission to get them again, and one he felt he had to accomplish in order to make his daughter somewhat happy.

Jay reached for his jacket, sliding it on while watching Lilly stuff her lunch box into her backpack. He didn't even have a chance to go through it last night when he came. Worn out from a chase that took every ounce of energy out of him, and all he wanted to do was crash when he got home. "There was nothing I was supposed to sign?"

"Ummmm," Lilly's gaze shifted from the inside of her backpack to him, "I don't have my green folder."

"Good, now come on we're gonna be late." He went over everything he was supposed to have on him. His badge. His gun. His phone. His wallet. Jay held out his hand, waiting at the front door for his daughter to catch up. "Got everything?"

Lilly tucked her hand into his and leaned up at him. "Yep," she smacked her lips and dragged him out the door before he had a chance to fully open it.

"You didn't forget anything?"

"No, that's you," Lilly replied and stepped closer to Jay when the elevator door pinged open. Her small body pressed against his leg when he stepped inside. Five-years-old and still terrified of the elevator that led up to their apartment. Even when Bree was still around, she would cling to one of them the whole ride down.

"I do not forget things," Jay reached down, scooping her up into his arms. Lilly rested her head against his shoulder, and her shoes kicked against his back. His hand rested underneath her backpack, rubbing small circles on her back. "Tired?" She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. "Did Uncle Will not put you to bed early last night?"

Lilly shrugged her shoulders as Jay stepped out of the elevator. He didn't feel like packing a thirty-two-pound five-year-old the four blocks to her school. Judging by how her hands were wrapped around his neck, he didn't have much of a choice on her walking. It would be so much faster to pack her and come back to get his truck then to try to put in it and have her fall asleep in the short drive.

The brisk autumn air smacked Jay in the face when he stepped out of their apartment complex. A moment of regret of not putting a hat on Lilly before they left, or on himself. He rested his hand on the back of her head to keep from shivering in his arm from the early morning coldness.

"You don't like oatmeal anymore?" He asked, looking both ways and crossed the street before his gaze shifted to Lilly.

"I like apple ones," she muttered into his neck. "Uncle Will gave me raisins this morning, it was gross."

"Raisins? We have raisin oatmeal?"

Lilly leaned back, rubbing her eye before she placed her head back down on his shoulder. "You forgot to get apple again."

"You're coming to the store with me next time," he chuckled, "then maybe I won't forget anything."

How he and Bree manage to get anything done in the last six years was beyond him. Between him working in Intelligence and her residency at Med, it was more of a surprise that Lilly had functional parents when they came home. The real question came down to how had Jay managed to get through the last ten months without Bree by his side.

She was the one person who was always talking Jay up. Trying to get him to forget his worse cases, and almost always left sticky notes around whenever he was having a day. The way her lips fluttered over his to wake up and eventually left soft, sweet, kisses down his jawline until she reached his ear. Bree's voice always smooth, calming, and almost honey to Jay's ears. The glue to holding the Halstead house together was gone. He knew everything his daughter loved, could get them, but he could never bring Bree back.

"Hey," Jay whispered in his daughter's ear, "we're here." Lilly lifted her head, tucking her cheek against her shoulder while he put her down. He kneeled down in front of her, pushing back her loose hair and tucking it behind her ear. "I'll be home tonight in time for dinner and bedtime."

"Promise?"

"Promise," he said, holding out his pinky for his daughter to take. He focused on the little girl in front of him while she took his pinky. How much Lilly looked like her mom with her auburn hair framing her rosy cheeks. Bright hazel eyes that held almost as much emotion as Bree's. Tears stung Jay's eyes, threatening to fall from how much his heart broke as Lilly stared at him.

"I get to pick the book," she shook his hand up and down, "and it's gonna be princess one."

"We can read all the books you want tonight."

Jay shifted his gaze from his daughter to the blonde walking past them. Her hair curled loosely down her back, maroon dress hugging her body just enough for him to see the curve and black tights clinging to the muscles in her legs as she passed by. Her black booties clicked against the pavement, and iced coffee in one of her hands while trying to juggle her tote on her shoulder.

Lilly's hand landed on his cheeks, bringing him back to her. "Stop starring at Miss Hailey, daddy."

"I wasn't staring," he laughed, shaking his head, "I was-I was noticing how you two were dressed alike with your dresses and tights on, that's all."

"You had on your googly eyes." Lilly's bottom lip rested between her teeth. She tilted her head to the side, studying how Jay's brows snapped together and his lips fell into a tight line. "That's-that's what Uncle Will calls them."

He nodded his head and pushed himself off the pavement. "Really now? I'll have to talk to him about that."

Lilly dug in the pocket of her yellow cardigan, pulling out a purple sticky note that was crumpled. She reached for Jay's hand, slapping the sticky side to his palm while his gaze darted between her and the note. I love you was scribbled across it in big messy letters. The L was backward, and some of the letters were a mixture of uppercase and lowercase, but it didn't matter to him.

A small smile appeared on Jay's face as he folded it and slipped into his back pocket. He fumbled, bringing Lilly's cardigan closer to her body, and adjusting her backpack straps on her shoulders.

"I love you, too," he whispered as his lips left a gentle kiss on her forehead, pushed the hair back that had fallen in her face, and place the yellow butterfly hair clip in her hair.

Lilly's little fingers messed with the collar of Jay's jacket, "Get 'em, tiger."

Her hand patted Jay's hair before turning on her heels and skipped towards the front door of the school. Lilly's laced arms with another girl's in her class. She glanced over her shoulder, pushed her hair out of her face, and with a toothy smile as Lilly waved frantically at Jay before she walked into the school.


Hailey pulled her coat closer to her, watching one of the most talkative kids, in her class, sitting alone on a bench during recess. She messed with the sleeves, pulling it around her fingers while she remembered how Lilly Halstead made a beeline straight for the bench the moment her feet hit the playground. Zero questions were coming out of the curious five-year-old about if the sky was really blue? Why counting by twos to one hundred takes so much longer than counting by fives. How come do we have to write with a pencil when markers are more fun? Can dogs really talk?

She watched the gold glitter ballet flats kicked against the air, and the rocks underneath her feet would go flying in the air when the tip of her shoe touched one. Her hands rested on either side of her against the chilled metal bench. Lilly's hair hung in her face, blocking out the view of the other kids running past her on the playground. She stayed focused on the rocks at her feet. The breeze fluttering more hair into her face as she ran the back of hand under her nose. Tears settled into Lilly's once bright hazel eyes that had started to dull with each hour that day.

Lilly Halstead-one of the smartest kids in Hailey's class, and one of the smallest.

"Can I sit down?" Hailey asked. Lilly glanced up at her, shrugging her shoulders, and turned her attention back to the rocks. Hailey took that as a yes, and sat down beside the little girl. Her jacket rubbing up against Lilly's cardigan as she scooted closer to her. She cut her eyes towards the little girl but focused straight ahead. "Wanna tell me why you aren't playing today?"

Lilly shrugged, pressing her cheek against her shoulder. She kicked a couple of rocks into the air and watched them land only a few inches in front of them.

"You didn't get in trouble when you were the library, did you?"

Lilly's hair shook roughly, and her lips drew into a hard line to stop from quivering. "No," she spoke hardly above a whisper, but loud enough for Hailey to hear her.

Hailey's hand resting in her lap, and she tilted her back slightly to get a better look at the little girl who was being anything but herself at the moment. "Then why are we sitting on a bench by ourselves?"

Lilly shrugged again, avoiding eye contact with Hailey as she turned her body slightly away from Hailey.

"Okay," Hailey said more to herself than to Lilly. She pushed herself up off the bench, and she knelt in front of the little girl. Her hands resting on her black tights as she leaned over to look Lilly Halstead in the eye. "What's going on?"

Lilly's cheeks were flushed, her bottom lip between her teeth to stop the tears rolling down her face. Every worst-case scenario ran through Hailey's mind as she watched one of her best students crying. One of the smallest and smartest kids were bound to get picked on, but it wasn't even half-way through the second quarter. Hailey knew it usually started right after the holidays unless this group was going to be different.

"Lilly, is someone making fun of you? Or did they hurt you? You know, you can tell me anything, right?"

"I-I," Lilly choked on the tears and brought her hand to her mouth, "I don't have a mommy."

Hailey gently pushed the hair out of Lilly's face and took her hands away from her mouth. "It's okay, a lot of people don't have moms."

"No!" Lilly's voice cracked as more tears stained her already rosy cheeks. "She's never coming back."

Lilly brought her knees up to her chest, resting her chin as she tightly closed her eyes. She wanted to remember the last time she had Bree. The last time she had seen her mom and dad smile. The way her mom's laugh could fill the whole room with love. How her dad seemed to be a little duller after she was gone.

She pointed to the other kids running around the playground. "They get to draw pictures for their moms, and I don't." Lilly's head fell against the back of the bench, focusing on the bright blue autumn sky and the clouds dancing along the skyline. "Cause she won't ever get to them."

"Let me tell you a little secret that I know," Hailey said, sitting back down on the bench with her arm around Lilly. "Your mommy can see all the pictures you draw for her, and she loves every single one."

A sniffle escaped from Lilly, "Really?"

"Absolutely. When we get back inside, you can draw all the pictures you want for your mommy," Hailey forced a lackluster smile on her face. Part of her hoping and pray that the five-year-old would at least buy into a little of it.

Lilly nodded her head slowly as she focused back on the sky. The white, fluffy clouds were outlining different animals that Bree use to point to Lilly when they would lay in the grass at the park. "I can give them to her tomorrow."


A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you all think!